Monday, January 25, 2016

Live For Yourself: Relationship Advice for Women

crosswalk.com

It’s a trend I have noticed in almost every relationship I’ve observed. Women are more likely to lose their individuality in relationships. Women are more likely to lose their close buddies; they are more likely to stop having fun; they are more likely to give up hobbies they enjoy; they are more likely to end up depressed amidst achieving their relationship and family goals. I’ve seen it happen to friends, acquaintances and strangers, and I have often wondered if they are aware of what they are doing. Do women go into automatic ‘lose yourself’ mode once they meet Mr Right, or is it some kind of societal conditioning that makes us give up who we are for the joy of being in a relationship? 

Here’s the thing I’ve come to realize: Many women get caught up easily in romance to such an extent that they feel the need to be closer to the man. They will rather sit home and wait for him while he goes to hang out with his friends, rather than go out and hang out with their own friends. Many women cut off their friends in a bid to protect their relationship. They worry about the external influence of friends, and dedicate their full selves to the survival of the relationship. As their relationship goals are fulfilled however, they find themselves withdrawn and depressed. Yes, they have the man, the kids, the nice spacious house, the maid, and everything else a woman could want, but they still feel empty inside. That is because they stopped living for themselves the moment they met Mr. Right. Instead they absorbed Mr. Right’s expectations and played out the roles expected of them, rather than being who they really want to be. They cut off their friends to project the ‘right image’ to Mr Right in order to seal the deal. Big mistake. 

Stop altering yourself to suit the expectations of Mr Right. If he is Mr Right, he will take you as you are. Yes, there might be a need to trim off some edges and sharpen some corners but it will not require you losing yourself completely. It will not require cutting off your friends who have stood by you through thick and thin and encouraged you. It will not require you giving up what you’ve enjoyed doing all your life. And this is not the fault of Mr Right; it’s yours for thinking you have to modify and lose yourself in order to win him over. Learn to live for yourself. Enjoy the same things you used to enjoy. Don’t set the stage for future depression amidst a life of abundance. Keep your friends close, confide in them. Mr Right won’t hate you for living for yourself; he will most likely value you more. XOXO

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