Tuesday, March 31, 2015

How Long Should You Date Before You Start Discussing Marriage

The tensed atmosphere that has surrounded this election period makes it really hard to think or focus on something else. Most conversations are centered around who wins or loses. Truth be told I have had my eyes glued on the TV while I have shamelessly stalked every page on the social media that has some sort of political affiliation just to get any form of reliable info. I had to psyche myself to break out of this momentary but very important distraction.It really has been an eventful and emotional weekend for most Nigerians , I hope you all went out to vote? All we can do now is to sit down and wait for the results to be read while praying earnestly for peace.

I stumbled on this question i posed while stalking other pages for election results(the way the internet is set up still amazes me, one minute you are in Nigeria and the next you are in Baghdad)  and I threw it open for my colleagues at work to debate upon. Most of them were of the opinion that one needed to date another person for a period of at least six months before they start discussing marriage. According to them, that period might not be enough to know about every skeleton in the other person’s wardrobe but it is definitely enough for one to make up one’s mind on whether or not there was a future in the relationship.

Relationships experience shift when the talk about marriage comes up. It signals moving forward or just letting go depending on the commitment of the partners involved. Marriage issues in some situations requires walking on egg shells. You don’t want to bring it up too early so as not to be seen as desperate or too late less you miss your chance and be termed as insensitive.

 Discussing marriage doesn’t necessarily have to be after a period of at least six months. Many things come into play here. One considers the age and readiness of the two people involved in the relationship. I figure a woman of a ripe age of 30+ might not have the time and patience a girl in her early twenties might have when it comes to having the marriage talk. There are couples that discuss getting married from after the third date. There was a man that was asking me out way back and he made it clear from the beginning that he wanted something serious that could probably lead to marriage. I didn’t feel the same urgency he felt but I didn’t think it was totally inappropriate for him to mention it seeing as he was way older than I am and he would have been interested in settling down faster.

Bringing it up early however might signal desperation on the part of the person that raises it  thereby scaribg away a 'good' prospect.So much as it might seem like the right thing to discuss after the first two dates, you’ll do better to wait a few more dates to get to know the other person more and also to know if you are on the same page concerning the future. You need to be sure that you share a deep sense of trust and intimacy that convinces you that it’s time for you two to take things to the next level.

Staying 'forever' before discussing it might also mean unseriousness or that one is scared of commitment which either ways doesnt reflect well on the relationship. After the early period of getting used to each other, there is the need to look on to the next and if this period of transition never comes, it might have dire consequences.

The answer to the question posed would be not too early and not too late. Long as you take into consideration all the other factors such as age, readiness , attraction and how well you know the other person.

However, If you are in a relationship for many years and either of you has never talked about/thought about settling down with each other, you might need to reevaluate that relationship.

Stay Blessed

  



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