Saturday, April 18, 2015

Fighting Fair In Your Relationship/Marriage

Fighting is an inevitable aspect of every healthy relationship. A relationship without any fights either consists of two perfect individuals (an idealistic thought), or two uninterested individuals. In other words, irrespective of how similar our backgrounds may be, we will have different ideas of how things should work in relationships, and this will often lead to conflict. The key thing in a relationship is not to avoid conflict but to resolve it fairly. 

I have come to a recent realization that hypengyophobia (the fear of responsibility) is a big issue amongst many couples today. Everyone is afraid to admit to their wrongdoings, and we are all obsessed with projecting the perfect image even to our partners. In light of these, fights are no longer fair, instead they are ways through which we constantly attempt to either outshine the other person through our ability to make them feel worthless, or to shift blame on to them simply because we do not want to mess up the perfect image we have in our heads about ourselves. 

I once had an argument with a guy I was dating a couple of years ago where I'd challenged him about some of his misdemeanors. While I wasn't expecting him to wallow at my feet and easily admit to his faults, I was shocked beyond words when all of a sudden, the argument turned to me and my many faults which I seem to be oblivious of. 

Fighting fair in a relationship means accepting when you're wrong and being willing to apologize! But even more than that, it means even when your partner's words hurt you, you shouldn't try to outshine him or her by saying something worse and more demeaning. It is not a contest, it is an expression of differences and can be resolved very easily if we will simply fight fair. Fighting fair means not shifting blame! When you're wrong, you're wrong. Don't bring up issues you've forgiven your partner for ages ago, or try to justify your wrongdoing by pointing out your partner's shortcomings. It will only make things worse between the both of you. 

As humans, it is only natural that we would like to come out on top in a relationship. But if you truly love your partner, coming out on top will be the last thing on your mind during a fight. You'll be more concerned about having your relationship back to its happy state than you are about looking like an angel in the relationship. To fight fair, simply say sorry when you are wrong, agree to disagree when necessary (by the way, couples don't need to agree on every single thing, and they don't have to dwell on this fact either else they will make mountains out of mole hills), and don't ever shift blame. Don't magnify your partner's faults in a bid to justify what you did wrong or turn the tables on them so they end up apologising to you while you revel in it. Fighting fair requires a lot of maturity, and it is one of the best ways to keep your relationship going in spite of your indisputable differences XOXO 

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