How to create a fair division of labour in Marriage

With the advent of so many dual career marriages, the division of domestic responsibilities has become a major source of marital conflict. Changes in our cultural values have contributed greatly to the problem, because there is now almost unanimous agreement that both a husband and wife should share these responsibilities, particularly child care. But change in behavior has not kept pace with the change in values.

Traditionally, wives have assumed most household and child-care responsibilities, while husbands have taken the responsibility of providing income for the family.

While men are changing the diapers, wielding the mop, and tending the stove more often than ever before, it usually isn’t nearly enough. In dual-career marriages, men, on average do less than half as much child care and housework as their working wives.

As most women have figured out by now, men are not very motivated to do housekeeping. Many husbands think that any effort to help with household responsibilities represents a monumental sacrifice. But from the wife’s perspective, he is simply doing a small part of his fair share of the work. In many of these marriages, the husband demands that the wife do most of the work, and the wife demands that the husband do it. Neither feels it is their responsibility.

How to Have a Successful Date Night With Your Spouse - Kristen Clark

If you have difficulty remembering an exceptional date with your spouse, or if you dread the idea of "date night," don't fret. You're not alone. Unfortunately, with the passing of time comes familiarity, and many couples find themselves stuck in a rut when it comes to having a date with their beloved. That's when dating for married couples can be difficult, but it doesn't have to be.

Instructions
1. Make your date a priority. It's important that husbands and wives honor each other above work, the kids and other obligations. Nothing should interfere with your ability to keep a date with the person to whom you have pledged your love and faithfulness, so make a personal commitment to be ready on time.

2. Prepare yourself for your date by making sure you are rested, hydrated and able to leave any stress at home. Dates are much more enjoyable when both parties are in good spirits and not hungry, angry, lonely or tired. This will ensure you have the energy you need to focus your attention on each other and enjoy your time together.

3. Dress appropriately. The grocery store might be an acceptable place for wearing your favorite pair of jeans, wrinkled sweatshirt, baseball hat and dark sunglasses, but you'll want to leave those more casual clothes at home while on a date with your spouse. Dress appropriately for any planned activity, and pay the same attention to your appearance as you did before you were married.

4. Keep it light. Dates are not the time for addressing difficult topics or important decisions. A different time should be scheduled or planned for those conversations. Date night should be good-hearted and fun.

5. Show your affection. Date night is the perfect occasion for demonstrating your approval and appreciation for your spouse. Make an intentional effort to show your loved one how you feel about him or her. Smile and laugh at each other's jokes, hold hands, sit on the same side of the table in a restaurant and exchange sweet kisses now and again.

Tips & Warnings
Your goal is to have a successful date with your spouse and use this time together to develop an honest and more intimate relationship with one another, so make sure to be yourself in the process.

Can We Talk? -- Strategies for Difficult Conversations

Throughout your marriage there will be times when you need to have "must have" conversations.

These are the conversations that you both may not want to talk about. These are conversations about difficult issues and situations. These are the conversations that may make you both angry, defensive, sad, and hurt.

Pretending that there is nothing wrong will keep both of you walking on eggshells and will ultimately cause your marriage to fail.

Having the difficult talk shows you care enough about your spouse and your marriage to have the conversation.

Here are tips and strategies when you have to have that difficult talk.

Don't Put Off Having That Difficult Conversation

Look at Your Expectations. If you expect the conversation to go badly, it will. If you assume that having the big talk will make the situation worse, it probably will. You need to define your expectations of the conversation and to think in positive terms.

Know Why You Want to Have the Talk. Do you want to talk with your spouse about a difficult issue to gain a better understanding of your spouse's perspective on the issue? Do you want to clear up a misunderstanding? Do you need to confront your spouse about a suspected lie or hurtful behavior? Are you concerned about your level of intimacy with one another and want to be closer to your spouse?

Accept It Will Probably Be a Stressful Conversation. Although you don't want either one of you to be stressed, hurt, or angered by the conversation, it is important to realize that you both may be defensive and emotional as you talk.

To get more tips, click here for the full article from Sheri and Bob Stritof, About.com Guides

 

Building a Strong Family - Dick Wulf

How do you build a strong family? By paying attention not only to individual family members but to the family as a group. This is rarely done in the American home. But your success as a parent may depend upon it.

A cooperative and interdependent family will not usually come into being if a parent centers most of his or her attention on individual kids when part or all of the family is together. A collection of people being herded in the same direction will not prosper and grow into the powerful family it could be.

You may get surprising results if you apply the following professional group work approach to your family life. It often yields parents and children who help one another and look out for one another throughout the rest of life. This kind of family enables individual members to function and grow far stronger than in the usual home setting.

Leading Your Family as a Group

Leading the family as a group is completely different from merely raising kids one-by-one, ignoring the family as a unit.

Think of the coach of a football team. He must focus on how the various members of the team relate to one another, work together, carry out the plays, etc. Whereas the quarterback coach is concerned with very different things: an individual's performance and morale.

Parents must be both kinds of coaches. What usually happens is that they just operate like the quarterback coaches, helping one individual at a time and leaving out teaching their families to work together and help one another.

Christian Parenting - Making A Difference

Christian Parenting - To Choose
Christian parents face the difficult task of raising children in a world of "correctness." In the past, children grew up in a society that clearly defined what was right and what was wrong. Parents were recognized as the primary authority figure in their children's lives. Now as the world conforms, our children react to the unprecedented immorality, anti-family, and anti-parent concepts in schools and media.

Parents show increasing concern as their children are encouraged to shun strict rules and biblical truths. Whenever the application of God's laws is mentioned, a flurry of organizations warn parents not to impose their own values upon their children. But the Christian parent understands the wickedness of exchanging God's truth for a lie. The Bible speaks of the"insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents. . ." (Romans 1:30). Rebellion and disobedience are just as pervasive today as parental authority disintegrates. Today, parents must choose who and what shapes their children's lives. Without a doubt, God still holds parents responsible for their children - to instruct them and to discipline them.

Christian Parenting - To Instruct
In the Old Testament, Moses reminds the Israelites of their responsibility to their children and grandchildren. "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them" (Deuteronomy 4:9-10). We would all like to believe that our children will make the right choices based on lessons taught. If our child found a dollar bill at the playground, what would he do with it? What sort of "measuring rod" will a child apply as his benchmark for honesty? Perhaps that child will recall how his father returned over-paid change to a cashier.

Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person - Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights.

#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.

The classic mistake. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... for the worse!"

So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?

Getting Rid of the Green-Eyed Monster in Your Marriage - Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

It affects every marriage at one time or another - jealousy. In fact, in a nationwide survey, marriage counselors said jealousy is a problem for one-third of all couples they counsel.

Whether it's a mild or major case, jealousy can have a big impact on your relationship. You may feel jealousy when you experience the heightened threat from a rival. Most of us become jealous when we see our spouse having a great time with a person of the opposite sex - especially if that person seems a little too friendly. No matter how much your spouse may attempt to reassure you, another person's interest in him or her raises all your red flags.

Jealousy can be either healthy or unhealthy. Healthy jealousy is a means to guard your territory. It comes from a sincere care and commitment to a relationship. Unhealthy jealousy includes lies, threats, self-pity, and feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and insecurity.

Healthy jealousy guards the heart of a marriage. It guards your marriage because it:

* Shows your commitment to the relationship.
* Protects your marriage by safeguarding the relationship against evil attacks.