Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Unique Connection Between Mothers And Their Children

This video brought tears to my eyes. The connection between the mums and their children was undeniably strong and beautiful. You should check the video to see.



"As a small experiment of women’s uniqueness and the special bond between a mother and child, we met up with 6 wonderful women, and asked them to let us blindfold their most precious loved ones. Their children!"


Culled from www.Pandora.net

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Be Inspired: Live With No Limitations

Image result for live without limitsAre there times you feel like life threw you more than your fair share of trials? Or do you think age is not on your side anymore and so you nipped your dreams in the bud? Do you feel limited by the circumstances surrounding you? Are you the kind that wallows in the pit of self-pity and blames everybody but yourself?

Well, it is time for you to get up and live.

I was about to turn off my TV when a short clip of a beautiful blind lady came on. Her name is Taiwo Lawal and she’s into photography professionally. Can you believe that? My eyes were transfixed on the TV the whole time the clip was on. She spoke passionately about her craft. She shared how she uses her sense of touch and smell. She also shared how she connects with her clients with an ability to tell if a client is happy or sad( I can’t imagine how she does that , I am just amazed) . Her energy and passion deeply inspired me. She’s also into beads and bag making. I wondered at her zeal to live life and not just exist. She could have settled for a life of pity but she chose to do something for herself. I found it absolutely amazing that she was able to rise above her limitations and dared to pursue and live her dream.

There are many of us living a less than average life, settled into taking whatever life drops in our laps. We are scared to live or find out what lies outside the box we are caged in. We find all sorts of excuses to hold us back from being so much better than who we are.This attitude hurts and stands in the way of so many things that we could have achieved. There needs to be a hunger in us for something greater. We need to see trials not as the end but a bend. We should never stop dreaming or working towards achieving our goals. We should never be scared of getting out of our comfort zones or allow our future success stories remain untold because of what ifs.

Taiwo’s story deeply resonates with that of Nick Vujicic who was born with no arms and legs but rose above all odds to be a major source of inspiration to many people.

What lie(s) is the devil telling you? 

You have so much strength on the inside that you need to unleash. Focus your energy on God, your loved ones and positive things. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up on yourself.

You are your own greatest cheerleader. People are not always going to hold you by the hand to guide you. You need to show a desire and will to want to be led. You need to desire more out of life than just existing. You need to truly want to live. You are not going to be in this world forever, so, for every breath you take, you need to make it count. Stop sleeping on that business idea. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Stop condemning yourself as not good enough. You will never know how far you can go if you never try.

You have got this, God has got you. Rise and shine.



Three Reasons Relationships/Marriages Turn Sour

I feel heartbroken when I see relationships going sour- couples hardly speaking, married couples not having sex, and basically people feeling like living with their spouse feels like living in a hostel with same-sex colleagues.  It seems as though there is no prevention strategy for relationships going sour. After a while, the honeymoon phase as it is so called wears off and couples settle into the routine of things. The 'routine' is one of the reasons people are scared of committing today, as they don't want to become 'another old, boring couple'. The big question  is why do relationships turn sour?

You stop making the effort: This is the one old and trusted reason that is behind the demise of many relationships today. After the honeymoon phase, couples get comfortable, and you should be comfortable! At the end of the day, this is the person you love and want to be with, but do not get so comfortable to the point that you stop fighting for each other or trying to make each other special. It is human nature to tend to take for granted someone who is always around and always available. And as a spouse, you can't not be around or available, it's impossible! But what you can do is make little effort every now and then to let your partner know you are still in love with him or her. Buy flowers for her, surprise him with lunch at his workplace, order dinner and set up your own romantic date in the comfort of your home, leave little notes, breakfast in bed is always a winner (when the guy wakes up to cook breakfast), do the things you did  during the honeymoon phase of your relationship to remind your partner you still care as much as you did in the beginning. You don't have to do them everyday, life gets busy. But simply saying "I love you" and showing through your actions that you mean it can make your partner's day!

You stop talking: When couples talk about growing apart, my question is always "was there a point when they grew together?" Let's face it, couples hardly ever grow together except they are Siamese twins. they grow differently, probably in different careers, and in different areas of personality. What kills relationships is when couples stop talking because they feel the other person just won't understand their work, their challenges or whatever else they may be dealing with! This is the quickest way to alienate your partner and in the process expose your relationship to bitterness. Couples need to talk, even if it is about nothing in particular. The freedom to talk to your partner about anything is a sign of a healthy relationship, so I find it rather hilarious and weird at the same time when people say they want to be with someone who's just like them- in the same career path, same personality etc. What's the fun in that? Surely you must be interested in things that are outside your life's bubble. Speak to your partner and listen well too! Laugh at jokes together, watch the crazy and hilarious TV shows together, relate them to daily events and simply connect just by talking. Talking is one way your relationship will keep surviving against all odds.

You want greener grass: Not because your grass isn't green...nah on the contrary. You just long for more...in someone else. It is very easy to admire someone you are not dating. Afterall, you are not aware of all their quirks and weird attributes just yet, so you become discontent with your partner. You struggle to understand why he just doesn't shower the moment he gets home or why she sometimes sits next to you without titivating herself even though she's not going anywhere. You raise the bar unrealistically and you suddenly expect your partner to meet with your swift change of demands. This is why people cheat in relationships: they want others to change completely for them, or they start eyeing the 'grass' next door. What many people don't understand is that the grass is green where you water it. If you water (nurture) and genuinely care for your partner, he or she will also be the greenest grass of all. All that energy spent on fantasies about another patch of grass can be invested in making your partner feel loved. Do you know that love is the best way to bring out the best in anyone? Best smile, best personality, and even beauty! People glow when they are in love, they smile for no reason in particular, they are relaxed and they are happy because they are being watered. Instead of letting your grass turn brown, pay attention to it. The grass is greener on the other side because someone is watering and caring for it too! If you do not learn how to care for your grass, it does not matter what shade of deep green grass you get, it will turn brown from your lack of nurture!

Any more tips? Do share! XOXO


Monday, April 27, 2015

Getting Married: 6 Things You Need To Know

It feels like the right time to be in love with all the fanfare surrounding relationships these days. There are lots of sentimental tweets and Facebook messages that makes us go all ‘aww’. Instagram pictures tell tales of beautiful moments shared. The whole world is given an all access pass into the lives of lovers and are allowed to be envious of whatever great times the new age couples share. We could very well be living one of the fairytales as men are becoming more creative with proposals. It is almost like a competition. Everyone wants to stand on a rooftop and see who can scream the loudest to the world that their relationships are the best.

The new trend is also great for business, the competition is just the perfect recipe for money making. We have proposal specialists (the ones that can plan proposals even if you want it in the moon), we can’t forget the photographers and make up artists now, can we? These ones create those still perfect moments that are the subject of discourse on various forums. It even gets fancier with some couple having to travel to particular locations and do special wardrobe shopping for this. We are just getting used to this trend and wowed by the creativity involved in the numerous pre wedding pictures when I stumbled on a pre wedding video.  Can you believe that? A professional video documenting one’s love journey? Well…
 I love love stories, I really do, I just feel really blown away by all these fanfare and I beg to be the voice of reason in the midst of all these.

Seeing as being in love has become a very serious business ( so we are made to believe), I propose that even more hardwork should be put into staying in love. You need to take your marriage as serious as your wedding.

It is great that you are trying to make your day very special. You should also bear in mind that there is life after the wedding, so please spend wisely.

Don’t be deceived by the number of likes on your pictures or by how many blogs reposted your love story. It is not good enough that you like a great couple, be sure you are compatible.

If you need a referee during your arguments, your followers on social media don't exactly fit into those shoes. Meaning you need to keep your business private and avoid giving front row access to strangers that don't care. 

Don’t despise the words of the elders both spiritual and physical. By all means, go for counselling.

While you are at the business of getting everyone’s admiration and okays, don’t forget to commit your relationship and future home into God’s hands.

Like I mentioned earlier, I love love and I wish you all well in your ventures.

Stay blessed.


Of Transgending,Bruce Jenner and the Common Sense Generation

Image result for bruce jennerI haven’t actually watched the full clip of the viral Bruce Jenner interview that ‘broke the internet’ but I have read the text version of the video and all I can say is ‘wow’. I find his story very fascinating.  Not because there have not been other transgenders but because he is the first one in public eye that has courageously and defiantly taken that step. I hope to watch the full clip soon because the text seems to be missing in describing his expression and body language for the whole time and I can’t judge by the bit I saw. I would want to watch to see if his demeanor reveals that he has finally made peace with himself now that he has come out to the world to say what in another era would have been a taboo.

I am normally a very compassionate person, so it is very understandable that I have some form of pity for him. I truthfully can’t wrap my head around what he can be dealing with that initiated his decision, more so at his age. I wonder if this is just another publicity stunt and a cry for attention seeing as the journey to his transition has been commissioned to be aired on TV. I also wonder how disturbed he is on the inside. I mean not everybody just sleeps and wakes up and feel like God made a major mistake in creating them. Bruce Jenner mentioned that he is a Christian and a republican. Bearing in mind the views of other republicans, I figure he must have fought hard within himself to suppress the overwhelming feeling to be a woman. He must have questioned God many times on why he was made differently. I don’t understand how these decisions are arrived at and I guess I might never understand. Bruce said Everybody has stuff in their life that they have to deal with… you know… what we gonna give him? God looks down and chuckles, let’s give him the soul of a female, let’s see how he deals with that…’  and I agree with him we all have baggage but I have some questions for him.

Does God really work that way? Is God that confused? 1Cor14:33

One thing I am also very sure of is that temptations can come from time to time and our heads can be filled with messed up thoughts but God always has an escape plan for us 1 Cor 10:13

I have my reservations about all the cultures that are accepted in Hollywood and I still hold my opinion that even those with differing opinions among them would be scared to speak for fear of being accused of ‘political incorrectness’. So it wasn't surprising to find many tweets of different celebs encouraging him and commending his courage. 
There were lots of debate about why he might have done what he did but common sense won. As the common sense generation, our liberal hearts have been left to roam wild and free. We forget that we are not here by ourselves and we have Godly standards to live by. We judge the things of the spirit based on common sense.

Do I think what he did is right or wrong?
Well, who made us judges over such matters?

As a  Christian, I don't agree with his choices but I am very sure Jesus loves him still. I am not one to judge seeing as I am flawed myself. The fact that I sin differently doesn't make me a better person. I can only pray that he finds his way back home.


Friday, April 24, 2015

Five Simple Tips to Find Inner Happiness


It is a cold truth: the older we get the more complicated our lives tend to get. We meet friends, then break away from them because we realize they are not the best fit. We fall in love, and have to deal with someone else’s quirks and oddities, we get dumped, we get heartbroken and we simply find ourselves struggling to find happiness. Happiness… the one thing that seems to elude most of us. We tend to believe that by acquiring society’s list of ‘things that make you happy’ such as the latest car or cellphone, the most beautiful apartment in the best location, and of course the partner, or soul mate you ought to find by a certain age will help fill our void for happiness. Sadly, these things sometimes do not come soon enough, so we start to sink into the pit of unhappiness.
I have come to realize that life will not always play to our strengths, and we need to tap into our inner reserve of natural happiness everyday. You know how babies are hardly ever unhappy? It has nothing to do with the fact that life is yet to hit them. It has everything to do with the fact that we are all born with an inner reserve of happiness that we tend to ignore/forget in our bid to meet up with society’s expectations. Here are five tips I believe will help you tap into your inner happiness effortlessly:

·         De-clutter your life: How many unnecessary friendships do you keep up with? How many broken relationships are you holding on to at your detriment? How often do you listen to the gossip train only to discover you are the topic of discussion and your so-called friends are behind it? It is time to reduce the clutter in your life. It is time to break the bonds that are hurting you and burn the bridges that are taking you nowhere. Friendships where all you do is put other people down is a clutter on its own! Hanging on to an ex who is now with someone else but just can’t let go of you is clutter! You need to throw out the unnecessary stuff, and ‘spring clean’ your life!

·         Worry less: What many of us are unaware of is the fact that our lives are full of unnecessary worries born from unnecessary desires and expectations. We spend most of our time worrying about things that do not affect us in any way. Some of us worry about the future when there is nothing to be scared of in the future. Sometimes we worry about our finances, not because we are not doing well financially but because we have an insatiable yearning for more. We clutter our lives by allowing unimportant individuals, especially our critics rent space in our heads and dump all their negativity there. To get rid of clutter, make a mental note to swerve away from thoughts of worry! Trust that God has your back, and everything will work out perfectly in the end! Most of the things you are worried about will most likely not happen anyway.

·         Give yourself credit: Many times, we tend to fixate on our failures, we completely ignore how much we have grown just by failing! Failure is not a sign of stupidity ass many may like to paint it. Failing means you have found a way that doesn’t work, and you have learned from it. Therefore the chances of repeating the same mistakes are a little slim to none. Therefore, you need to give yourself credit for the things you haven’t failed at. Give yourself credit when you achieve something, no matter how small it may seem. Congratulate yourself! It is not conceited to do so. It is a show of self-appreciation, a necessary requirement for tapping into your inner happiness

·         Fall in Love… with yourself! This is the first step to attaining happiness. If there is something about yourself that you do not like, change it! If you don’t like where you are, move, afterall you are not a tree. If you realize something makes you feel negative or unhappy, don’t engage in it. But by all means, love yourself! Love yourself so much, it makes people wonder. Pamper yourself, titivate yourself, and say positive things about yourself, not in a bragging tone or with pride, but with the deepest sincerity and honesty. Love yourself, I can’t stress this hard enough, for the more you love yourself, the more life will love you.

·         Be Grateful: The earlier you learn that you will not always have everything, that your life will not always be perfect, the easier it will be for you to practice gratitude for whatever little, or whatever much you have. Loving yourself ties in very much with gratitude. Wake up every morning and thank God for anything you can think of, even if it is something as insignificant as your smile or your skin tone (I’m sure you can come up with better). A heart of gratitude hardly ever experiences unhappiness. A heart filled with gratitude is a heart void of worry because you know your gratitude will never run out.

The fact is the happier you are internally as an individual, without depending on external influences, the higher your chances of success in life!
 www.kariemillspaugh.com
Any more tips that help you tap into your inner happiness? Do share! XOXO


Thursday, April 23, 2015

How To Make Your Marriage Cheat Proof

When you think about cheating in marriages? How do you think it occurs? Your spirit filled tongue speaking self probably envisions the face of a monster or an alcohol abusing spouse? Do you think to yourself ‘no way that can ever be me’? Well, sorry to disappoint you, good people cheat too. Cheating is not peculiar to ungodly people, matter of fact some pastors have been known to fall. Can it be said that they are less aware of the repercussions of their actions or they don’t understand how badly their partners will be hurt?

Image result for how to make your marriage cheating proofMost cheating experiences are not planned, there are many good people who don’ set out with the intention to hurt their spouses but events spill out of their control and things get really messy and complicated.

It is very important that you make effort to make sure that your relationship is not cheat prone. To achieve this, you need to stay in the consciousness of what you share with your spouse. If you have a plant, you need to sprinkle water on it everyday to make it grow so does your relationship require persistent nurturing. Most times we get so familiar with the routine that exists between us as couples that we forget how important that personal and emotional connection is. The key note here is don’t ever take what you share for granted. Keep it fresh.

Be careful about the kind of relationships you keep outside your marriage. Mary J Blige was asked how she and her husband are able to stay married in such a divorce prone society, she replied that both of them are not allowed to keep close friends from the opposite sex i.e her husbands doesn’t have ladies as close friends and vice versa. While that might sound dramatic, there is some sense in it. If everytime you are mad at your partner, you find connection in this other relationship that ought to be harmless, you are (naively) building up to a situation that might cost you your marriage.

You are no saint. Nobody is above temptation, always avoid situations that can lead to cheating. A man of God once said that he never stays alone in the same room with a lady, he further said he avoids elevator rides alone with ladies even his own assitant. You need to understand where he is coming from, I think he is just being practical. When you understand your weakness, don’t push the limits. Things can get really complicated when you let down your guards, so there is a need for you to be careful.

If you have issues at home, talk about it with your partner and if things seem unresolvable between you two, see a therapist/counselllor. I don’t get our culture of trying to patch up holes that needs a sewing machine with just needle and thread. A counsellor can help you work through your problems and both of you will be happy at the end of the day. This can help prevent cultivating friendship that might lead to an affair.

Don't be away from home or each other for too long. I know there are some occupations that take spouses away from home for months.If it is an accessible place, then you should find a way to stay close/visit to each other. Otherwise, make use of your phones, computers, letters and every other means. The importance of constant communication can not be overemphasised.

Respect each other's desire. This is all round. Don't take each others needs for granted. Emotional, sexual, material or whatever need. Make sure you satisfy each other. If there are any inadequacies, talk about it and find a way around it. Keep yourselves physically attractive. Women don't go to bed smelling like the egusi soup you made the night before. Just understand the need to stay desirable for your spouses.


Never forget to pray about your marriage. Bear in mind that trust is the hardest thing to build and the easiest to shatter. May God grant us all the grace to always do the right thing. Stay blessed.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Remember To Put The Glass Down

Everything we go through in life depends on perception. This image spoke to me this morning, I don't know what you have on your mind, I just hope this serves as a therapy.

Remember to put the glass down

Photo Credit: 9gag.com

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Be Wise In Love

I didn't know how to feel about the news of the lady that committed suicide because her lover jilted her. Not knowing how to feel isn't a reaction peculiar to this particular piece of news, I never know  how to feel about every news in this guise because I sincerely find it beyond me. I don’t understand how love can make one get so irrational (or maybe I don’t understand some degrees of irrationality). I don’t know how badly I can feel my whole existence depends on some other person’s acceptance of me that life stops being meaningful.

Love can feel like one is drugged sometimes, it is the reason a CEO will be locked in his room, shut away from everyone because his lover doesn't love him back. I agree our stories are not the same and we all don’t react to same things same way but somethings are just inexcusable.

Love is a special thing and when found is one of the most beautiful things the world has to offer.  We might come across lots of emotions that feels and looks like it but love would always stands out. The head and the heart are always in a constant struggle as to the rationality of most of the decisions we take at times. We are very aware when our head is telling us some things are not right but our heart is too scared to admit it. It is the reason we would stay in an extremely abusive relationship and lie to ourselves that the few sane periods and all those shallow apologies are the best we can ever get. I know ending a relationship can be heart breaking but it is better to leave than hang on and be unhappy forever.

I love happy endings and forever ever afters but I also believe everyone has the right to be happy individually. If you are always on your toes and are not even sure if that person you are with loves you, talk about it or just walk away before things get too desperate. We all invest ourselves in relationships and I think it is high time we all agreed it is not a do or die situation. If you think you are giving more than you are getting and it makes you particularly sad, muster the strength to let go. How long would you have to wonder if he/she is going to leave you for someone else or if he will ever propose to you?


Love is sweet but try and apply some wisdom. The end of a relationship doesn't have to be the end of your life. Love wisely.

Important Points To Note When Getting Helps

Every time one gets on the internet, there seems to be one news or the other about nannies and house helps gone wild. I mean how does one explain that nanny video that went viral of the nanny beating the child she ought to be minding because the child wouldn’t eat or the one that was trying to breastfeed the baby she was supposed to take care of. One hears of stories of physical, psychological and sexual abuse by these supposed child minders and there seems to be no end to the brutality of these dastardly acts.  The most shocking in recent times is the nanny that abducted three kids from a family at the same time. While the debate went on and on about who was to blame, one can’t help but wonder if the ills don’t override the use for them. Finding a balance can be really hard for a woman especially with the unpredictable traffic and workload. Many have mastered the art of juggling while most of us still struggle at it. I was really averse to the idea of getting a live in help for many personal reasons, the first being I have trust issues and the stories I hear makes my paranoia worse. However, there are mothers who due to the nature of their jobs can’t do without these helps.

Times have indeed changed. My mum was a very busy mum and she had to worry about many things but one thing she never really had to worry about was who was going to take care of us whenever she was away. We had quite a number of aunts, cousins, uncles, nieces and whoever is family live in our house at one point or the other while I was growing up. Since they were mostly older, they naturally assumed the job of taking care of us whenever our parents weren’t around. They made sure we did our house chores and watched over us like hawks.The need for privacy and several other factors has swept away this practice ,that was 70% more fool proof than getting a total stranger, under the rug.

To cope with the stress as modern day mums, you should bear the following in mind when getting a help:


Before getting a live in help, run a thorough background check and pray about it. Life is complicated enough as it is . Don’t let your desperation override your sense of judgement.

Have hidden cameras everywhere around the house. This will help you monitor things that happened even in your absence.

Register your kids in professional creches. Ask other parents to know their recommendations, some of the creches around offer flexible services that can suit you.

We can only do so much, the real deal is we need to commit our children into God’s hands. He sees things we cant and loves the children even more than we do and He is sure to look out for them at all times.

Are there other tips you have that you'll want to share? kindly drop a comment.





Monday, April 20, 2015

Get Rid of the Raven Mentality!

Many of us are stuck in the mentality of a raven and we are not even aware of it! After listening to a sermon about the dove yesterday, I decided to read up on another bird that was mentioned quite often in the bible- the raven. After learning some of the characteristics of the raven, I came to the conclusion that the raven is a good representation of what most of us are like today.

Firstly, the raven is known to feed on the eggs and nestlings of other birds. Being a bird itself, one would expect that the raven would have some degree of respect for the efforts of other birds, but such is not the case. So many of us, though we call ourselves Christians derive joy in robbing our colleagues of the fruits of their hard labour. We take credit for work we did not do, and we swoop in and take away benefits and sources of happiness many people are looking forward to out of spite, and jealousy! But this is not my main point.

What stood out for me during my brief research on ravens was that these birds are known to be scavengers. they feed on dead animals, garbage and every other disgusting item you can think of. Aren't many of us just like ravens? Feeding on dead events in our lives and dwelling on rotten relationships? Don't we spend a lot of our time wallowing in the depression of the past rather than encouraging ourselves with hope for the future? This is what I call the raven mentality. 

Ravens hardly feed on animals that are alive, and when they do, they are animals that leave very little to be desired- worms, insects and the tiny creatures they are capable of catching. They feed on dead animals that are so small, they are probably overlooked by many. So many of us tend to indulge in this: small expectations, small dreams, small aspirations because we are scared of aiming too big, scared of praying for big things... so instead we feed on the small and dead stuff. We refuse to hope, we are scared to dream, and above all, we do not give ourselves the opportunity to let life flow through us, so we end up dwelling on the rotten past. 

If this applies to you, get rid of the raven mentality! Reassure yourself everyday of your awesomeness and have faith in the future God has planned for you. XOXO.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Fighting Fair In Your Relationship/Marriage

Fighting is an inevitable aspect of every healthy relationship. A relationship without any fights either consists of two perfect individuals (an idealistic thought), or two uninterested individuals. In other words, irrespective of how similar our backgrounds may be, we will have different ideas of how things should work in relationships, and this will often lead to conflict. The key thing in a relationship is not to avoid conflict but to resolve it fairly. 

I have come to a recent realization that hypengyophobia (the fear of responsibility) is a big issue amongst many couples today. Everyone is afraid to admit to their wrongdoings, and we are all obsessed with projecting the perfect image even to our partners. In light of these, fights are no longer fair, instead they are ways through which we constantly attempt to either outshine the other person through our ability to make them feel worthless, or to shift blame on to them simply because we do not want to mess up the perfect image we have in our heads about ourselves. 

I once had an argument with a guy I was dating a couple of years ago where I'd challenged him about some of his misdemeanors. While I wasn't expecting him to wallow at my feet and easily admit to his faults, I was shocked beyond words when all of a sudden, the argument turned to me and my many faults which I seem to be oblivious of. 

Fighting fair in a relationship means accepting when you're wrong and being willing to apologize! But even more than that, it means even when your partner's words hurt you, you shouldn't try to outshine him or her by saying something worse and more demeaning. It is not a contest, it is an expression of differences and can be resolved very easily if we will simply fight fair. Fighting fair means not shifting blame! When you're wrong, you're wrong. Don't bring up issues you've forgiven your partner for ages ago, or try to justify your wrongdoing by pointing out your partner's shortcomings. It will only make things worse between the both of you. 

As humans, it is only natural that we would like to come out on top in a relationship. But if you truly love your partner, coming out on top will be the last thing on your mind during a fight. You'll be more concerned about having your relationship back to its happy state than you are about looking like an angel in the relationship. To fight fair, simply say sorry when you are wrong, agree to disagree when necessary (by the way, couples don't need to agree on every single thing, and they don't have to dwell on this fact either else they will make mountains out of mole hills), and don't ever shift blame. Don't magnify your partner's faults in a bid to justify what you did wrong or turn the tables on them so they end up apologising to you while you revel in it. Fighting fair requires a lot of maturity, and it is one of the best ways to keep your relationship going in spite of your indisputable differences XOXO 

A Woman's Identity in Marriage

These days I continuously find myself having the same conversation with different people- mostly males of marriageable age who have their ideologies regarding what marriage should be about and of course the very much discussed place of a woman in marriage.

The surprising and I have to say disturbing trend that has emerged from these conversations is that many men expect a woman who will become half of them...and in a way, it does not sound like there is anything wrong with that. Afterall, married people fondly refer to their partners as their better halves. However, recent discussions have proven to me that many men these days take that phrase literally and are out on the search for a woman who will give up her life to become half of them. You might still be frowning and wondering what the big deal is, afterall, that is what is preached from the pulpits- that women ought to give up themselves and follow obediently the path laid down by their husbands.

I recently read a couple of research studies that reported that women become unhappier the older they get. I've been stuck in bed with flu so reading from the comfort of my bed is all I could do. According to this study, many women tend to give up all their dreams and aspirations for the rush of marriage- a rush that soon wears out when they realize being married does not entirely translate into their personal purpose. Hence, many of them feel the desire to go back to work but are unwilling to step on their husband's toes in the process. Therefore, their lives, their future is decided completely by their husbands, and well, what they truly want ends up taking the back seat.

After I read this, I had several Whatsapp and BBM chats with my male buddies and acquaintances who made it clear that it was part of submission for a woman to give up her dreams completely while the men went on to achieve theirs. I find this to be an imbalance that represents the unfairness of society. I come from a family where my father supported all of my mother's dreams, and never really expected her to give up herself for him. Instead, they both aligned their lives as two wholes becoming one, and that is what we need to learn in our generation.

A woman's identity ought not change simply because she has become a 'Mrs'. Her individuality is key to her sanity. She does not need to give up her whole self to become half of a man, she does not need to rob herself of happiness just so her man can have an ego boost. What women need today is support; support for their dreams as they also support the dreams of their husbands. Women need to be acknowledged and respected, loved but not possessed. To expect a woman to give up her whole self in order to become half of you is evidence of possession and not necessarily love. Unfortunately and alarmingly, it is becoming a natural expectation of young men today that they ought to dictate how the lives of their partners play out. We need to kick out the mentality and let women aim for the stars! That a woman has dreams does not mean she will lack respect. This is what this generation of youths needs to understand. XOXO
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...