Deep breath in….deep breath out. This one was a particularly TOUGH lesson. But I am grateful to God for not letting up until the lesson was fully learnt.
We had planned from the very beginning that we wanted to have TWO girls. We had zero plans for any other combination thereof. So when I conceived for the first time, I was replete in the knowledge that I was going to get what I wanted. A girl…(I even entertained the ‘secret’ desire for twin girls…that desire became very quiet when I began to find out the prices of baby gear PER CHILD….no joke). All scans showed us ‘unequivocally’ that the child we were expecting was a girl. We went ahead on the strength of these ‘forecasts’ and painted the nursery several shades of pink and purchased possibly every shade of pink clothing that was available to mankind.
To cut a really long (and slightly painful) story short, on the 2nd of July 2007, I gave birth to a beautiful baby………………..boy. No no… Sorry…Doctor, I don’t think I heard correctly, did you just say I gave birth to (gasp)…a boy?? I mean…. Surely you must be mistaken. But no. lo and behold, it was exactly the child I had seen in my dream…a very fair baby, with pink lips and jet black hair. Only in real life, he was a boy.
We were SO COMPLETELY absorbed with what WE wanted (well I more than Akan….to be totally honest) that we couldn’t think of a name for the boy child EVEN AFTER he was born. All the names we had were for a girl. But God had already put his name in the heart of his grandmother – Abasiediandikara – God is He who is Sovereign. He wore pink for as long as we could get away with it (stop looking at me with that judgemental tone of voice! Were we going to throw away the clothes we bought JUST like that?? No I tell you!)
We were SO COMPLETELY absorbed with what WE wanted (well I more than Akan….to be totally honest) that we couldn’t think of a name for the boy child EVEN AFTER he was born. All the names we had were for a girl. But God had already put his name in the heart of his grandmother – Abasiediandikara – God is He who is Sovereign. He wore pink for as long as we could get away with it (stop looking at me with that judgemental tone of voice! Were we going to throw away the clothes we bought JUST like that?? No I tell you!)
Not too long after, I conceived again. Andikara had quickly proven to be better than everything I could have hoped for… just mischievous enough, just quiet enough, just cute enough, just loving enough….there was NO better firstborn than him. What else could God add to us that he hadn’t already given in Andikara? So I found myself hoping again that now that I had been given the perfect boy….God would give us a girl. Deep breath in….deep breath out….. I went in for that particular scan that shows what sex the child is. Guess what? A boy. I WEPT that day. BAWLED. I could not control it. But it was that day that I began my ‘final exams’ on the prayer LET YOUR WILL BE DONE. I surrendered my body completely to God and REJOICED in His will from then on. Ndianabasi (I am drawing nearer to God) was born on the 2nd of May 2009. I cannot thank God enough. In His Wisdom He made me the unlikeliest and LEAST deserving mother of men. I love them FEROCIOUSLY. I thank God in my heart and with my mouth as often as it comes into my remembrance to do so, for super imposing His will over mine completely. I could NEVER have chosen as well for myself as God has done for me.
For anyone who desperately desires a thing….know that God is MORE THAN ABLE to give you EVERY desire of your heart. But remember to leave a little room in your heart just in case He has something better in mind for you. In my experience that has often been the case. I pray that God’s PERFECT will for you be done ALWAYS in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ amen.
-Igwiyisi Jacobs
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