Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Five Signs You Are Too Desperate

Marriage is lifelong – so it is meant to be.

Seriously, it really should be lifelong, meaning; decisions pertaining to marriage need to be well thought out. The problem is the society makes it really hard. A friend of mine called me some time ago and I could tell from the tone of her voice she was trying to hold in her anger. She shared that an elderly driver at her workplace has made it his duty to remind her how old she is getting and how much she needs to settle down as soon as possible. Can you imagine that?

While marriage talks from friends and family can be slightly tolerable, nobody enjoys when a stranger weighs in on one's personal matters. Imagine if we were all taunted by random individuals of how we might end up as old lonely maids.

Really though, I am still trying to work out the relationship between getting married and being fulfilled. I wonder why a woman is expected to chase after marriage like it is her only call.

While I am not trying to undermine the institution of marriage, I honestly don’t think it is all one has to aspire to.

There should be more reasons to want to live. There is also the need to be confident in one’s space before entering a union with another.

I know there is always that biological reason to want to do things and get it over with but I also believe there is God’s time for everyone and everything. It is good to want to be settled, what you don’t want is to be perceived as desperate and thereby taken for granted in some cases.

Bad thing about being desperate is that one might be totally oblivious how desperate one seem. If you exhibit any of the behavior cited below, the adjective ‘desperate’ describes you.

You picture a relationship with every guy that says Hi: It is normal for the societal pressure to get to you. What you don’t want is to be pressured into settling for something that is doomed to end in torture. You find yourself getting mad over a guy that just wants to be friends and nothing more. You create a phantom relationship in your head with your boss just because he complimented your dress. Not every guy that you meet is the one for you. You need not give yourself heartache over things that are not.

You don’t understand the principle of phases: You forget there is the ‘get to know you’ phase. You are in such a hurry. You already talked about the size of ring you want during the first outing together. You already talked about how cute your babies will be if you got married. It is good to have plans for the future but don’t put the cart before the horse with your over eagerness.

You have no standards:
You have probably been told that you have too many rules and you thought you should lighten up a little bit. This has made you drop every single criteria. It doesn’t matter if the man is an alcoholic unbeliever or if he wants to have sex with you before marriage against your belief. All you want is just to be called a Mrs. It even doesn’t matter if he is married.

You don’t care how you are treated: you don’t mind tiptoeing around who you are seeing lest they get angry and call things off. This makes you accept various acts of disrespect. He can have other women outside your relationship. He can beat you if he has to. You have totally forgotten about your own mental, emotional and physical health.

You want to meet his family after your first date: Calm down sweetheart. This is no sprint. This is a decision that might affect your lives forever. Don’t blame him if he wants to take some time to know you. He is trying to get comfortable with you. It is not the time to throw family into the mix. Give him some time.

Desperation doesn’t look good on anyone irrespective of sexes. Just take your time, enjoy your single life. That special someone will definitely find you. You deserve a healthy loving relationship.

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