You're my Everything And Everything is You

I remember a time that I found myself in a really bad relationship and every time I thought of walking away I would ask myself "But what will my weekends be like? Where would I go when I wanted to go out? The pool reminded me of him, the cinemas reminded me of him even the car park in front of my faculty reminded me of him! "I'm trapped!" I thought "He is everywhere! I better stay put."

It seemed like I couldn't remember what it was like to spend weekends alone or with my other friends and family. I didn't even want to tell people that our match-made-in-heaven-celebrity-romance had ended.

So many people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another... relationships that didn't work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we're not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We're talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Affairs, Affairs, Affairs - Mary Mary's Tina Campbell Reveals Husband's Infidelity

“Once I became aware [of the affair], I initially wanted to kill my husband,” she said. “I was considering adjusting the will, the living trust and all that kind of stuff. I did physically try to stab him. Several times…I never got to the point of physical harm, not really, but my words…My words hurt.”

Those are the words of Tina Campbell (the one with coloured hair) in the June edition of Ebony magazine. First of all, I am a die hard Mary Mary fan, Not just because of their music but the fact that they did not give in to the pressure to appeal to a more mainstream market and yet they do. Well done ladies!!!

Back to the matter at hand. Because Covenant Relationships is not a gossip blog or tabloid I had decided I would not write anything about the infidelity that Tina has made public. People were like "How can she work so hard to put their family first and not be appreciated. He knew what her career was and how demanding it could be. But she still made time. She even fought with her manager and sister just to put him first and respect him and this is how he repays her?"

How Many Children Should I Have?

When my wife and I conduct pre-marital counselling classes, one of the questions that we ask the intending couple is whether they have discussed about the number of children they would have. Interestingly, the answers that we have gotten is always dependent on the family experiences of the individuals. The ones that had a great time growing up in a large family usually opt for a large family consisting of say, 4 and above while the ones that didn't have a good time usually opt for 1 or 2 children. However, in some cases each partner has not finalised on this issue. They may still be pondering over the fact that God has given everyone the right to be "fruitful and multiply" and the cost of living/raising a family in these modern times (usually the man). Usually, the discussion ends with the phrase - "God will provide".

What does the Bible say about having Children?

1. Be Fruitful and Multiply. Genesis 9: 7 records that "As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”  One of the primary roles of man is to "be fruitful and multiply". God requires that humans procreate and fill the earth with God-loving people. So we can say that God expects that a couple should have children.

An Insight into "Mister God, This Is Anna" by Fynn

In peoples lives, gospel becomes complicated, impersonal and a mere teaching of values and expectations. In our relationships with siblings and we struggle, parents we struggle and friends, spouses and children, the struggle continues to do the one thing that Christ asked of us to. Why? The answer is blowing in the wind...

 But surely Anna struck a nerve when she said."And God said love me, love them, and love it, and don’t forget to love yourself."

So today I'm sharing something that is very close to my heart , the book "Mister God, This Is Anna" and over the coming months, we shall share many others. It's one of those books that are in danger of being overwhelmed by the crush of new releases. I could have shared an instructional book like the Popular "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren but most of you have read it, or "Men Who Won't Lead, Women Who Won't Follow", which we will review over the coming months but not today.  Today, I've chosen to start from the very beginning, (in the hierarchy of Covenant Relationships), since its a very good place to start.

7 Principles Real Men Abide By.

For those of you who ask the question "How can I recognise a real man?"

I'll be sharing 7 principles that Real Men abide by.

(1) Real Men are Loyal to God: 

God is the source of every life, any man who is not loyal to God can never be loyal to you. Being loyal to God means that you have an affectionate relationship with Him. Ladies, love is infectious and God is love. If he doesn't spend real time with God, how can he have the love of God that is rich and pure to infect you with? The true love of a Real Man, begins with his Love for God.

He must be loyal to God.

(2) Real Men are Loyal to Purpose: 

The purpose of life is a life of purpose. Purpose is the reason for one's existence, purpose is what defines a man, and if a man is not defined, he cannot decide correctly. Someone once said; abuse is inevitable if purpose is not known.

Cosmopolitan Parents, Should She Have Just Been Caned?

I know I'm about a week late but I just had to discuss this. Many of us must have read the story on Yahoo about a stepmom who punished her step daughter for bullying. For those who didn't let me summarise: 

On Wednesday, a Murry, Utah-based woman named Ally Olsen, 41, discovered that her 10-year-old step daughter, Kaylee, was bullying a classmate. Kaylee’s teacher had emailed Olsen, explaining that the girl had been teasing a student for the past three weeks because of how she dressed. As a result, the victim no longer wanted to come to school. Olsen told Yahoo! Shine. “I confronted Kaylee who explained that she had called another girl ‘sleazy’ for wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a tank top. We've taught Kaylee to dress conservatively but never expected her to be judgmental.”

gemWoman presents Singles Ladies Conference - May 29th 2013

gemWoman presents Singles Ladies Conference. 

You are welcome to the first edition of another inspiring, exciting and uplifting programme by gemWOMAN magazine: Single Ladies' conference (SLC). The Single Ladies' Conference is being pioneered as a passionate attempt to address the need to equip our female youths.

General Douglas MacArthur's "A Prayer For My Son" (Read and Share)

An Absolute Classic, Gen. Douglas MacArthur wrote this prayer for his son. I Love it and I am sure you will appreciate it.  

Douglas MacArthur (26 January 1880 – 5 April 1964) was an American general and field marshal of the Philippine Army who was Chief of Staff of the United States Army during the 1930s and played a prominent role in the Pacific theater during World War II.

Gen. Douglas MacArthur

A Prayer For My Son

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee — and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Don’t Underestimate Your Power as a Parent - Cheri Swalwell

This piece first appeared on Crosswalk.com

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV).

From the time our kids were little, my husband and I decided that we would let them determine their own paths in life. We would encourage in the form of providing new activities within our budget, create positive experiences individually and as a family, and try to instill a “can-do" attitude. Ultimately, though, what they choose to pursue and to what degree they excel will be for them to decide. Whether they are passionate about athletics, music, creative arts, or something entirely different is ultimately in their hands.

As they get older, though, I fail to remember how much influence I still have on them. Even though their friends are becoming more important, they still look to my husband and me for approval and as a litmus test of sorts to gauge their progress.

Achieving the Intimate Home

I remember how we saved up for the sofa we wanted and how we painted our apartment together, mounted wallpaper in the bedroom together (his side is neater than mine) and slowly transformed our living space. My husband and I turned on our Sade CD, put on our Tees and shorts and had a fab time. 

One thing that almost every newly wedded woman looks forward to is setting up her new home. Whether it's a duplex or an apartment, chances are you've picked a colour scheme curtains, paint, throw pillows all hand picked by you or both of you. I went about it so copiously that my skin was left several shades darker after walking all over the markets for the best deals and prettiest pieces. With my slim budget, I was trying to create my very own intimate home. When we were starting this new phase of our lives, share it with those closest to your heart.

Baby Boy Drama..........But I wanted a girl

Deep breath in….deep breath out. This one was a particularly TOUGH lesson. But I am grateful to God for not letting up until the lesson was fully learnt. 

We had planned from the very beginning that we wanted to have TWO girls. We had zero plans for any other combination thereof. So when I conceived for the first time, I was replete in the knowledge that I was going to get what I wanted. A girl…(I even entertained the ‘secret’ desire for twin girls…that desire became very quiet when I began to find out the prices of baby gear PER CHILD….no joke). All scans showed us ‘unequivocally’ that the child we were expecting was a girl. We went ahead on the strength of these ‘forecasts’ and painted the nursery several shades of pink and purchased possibly every shade of pink clothing that was available to mankind. 

To cut a really long (and slightly painful) story short, on the 2nd of July 2007, I gave birth to a beautiful baby………………..boy. No no… Sorry…Doctor, I don’t think I heard correctly, did you just say I gave birth to (gasp)…a boy?? I mean…. Surely you must be mistaken. But no. lo and behold, it was exactly the child I had seen in my dream…a very fair baby, with pink lips and jet black hair. Only in real life, he was a boy.

Ten Things You Need To Know About Affairs - Michele Weiner-Davis

I can’t tell you the number of people who tell themselves early in marriage, “If my spouse ever has an affair, I’m outta here.” And then it happens. The spouse is unfaithful. That’s when reality sets in. It’s easy to think you will leave if your spouse betrays you, but when confronted with the reality of divorce and dissolving your marriage, the stakes are really high. It’s not that overcoming the devastation of infidelity is easy, it isn’t. But it can be done. In fact, believe it or not, most people decide to stay in their marriages after infidelity. The important thing is to address the issues that might have lead to the infidelity and get the necessary help to recover. Divorce isn’t the solution, particularly when the unfaithful spouse is remorseful and devoted to changing. Here are some things you need to know if you are dealing with the fallout of infidelity in your marriage

1) Betrayal is in the eye of the beholder
Many times people want to know the definition of betrayal. To some, it is about having intercourse and other sexual contact with another person. To others, betrayal is more about one’s spouse feeling emotionally connected to someone else- late conversations of a personal nature with a co-worker, or an on-going, intimate friendship with another person. To others, it is secrecy. This may involve secret email accounts, cell phones, Internet behavior, or an unwillingness to share information about whereabouts, spending habits, or life plans.

The fact is, there is no universal definition of betrayal. When two people are married, they must care about each other’s feelings. They don’t always have to agree, but they must behave in ways that make the relationship feel safe. Therefore, if one person feels threatened or betrayed, his or her spouse must do some soul searching and change in ways to accommodate those feelings. In other words, betrayal is in the eye of the beholder. If you or your partner feel betrayed, you need to change what you’re doing to make the marriage work.

The Tornado Analogy - Things People Do To Destroy their Marriages

“A junkyard contains all the bits and pieces of a Boeing 747 plane, dismembered and in disarray. A whirlwind happens to blow through the yard. What is the chance that after its passage a fully assembled 747, ready to fly, will be found standing there? So small as to be negligible, even if a tornado were to blow through enough junkyards to fill the whole Universe.” - Fred Hoyle 

Though Hoyle actually intended this as an argument against abiogenesis, anyone who is in an unhappy marriage will be unable to identify with this analogy. As much as a couple might want happiness and even possess certain keys to each other's joy, if they don't identify and consciously select the bits and pieces that make for a good relationship and  discard the junk, marital bliss becomes as elusive as pieces of a plane assembling themselves in the random motion of a whirlwind.

Should You Stay Married For Your Children? - Joe Beam

I came across this article by Joe Beam on the Crosswalk website and I do believe it is a relevant topic in these times.

Please read. It is instructive.....

“I know it would be wrong to stay married for the sake of my children.”

“Really? Who told you that?”

“Several of my friends.”

“I don’t mean to sound offensive, but what makes them experts on the matter?”

She stared at me for a few moments. I think she was trying to decide if I were a jerk, or if I had a point worth considering. Finally she spoke. Her advice from “several friends” mostly came from one.

“Linda tells me the best thing she ever did was divorce Tom. Says I should divorce Bill so I can be happy.”

“Do you think Linda’s kids feel the same way about her divorcing their Dad?”

“I don’t know.”

How to Cope With Parenting a special needs child

The birth of a baby brings lots of emotion — most would assume emotions of happiness, excitement, amazement and joy. But when your baby is born with a physical or mental disability — whether previously diagnosed or not — emotions often turn to shock, sadness, anger, bewilderment or anxiety.

What do you do with the swell of emotion? How do you handle the news and still operate as a good parent of a newborn? How do you cope when your child is born with a disability?

Identify what has died

Your baby is alive and you truly are thankful. Still, there are things that have died: dreams, expectations, hopes, wishes. Whether or not you have verbalized them, as a parent expecting a new child, you have them. And now those dreams are not to be. They are intangible deaths and are often hard to identify. Identify and verbalize them just the same.

Grieve the losses

Allow yourself to grieve as if there were a real death. While they can occur in any order, the stages of grief are:

• Shock and denial
• Anger
• Bargaining with God
• Depression
• Acceptance

7 reasons why your husband may no longer be romantic

One of the frequent issues women raise during counselling sessions is that their husbands are no longer romantic. They complain that the husbands do not tell them that "they love them", do not do romantic things anymore, e.t.c.

Unfortunately on another hand, most men do not know that they are unromantic unless their wives tell them or complain to them.

Here are some of the reasons that most men forget about romance months after marriage. Before we state the reasons, I will like to refer to the definition of "Romance" in light of this blog post. 

According to wikipedia, Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love.

1. After the wedding, the wooing stops. Men use every trick in the good ole trusty book to win their prizes - the women. Some of these tricks might include taking women to dinner, buying flowers e.t.c  However, when all is said and done and the woman is in the house, the "book of tricks" is tossed out of the window. The book has outlived its usefulness!
2. Romance is expensive. Haven't you noticed that almost everything boils down to money when a man becomes a husband or a father? So when some men think about romance, they visualise the cost of the dinner at the fancy restaurant; the cost of flowers. Some men equate romance with expenses.

Stop Giving Him The Cute Puppy Dog Face! Do the Needful.

There is a story that you may have heard about a man who once lost his valuable watch in an ice house. All of his fellow workers diligently searched the ice house looking for the watch. They combed every inch of it, but they couldn’t find it. A little boy, hearing about their search, slipped into the ice house and quickly emerged with the watch. All of the men were amazed and they said, “How did you find it?” And he said, ” 

Well I simply went to the ice house, closed the door, laid down quietly on the floor, and then I began to listen. After a while, I could hear the tick, tick, tick of the watch.” Are you training yourself to listen for that still, small voice of God?

At various points in our Christian walk, God gives us various instructions. Some time ago I decided to spend some time waiting on the Lord. I just wanted to hear from Him, I told my husband and the fast began. On the third day, I was given a very clear instruction. Funny enough, it was something that had been in my spirit for a while but this time I heard clear in no uncertain terms, what I was supposed to do.

What do you think your husband will say if you sent this text message "I love You, Sweetheart"? (Old Joke)

Credits: The Talk (CBS)

I came across this joke and I felt even though we may laugh, it may strike home in some marriages. If this is the same in your home, you have got some work to do.

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

Anjelina Jolie's Double Masectomy - It's time to make Breast Cancer a Health Priority

On Tuesday, I read the New York Times article titled "My Medical Choice" where Angelina Jolie opened up about her bosom removal surgery to empower other women at risk of having cancer to make a strong choice. The mother of six says she went under the knife to have a double mastectomy after finding out that she has a mutated BRCA1 gene which sharply increases a woman's risk of bosom and ovarian cancers. 

Angelina Jolie's shocking revelation left me speechless, just a month after the Deputy Governor of Ekiti state, Her Excellency Funmi Olayinka had lost her battle with breast cancer, and shortly after a secondary school friend of mine lost her battle with breast cancer at the age of 25. 

Jolie's mother Marcheline Bertrand died in 2007 at 56 after fighting ovarian cancer for nearly a decade. Her six children sometimes ask her if the same could happen to her, and the 37-year-old actress wants to avoid the same fate as her mom. "I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a 'faulty' gene," she says. 

Learnings from Maya Angelou - Answers to Signature Questions

Maya Angelou

I, like many other people out there, am a major Maya Angelou fan. For those who don't know her, all I can say is she is just phenomenal. She has overcome a great deal of adversity to become the talented, prolific and spiritual woman that she is today.

Her writing is very inspiring...it really captures the human spirit. She was raped and traumatized to the point where she did not speak for several years. Can you imagine being so hurt and emotionally disturbed that you stopped speaking?

Years later, she became a "madam" in a house of prostitution. The madam is the woman who procures, men to pay for the services of the prostitute. She survived racism and being without loving parents. As an adult, she was a victim of domestic abuse and other poor treatment by men. She has seen it all. 

After having lived such a rough life, she got her college education, got married, had a son, became an influential writer (novelist, poet), professor and friend to many famous people, including Oprah Winfrey, Bill Cosby, Nelson Mandela and many others. Many people look to her for advice because they consider her to be a very wise woman.

When your phone becomes a barrier to communication in your relationship

The Mobile phone is essentially a tool for communication. From recent statistics released by the Nigerian Communications Commission, there are over 113 million active mobile subscribers across about 160 million Nigerians. It is a very useful tool and I must say it is one of life’s very important tools. Some people cannot do without their phones; I do wonder how we lived before the era of mobile gadgets.

Mobile phones make it easier for people to maintain connections with family and friends. These gadgets have actually contributed to the ease of doing business and communicating. Wait, did I say communicating? Hmmm…. Well not entirely. When it comes to communicating with one’s loved one, it has affected social interaction; for better (for some people) and for worse (for others).

As for me, I consider communication as a very vital part of any relationship. No skill is more critical to a couple’s oneness than good communication! Communication nourishes and sustains a relationship.

Beware The Tit for Tat Trap by Brett & Kate Mckay

Kate and I have what might be termed a “Marriage Master Mind.” We share everything just about equally—the blog, parenting, household chores, and so on. We get along really well, especially for people who spend practically 24/7 together and have to balance issues involving both work and romance.

But like all couples, we occasionally have arguments. And a good percentage of them used to be over who was taking care of what, and whether one person wasn’t pulling their weight enough in the relationship.

We’re not alone in this: conflict over the division of domestic duties ranks second only to money problems in creating discord in marriages.

This isn’t just a product of the more egalitarian nature of relationships in our modern age—although that has likely intensified the conflict. Even back in the day when spouses had clearly defined roles–husband worked, wife stayed home—men and women debated who had the heavier burden; was it tougher to go to work or to stay home with the kids?

Concentrating on keeping the scales of a relationship exactly balanced can create animosity and discord between partners. This unhealthy state is what we like to call “The Tit for Tat Trap.”

A Mother's Letter To Her Children About Marriage (worth reading - SHARE THIS MESSAGE)

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly,... your church may not even tell you.
Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.
You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

My relationship with My Mother-In-Law

The first time I met my to-be mother in-law i was nervous. I thought she would not like the me since I was Igbo. I couldn't have been more wrong. She got to know me and I got to know her and we built a strong and precious relationship.

A few months ago we asked if it was possible for wives today to enjoy the same relationship Ruth and Naomi shared. The mother in-law, daughter in-law relationship is one that is always seen as delicate with many single ladies wishing to marry someone who's mum is already late. However, it is not impossible to get along with your mother in law even if she appears difficult. 

First of all get rid of all preconceived notions you hold about mother in laws. Consult your fiance, she’s his mother so he should know better than anyone how to get through to her. Ask for suggestions on how to get on her good side. The eirlier you do so,that the better it gives you a better chance of you hitting it off from the beginning. 

19 Things Every Female In Her 20’s Should Know

1. Love and honor your mother. Learn from her mistakes. It will save you a lot of headache in your thirties (30s) and beyond.

2. You are more talented than you’ll ever know. You don’t need to sleep with your Boss/ supervisor to get a promotion at work or better grades at school. Burn late night candles; put extra time to study and practice until you master your skill. Hard work still pays well and does not kill.

3. Women can build a strong support network. Don’t let few ladies with “Pull Her Down” {PHD} syndrome discourage you from cultivating true relationship with your female friends.

4. When a man you meet for the first time, babbles about how much he earns working for an oil company and how rich he is, that is a red flag. He is either a married smooth-talker who just wants to sleep with you or he is childish. Walk away from deceit.

Challenge Checklist - Overcoming Challenges As A couple

If we are realistic, every marriage has trials. Some result in endless arguments, hateful words, silence and mental blame games. Throw the demands of raising children into the picture and you have the perfect recipe of disaster. 

However, faith grows best under attack. The person who prays to God to take away all challenges may be asking for a sickly spiritual life. Abraham and Sarah are both commended for their great faith but their failures are recorded for our instruction and encouragement too. Sarah's submission through all their "Gulliver's" travels through the deserts and towns of ancient scripture. Even when it was her husband was making some obvious mistakes and Abraham's continual devotion to her and faith in the promises the Lord had given him. 

What Is the Goal of a Christian Parent? by Tim Chaffey

One of the greatest blessings a person can experience is the privilege of raising children. The Psalmist eloquently stated: Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them . . . (Psalm 127:3–5)

Raising a child often brings tremendous joy, but in this fallen world, it can also be a source of immense heartache and sorrow. The previous devotional demonstrated that a Christian parent must learn to find his or her satisfaction primarily in Christ.

The Bible contains numerous essential principles for parents to understand when raising a child, and the goal of the Christian parent must align with God’s goal for the child. Too often, parents concentrate more on making sure that their child will succeed in this world, as defined from an earthly perspective. They want to make sure their child goes to a highly-acclaimed college so that he or she can find a good job and live comfortably.

Is this how the Bible defines successful parenting? Not at all! Of course, anyone with children wants to see their child do well, but the Bible sets much higher standards for parents. Malachi 2:15 reveals that God unites a married couple as one flesh because He desires godly offspring. He wants parents to raise children that know Him, share His truth with others, and who will dwell with Him eternally.

Cosmopolitan parents. Would You Kneel Down for Your Yoruba Hubby? Should You Teach Your Daughter (s) To?

I was with my friend the other day and she just couldn't get over the fact that a Yoruba woman's daughter greeted her with a mere "Hi Aunty Bukky" She was disgusted at the fact that this was a full blooded Yoruba girl greeting her mother's friend, a full grown woman, with an abbreviation of the equally unacceptable "hello"

Many are familiar with the Yoruba custom of females kneeling down (ikun ile) to greet or serve their husbands food. Some do it half way, others do all the way to the ground making sure both knees touch it.

I know of ladies who are engaged to Yoruba men but dread the point of the wedding when they might be asked to kneel down to feed their husband a slice of cake. They see it as subservience, the women's rights activist in them just can't stand it "We are partners, why do I have to kneel to feed him?" "If he is going to ask me to kneel to serve him food (some men do),  It's a total deal breaker" A PHD holder from Yale said "It's intellectual terrorism!"

Being the mother of a Bi-tribal child (Yoruba/Igbo), I really get asked this question a lot from my fellow Igbos " Will you teach your daughter to kneel down (kun ile) to greet adults?" The answer is an emphatic "Yes!" But many parents who are even both of Yoruba descent but have embraced the cosmopolitan way of life are not definite about this? I must admit I have wondered how my child would feel when her friends greet adults standing but out of sheer force habit she bends down.

Giving Your Best In Marriage

B - Bless
E - Edify
S - Share
T - Touch

I saw the above acronym for BEST and I thought: how pertinent to marriage.

In the early days of friendship/courtship, we do each of these four things easily. But as our relationship ages and we get absorbed by the demands on us from work/ministry/family members etc, we begin to stop doing these things. So, unknowingly, we stop giving our best to our marriage and we wonder why we do not like/love each other as before.

When a business is not doing well, we take time to review our processes, markets and strategies to identify and eliminate unhelpful practices. Let's do the same for our marriage now.

Ask yourself how often or when you last blessed your spouse - wished them well, prayed for them, praised them to their face and before others, helped them to feel valued?

Ask yourself whether you edify ie build up your spouse. Do you encourage them in your words and actions? Do you help them become better? I don't mean nagging them to change to your preference. I mean helping them become all God wants them to be, what He has skilled them to be, helping them actualise their potential. A confident and fulfilled spouse is more able to love in return.

Marriage Obeys The Laws Of Averages

Marriage follows the law of averages. Recall: 'two shall be come one'. This is only possible by the law of averages. The average of two units is the sum of them divided by two. Therefore (1+1)/2=1.

Why is this important to recognise? Some people say that marriage should be 50:50 thinking that would give an end result of 100. But by the law of averages, 50% and 50% by spouses will result in a 50% marriage. To get a 100% relationship, each spouse would have to give their 100% to the marriage.

Look around you at all the relationships you know especially those from the older generation. Those where one spouse is fully committed and the other is less so, still end up better than those where each is holding back and just matching what the other offers. Imagine that 100% and 25% would average as 62.5% which is better than the outcome for the 50% and 50% couples.

To improve your marriage, increase your commitment to it, regardless of what your spouse is contributing. The law of average still applies today, so you will have a better marriage as you focus on increasing your own commitment.

God is faithful: as you become more selfless and less selfish, He will bless your investment in your marriage and your labour would not be in vain.

Pat Idaewor

About the Author
Dr Pat Idaewor has been married for over 21years with four children (ages:10-20). She has been a believer since 1983. Part of a ministry is engaged in inner city Christian work. She is a strong believer in the power of God's word to change and prosper people. She can be reached at patidaewor@yahoo.co.uk

Top 10 Funny parenting Quotes

Anyone who has looked forward to a long rest after she has tidied the house, done the laundry, cooked lunch, fed  her toddler and watched the  tidy house be scattered all over again in the most imaginative and energetic ways, shortly before hearing the loud cry of the aforementioned toddler fall whilst courageously attempting to climb the  window protectors, knows that parenting is hard work.

Sometimes, when it seems the kids have blown all your fuses the only thing you can do is have a sense of humour about it. So here is a  compilation of my top 10 funny parenting quotes from dads and mums who have been there, done that and have lots of broken toys, plates, ornaments and a never ending pile of laundry to show for it

Top 10 Funny parenting Quotes

1. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” - Leo Burke
2. " You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. " - P. J. O'Rourke
3. “A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes.”~ Russell Lynes
4. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” - Franklin P. Jones
5. "You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation" - Unknown
6. “Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.”~ Phyllis Diller
7. By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. Charles Wadsworth
8. “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.~ Jerry Seinfeld
9. Many parents are finding out that a pat on the back helps develop character - if given often enough, early enough, and low enough. Author Unknown
10. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”~ Milton Berle

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Ijeoma Olujekun

Effective Discipline Tools For Christian Parents - by Laura Kuehn

Sometimes we feel that we have limited options as parents. As a result, we end up using the same old discipline tactics with our kids – even if they are not very effective. Luckily, there are many different ways we can effectively discipline and train our children.

Here is a quick but comprehensive guide of 20 different discipline tools for Christian parents with tips and examples of their usage.

1. Whisper – This works when you need to get the attention of a child who is worked up over something. We might think that shouting gets attention, but often the opposite is true. The benefit is that it will help reduce your blood pressure as well.

2. Distract – This tool is great for babies and toddlers who are getting into things they shouldn't  This is also good for older children who get “trapped” in a cycle of negativity. You can say something like, “Oh look, it’s starting to rain. Do you think the cat is still outside?” or “I’m going to make some muffins. Why don’t you give me a hand?”

Do Your Kids Really Mean It When They Say "I Love You?"

A lady asked this question recently; "I want to know, when kids, about 4 and 3yrs of age, always hug and say I love u Mum, or you are the best, Mum. Is it really from their hearts or something learnt from somewhere, maybe, cartoons?"

I really didn't see this as a viable question. It came across as over analyzing a very common occurrence until yesterday. My friend, who has 3 children, told me that one of them is very warm and expressive. He will tell her she is the best Mum ever, he loves her and hugs her at every given opportunity. This lady is quite the opposite, so she says he reminds her of how she should be.

This got me thinking, she had struck a chord. Hampered by bills, activities and various responsibilities we lose our childishness or child likeness. Matthew 6:27 says "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" These "expressions" are not perceived intuitively enough to be properly grasped. He/she who has not grasped in its entirety, will never be able to use it properly either. Jesus told us we must possess childlikeness; for we are and must remain children of God, even when we have gained full maturity. We must be childlike if we wish to fulfill the purpose for which God created us. 

15 Things God Has Taught Me in 15 Years of Marriage - Jolen Engle

I’m celebrating 15 years of being my Beloved’s wife today!  Sometimes when I think of that number I’m surprised by how fast the years have gone by, and then other times it seems like we’ve been married much longer based on how my heart feels as if he’s always been a part of me.

When I think back to my wedding day it was filled with such hope and promises.  A new love was blossoming and a new life was beginning.  If you’re a wife today, I’m sure you can relate to the romantic nostalgia. 

But the reality of the last 15 years is that it has been extremely painful.  Now, I’m not meaning my marital relationship, but rather our life’s circumstances.  Through these circumstances though, God has taught me many things as a wife and I’d love to share them with you in hopes that it’ll help your marriage!

A Piece of Peace......Happy Workers Day

So it's Worker's Day and we are all at home, kids are watching cartoons or playing. Some are watching cartoons and playing and screaming and whining (they can really multitask when they want to); mum is in the kitchen trying to make a nice breakfast (wondering why she doesn't just give everyone cereal and go back to bed) and if hubby is not on the internet it might just be because the network is down due to the rain...Happy Worker's day People!

When I first got married, I'd get really uptight about my husband leaving his shoes in the corridor. It annoyed me so much...In the first few months, I would pick them with love and a smile on my face and bring them into the room and arrange them on the shoe rack for him. But after a while, I would get really impatient. I would feel like just throwing them out of the window! (Perhaps it was the preggy hormones). I would go on and on about how it upset me that he wouldn't do this one simple thing. Then I would find them on the shoe-rack the next day. I would smile triumphantly "I have done it! He is cured" then after a few days the shoes would be back in the corridor or in the living room!