Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Six Relationship Lies You Probably Believe

We all receive truckloads of advice solicited or unsolicited. The other day I was at the airport with my toddler whom I noticed gets excited whenever she climbs up and down a flight of stairs.So we were just enjoying her new found hobby on the stairs when a passerby commented strongly about how I might be stressing her by allowing her climb down by herself. Another passerby commented on something else I can’t remember now, but I couldn’t but wonder if it’s a culture that will become buried some time in future. People shouldn’t just chip in advice based on their own situations or some myth, there are a thousand and one scenarios that might make their advice totally unrelatable and unreliable.

I got tons of those kind of advice on relationships too and I’ll be sharing that with you below:

The devil you know is better than an angel you don’t know: whoever came up with this myth? People stay in very terrible relationships premised on this. Nobody should have to endure a relationship that ought to be enjoyed. If he /she is the devil, out with that relationship. Why make the relationship the end of you just because you are scared of adventures. There are still many good people out there, don’t be held back by a lie.

Don’t be picky, just go with a nice person: If nice was all the criteria needed in relationships, there might be less divorce cases. Nice is not enough. 
When shit hits the fan, you’l find you are alone in the room. It is your life and your relationship and it should be by YOUR standards. While it is good to keep your expectations decent, there is nothing wrong with having certain standards.  If you like your men to be smart, spiritual, dark and of average height with certain academic qualifications, by all means follow through. Just stay guided to know when you are crossing the line.

Allowing the man chase for a while determines the lifespan of a relationship: I carried out a little survey and many men in my study think people get the wrong notion about the chase. It is not all a man lives for ,contrary to what we have been made to believe.
By all means place value on yourself and don’t hop into the arms of any available man. But if you find that a really decent man is interested in you, there is no point making him go on that long  chase because you are trying to prove a point. The chase doesn’t determine if he will stay or not, it is the presence of the right values on both sides. Meaning a man would stay if he feels satisfied with a woman’s values and not because it took her a while to say yes.

All men cheat: this is the society's way of telling you to have absolutely no standards. Warning:don't fall for it. There are still good men that are deeply committed to their vows.Not all men cheat.
Another way to look at this is that statements such as this makes some men feel like they can get away with anything.

Get pregnant before the wedding: This is the fad these days. People say it is to confirm the bride’s fertility since procreation is the major essence of marriage. Whoever made us God? Asides from moral and religious reasons, this is so wrong on so many other levels. Where is the place of love, trust, faith, sacrifice and all other virtues in this mix. Don’t be fooled. People are always going to throw different advice your way, it is left to you to work out what works and what belongs in the trash bag.

People change after marriage: If he/she has an attitude/habit you cannot live with, then don’t even think getting married would resolve your differences. Short of a miracle, that man/woman wouldn’t change. Get your head out of the clouds and get with the plan. Habits die hard and if he/she has one you can’t tolerate, a ring wouldn’t change that.

These are the few I can remember now, I am sure you have heard so much more. Kindly share.
Cheers.



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