Friday, February 26, 2016

Rebellion - A Cry For Help (Advice for Parents)


I have been made to understand parenting is the most difficult job in the world. I have watched from the side lines as parents try to raise their children with the right values, instill the right moral code, and simply ensure they grow up to be hardworking and productive. Sadly, not all children grow up to fully internalize these lessons at the time their parents want them to. Some children make friends and become rebellious. Sometimes, they appear rebellious when really, they are simply crying out for attention. As a parent, you must learn to know the root cause of this.

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The worst thing any parent can do is to praise one child while highlighting the flaws of another. This is often common amongst parents who have a child or children who have managed to accept all their teachings without any extreme show of rebellion, and that one child who seems to dispel every teaching they try to put out. This leads to unnecessary comparisons – “Your brother is so much better; look at how far he has gone while you are still stuck in this phase”; “Your sister got married because she is so hardworking and well-behaved. You on the other hand are so lazy and unable to attract a good man.”

I’ll tell you now that by comparing one child to the other, you are creating disaster. You are creating a rift between your children, and setting them up to compete with one another rather than work together. It is not advisable to focus on the flaws of any child. Rather, invest your time and energy in noticing what each child does right. Oh yes! Even the worst child on earth has a few good qualities. Rather than hammering on what he or she does not do right, praise the good qualities and encourage them. This will cause your child to engage in those activities more, and this may eventually help to overturn negative characteristics. 

Instead of condemning your child’s rebellion, try to assess your failures as a parent- your lack of attention to his or her feelings, your desire to spend more time with one child and not the other, and your lack of encouragement. Children feel these things and express themselves through rebellion. Learn to love and encourage as a parent. XOXO

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