Monday, June 10, 2013

The Art Of Giving Your Husband What He REALLY Needs

Even if you are not into American football you will be familiar with the those "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) with pompoms, tiny, striped, A-line skirts swinging their waists and legs to chants that are tailor made to support their team. I've always wanted to personally ask one of the players if they were actually motivated by the bunch of teens in matching uniforms shouting "5,6,7,8 Who do we appreciate?...Gooooo Team!!!". But I was privileged to ask Google, where I was reliably informed that It’s kind of like asking how important is music in movies... Music sets the tone, the intensity, the mood, and the excitement …The difference obviously being….. music will not wear those incredibly provocative uniforms. 

You may not carry loose, fluffy, decorative ball or tuft of colorful, fibrous material and swing it around in sexy attire, but you can do what they do which is to:  Get the players pumped up, promote team spirit, strength and encourage the team to play the best they can. Cheerleading also helps YOU feel better and makes you realise that you are important


I'm aware many wives have a mental list of all the things they were told would make them good wives; Prayer, good food, good demeanour, good manners, good “lurving”, did I mention prayer? But one major need your husband has, is encouragement.

I can hear you say “Duh, Ijeoma , I knew that!” but are you doing something about it? Are you encouraging your spouse daily? Are you the one he knows he can come to for encouragement in tough times? If your husband doesn't hear you cheering him on, he might be left feeling continually discouraged and defeated – and then he'll seek the applause elsewhere. And the same goes for wives. But I’m focussing on husbands today.


Since I know you were taught how to cook the soups, bake the cakes and boil rice so that its singular. Let me briefly add how you can be an encouragement to your husband and even others around you.

1. Give support
Look for ways to come alongside him and affirm. Become a cheerleader for him, as he moves through life stretching to meet new opportunities. A random phone call during the day or note tucked inside his pocket saying something positive can go a long way. Actively look for ways to polish up the creativity and efforts of your spouse as they seek to grow. Never underestimate the value of sincere recognition.

2. Show honor
Take note of character qualities in him. Watch for courage, strength, wisdom, patience, cheerfulness, honesty, compassion, kindness and gentleness. When you find yourself noticing it take the time to acknowledge it. Be especially ready to polish up these values, It will make a huge difference in your relationship.

3.Encourage him to hear the applause
For the Christian man, the applause from heaven – God’s approval – is essential. But heavenly applause is sometimes tough to hear. We need to train our ears to hear the voice of Jesus. You can encourage your husband to do that. God has strategically placed you in your husband’s life to be his live-in encourager. 

4.Encourage him by reminding him of God’s work in his life
When you see your husband take a stand for what is right, affirm him by telling him you see God’s character in him. Bless your husband with encouragement from God’s Word when he is discouraged. Affirm your husband’s expression of the gifts of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) when you see him act in any of these ways. 

5.Encourage him to be accountable
You, as your husband’s wife, must be his main encourager in making God-focused changes in his life, but godly men can also be a strong support for him in the process. Strong Christian friends will encourage your husband to be accountable. Encourage your husband to step close to other godly guys. He needs this kind of connection in his life. 

6.Encourage him to connect with his children
A father needs his children as much as they need him. When your husband gets preoccupied, be there to encourage him to spend him with his children. Remind him to make the most of his time because your kids won’t be under your roof forever. 

7.Encourage him to reach out and grow
 Be tuned in to your husband’s need to continue to develop as a man. Encourage him to participate in events that will stretch him or help him grow. It’s true that you can’t force, whine, or nag your husband to be spiritually and relationally thirsty (and you shouldn't try). But you must make a conscious, daily choice to root for your man. He is thirsty for your encouragement.

8.Bring hope
When hard times come and discouragement settles over the soul, a word of hope can keep one pressing on. A word of hope says, “You’ll make it through.” A word of hope says, “I believe in you.” A word of hope says, “God is with you and will help you”.

Hope coupled with faith in God is a mighty power in our lives. Hope in ourselves alone just isn't enough when the journey of life gets hard. Hope in God and in His power and strength to meet our needs is true encouragement for the soul. Hope in God is the anchor that holds us in the storms of life.


There is an indescribable feeling knowing that you have a companion who you would die for and who would die for you. Love is the most precious thing in the world. Learn the meaning of deep and abiding love on a daily basis. I think the best thing about marriage is having a friend you can trust unconditionally and knowing there is at least one person in the world who will do anything to help you every single day. In God’s Guidebook for Life, He says, “Encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3:13). He knows how much we need it. Ask Him to help you develop "The art Of Cheerleading Encouragement and in turn, be encouraged yourself


Have A Cheerful day!!!

Ijeoma Olujekun

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