Wednesday, August 3, 2016

When you do not want to open up to your spouse....


A relationship’s success is built on regular communication with each other. What makes your relationship unique is being able to talk about anything with your partner. When you tell each other anything, it helps develop trust and love in the relationship. Your partner wants to share in your pain and laugh with you. It makes them sad when you conceal some information from them because you are unsure of their reaction to same. You should see your partner as your confidant, your closest friend etc.

You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable when your partner tells you how beautiful or handsome the lady or guy who just passed by is – he/she is expressing his thoughts with you; you should look at the intention. Though there are some partners who don’t have the stomach for the truth, you have to study your partner and know what they want.

You should cherish sharing your past (whether it is alcohol, gambling, relationships, etc.) with your partner so you both can talk about it or you might be able to pick some few lessons from it that will help your relationship. If you can’t tell your partner, who do you want to tell? 

There is a difference between dealing with issues yourself and deliberately keeping secrets you know can rear their ugly heads later. A lady once told me that “she cannot tell her husband certain things that happened to her before she met him because he might not like it”. I responded that as much as it will hurt if you tell him about something that you’ve done, it will hurt much more if he finds out some other way. It will devastate him if he discovered you hid the truth and this devastation will break him if he found out what you did by hearing it from someone else – she was silent and didn’t know what to say.
It’s a known fact that some men and women can’t handle issues; the best thing to do is to apply wisdom. There are some sensitive issues that will require you involve a third party (someone your partner respects) to share them with your partner if they are difficult for you to handle like:

  • Having a child out of wedlock.
  • Destroyed your womb from an illegal abortion as a teen.
  • Still seeing your ex.
  • Being a gay or a lesbian.
  • Being a victim of rape.
You simply can’t keep these kind of information secret, they ALWAYS come back to hunt you when you least expect. It is better you disclose such information before the relationship is clearly defined and gets too serious. It’s better to have a short relationship/engagement than to have a short marriage. If you’ve lied about any issue to your partner, correct it by telling the truth. Even if it hurts, you don’t want to live the rest of your relationship based on lies. If your partner can’t accept the truth about your past, then he/she does not deserve you.

Timing is very important in information sharing, you don’t want to share horrible news with your partner who just had a nasty day at work – he/she will certainly transfer aggression to you. Make it a time and place where they can ask questions, express hurt and show pain. However, if you wait for the perfect opportunity, it will never come.

Think about the other person, not just yourself, and do what is best for them. If you are holding back yourself in any way from your partner, they need and deserve to know why.

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