Monday, December 22, 2014

When You Think Love Is Not Enough,The Problem Might Be You

I dreamt about being swept off my feet by a man twice my height (if you knew me , you’d understand, that’s quite a dream). I imagined my life in music video scenes and whenever I talked, I silently played soundtracks in my head to fit the moment. My teenage mind envisioned a relationship opening from scene to scene with lots of flowers, frequent walks at dusk, great jobs, breakfasts in bed, lots of vacation and of course plenty money to spend (very short realizable list abi?(lol)
 I never made space for arguments in my daydreams, if at all, it was one dramatically done and of course ending in sweet romance.
Looking back now I blame those thoughts on lots of romance books. I fed on those books like they were oxygen at that period. Much as I want to escape back to my childhood atimes, I must confess I don’t want to be without the wisdom that adulthood reveals. I have been well thought by the years and different experiences. I now know that life is not unfair just because it is not exactly as one imagined. This is a totally different concept from ‘settling’, this is simply called maturity.

When I started dating, I had very little patience in getting to know and accept my partner. Our love had to play out like those movie scenes or I was going to threaten a tsunami for not getting what I wanted. Like I said, time is a patient teacher. I went from relationship to relationship and finally the learning process began.

Everyone has their strong and weak points and the fact that you are not being loved the exact way you want to be loved doesn’t mean you aren’t loved. I stopped breastfeeding my daughter a few months ago and God knows that the period which she had to get familiar with other foods was one of the hardest I had had in a while. She cried so much and wouldn’t sleep but I knew she had to move to the next level. I imagined she probably might see me as very mean in those few days but I had to do the needful.

Love doesn’t have to be painted in the colour we want, it is still love even when it is not so decorated in one’s eyes. The years have thought me to be more patient, tolerant and less selfish. The books are there to be enjoyed, they don’t necessarily have to dictate the pace of your life. My husband is not domestic and for a while I was blinded to all his other strong points, he had to be a particular way or all hell would be let loose. I couldn’t even see all the awesome things he does but I am so glad that the lessons have finally stuck.
I am in a better place now. If you are stuck in old fantasies like I used to be, you need to snap out of it and embrace the goodness you have. Life is far more interesting and beautiful than your fantasies trust me.
When you think love is not enough, you might just be the problem. So, you need to work on yourself.


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1 comment:

  1. You nailed it right there, romance books, harlequin, silhouette, M&B, movies and songs have wrecked majority of the relationship havoc we are battling with in this generation. At the same time, we are also to be blamed for allowing ourselves to be fooled with "Happy Ever After." We envision Marriage without school fees, house-rent etc. No body elopes to an island in real life. Thank you Agbeke, God Bless You. Regards to my niece.


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