Saturday, May 23, 2015

Getting Married: How Important Is Parental Consent?

Segun met Sade.
Segun proposed his love for Sade.
Sade feels same way.
Sade marries Segun.
Segun and Sade live happily ever after.
Who are we kidding? Relationships are never that easy. There are always complicated knots and unrehearsed twists to give the stories totally different endings.
Many of us love to think of ourselves as very independent especially when it comes to decision making but circumstances has since shown this is not totally true.
Our decisions are products of what we think divided by what our immediate family thinks multiplied by public opinion.
A friend once told me she wasn’t going to marry a guy she was in a relationship with for a number of years because she is sure her parents wouldn’t accept him.
My question is how involved should parents be in helping their children choose their spouses. Should they even be involved at all? Does it matter whatever it is they think?

The bible reminds us how important it is for us to honor our parents. It is in fact a prerequisite to long-life. It is no gainsaying that getting one’s parents blessings is very important before getting married. Even our customary law gives credence to this. So, marriage surpasses just being in love with someone else. There is the part of making a great impression on the parents and making them accept the union.

I have always been close to my parents, and I would be lying through my teeth if I say they never influenced my choice in choosing my spouse. They were not forceful but their voices were ever present in my head to guide me. When I finally said yes, I know they both took time to find out about my husband’s family. My husband understood just how important it was for him to make the right impression on my family too. It mattered to my parents that he was responsible enough to assume the role of my husband.
 Same also went for me, his mum despite taking a special liking in me quizzed me hard on why I think her son is the one. I must have passed because so far there has been a peaceful coexistence between us and among members of our extended family.

Does it matter that they gave their blessings?
The answer is yes.
There are so many hurdles to cross in marriage that you would be glad if you don’t have to add the hurdle of parental grievance.


I would be kidding if I say that there are no parents that are prejudiced for all the wrong reasons. Such parents cite class, race, cultural backgrounds and all sorts of bigoted reasons.
You hear things like my son cannot marry an ‘ijebu’ lady or you can’t marry  Chidinma because she comes from a lineage of ‘osu’ people (used to refer to outcast in iboland). When caught up in situations such as this, one needs to be extra careful and prayerful. I have seen a number of parents that were headstrong for some of the reasons cited above,change.

Although their opinion matters , you should also be guided in your spirit. It makes no sense that you'd miss out on a good man because your parents are not pleased with his 'ethnical' background. 

The bible says that children should honor their parents and it also says that parents shouldn’t provoke their children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
So it works both ways. 

Parental consent is highly important as their wealth of experience and understanding of the institution give them a foresight on how healthy or unhealthy one’s choice is but when it is all said and done, you are the one getting married. 


Have a differing opinion? Kindly use the comment box.

2 comments:

  1. The bible also says, infact Jesus talking here said

    "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division......The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law."
    Luke 12: 49-53.

    The question is: whatz the boundary between honoring your parent and taking responsibility for your own life and destiny. if i make a wrong choice for me cos thatz what my parent wants, will they answer for it now and even before God? Wont i face the consequences of those decisions all by myself?

    The fact that i wont do what my parents want does not mean i don't honor them but most parents don't understand the part of "do not provoke your children".

    we are not our parents property, we are still unique individuals with a purpose and destiny from God, not our parents. they are caretakers only. and as such, they don't know everything the creators has put inside us.

    Every parents, now or in d future(like me) should hold ourselves to that standard.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The bible also says, infact Jesus talking here said:

    "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division......The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law."
    Luke 12: 49-53.

    The question is: whatz the boundary between honoring your parent and taking responsibility for your own life and destiny. if i make a wrong choice for me cos thatz what my parent wants, will they answer for it now and even before God? Wont i face the consequences of those decisions all by myself?

    The fact that i wont do what my parents want does not mean i don't honor them but most parents don't understand the part of "do not provoke your children".

    we are not our parents property, we are still unique individuals with a purpose and destiny from God, and not from our parents. They are caretakers only, and as such, they don't know everything the creator has put inside of us.

    Every parent, now or in d future(like me) should hold ourselves to that standard.

    ReplyDelete

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