Monday, October 10, 2016

My Number One Tip for Winning At Love


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There was a time I was inundated with questions about winning at love and finding happiness with someone else. I had to admit at that time, I had no idea what the formula for winning at love was. Was it based on preferences of the individuals involved? Did fate bring them together? Did cupid help out by aligning their paths? Were they textbook perfect for each other? Did they follow a manual? And if yes, what manual was it and where could one get it? For a very long time I pondered over the subject and almost gave up before realizing the answer had been before my very eyes all along. 

I have friends who are happily married - yes really, I mean HAPPILY married. Yes, they have the occasional arguments and the debates that cause them to sit on opposite sides of the fence, but somehow they always found a way to work it out and stick together stronger than before. How did they manage to build such a solid marriage? They started from when they were single. 


You see these days, many people are focused more on the desperation to find someone to be with than they are on themselves. Many people are so desperate to find partners to avoid being ostracized by society that they would accept anything from anyone just to seal the deal. And that right there is the reason people fail at this thing called love. If you are desperate, chances of winning are slim; if you are nonchalant, chances of winning are also slim. My number one tip is to find the perfect balance between loving yourself and genuinely expressing your emotions towards others. 

I learned from my happily married friends that the more you love yourself as a single person, the slimmer the chances of someone coming along to take you for granted or mistreat you. The more you love yourself as a single individual, the better your knowledge of yourself, the things that make you happy, and the kind of person you want to share your life with. But even that is not enough to help you win at love. If anything, overdoing it can make you conceited and selfish, defeating the purpose altogether. You need to be genuine in your expressions with other. Many unhappy people 'in love' bite their tongues more often than they should and hide their expressions more often than they can manage. They avoid topics that should be discussed and swallow their anger till they become a walking ball of fury. Why? They were not genuine from the start. They overlooked things that made them fume, and suppressed anger when it should have been expressed. With time, irrespective of how far the relationship progresses, the cracks begin to show and the negative emotions start to ooze out. 

If you truly want to win at love, first love yourself like you are the only person on earth who can make you happy. Secondly, be genuine in your expressions. Don't carry emotional baggage with you. Genuinely express how you feel to the person you're with, and give yourself a good shot at this love goal. XOXO

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