Monday, April 22, 2013

Did She Change For Worse After Marriage?

Nagging Wife
She's nice, she's respectable, she cooks, she cleans, she goes to church, she has a sweet demeanor with a beauty that can only be described as "take home to mama" We have all come across that chick; haven't we?

In the course of time, many men have also been "lucky enough" to marry her. Then marriage comes and suddenly she seems to hold a certification in nagging, she is cold, grumpy and just doesn't seem like the person you met. 

Sadly I have come across many bachelors who are of the opinion that when some ladies want to get married and notice that there is a dwindling pool of eligible bachelors, they fit into your standard of "take home to mama" 

"Why did she change?"," This can't be the same person" "She doesn't love me anymore" and finally "I've been conned"

It seems your wife changed for the worse. Why is that? Did you not change into a "married man"? Did she marry you because she thought that you would change? There is no one guilty party here, you need to communicate, establish a foundation and build some goals.

Criticizing and nagging is often a manifestation of a deeper unhappiness. What is she nagging you about? Before you get angry that she's bothering you with another complaint, try to look a little deeper into it. Women can often begin to nag when they feel they are not being heard. If you hear her, and don't like what she is saying then talk to her. 

You took vows, and you made a commitment. Ask yourself what you can do to make your marriage better. Don't just highlight all her faults, she can do the same to you. Where does that get you? Nowhere that's where. 

Marriage changes things, and chances are to her, you've changed too. In fact having an expectation that things will always remain the same as they used to be isn't realistic. A lot of guys are super romantic and sweet before marriage and go through a mental shift, a feeling that they got the girl and don't have to try anymore this happens to our "take home to mamas" as well. Make sure you are paying her the right amount of attention and the right way, and leaving her alone when she needs space.

The other possibilities involve depression - maybe married life is not the fairy tale she thought it would be... What you really need to do is sit down and have a loving chat with her, avoid being accusatory, and use words like, "It makes me feel..." and "...what I can do to help." Proverbs 16:24 says "Kind words are like honey--sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."

The reality is, both parties should change after marriage. However, the change that should occur is that you start on a path of growing together. The marriage is what comes first, not you and your needs, not her and her needs, but the marriage and it's needs. So the question is, what does your marriage need to go forward? The onus is on both parties to meet those needs.

Ijeoma Olujekun

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