Saturday, January 10, 2015

Let Your Relationship Be About You

It is really interesting to sit and listen to people talk about how amazing their relationship is. This is especially common amongst women; men tend to talk about football, food, women, politics and cars...yeah they hardly talk about books. Women on the other hand seem to be in a competition with all the other women that exist in the world. They speak about their 'not-so-perfect' relationships in such perfect manners that you may be convinced the man they are speaking about is not from mars like the others but from Pluto. They spend hours talking about how he does everything perfectly, including chewing his food (like seriously, who cares?) Whether you care or not, you may have been in my shoes a couple of times, forced to listen to this perfect embodiment of the word 'man', thinking you ought to 'jump ship' off your relationship and swim off to the green shore that is based on a simple probability of 'maybe/maybe not'.

I have often wondered why women feel the need to boast, camouflage, hide and conceal the horrors of their relationship. Why do we have the unreasonable and unnecessary desire to outshine one another? I think I know the answer- we make our relationships about everyone else, and not really ourselves.

A male friend lamented to me recently that he was forced to take his girlfriend out on a date every single day because she wanted her friends to believe they were rolling in style, living the good life, and spending the big bucks. She wanted her friends to admire her as the lady who got the perfect man- a man who cares to her every whim, eats from the palm of her hands and is as loyal as a newborn puppy. Of course he didn't mind the loyalty part but he found the rest of his 'job specification' rather exhausting. Many of us are like my friend's ex. Our relationships are not about us and the person we're with. Instead, our relationships are about impressing our friends, outshining them and making them believe we got the cream of the crop. It doesn't matter if we spend the entire day fighting with our spouses, the important thing to us is to save face in public by stepping out in style, laughing together and of course keeping up the facade we believe earns us respect amongst our peers.

I find it hilarious, sickening, mind numbing and just downright exhausting! Your relationship is between you and your spouse, not between you, your spouse and your circle of friends. It is highly immature and unnecessary to put up a facade simply for the purpose of outshining everyone else. Your relationship is not a reality show, nor is it an audio channel for creating false impressions; it is a union between two people who should be the center of the relationship (not necessarily attention) at all times. XOXO

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