Friday, August 14, 2015

Three Courtship Mistakes You Should Avoid

There is a general misconception about courtship that I believe should be psychologically corrected. Many people, especially women go into a courtship with the idea that they have to agree as much as possible with their chosen partner. The idea that a courtship may not work out due to contrary opinions is probably so scary for many that they spend the courtship period making mistakes, and the entire marriage trying to set things straight. Here are three mistakes you should completely avoid in a courtship.

·     First mistake many people make is apologizing for expressing how they feel, especially when those feelings are unpleasant and evoked by their partner’s actions or choice of words. Some people choose to keep silent in a bid to let peace reign, while others feel the need to apologize after expressing their hurt, especially when their partners turn the tables on them. You should never apologize for expressing how a person’s actions or words make you feel! You are a human being, with emotions and hormones. You are allowed to get upset at an unpleasant situation, and you definitely have a basic right to express those feelings. If you apologize or keep silent, you’re simply giving your partner the idea that such behavior or verbal expression is OK, so don’t be surprised if later in your marriage, your partner happily uses derogatory words on you, or acts in ways that hurt you.

·    Standing for nothing! A second big mistake we make in courtships is that we go in with an eagerness to please at all cost. People believe that to love a person, you have to agree with every single thing that person says or does. That is not true! There is love in agreeing to disagree! You should have your convictions about life and be willing to stand by them. If it is a big threat to your courtship, then you know you’re probably with the wrong person. You as an individual should have a set of values and moral codes you stand by. If you don’t have any, you’ll end up falling for anything your partner throws your way. This can lead to a loss of individuality, and while in some cases, the relationship might survive, many people find their individuality after a while and this causes an upheaval in the relationship

·     The acts of desperation after a fight that’s not your fault! Yes, I get it! Sometimes you have to apologize when you are not at fault to save your relationship and keep your ego from ruining things for you. But really, there should be a limit to those times! If your partner is always too arrogant to apologize after a big fight, don’t try to apologize to them especially when you are not at fault. It takes maturity to not let malice ruin your relationship, but it also takes maturity for a person to acknowledge wrongdoing and apologize for it. Don’t be the partner that’s always trying to keep the pieces together, because in marriage, you will be left with the responsibility of keeping the pieces together. Your partner has to want the success of the relationship as much as you do, else there’s no point walking down the aisle! If you engage in acts of desperation to save the relationship, you are giving the impression that you need the relationship more than your spouse does, hence you’re given your spouse a guilt-free card to do as he or she pleases! Stop apologizing unnecessarily! A courtship is not a favor; it’s an impending partnership between two WILLING parties!


XOXO

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