Wednesday, December 31, 2014

What Are Your Relationship Goals For 2015? Here Are Mine...

The ability to express ourselves has to be one of nature’s greatest gifts to us all. The beauty of the vulnerability when in love is another of nature’s awesomeness. Being able to understand that one;s happiness is connected to another is a great wisdom to acquire.

It is hard not to make reference to this time of the year when writing any of my posts because this period means a lot. It is that period of deep reflection. I know many people have long lists of new don’ts and dos that will probably not make it past the first week of January but like they say there is no harm in trying.

My list is always written in sections and arranged according to priorities. I like to be able to count my blessings literally and sometimes pat myself on the back for being so disciplined. I digress (forgive my self-adulation).

Goals are important because they keep you conscious of what the desired end is and they act as the scale to measure one's achievements by.I have money goals, business goals, spiritual goals, health goals, relationship goals and added to that list is parental goals. I am teaching myself to observe more caution and patience in dealing with my toddler and God knows I can’t do that on my own. I need the Lord on my side for all these goals I have set. 

Interestingly, my relationship goals are formed from lessons learnt in the past year and I am going to share them with you now.

·         I hope to love with no holds back and invest my trust totally in my husband. I must confess in the past year I might have been guilty of over thinking some things but I learnt logic is not a great company to have at all times. Things don’t necessarily need to follow a certain path for them to be right. After all, 1+1=2 and so is 0+2.

·         I hope to always remember that happiness is collective. Individual happiness’s great but you will agree with me when I say individual happiness can be very selfish. I learnt to see pass my own happiness and invest in the common happiness of my family because I discovered in this common happiness, I could still find individual happiness. I will be happy having an undisturbed long night sleep but happier to know my daughter is able to do the same. I am not a big eater and I could really just lay down through the kitchen time but I feel delighted seeing the satisfied look on my husband’s face whenever he eats that I forget how tired I might have been. 

·         I hope to maintain a balanced life. While working tirelessly to invest in the common happiness of the family. I hope to remember I am also important. Some ‘me’ time will do us all a lot of good in order not to live a frustrated and depressed life. Closely attached to this goal is the need for me to remain the 'girl' my husband fell in love with. I hope to spice up things once in a while just to keep our relationship fresh. All in all I hope to maintain a decent balance.

I have some other goals attached to these ones but these are my ultimate relationship goals. I hope to read yours too.
Happy New Year In Advance beautiful people.


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

As We Approach The New Year..

 It is hard not to reflect on all what one has achieved or not achieved about this time of the year. Even when we are in denial, we subconsciously measure our lives in money and wealth’s worth. As humans we are propelled by an insatiable urge of competition and we have different scales by which we rate ourselves. If we all knew exactly what life holds for us, perhaps, we all won’t waste time chasing aimlessly after things that don’t matter.
 
I am one of the lots but I try consciously to remind myself I am not my own. I have goals ranging from spiritual to physical, Have I achieved them all? Well, not really but I am very grateful for where I am and for the gift of hope. The ability to know that after the sun sets, there is going to be another morning.

This year is not the last there is for me nor is it the last for you. God has a great plan for our lives that is not necessarily tailored to fit our desires but will be just perfect for us. I am hopeful because I know God’s thoughts about me are strictly of great things and everything that happens is for me to reach that expected beautiful end.

So, don’t despair, don’t beat yourself up over what you don’t have, there is so much to be thankful for my dear. Enter the New Year with a great positive vibe.

See you on the other side.

Cheers.

Photo Credit:www.telegraph.co.uk

Monday, December 29, 2014

Stand Firm For 2015!

Now that the year is winding down, there are mixed feelings everywhere I look. While some people are ending the year on a high note, others are despondent and losing hope.

Yesterday, a pastor shared an interesting story with the church. He told us about his son who brought him fifteen years of sadness, doing drugs, smoking his brains out with the hoodlums of the neighborhood, and bringing shame to the family. It was devastating for the entire family, given that both parents are pastors. Many times, neighbors called him to tell him his son was drunk in a ditch alongside questionable characters that even the worst unbelievers did not want to relate with. He said many times he sat in anger  and planned his son's funeral, concluded in his heart that his son had no respectable friends that would attend the funeral, all he had were his fellow drunks. He spent hours wondering about how his family could save face after his son's death, at least for one last time...

Many of us are like this. We spend many of our hours planning for the worst possible scenario. We cry about the horrible things in our imagination and lie on the ground even before life hits. It's time to stop weighing ourselves down with the worst possible scenario, and instead trust God for the best possible outcome. The new year is upon us, and it is important to stand firm in God's promises. We need to start relying on God's promises concerning our lives and stop focusing on the battles we seem to be constantly fighting. God tells us in the bible that He will never fail or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). As the new year draws near, don't stress about what your new year resolutions should be, instead focus on what God is saying to you about your future (Jeremiah 29:11)

In case you're wondering how the pastor's story ended, his son got saved last year, not because his parents talked him out of his habits, but because the power of God prevailed. He had a vision of death all by himself, while in a drug house, and found his way to God. God never fails. He's never too late or too early! He's always on time! Stand firm for 2015, God is at work!

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Spread The Love Pass The Family Lines,Take It Across Roads and Over The Seas


One can’t ignore the excitement and goodness that characterizes this time of the year. It feels like every problem has evaporated. I wish I can have this period on pause and get genuine smiles and wishes from strangers every time I walk on the street. Can you believe I was going to buy some stuffs at a store and the man by the door advised me to come back in two days’ time because there will be better deals by then J .
 
To further grace this period, the sun seem to take on a new glow and I can’t but marvel at the beauty of the clear blue skies. Kids run around showing off their gifts and overdosing on their share of all round sweetness and sometimes one sees the sacrificing and satisfied parent joyfully trotting behind them. Don’t you just love the Christmas and New Year’s celebrations?

For a moment, it was easy to pretend that this is the paradise the bible talked about. But as I got back in the house and turned on the TV, the reality of some other people dawned on me. We are indeed privileged to have the life we have, not everyone is so blessed.
While it is good to be thankful for what we have, kindly remember the ones that are not so privileged. Remember the displaced people of the North Eastern part of Nigeria, Syria, Pakistan, Iran, Afghanistan and every other under privileged people in the world.

Pray for them to keep hope alive and send in donations however small. Bless someone from what you have and let the joy and love go round. Don’t let this Christmas celebration be about you and family alone, let someone faraway be happy for the gift they never thought they could have.

You are blessed, be a blessing.

Happy New Year in advance.

N.B: There are a number of NGOs that are working tirelessly to make life better for these victims of circumstances. If you want to donate anything at all, and you don’t know of any NGO around kindly locate your local Red Cross Society  or go through your local church.


Photo Credit:www.valonsalon.com

Thursday, December 25, 2014

I Love Christmas!

I LOVE Christmas! Not only because I get to eat free food from all corners, or because of the beautiful carols that fill the air wherever I go. I love Christmas, not only because of all the valuable items that go on sale at this time of the year or because of the gifts that pour in even from friends I hardly kept in touch with.

I love Christmas because it reminds me the year is winding down; companies close for the year, people pack up their bags and go home to visit family, and really, everyone simply falls into a laid back mode to enjoy the day Christ was born- the day hope was reborn for our sinful world. I love Christmas because I get to reflect about the year, not in anxiety or sadness, but rather in gratitude and anticipation of what's to come.

Merry Christmas to you all


We wish you a very, merry Christmas.

May the continuous celebration of His birth continue to bring joy and love in your hearts forever.

Enjoy

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Busy Women's Guide- Tips on Getting And Relating With Helps

Surviving without domestic help in this present day is becoming more harder. Especially in fast paced cities like Lagos. Even as conscientious as I felt on the matter of getting one, I am forced to have a rethink. Women are expected to be everything these days. Have a decent well-paying job, balance it with time for the kids, keep the home tidy and above all be the ultimate wife to your husband. You literally lost the right to your body the day you said ‘I do’. One is expected to be superwoman in literal terms.

This progression has made it so hard to survive without domestic staff-nannies/househelps and the recent news about them has been quite alarming. People have shared all kinds of tales that makes one weary of looking for a help at all.it has suddenly become a tale of the rock and the hard place. I was at a social gathering recently where several women chatted about their helps. A number of them had interesting stories to share about their helps; stories varied from theft to adultery and fornication. Two of the women felt jilted that the helps had to go back to their villages/homes for Christmas celebration.

Monday, December 22, 2014

When You Think Love Is Not Enough,The Problem Might Be You

I dreamt about being swept off my feet by a man twice my height (if you knew me , you’d understand, that’s quite a dream). I imagined my life in music video scenes and whenever I talked, I silently played soundtracks in my head to fit the moment. My teenage mind envisioned a relationship opening from scene to scene with lots of flowers, frequent walks at dusk, great jobs, breakfasts in bed, lots of vacation and of course plenty money to spend (very short realizable list abi?(lol)
 I never made space for arguments in my daydreams, if at all, it was one dramatically done and of course ending in sweet romance.
 
Looking back now I blame those thoughts on lots of romance books. I fed on those books like they were oxygen at that period. Much as I want to escape back to my childhood atimes, I must confess I don’t want to be without the wisdom that adulthood reveals. I have been well thought by the years and different experiences. I now know that life is not unfair just because it is not exactly as one imagined. This is a totally different concept from ‘settling’, this is simply called maturity.

When I started dating, I had very little patience in getting to know and accept my partner. Our love had to play out like those movie scenes or I was going to threaten a tsunami for not getting what I wanted. Like I said, time is a patient teacher. I went from relationship to relationship and finally the learning process began.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Don't Pretend, Be Yourself!

Credits: andreasnest.com
I find pretence rather exhausting! How some people manage to keep up with it still baffles me. Sometimes I wish I had their zeal to carry on, memory to remember what to do and what not to do in front of their 'victims' and the imagination they put to use to create their alternate characters- my writing would be so much better if I had a combination of all these attributes.

Pretending to be who you're not as a single person might be a little forgivable. When you're in a relationship and still presenting a facade to your partner, then it is safe to conclude that you have attained the greatest height of immaturity known to man. Go any further, and you'll exceed the limit.

I recently read a post about things people shouldn't do in front of their partners- don't trim your nose hair in front of your spouse, don't fart in front of your spouse (whether you are male or female), don't wear hair nets to bed, don't sneeze next to your partner, don't do 'the number 2' while your partner is in the next room, wait for him or her to leave....the list goes on, and I'm just like "HUH?!"

Monday, December 15, 2014

Keep Up With Your Spouse!

I didn't think in recent times that I'd have to write about this. I thought it was a trend that was abandoned ages ago - a trend where one partner forged ahead in all aspects of life while the other simply took a laid-back approach with no vision, no desire to achieve anything and no guilt whatsoever that they are leeching off their partners, living the good life, while the poor spouse is out everyday breaking his or her back.

How people feel comfortable doing this is beyond me. I'd walk out of my skin with frustration!

This seemingly obsolete trend is slowly creeping back into society, leading to exhausted spouses, and dysfunctional marriages. Many people become so comfortable in marriage, they believe all their dreams and visions before marriage are meaningless and should be swept under the rug. Instead they bask in their partner's success, live for their partner's dreams, and eventually end up tiring their poor partners out.

Every need they have is placed on their partner's shoulders- need for affirmation, financial needs and even trivial needs. Sadly, women are mostly guilty of this, and they wonder why their partners look elsewhere for someone that fulfills the needs of a partner.

Keep up with your spouse! Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Being married is not the biggest achievement you will ever attain in life. Many people expect their spouses to carry them along, and I always ask "why can't you simply walk alongside your spouse? why do you need to be carried?" It may sound unfair and perhaps cliche in some cases, but many relationships disintegrate because spouses do not keep up with one another.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Nick Vujicic shares his 5 Point Survival Guide for the First Year of Marriage

Nick Vujicic is an evangelist, motivational speaker, author, and the director of Life Without Limbs, a nonprofit organization that advances the gospel of Jesus Christ and helps alleviate suffering worldwide.

He was born on 4th December 1982 with Tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs.

He got married last year and he now shares his 5 Point Survival Guide for the First Year of Marriage..

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Three Reasons Women Cheat Even When They have 'Everything'

Cheating- the one word that can make any spouse feel like an idiot, and ruin the dynamics of any relationship. Back in the day, whenever we heard the word 'cheat', our thoughts immediately drifted to men. Thanks to our gender equality demonstrations, we now have women hanging out on the cheating block, passing the baton to one another and teaching each other the tricks of the game. These days, men are on the lookout for signs of cheating, even their friends are willing to offer unsolicited assistance. They look out for any hug that lingers a second too long, a smile that seems too wide and anything that can be passed off as a look of admiration. 

I have tried many times to work out why men cheat even when they have the Proverbs 31 woman tending to their every need, and I have come up with nothing. On the other hand, the same research with women has turned out interesting results. Why do women who seemingly have everything cheat on their partners? Are women truly as hard to please as men think? Is it always about money, or are there deeper reasons why women cheat? I've uncovered three reasons women who seemingly have it all cheat. 


Attention: So your lady cuts her hair, dyes it a different color, paints her nails, wears makeup for the first time and wears a new dress she bought the weekend before, and you don't notice anything has changed? Well, someone else will. Many men with cheating wives wouldn't even notice if their wives grew horns and claws. Women live off compliments, and I've noticed men do too. It is important to notice and appreciate the little efforts your lady puts into looking good everyday. Apart from doing it to make herself look good, she's also doing it for your admiration. Not noticing means she's probably like another old coffee table in your majestic mansion that you can't be bothered to look at. It's only a matter of time before someone else notices that 'old coffee table' and brings it to life and makes it shine with compliments. 

Friendship: Everyone is busy, and with life becoming increasingly expensive, no one wants an idle partner who sits around the house and empties the refrigerator in two days. In spite of the daily hustle and bustle, it is important to create some time to nurture your friendship with your lady. A comfortable life in the biggest mansion, best cars and most fashionable clothes will mean nothing if you can't take some time out of your schedule to laugh with your lady, listen to how her day went, tell her about yours and simply just enjoy each other's company. Lack of friendship turns couples to strangers. To avoid cheating, nurture your friendship, take a road trip together, spend a weekend away from your phone, and just spend time with your lady. As little as it sounds, it makes a big difference in how your relationship plays out.

Oppression: Now, this is one factor that definitely leads to cheating. Many men are of the opinion that when they provide the best lives for their spouses, they have a right to talk down to them, belittle them, treat them like they don't matter and generally disregard their opinions. I don't know why many women endure such marriages, perhaps leaving a comfortable life to go shack it up with an average Joe is scary for them. One thing for sure though is that many oppressed women find liberation in the words, character, and arms of other men. The presence of oppression in any relationship creates an avenue for cheating. 

For some women, money might be a reason to cheat, but that's not always the case. You can have a loyal spouse if you do the simple things. Money is not the only way to keep a woman happy. Try being a real husband, not just an ATM machine. XOXO

Teen "Sext" Slangs revealed - 28 Internet acronyms every parent should know

Photo Credit:Flickr: Pro Juventute

I came across an CNN article/video online which I think every Parent should be aware of.

This goes to show that in this internet age, parents should be internet savvy and aware of what their children are into.

This article tells about acronyms popularly used across the internet, especially on social media and texting apps

Some of these acronyms can give the uninitiated parents the chills.

Here are some of the "Sext" slangs that are being used now...Mind you There is a study that shows a correlation between Teen Sexting and risky Sex.
  1. IWSN - I want sex now
  2. GNOC - Get naked on camera
  3. NIFOC - Naked in front of computer

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

All My Single Ladies! Getting Him to Pop the Question( THE DON'TS)

Often times, I have heard ladies speak of meeting that special one and getting him hooked forever.  Oh Lord! If only this one will stay some exclaim. Is it something I am doing wrongly? Some ask.

I cooked, cleaned and made myself available in every way but he still dumped me and married some other girl.

What can I do?

Sis, I understand your plight, trust me I really do. I was advising a friend a while ago and I made a representation with our growth as humans. Relationships are in stages and while I understand a grown lady’s eagerness to settle, one needs to understand what is needed at every stage. Don’t be in so much hurry that you mess things up.

So, I am going to share my two cents with you on what you might be doing wrongly .

-Don’t scare him away by telling him all you want in a husband on the very first date. That is just too much girl. You don’t want to be perceived as desperate. Get to know him. Enjoy the food, chat about your interests. There is ample time to tell him everything else in subsequent dates. The first date is about making an impression and you don’t want him to perceive you as desperate.

-My dear, please don’t assume where you are in a relationship. Let it be defined. By all means, ask him what you are to him if you are not sure. Men can be undecided atimes, don’t be caught up in that web of indecision while your heart is getting toyed with. Let him put a name to it or just keep walking.

-Don’t be so needy. Emotionally or materially. It is alright to let a man know how much he means to you. However, don’t call him in the middle of a meeting, threatening suicide if he doesn’t come see you immediately. Or asking a freshly employed man to get you an iphone 6 for your birthday. Be reasonable please.

-Leave some things to wonder. Stay in his thoughts for all the right reasons. Most men love when they put in work. Some people are lucky to be married to a man they had sex with on the first date but this is a small percentage compared to the large population. Fornication is a sin but more so, it is God’s way of looking out for our hearts. You would agree it is easier to move on when you are not getting all muddled up in a sexual mess. Prepare him to have things to look up to. Let him feel like he put in work. Don’t be so easy my dear. Most guys take this into consideration (most of the ones I asked).

-Don’t turn yourself to a maid because you are trying to show your domestic skills. A man once said he didn’t marry his girlfriend of many years because he didn’t see why he should. They were staying together and she does everything a wife does. Marrying her according to him was just formalities. There was another time I was listening to the radio and a woman shared her story that she had been living with a man for the past 12 years and he still hasn’t married her after three kids together because according to him he is not sure she is the one. You need to understand where you stand in a man’s life, don’t do some things out of desperation for his attention. Displaying your sexual and domestic skills doesn’t guarantee commitment. Let him come to the understanding that you are indeed a price so he can treat you so.

-Please don’t try to manipulate him. If he loves you, let him come to a decision by himself. If he can’t make that decision and you feel you can’t wait, then keep walking. Trust me, there is someone tailor-made for you.

So, be yourself.
 Enjoy life.
 Have fun getting to know the other person.
Nurture the relationship.
Don’t be playing wife roles when you are just friends.
That knight in shining armor knows he will be wrong if he doesn’t sweep you off your feet.
Don’t let the pressure get to you dear, you are more in control of your life than you know. Having a man in your life doesn’t validate you.
Above all, Prayerfully ask God for guidance in taking decisions. You don’t want to embark on that serious journey without directions from the One that knows all.
Stay blessed.

Photo Credit: lovethispic.com

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

How To Resolve Arguments in Your Relationship

I have discovered a new trend I never thought existed. I had always thought couples accepted that arguments are key in relationships to help them develop mutual strategies to resolve conflict, however my recent surveys have shown that some couples do not believe there should be any room for arguments. In some cases, one partner believes arguments are part of everyday life while the other believes they create unnecessary friction and may hurt the good flow of the relationship. I was rather surprised to discover this; I thought every couple had their arguments, forgot about them and moved on. Turns out it's not as easy as it sounds. 

Some people are the best people to argue with; they end things with a joke, laugh at indirect insults and add a touch of sarcasm that sets everyone rolling on the floor with laughter. People like these may not take certain arguments seriously, and may even end up making a joke out of serious situations. On the other hand, some people like to win! They want to win every argument even if it is about whether omelettes taste good with sardines or not. These people are rather exhausting to be around, struggle to listen to other people, and always try to enforce their opinions on others. Doesn't sound like fun arguing with them does it? Having discovered these two extremes, I have come across a third set of people- those who argue fairly, like to talk things out, and are willing to let both parties agree to disagree. Of course everyone wants a partner like that! So back to the big question: how should you resolve arguments in your relationship?

My answer is that should depend on the nature of your partner. It is almost impossible to have a relationship without arguments but it can be done (that's a topic for another day). I often advice people to employ one of two strategies when they want to resolve arguments- understanding plus tolerance or understanding plus avoidance. I'm sure you're not battling to understand the first strategy but avoidance? huh? what's that about? 

Many people have the impression that they MUST discuss every single issue with their partner, get their point across and well-understood, and come to a mutual conclusion. That is not likely to happen in every situation, and before you know it, your relationship will be more like a marriage counselling session that just won't end even though you get the point. Avoidance is a skill, a strategy, a helpful tool everyone should learn if they intend to have relationships that will stand the test of time. I am not asking you to overlook major issues, but learn to overlook the small or inconsequential issues. Try to avoid beating the dead horses of events that cannot be reversed, the "I told you so" moments and the "you can't function without me" debates. Rather learn to recognize your partner's style of arguing and try to employ the right strategy to handle situations- avoidance or tolerance, but understanding should be  a key factor either way.

Arguments are inevitable; even though they tend to reduce in frequency and intensity over time, one cannot wish them away or expect them not to happen at all. Instead of hoping arguments won't occur, employ the right strategy to resolve every situation. As a matter of fact, silence (not the silent treatment) can sometimes be a resolution to a hurtful or inconsequential argument. Learn to understand your partner, try to listen more and talk less, and if you are the type that sulks when you're hurt, learn to express yourself calmly. Whatever the case, always argue fair, with respect, without the use of derogatory words and with the calmest tone you can muster. XOXO

Monday, December 8, 2014

How to deal with a nagging wife - Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Now despite all the excerpts from the Bible which spells out the evils of a nagging wife, what will you do if you have a nagging wife?

As a God-fearing Christian, I would advise you to do the following:
  1. The first thing is to pray about this. What you will find in many cases is that the woman does not find anything wrong about nagging and does not why there should be any fuss about this. So the first step is to pray to God for her eyes to be open. You would realize that even when people get born-again, they do not deal with the habits they carry over from their unborn state. First they need to understand that they need to recognize these bad habits and pray about deliverance from them. The husband who recognizes these nagging traits should pray for his wife’s deliverance.
  2. The Second thing is to have discussion with your wife. Bring this up in a nice and relaxed atmosphere and let her know the harm this is bringing to your marriage. Give examples of her nagging and suggest better ways of communicating her frustrations or needs. 
  3. In discussing with your wife as in (2) above, 
  • Find out what makes your wife nag. Is it a trust issue with you? Are you the source of her frustration? 
  • Does she even realize she nags? 
  • Does she understand the harmful effects of nagging?
  • Does she know there is an alternative to nagging?
  • Share 1 Corinthians 13 with her.
    4.  After finding out the reason(s) for nagging, work together with her to come up with a plan to deal with the issues.
    5. Come up with rewards as the effects of the plans start kicking it.

Please note that you as the husband should be patient with your wife in resolving the “nagging” issue. Do not give up even though the change might tarry. The change will surely happen.







How Do You Deal With A Nagging Wife? - Part 1

Picture Credits: npr.org
Two Bible verses come to mind when one considers a nagging wife. 

The first one comes from Proverbs 21:9 (The Message translation) which states that it is “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse”.

The second verse is also from the book of Proverbs (The Message translation); this time from the 27th book of Proverbs and it is the 15th verse. It states that “A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it.”

These two verses clearly show that no man would like to have a nagging wife. To have a nagging wife would make any man’s life a living hell. A man with a nagging wife will have no cause to come home early or discuss important issues with her. When he thinks of her, he thinks of trouble. He would rather let sleeping dogs lie. Having a nagging wife does not help in a marriage. Rather, it drives a wedge in a couple’s relationship.

A nagging woman can be described as one who always finds faults, complains and makes a fuss over everything. She is the direct opposite of a peace-loving woman. She is never content and generally believes her happiness depends on other people. She always wants people to do things her own way and grant her every wish.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Happiness Is a Personal Responsibility

Happiness... a feeling many of us long for but are unable to attain. Happiness is a feeling many of us try to define but we struggle to find the right words. We try hard to find things that represent happiness, yet we find ourselves falling short of achieving that ecstatic feeling. We look at other people who seem to be happy and try to measure our happiness against theirs, and in many cases we find ourselves falling short.  Sometimes we find ourselves better and that fuels our happiness, but recently, I've had to ask myself "are we really happy?"
These days, many of us measure happiness by the amount of assets and financial freedom we possess. Don't get me wrong, this is not to say those things do not contribute to happiness, but are they the only factors we need to make us happy? Is happiness simply about living in a fancy apartment, having the best cars and having the perfect family picture? I think not. I recently discovered, having read a few surveys online about measurements of happiness, that most people in spite of attaining 'great heights' and achieving what society may term as excellent success, are very unhappy. What then is happiness about?
Happiness is being secure in what you have no matter how little it is, waking up every morning with a will to do more for others and for yourself, and with a strong desire to go do whatever makes you happy everyday. Happiness is not necessarily the feeling you get when you acquire the whole world, or conquer the greatest competition. You know you're happy when you wake up in the morning and you can't wait to get to work or even start your day if you work from home. 
That feeling doesn't come by accident. It is your responsibility to go for it and get it! It is up to you to decide on what makes you genuinely happy, what your dreams are, and what you'd like to spend the rest of your life doing. There's nothing that makes anyone happier than waking up to live the life you want every single day. That is a personal responsibility you have to deal with every day. Happiness for someone may be feeding orphaned children in shelters, while for someone else, it may be waking up to write. Whatever the case, take matters into your hands and work hard on attaining true happiness.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Sowing Seeds (Lesson learnt from Chaz B)

Most times these days I feel like I am going to be drowned in the pool of words I might never get out because time seem not to stop for me to pen it down.When the light goes off, I get in my head and ask myself what I would want to be remembered by. Life has become so fast paced that having those little solo moments have become quite a luxury. Can you believe we are in December already? When did we just say Happy Val's Day(Y'all know I love Love :) ).
Thing is when we race through life on this equally fast momentum, we miss out on the little things that add up together to make us a whole.we miss out on the things taht live after us. Our life becomes unrecognizable like we are living for somebody else. We are overwhelmed with deadlines, bills , job changes and so on. We owe ourselves that ability to press pause sometimes and just reflect. Ask yourself, what would I want to be remembered by ?

I noticed that there are not too many hands that come up during altar calls anymore. Going by how many people that claim they are Christians , one would wonder while there is still so much hate,corruption and the likes. Don't get me wrong, I am just trying to paint the picture that with the large number of Christians we have around,our impact ought to be felt more by the world than it  is being felt.

 I stumbled on Chaz B's radio program during one of my long evening shuttle back home from work. The traffic was hopeless and I had grown tired of every track on my mobile device. Most stations had programs that made me believe there might be a huge conspiracy to consciously fill the world with junk. I was about giving up when a rich male voice stunned my ears and stopped me in my search. It was an elderly male voice and the topic up for discourse was relationships generally.
As I listened to different people call in,  A particular caller caught my attention, not because of the peculiarity of his situation but more for how Chaz B handled it. He was calling in to get advice on his dilemma . He was dating a girl that got pregnant but wasn't sure if d pregnancy was for him or some other guy. The girl aborted the pregnancy and severed the relationship between herself and the guy. The guy stated further that he couldn't carry on without her and wanted to know what to do to get her back in his life. Like a father trying to make sense of his child's situation, I listened as Chaz B analysed how abortion messes with a woman's psychological health and that what the girl needed was a friend and not a lover. Someone that could help her from that place of guilt and lead her towards hope. Then the tone of his voice changed and he sounded even more fatherly,I imagined if the caller were in the studio with him,he would hold his hands. He told the caller in a deeply concerned voice that he needed to seek Jesus and be saved and he needed to help the girl find peace in Jesus too.
The caller's response was very positive. He sounded eager and ready to change.
I found out in subsequent weeks that it was Chaz B's way of handling issues.

In a world where people are conscious of being referred to as cool when they dissociate themselves from faith, it's refreshing to see someone who damned the consequences and stood for what and who he believed in. He understood the influence he had and he used that opportunity to touch many lives .
Lesson from that day for me was that we are ministers of Christ in our day to day lives. Wherever we find ourselves,we ought to use that avenue to propagate the gospel. The lives we touch(ed) are like seeds sown. That is why we are here. Your audience might not be millions of people,your voice might not sound so sweet but you can start from somewhere. Your parents perhaps or even your domestic staff .

There is still work to done.

God bless.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

How The Silent Treatment Slowly Destroys Relationships

It is a popular tactic; when your partner misbehaves, says something unpleasant or refuses to bend to your will when you need him or her to, the silent treatment is regarded as the relationship saver. It notifies your partner of your displeasure without you using any words, gets your partner into an apologetic mode and eventually gets you what you want- lots of attention and perhaps even gets your partner to bend to your desires. The silent treatment is definitely a winner when it is first applied. However, with time, its charm starts to wear off, it loses its hold, and it soon becomes a useless tool in your toolbox. 

Many people fail to realize when the silent treatment has lost its charm. They keep applying it like a master tool to all situations, until they eventually find themselves at opposite ends of the room with their partners, unable to utter a word of reconciliation. Then they wonder, 'how did things get so bad?'

Many of us do not understand that the silent treatment works perfectly at first because our partners are trying to please us, bring us out of our misery and show us the relationship is worth fighting for. It gets tiring if every time something goes wrong, we retire into misery and wait for them to come and pull us out of it. It is like having a constant need of assurance, and an air of self-importance- believing your partner has to come to your corner to relate with you, as opposed to both of you meeting each other halfway. It is exhausting, irritating and probably the most immature technique ever applied to solving relationship issues. 

Have you tried talking? It works wonders! Telling your partner what he or she did to hurt you, trying to see reason, apologizing and getting past the issue at hand is the best thing you can ever do to solve your relationship issues. Of course there are times when silence will work....perhaps you're extremely angry and wouldn't like to say anything you'll eventually regret, then it makes sense to take a couple of hours to cool off. What's not cool is keeping silent for days and treating your partner like a stranger. Before you know it, it becomes a habit, and you find yourself living with someone you used to know. 


Thursday, November 27, 2014

Marriage: An Institution of Equality, Not Similarity

 Whenever I have discussions with my friends about marriage, different opinions creep up. One interesting opinion that always builds the base for an argument is that of equality in marriage. Many people including myself believe that spouses in marriage are created to be equal. However, I believe many people mistake equality for similarity. For some reason I cannot comprehend, we expect that males and females should approach situations in similar ways. I am an astute observer of people, and I can tell you today that marriage is an institution of equality, not similarity.

I read an interesting post by a famous Nigerian actress who stated that her husband does not apologize to her in the conventional sense; in other words, he doesn't utter the magic words that constitute an apology. Instead, he cajoles her, perhaps tickles her, maybe buys her something to show he's sorry.... Many readers of that post went on and on about how her husband is arrogant, not a good man, bla bla... I on the other hand saw it from a different angle. Some people are remorseful, but believe that the words 'I'm sorry' are so cliché, they are not worth uttering. It doesn't mean they do not view their partners as equals, or believe their partners can easily be bought with a kind gesture. 

The problem I see is that many people go into marriage with the expectation that their partners will approach situations the way they expect them to. We want our partners to apologize a certain way, speak a certain way at all times and understand how we feel every single time time. The issue is that is impossible! You are not married to your siamese twin, you are married to someone who was exposed to a different environment from yours. You might be equal in your marriage, but you can't be similar in anyway. The sooner couples start to understand it, the easier marriage will be. 



Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Between You,Your Spouse and God

It is interesting how as a society we can measure wrongs based on gender. I am not about to write this post by unveiling my viciously feministic alter ego, no! I will spare you the pains of listening to my riddled thoughts on unbalanced scales of the gender.

I am not even going to go into details on how four men at work were unashamedly chattering about their affairs. I am also not going to rant about how I find the fact, that the wife of one of the men packs him condoms, befuddling. What is wrong with women not having standards? *sighs*

I will try very much to keep this post devoid of pained feministic opinions. It is one intended for you to reflect on simple moral values.

I read of a woman who cheated on her husband of 23years after she found out that he bragged to one of his numerous mistresses that his wife was ok with his philandering ways.  Of course, people judged her and told her just how shameless she is. How can a married woman even conceive such a thought and carry such out? Is one of the predominant questions most people asked.

Truth be told I am sick of how many times I have heard the sentence ‘a man will always be a man’. I am not an advocate of avenging another’s wrong by committing more wrong but I suppose sanity can be achieved by acknowledging we all are accountable for our actions irrespective of who we are.

There are certain values that should never be compromised. I understand temptations abound but one needs to bear in mind that only guilt and betrayal outlives that short moment of selfish desire.

Spontaneity is good but in situations preceeding adultery, you need to stop and think, would you be able to live with the consequences that follow? I have seen families that have been destroyed because of short misplaced and uncontrolled passion.

Do as you would be done by. If your spouse were in your shoes , would you forgive him/her after such act?. By all means, respect your partners’ feelings.

 Lots of work goes into building trust in a relationship, don’t mock all that hardwork by acting selfishly. Think of the aftermath.

What company are you keeping, the Yorubas have a saying that “a sheep that walks with a dog will eat faeces”. You need to be your own person. In a world where sin has become the fad, dare to be the weird one.

Have you asked yourself what Jesus would do in your situation? Being a Christian goes farther than paying tithes and attending services, it is a lifestyle. Flee from sin my dear.

Forget what the society thinks is right or wrong, your vow is between you, your spouse and your God.  Man or woman , whoever you are , we all are accountable to the same God.

Photo Credit: dreamstime.com

Monday, November 24, 2014

Make Your Mark Today

Chaz B
A few months ago I was home in Nigeria for a couple of weeks. During an afternoon drive with my mum and sister, we listened to a show on the radio. I think it was "sharing life issues with Chaz B". It was rather entertaining, it was enlightening. I laughed at some of the issues that were discussed, and I found the advice Chaz B whose full name I now know is Charles Bruce Chukwuma, eye-opening and mature. He had the appropriate attitude, the right approach, and the most heart-warming responses to people's questions. He offered real help whenever he could, and reminded people of God's importance in their lives. I loved the show! It lacked the general air of affectation most of the radio shows I've listened to in Nigeria had. Imagine my shock a few minutes ago when I heard that Chaz B passed away!

How? Why? When? Just a few days ago, I was trying to come to terms with the death of Myles Munroe and his wife, now this? I hear people say it everyday that life is too short, and I now know that no matter how long we live, our lives will be too short for all we can achieve. For us to feel a sense of fulfillment during our last few breaths, we need to make our marks in our own little way.

Are You Falling Through The Bottomless Pit of Depression?

There are times when we feel like the walls are closing in on us, and we don't have the strength to push them apart. We find ourselves constantly pondering over issues we cannot find solutions to, we find ourselves suffering from intense insomnia even after exhausting ourselves through hard work during the day. We slowly find ourselves withdrawing from the company of others, caught in a personal fable where we believe no one else can understand what we are going through, not even God.

Depression is an illness that catches a lot of people unawares; it is not like flu, where you get symptoms like headaches, fever, or the occasional blocked sinus. It creeps in when you let your guard down, and before you know it, you are mad at the world, or worse, disconnected from the world. A lot of research has gone into helping depressed individuals, however, in spite of the many anti-depressants on the market, people still commit suicide, get addicted to drugs, or even lose sight of their purpose in life, and just end up floating through. To tell depressed people to just snap out of it might seem mean right? But what if it works?

Like happiness, depression is a state of mind. It may creep in on you unawares, but it cannot steal all your strength. Taking pills may help you for a while because they release your 'happy hormones', but they can only last for so long. Depression is a battle of the mind, and it is definitely not a battle for the faint-hearted. You need to 'snap out of it', and take control of your mind. It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible to overcome depression. By changing the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, you can change the way your mind perceives situations, and the way you approach each day. Depression is a disease that robs the infected of any joy they may dare to enjoy, as well as destroy any meaningful connection they have with loved ones. I see depression as an abusive partner that isolates his or her prey, constantly robs the unsuspecting prey of their self-esteem and creates an illusion that they can never meet anyone else that would treat them better.

How do you put an end to abuse?
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