Wednesday, September 9, 2015

How to Get out of a toxic relationship

If you’d like to identify the signs of a toxic relationship, read a previous post by clicking here.

Toxic relationships often lead to marriage. Contrary to what many people may think, toxic relationships are a lot more likely to reach the altar before healthy well-balanced relationships. Sadly, marriage is a measure of success in many societies, so not many observers can see the signs of toxicity seeping out of the marriage facade. If you have identified from the previous post (link provided above) that you are in a toxic relationship, here are some steps you can take to get out of it.

  • Talk to someone: There is this desire we all have to keep our relationship issues private no matter how badly they may be eating away at us. From experience, I have found that speaking to someone who is completely objective about your issues could help you see things differently. Problems discussed in a very good conversation are already half-solved. Identify a person you genuinely trust and speak sincerely. The need to speak to someone is so you can gather the strength you need for the remaining steps, and also for the much-needed encouragement when you are about to give up on your fight to freedom. 

  • Relate freely with other people: Many people in toxic relationships have a very unhealthy dependency on their partner for company, compliments and everything else that makes a person whole. They tend to live in an isolated bubble away from the company of others and are often at the mercy of their possessive partners. In order to break away from a toxic relationship, you need to deliberately relate with other people. This is not as easy as it sounds, but little efforts day after day will eventually lead to emancipation. Go to a cinema alone and watch a comedy. Laugh alongside strangers, pay people compliments and most importantly, speak to other people- old friends, acquaintances colleagues… anyone you can talk to about nothing in particular is all part of your emancipation.

  • Create some distance: Toxic relationships are difficult to get over; as human beings, we are creatures of habit, and we tend to get comfortable in environments even if they are abusive or toxic. In order to get past a toxic relationship, you need to create some distance between you and your spouse. You need to pull away slowly by reducing the amount of time spent together. Instead of spending all day with your spouse, divide the time and awaken your old friendships. Go out with friends or even family. 

  • Fall in love with yourself: The foundation of every toxic relationship is a lack of self-love. Many people fall into toxic relationships because they let the other person chip away at their confidence, till they start to doubt their worth, while others do not feel any love towards themselves so they look out for someone they believe will provide that feeling of love. Truth is the other person lacks self-love too, and probably thrives on abusing other people. This is why most toxic relationships are abusive. The best way to combat toxicity in your relationship is to fall in love with yourself. Once you fall in love with yourself, your outlook will definitely change, and the house of cards will come crashing because your partner will not be able to cope with the new you.
Toxicity is really destructive. Many people lose their sense of worth, and never achieve their potential due to the toxic nature of their relationships. Some people never fully regain a healthy self-esteem, mainly because they are too scared to voice out their experiences and ask for help.

If you want to survive ending a toxic relationship, you’ll need all the help you can get. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to see a life coach or a counselor to assist you. Don’t let the toxicity destroy you. It’s never too late to start over as an improved and healthier version of yourself. XOXO

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