Monday, February 25, 2013

Don't Keep Score in your relationships. Just Forgive

Keeping Score
You do not know the weight of a truth until you are told to live according to this truth.

I remember a particular incident about keeping scores when I was growing up. I was about 10 years old and my junior brother (just 2 years younger than me) annoyed me and I retaliated by smacking him very hard. When my Mum heard him cry, she called out to find out the reason for this. I told her that my brother annoyed me and I hit him very hard. Looking at the cause of the annoyance alone, she could not understand why I had hit him so hard. I now told her that he has done the same time 3 times in the last couple of days and I let him go.  She pulled me aside and warned me about keeping count of people's misdeeds and not letting them know right away.

Since then I have learnt not to keep score. Now my motto is this. If anybody wrongs me, I choose whether it is worth bothering about it or not. If not worth it, I totally forgive and forget instantly. On the other hand, I tell the person straight away about the misdeed and that I have been hurt. I then proceed to discuss with the person so that we resolve the issue and how we can ensure that it doesn't happen again.

Some people may think they would not bother calling the person to discuss the issue; but that they would simply ignore the misdeeds and eventually ignore the person. This is impossible because unconsciously, you will keep score and when there is the opportunity, you will gossip about the person and you will have a big grudge about the person in you heart.  Now if you continue like this, you can carry this behaviour into your marriage and this can be the cause of major arguments in your home.

In marriage, Keeping Score is a definite NO! NO! Marriage is a WIN-WIN relationship for both partners. If anyone decides to put self first before the marriage, the marriage is heading for disaster.

My advice is this: Resolve every issue as soon as you have a problem with it. Discuss this with the other person concerned.

Now you may ask, what if the person persists in annoying you? Forgive! Forgive! and Forgive! How many times? As many times as it happens. The Bible says when Jesus was asked by Peter “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

The above statement holds true for your brother, sister, friend and of course, your spouse.

It may be hard at times, but it is doable. God gives the grace for this. In as much as He keeps forgiving us of our daily wrongdoings, we have no right to hold a grudge against anybody. We must forgive.

Someone once said "Bitterness is a poison we drink hoping that some one else will die."

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