Monday, August 15, 2016

Five Things You're Not Doing In Your New Relationship That You Really Should

New relationships are as difficult as they are fun; however the butterflies stop fluttering at some point and issues that range from petty to downright unacceptable start to pop up. An interesting observation I have made over the years is that many people set the motion for their issues right at the very beginning of their relationship, creating roller-coaster problems that could have been avoided. Here are five common things you are doing in your new relationship that will definitely set the wheel in motion for issues to develop later.

#1 Setting the Boundaries: Many people fail to set the necessary boundaries in their relationships because they worry they will scare their partner away. So they accept funny nicknames they cannot stand, bad behavior they cannot tolerate in the long term, and standards they cannot keep up with. If you are uncomfortable with your partner going through your phone, just say so (hopefully you have nothing to hide *wink*). If you are uncomfortable with your partner getting too close to your buddies, well, speak up. Simple advice: If you don't see yourself living with it, don't accept it right from the start.


#2 Keeping your issues with your family private: So many people get swept up in the wave of a new relationship and quickly hang out the dirty laundry of their family issues to dry. As a lady once put it to me, "it makes you feel closer to the person you're dating". Well, it also gives the person you're dating a bad impression of your family and ammunition to hit you with when shit hits the fan. If it is a major issue that makes any member of your family look bad, keep it to yourself or discuss it with other family members. You've just met this person. Take your time.

#3 Keeping your friends out of your discussions: Let me start here by saying your new man or new lady should not know about all your friends and what they get up to in their private lives. Don't base your discussions on unnecessary gossip. It creates the completely wrong impression of you as an individual and also trivializes your relationship. If you both are not discussing how to be better, how to improve yourselves, or what to cook, where to hang out and who to go see, keep quiet. Whatever you do, don't share private stuff that happened between you and your friends with your partner before your partner came along. What makes you think your partner won't judge you for all the skeletons your friends have in their closets. Again, take your time. You just started dating. 
Might look like he or she is paying attention, but history has shown that judgement sometimes looks like rapt attention

#4 Spending time with your own friends: Sure it is understandable that you want to spend as much time as you can with your new beau, but make time for your friends too so you don't lose them! Yes, your new man or lady might soon become your best buddy, but bear in mind that you will have days when you want to do other stuff outside your relationship. Who do you call? Your friends. They have known you for years, supported you through tough times and laughed with you through good times. They are not worth losing...not even for the best boyfriend in the world. Make time for them. And remember, your boyfriend's friends are not your friends, and your girlfriend's friends are not your friends. When push comes to shove, they will choose their REAL friend over you so keep your own friends in your life.

#5 Taking time out to be alone and re-center yourself: It probably sounds like something a hippie-type of chic would say but I can tell you now that this simple occasional move can save your relationship and improve the respect you have for each other. Many people spend so much time at the beginning of each other trying to be in each other's faces, they end up irritating each other. It is more fun, more satisfying and healthier to ease into things. Take some time out every now and then to spend time with your family, friends, alone with a good book... anything you fancy really. This helps to reinforce your identity in the relationship, and helps your partner miss you when you're not there. It is an effortless way to gently renew the spark in your relationship without even noticing that the spark is dying out (Hope that makes sense). 

XOXO

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