Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Did Your Spouse Cheat On You? Five Vital Things That Will Aid Your Recovery

Many times marriages show cracks that might have been as a result of foundational issues, and just like buildings they don’t necessarily have to collapse if proper attention and care is given to them. 

Marriages thrive on many things with trust being on the top of the list. Marriage entails that the parties involved bare everything to each other with the belief that they are a team, so when one of the parties derails from the vow, it can have dire consequences.

One major way a marriage may suffer a crack is through infidelity. The trust gets marred and it is always so hard to go back to where the relationship was. If the hurt is fuelled and the anger and distrust is not attended to, it may lead to the end of the marriage. Some people are of the opinion that infidelity is so unpardonable and should be the end while others preach forgiveness but even that is easier on paper than in action.

Fixing cracks on a building might just be about applying some plastering sands on the cracks while some might require breaking the place open and rebuilding in order to amend what might be a major structural fault. So also is a marriage recovering from infidelity. It could be a case of a spouse’s indiscretion or a build-up of other issues that the couple may have. Whatever the case might be, recovering from infidelity isn’t a day’s job and things wouldn’t go back automatically.

We all react to same things in different ways but these suggestions about to be discussed may work for you.

Don't be in denial, deal with your feelings: this is very necessary on the road to recovery. Don’t go on with your life like nothing happened; acknowledge your disappointment and hurt. Cry if you have to but don’t bottle up your feelings and try to wish away the events that occurred. By all means pray, don’t allow your hurt make you despise God’s presence. Feelings that get swept under the carpet have a way of raising its head in future. If you want to truly heal, you wouldn’t make such room for resentment to grow.

You both have to be on board: For your marriage to get back , you both have to be involved; the one that erred and the one that is hurt.

The one that erred has to be ready to work to take the marriage back to when the marriage was good and this can be achieved by taking deliberate steps showing true sobriety and repentance. You need to understand that cracks don’t go away by just noticing there are cracks, work is necessary to patch it up. Reassure your hurt spouse by words and deeds that bygones are indeed bygones. It isn’t the time to be keeping a secret second phone or be disappearing with no explanation. The hurt partner should also have an open heart to the cause. You must be ready to let go of your hurt and take rebuild your marriage.

Nobody is perfect; your union is worth fighting for. If possible, see a counsellor. Infidelity doesn’t necessarily have to mean the end, you both can fix it.

Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak: Most walls we put up against people are put up so that they don’t take us for granted. It is alright to think a spouse who betrayed your trust must have taken you for granted and that you shouldn’t have to forgive but if you want to move on, you need to be ready to forgive. It doesn’t mean you condone what has been done to you, it just means that you are ready to let go of the hurt you feel. Don't just acknowledge the hurt, do away with it by forgiving. Let Christ inspire you.

You won’t get back to where you were in one day: don’t be so hard on yourselves. Your doubts wouldn’t suddenly disappear because you both have talked about it or are working on it. Just don’t give up and be both committed to sealing that crack and having a solid relationship again.

Above all, let God’s word minister to you. Pray and constantly remind yourself of God’s love and promises to you. Be assured he sees your hurt and wouldn’t leave you at your low times.

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