Friday, July 18, 2014

Know Where You Stand; Define Your Relationship

I'm not asking you to declare intentions of marriage after one week of knowing each other, nor am I asking that you completely eradicate the foundation of friendship in your relationship. I am simply asking that you should be aware of where you stand in a relationship to avoid being caught in a 'situation-ship'.

It is very common these days that everyone wants to 'go with the flow' to avoid losing out on being with someone they really like or sending the wrong message across. By the wrong message, I mean, many of us don't want to be considered as 'playing unnecessarily hard to get', 'prudish' or 'simply difficult'. That is understandable but how far is too far when the relationship you are investing so much time in, is not defined in any way. 

These days, many individuals approach the opposite sex without knowing what they want exactly from a relationship or even what they can offer, besides superficial qualities. They believe it is ok to be in doubt about a person but still string that person along, and when the 'where is this heading?' discussion is placed on the table, there is a babble about how they don't know what they want, or they care but just can't commit, bla bla bla. My advice? If a person is not sure they want to be with you, it's a diplomatic way of saying they really don't want to be with you but wouldn't mind if you keep them happy till the one they are looking for comes along.

Know where you stand before you decide to go with the flow. It is so easy to be carried away on a wave of emotions and believe it will end in a beautiful fairytale. Perhaps it might but it, will help you to know what you mean to someone. People say relationship definitions don't make a difference; I beg to differ. Defining what you share with someone can help you draw the necessary boundaries. I always tell people there are different categories in my social circle- acquaintances, friends, family, colleagues, and interesting strangers. Everyone should know their place so things don't get awkward. Same way, relationships should be defined so things don't become excruciatingly awkward. If a guy has been hovering over you for months with no declaration of his intentions (courtship, marriage or friendship), it is time to ask him to clear the air. Don't go with the flow that one day you may magically kiss and everything will fall into place. Back in the day, that was a precious thought. These days, the word 'selfish' has been personified and walks around in skirts or pants, looking for who to use without losing anything. Know where you stand! Share your thoughts! 

XOXO

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