Thursday, January 13, 2011

Should your siblings stay with you when you are married?

It’s a new year; a new dawn. This is my first blog this year (not counting my new year blog). Today, I will like to discuss the issue of siblings staying with a newly wed couple. What do you think? Is it permissible or an absolute “No”? Comments are welcome.

When I joined the marriage train in 1998, I agreed with my wife that for the first few years, no sibling would reside with us. We wanted the time to get to know each other. We wanted to go around the house – naked and not ashamed; just like Adam and Eve in the garden before they fell. We wanted the experience the joy of the adventure; two lovebirds marooned on an island; just the two of us. We felt we would resist any advance from any sibling nursing the idea that he or she would come live with us; free from the prying eyes of Daddy and Mummy.

Well, we got our wish - at least for some months. Let me paint a clearer picture of the whole situation. My wife and I are the eldest children of our families. We each had 4 siblings each. When we got married, my parents-in-law were alive. My father was alive but my mother had died before the wedding.

My last sibling (still in the University of Benin) was living with my father in Benin while I was in Lagos with my new wife. Then 2 separate incidents happened within a few months apart. My only sister just finished youth service in one of the northern states and was thinking of coming to Lagos to get a job. My father died and my youngest sibling could not be left all alone in Benin. My father’s death now made me the “father” of the family. What could I do and what did I do? I could have stuck to my guns and rented a house for the two of them in Lagos but that would have been expensive and regarded as callous and insensitive by the extended family members. But I thought to myself  - here I was thinking I wasn’t going to allow any of my siblings or my wife siblings stay with us for the first few years so as to enjoy our intimacy. But I now had this situation – two siblings from my family. Now, I can’t remember whether I actually sat down with my wife to actually discuss the merits and demerits of taking them in; whether I did a business case or a strategic imperative analysis. Well I may have assumed that my wife would naturally agree seeing that I could not leave my siblings stranded. But I thank God that she understood the special circumstances and it was not a major issue. I wonder what would have happened if it was her own siblings. Would I have been so understanding?

Well the moral of today’s blog is “never say never”. Anything can happen in Life and in Marriage. God will give you the grace to cope with any situation or circumstances. So don’t rule out any sibling coming to stay provided it is for a genuine reason and don’t make a fuss about it. Now did we have issues? Yes. Was it all rosy? No. There were good times and not so good times but God gave us the grace.

I will discuss more about this in the next blog.

Stay blessed.

2 comments:

  1. waiting for the next blog......

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  2. Francis your story kinda sounds like that of my elder sister and her husband, however it was my dad who put the law for them and they agreed. 6 months later they both got bored and started calling i and my siblings to come visit. i remember running a project in Abuja then and had to start with a friend instead, my brother in-law was pissed that i choose my friends house to theirs. Lesson is as a Nigerian once your paired up as a couple you kind of loose your freedom to be alone, even if your an only child, there will always be a family to come stay in-house. all thats needed is tolerance to survive it simple

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