Friday, July 31, 2015

How Not To RUIN Your Marriage (1)

All things in our lives don’t enjoy same priority but you’d agree with me that our love live is one of those things that should top our list of important things. So it is alright to say when all is not well in one's love life, there is a valid reason to be bothered.
We face different challenges in our love lives but one issue that is common to a number of us is how to stay desirable and keep the flame burning.  If you use google right now typing those key words, you’ll be bombarded with millions of materials and articles. Going through most of the tips from different relationship experts and borrowing from my little experience, I'd share with you several points as the days go by but today we would be seeing how letting ourselves go could be a major problem.
You have heard it so many times but you need to be reminded again never to let yourself go. There are many aspects to this but my emphasis will be on the physical part.
 This particular point is almost inexhaustible but I will try to keep it short and precise.
Before I delve into details,  bear in mind that there is a physical aspect to relationships and that it was probably the primary motivation before all other things were considered.

Now to the point, see there is that process of demystification that occurs in most marriages. That period when you realize there are no more points to lose or to be won so you let your guards down. This could be ‘justified’ considering you have taken the vow to be together forever, but with the many cases of affairs recorded maybe you need to pay more attention inwards.  
Humans generally, especially men, have been known to be stimulated by what they see. We all have images in our head that stimulates our senses so the problem might arise when somethings start messing with that image we have created in our heads. Most of are guilty from becoming overly relaxed in the presence of your spouse. (Being relaxed is good by the way, you just don’t want it to be overplayed).
Image result for STAYing desirable marriageYou might want to consider just how far the perfume you used to wear or how your firm arms stimulated her senses or how he adored your well-manicured nails that you have stopped taking care of, forgetting he fell for your total package and not just your good sense of humor.

 All I am saying is we still need to put in some work into maintaining the steam, don’t allow your weight pile up with no care in the world. I know taking care of the children can be exhausting but that shouldn’t stop you from wearing a decent hairstyle.
Stop pooping with the door opened or leaving used sanitary pads where your partners can easily see.

Like I said earlier, I could go on and on but then the point might be lost. Just bear in mind that all parts of a relationship are important. 
  • So Stay sexy,
  • practice good hygiene,
  • reduce the gross things you do (for instance my dad has never farted in my presence, I wonder how he does it though but you know it goes to show some things are attainable ).                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Nobody is saying you should become stuck up in your own home, Balance is the key thing here.

Getting married is not the end, staying happy is the goal.
Stay blessed.


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Handling Differences In Relationships/Marriage

Bollywood movies really capture what some of us think being in a relationship is. We assume everyday is a lovesong. We get the picture of a man and his lady smiling sheepishly while gazing into each other’s eyes like they could see into each other’s hearts. They both would have a theme song they’d dance to and be locked together in an embrace forever. And if there arose a villain, the man is portrayed as someone with super heroic powers. He kills all the enemies of love and does everything to be united with his woman. Dramatic much, I say.
Nollywood presents her own version of love with the prince falling for a maid and couples wearing matching attires with a penchant for meat/food straight from their lovers’ mouths (I suppose the saliva makes it taste better *chuckles)
Don’t even get me started on the romance novels with physically endowed damsels in distress and knights in shinning armours. Discovering they are soulmates because they are alike in every way and can complete each other’s sentences.

While it might seem I am making a mockery of these settings, I still believe love could be stronger than even what fiction portrayed. It is a good thing to fall in love but one has to appreciate that love comes to us in different ways and however way it may come, it doesn’t necessarily have to follow a defined pattern. 

 I find it interesting how life helps us create our own love stories with our individual peculiarities.The other day, I was having a discussion with an older friend of how little issues in relationships can become escalated when mismanaged. As a law student I wondered about what it meant when we studied cases of couples that broke up as a result of irreconcilable differences.

It is true that we really could  share a lot in common but still make a mess of what we have because we forgot that love isn't about perfect beings. No relationship is devoid of its peculiar issues. Whatever it is, minor differences can be as damaging as major differences, our attitude is what determines the consequence.

My colleague at work has this weird music taste for 70s blues and all I think of whenever he turns his playlist on is how his wife copes with that because I wonder if his young outgoing wife also shares his classic taste.

When I got newly married, I found out that I had to adjust to a number of things. I am sure my husband felt the same way too. I would rather watch a chick flick compared to a third time re run of a football game. If this difference in taste was left unattended , it could pave way to something deeper. It doesn't matter if the debate is about spicy foods or how to press toothpaste tubes, what matters is respecting that each person has the right to his/her opinion.

Those differences don't mean we are mismatched . To work through some of these differences;
  1. We just need to cultivate the right attitude towards making the needed amends. Always bear in mind that you are a member of a team and some things need not become dealbreakers.
  2. Communicating appropriately solves the bulk of issues encountered in relationships.Stop nagging, talk about the situation and come up with a common solution. 
  3. Remember that there is no need being rigid when compromise can be made.
  4.  Differences are good, the fact that we don't understand some things our partners do doesn't make those things bad, we just need to get our minds out of our fabled expectations of perfection. 

When it is all said and done, differences and all, love always wins but that is if we let it. 

Stay blessed.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

What You Should Know About Waiting Till Your Wedding Night!

After every wedding, it is expected that there should be a honeymoon- not just a trip somewhere exotic but an actual taste of sexual honey that you've abstained from all through your relationship. There are many people these days who do not wait till the wedding night.

Many are eager to find out if they are sexually compatible with their spouse before they commit Afterall, marriage shall not survive by good works alone, but also by the satisfaction of sexual urges. For those who choose to wait till the wedding night (which I strongly advise), here are a few things you must know:
  • The fact that you have decided to wait till your wedding night does not mean you shouldn't lust for one another. Many people are so frigid, they consider lusting for their spouse a sin. Hello! lust is part of marriage! If you do not feel any lust or any urge to cross the lines of temptation, you may want to reconsider getting married. I am not saying you should actually cross the line, but it is very important that you feel like you want to. Friendship is all well and good; but if you have friendship without lust in a marriage, it will not survive... just like lust without friendship won't sustain your marriage.

Abortions and the Big Question Mark

Whenever we hear the word 'abortion' as Christians, we are quick to write it off and judge whoever has engaged in it. Surprisingly for me, I discovered through a friend who's a medical doctor that abortions are not limited to unmarried women only. Many married women have abortions when they feel they've had enough children or are simply unwilling to deal with any child at the time. That's a topic for another day.

I have wondered in recent times if there is any justification for abortion. What happens if a woman is gang raped and she ends up pregnant? Will we encourage her to have the child and be constantly reminded of the psychological trauma? What happens if a woman find out that the father of her child is actually married, and wants nothing to do with the child? Can we really tell her it's OK to have that child and be reminded every single day of emotional heartache? What happens if the doctors suggest a medical abortion because the fetus is ill-developed and will die within a few days after birth? Where exactly can we draw the line between abortion being right or wrong?

Friday, July 24, 2015

Be Deliberate, Stop Leaving Your Life To Chances

Reflections are great. We all need to be able to look back at where we are coming from in order to appreciate the progress we have been able to make and also to analyze and strategize on moving forward.

How does one reflect if one had no expectations /goals?

As a child, I was one of those kids that would seat at the back of the class for fear of being perceived as too serious and uncool. I ignorantly thought anyone who set goals took himself too seriously. It took me a while to realize that it can be very dangerous sailing on the sea with no destination in mind. So, I started setting goals; mini and major goals. Along the way, I discovered that setting goals in itself doesn’t guarantee results but knowing that there is a destination you need to get to, keeps you going even at the low times.

Fear can be very intimidating. There were times I found myself giving myself so many excuses why I should not follow through on a plan I had because I was scared. I wondered what I’d do if I fail. I found out however that the road sometimes might get foggy and that one’s well mapped out plan might suddenly seem unreadable. The path one taught one has studied so well might become unnavigable but that time is not the time to give up. This is because fogs always clear. A Yoruba proverb says when one falls off a horse, one climbs the horse again.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Five Simple and Surprising Ways to Get Over a Breakup!

Breakups are hard, but sometimes the drama associated with them is overrated. Many people get caught in a personal fable after a breakup and simply refuse to live again. They stay cooped up in their rooms, cry their eyes out, refuse to eat and post the most depressing updates on social media. 

I get it…breaking up feels like a part of you has been ripped out and all the dreams you’ve stacked over the months or years have been dashed by one single blow. It is sometimes hard to get over a breakup, and there are thousands of suggestions that include trying to win your man or lady back. I’m all for winning a person back if that person wants to be won over, but what happens if that person has truly moved on? Will you sink into depression forever? 

Here are five surprising, yet simple ways you can get over a breakup fast!
  • Throw a tantrum! Are you surprised? I guess so. So many magazines and articles often suggest keeping your cool, and being matured about the fact that someone virtually ripped your heart out of your chest. I don’t buy into that. Ever noticed children after they throw tantrums? They fall into a deep restful sleep! Throwing a tantrum is a way of expressing your anger, instead of bottling up all the emotions of inadequacy and ugliness that may be sweeping through you. Scream over the phone, shout, say exactly what you think of your ex, then make yourself a nice cup of hot chocolate and go to sleep. It will be the best sleep you’ve ever had I promise you. 

Monday, July 20, 2015

How Long Should Women Wait After Giving Birth Before Getting Sexually Active Again

I remember eavesdropping on my mum’s conversation with a friend of hers when I was much younger. They were sharing birth stories and both of them agreed it was the most painful and life changing thing they had ever encountered.

They talked about how the size of the baby might make the midwives decide to cut the vagina for easier passage. The picture that information left in my mind made me fear I would never be ready for the encounter. Imagine being stuck with sanitary pads for close to 30days at a go.

I was told by the doctor to wait for at least 6weeks after my child so you’d understand my horror when a woman shared how her husband slept with her six days after giving birth and it sparked a lot of debate. This coupled with other thoughts in my head roused my curiosity to know if there was a uniform time we all have to adhere to as women before our body feels ready.

I hope the men read this too because it is important to understand your wife’s body.

Relationship 101: Three Basic Social Media RulesTo Live By.

How many of you are guilty of looking up someone you just met on the social media? Have you ever gone through their profiles to kind of get an idea of who they are and what they love doing? You haven’t? Well, I used to and did I discover a lot? (Story for another post I tell you)
 Do you ever find yourself years deep into your cousin’s boyfriend’s sister’s page and you start to feel you might need no introduction when you finally meet such person?
No lies the social media really does blur the line and there are times we are tempted to feel we know strangers through feeding on their pictures and posts. I read an interesting Instagram bio recently, it read: you don’t know me, you know my Instagram. Really interesting right?
The allure of the social media is unending, from the man that wants to brag about his latest auto mobile to the lady that wants to show off her hot new love or the guy that wants to rant about his cheating girlfriend. However way we act, we all seem to leave a piece of ourselves for everyone to see (and perhaps feast on).
Relationships are not without their natural drama but the social media seems to add a new twist, we find out we might have found it easier to forgive a lover that erred had we not shared the details on the social media or had we not reconnected with that old flame from school. We find we might now have to consider the number of people that might think we sold ourselves cheap.
Someone once said that our parents found it easier to stick together because they didn’t have hundreds of people following them and liking their pictures when things were tough in their marriages and relationships. They didn’t have a choice but to work through their issues together. I agree with this too.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

You Accept The Love You Think You Deserve

I was in that channel trotting mood recently when I stumbled on a talk show. One of those ones that invite guests with relationship issues with the hope of helping to resolve the issues. A woman complained of her husband’s demeaning treatment of her. She complained that he verbally and emotionally abuses her and sometimes, he gets physical. He checks the mileage on her car and checks the time to make sure she doesn’t go anywhere else asides from where she said she’d go. She is not allowed to have male friends, in fact no friends at all. He even checks her underwear to be sure she hasn’t been with another man. She does everything around the house including sorting the bills and paying off the mortgage. All he does is wake up, torture her and have sex.
When the anchor of the show asked the accused husband why he treats his wife so badly, he replied ‘why is she still with me if she feels so terrible?”
The first thought that went on in my mind is how do these things even happen? How desperately should one want a relationship that one totally ignores the place of peace and happiness within?

The husband is very wrong but the chief problem is the wife that allows herself to be treated that way
As humans, we love being validated, we are fascinated with the idea of being perceived a certain way. We love ideals. We are in love with the feeling of being in love. We forget the place of personal fulfilment and happiness in our search for such validation. When we are not in relationships, we ask ourselves if it is something wrong with us.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Beware of the devil's candidate!

Finding a spouse in this 21st century is probably the biggest challenge many youths will have to face.

Like job hunting and other economic challenges are not big enough, one has to add the pressure of seeking a spouse, and not just any spouse, the right spouse! Very often, I speak to my colleagues about their efforts to find a spouse. As a matter of fact, I speak to them about it more than I’d like because I have decided to become more active in the dating scene, and it seems I tend to look where all the weirdos converge. Besides the generic advice of ‘putting oneself out there’ (which by the way is just an inch short of asking ladies to hold a sign post that says ‘I want a boyfriend by the roadside), prayer has always been on the list of strategies explored.

I believe in prayer absolutely. As a matter of fact, I cannot go a day without uttering at least a sentence of prayer. I have however come to learn that prayer does not take away our tests. And when it comes to seeking a spouse, many of us are like Job in the bible- subjected to tests and trials by the devil’s tactics.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

"Mummy, Not The Pink Ones Again.."

My daughter rebuffed me after trying to force feed her. I obviously haven’t been sensitive to her sense of awareness. So much has changed about her in the recent months. She now has an opinion about almost everything, like her decisive turning of the head from side to side and dramatic mouthing of ‘no’ whenever I pick out clothes that doesn’t agree with her mood or how she gives me stern looks whenever I distract her from watching some programs (I have come to recognize are her favorites).

I had better not force her to wear a pair of socks she doesn’t find cool because nothing prepares one for the tantrums she’ld throw. Since her speech is not clear enough for me to make out all she says, Our conversations in my head go like 'Mummy, not the pink ones again' and me saying ''pink goes with the floral details in your dress honey'. I must confess it is very refreshing watching he make all these choices but I am delighted I am there to guide her not all she does is right.

Like most mums, I feel particularly proud that I am raising a child that can find her voice above what others think. I know you are saying what does a 20months old child know but I like to believe I am doing something right. I am respecting her right of choice while trying not to overindulge her (that’s story for another post).

I am hopeful she wouldn’t lose this part of her as she grows up in this society that tries to condition us to think certain way.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Labels Are For Cans Not People.

Opinions are cool. I mean what would our world be like if we had uniform ones. Imagine if our thoughts were aligned towards same directions, what a boring world it would be. We’ll probably all use same phones, our favorite color will be the same, probably blue. I need to stop now, it’s unimaginable.

As different as our opinions are, we still fall prey to certain stereotypical thoughts like ‘all men cheat’, ‘all women are dramatic’ and some Christians even think all gays are terrible people, there are so many more but this page wouldn't let me. It’s kind of hard not to put labels on people but it is the wrong way to go. In my growing years, I would have told a tattooed friend coming to visit me at home, to come covered up so as to avoid drama from my folks. All these stereotyped thoughts hinder our progress as a people.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

One Simple Tip for a Happy Relationship

You might be thinking “just one tip? Does she know what she’s saying?” Believe me I do. You only need this one tip to keep your relationship happy.

For the longest time, I believed serious relationships were not built on personal fulfillment. It had to be about making the other person happy, sacrificing everything even at our own detriment to ensure they are happy. I believed successful marriages were built on 100% compromise, and because it all sounded so noble, it seemed like the right thing to do. Unfortunately, I was not the only person brought up this way. Society instilled in me and many others the idea that a happy marriage was built on sacrifice only and nothing else. To seek personal happiness, fulfillment or even material success was considered to be selfish, wrong and materialistic in every evil definition of the word.

I have been meeting with a lot of married individuals lately, and every chance I get I have probed my way into understanding how they happen to have such happy marriages, and one tip that stood out was - be happy.

The Roles of a Husband

A sermon I heard on Fathers’ day about the roles of a father got me thinking about the roles of a husband. In a society where there is so much emphasis on gender roles and exertion of gender identity, the sermon I heard was an eye opener in a different direction, and it set my train of thoughts in motion regarding the role of a husband.

The bible verse (Ephesians 5:22) “Wives submit to your husbands” is probably the most preached verse in marriage counseling. Most of the time, the true depth of this verse is masked by the cultural norms and standards society aims to project on women. This might explain why there are so many articles on the internet teaching women “five things not to do” or “fifteen simple ways to keep your man happy”, but there are hardly any posts teaching men to be the right husbands worth submitting to. The understanding of the verse (Ephesians 5:25) “Husbands love your wives” is limited to a man choosing to marry a woman, and confessing his vows on the wedding day. That verse however ends with “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it”… now this is where the problem begins.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Five Things You Should Know Before You Say I Do

  1. Respect your husband always; he is the head of the family, let him be the head. 
  2. Don’t ‘carry’ your lawyer attitude into your marriage; everything is not to be argued. 
  3. Prepare his food on time and make sure you provide him with all the support he deserves. 
  4. Don’t call in strangers before you settle issues concerning both of you. 
  5. Above all, always forgive. 
These are part of the things I was told when I was about getting married. I discovered however that as the days go by, there are always more lessons to learn.

Allow me share with you what they probably missed;
People have dominant and recessive personalities. Before you said I do, you’re probably more familiar with the sweet- can’t- hurt –a- fly- in-the- world- partner. Well, hate to bust your bubbles, you would discover your partner also has nerves that can be stepped on. 

Meaning you might witness your partner’s rage or anger that you probably haven’t seen before. You might find out that the OCD feature that you used to really admire can also be very annoying.

Her very confident attitude could pass her off as proud atimes and that bluntness you so admired; you might be the object of it.

8 Things You Should Do To Avoid An Affair

Having an affair
There are many things I romanticized in my head. One of such things was being or getting married to a uniformed person. I felt it was really cool how someone who might have otherwise gone unnoticed gets to command lots of respect just because of what he/she’s wearing. That image has been marred so many times and one of such times was yesterday.

A police truck rammed into my car from behind and just sped away. I was so mad at the carelessness and irresponsibility displayed that I tried to get the plate number of the truck but then I needed not to be told that that was going to be a major waste of time. There have been several other cases and one would wonder if they have no code of conduct. They just keep going from bad to worse.

Forgive my rant, I have just been thinking of all the numerous rules and regulations we have and how we utterly disregard them. It's just same way with relationships and the presumed moral codes. People have affairs like it's some fad. It suddenly doesn't matter that we took vows and wear rings as a symbol of our love and dedication. Much as my faith in the uniformed jobs have diminished , I still refuse to follow the stereotypes. I just think that like everyone , they need to be reminded that there are rules to live by, just like marriages and relationships.

I was browsing the web some time ago when I stumbled on a list that summarizes the marital moral code in eight points. It was so on point that I thought it would be a good thing to share with you.
1. Avoid emotional intimacy with potentially attractive people. Do not try to help unhappy people who want to pour out their hearts to you. If someone begins confiding in you about their troubled relationship, suggest counseling and drop the subject.

Don't Date Down To Settle Down

There is a dilemma faced by almost every woman I know- the dilemma of choice. We struggle to choose the right shoes for an outfit or the right bag that gives the right colour blocking effect. We struggle to choose who we should date, why we think they are the best choice, and even after finding the perfect man, we struggle with the right theme for the wedding, the perfect dress etc. Some of these choices are easily resolved by inputs from more experienced friends, but when it comes to matters of the heart, the dilemma of choice spreads into so many dimensions. 

No woman wants to come across as a gold digger even when she knows she ought to be digging gold. No woman wants to be seen as one who came just for the good life, even though the good life is what she deserves after all her hard work. So the dilemma of choice begins- to go for the sacrificial love society has painted as the true kind of love, or to go for the love that considers emotions as well as other socio-economic factors that you wouldn't dare say out loud for fear of being crucified by your peers, or being called shallow and selfish. 

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Simple Life Tips On Marriage(Lessons Learnt From Stalking An Instagram Page)

It is hard not be perceived as really weird. Imagine getting notifications on your phone around 1.00a.m. in the dead of the night, of a total stranger liking dozens of your pictures on Instagram. That weirdo could be me.

I can’t remember how I found myself on that particular page on Instagram but I was glad to be there and lost in every picture contained on the page. I can be a pessimist at times but at my best, I am a champion of love. The page is jointly run by a couple and the pictures told of their different ventures and adventures. I wondered if they just play dress up or they are always as glam as every picture told. It is easy to be envious of their ‘perfect’ life. It is almost like a fairy tale and you might be right if you say such place doesn’t exists, but pictures are such great reminders of happy times. It is delightful to freeze moments and be able to relive them by getting lost in the details of the day that was.

Before I stumbled on that Instagram page, I got notifications for a fresh post on one of the pages I follow on Facebook. A heartbroken woman told of her lonely and loveless marriage. She spoke of how the void between herself and her husband was fast becoming deep. 

According to her, there’s always so much to do and it is putting her marriage under pressure. People had so many different suggestions on how she could bring the spice back to her marriage. I felt really sorry about her situation but her situation was unlike many marriages around.

If I hadn’t gone on Instagram, perhaps this post might have been about love gone cold but the Instagram page gave me a totally different perspective. It would be wrong to assume that everyone has it bad or that all relationships are hopeless.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

5 Powerful Prayers Every Wife Needs to Pray over Her Husband

I came across this piece by Jennifer White on the cross walk website and found it very empowering . So, I thought to share. Please read below.

Friday, July 3, 2015

It's Not About How You Start

Last week, I found myself thinking: judging and condemning people who by all standards of morality have not done the right thing; people who have not lived the right way and yet by some stretch of unimaginable luck happened to land on their feet, possessing all the things we all wish for- happy homes, comfortable lives, true love, great financial standing etc. 

My first instinct was to point out all the wrongdoings of the past: lies, stealing, projection of untrue images and standards etc. However, as I thought long and hard about it, I got to realize I was wrong to even consider thinking that way.

Life is a race; not a sprint, but a marathon. So many of us believe if we start strong, we will finish strong. And of course many times we do. We stick to the narrow lonely road many people are not keen to endure and we face every trial possible on our way to the top. This makes us believe we have the official effrontery to judge and look down on those who haven’t always done the right thing. 

Forget Mixed Signal. Is He Yours Or Not?

I used to be so naïve about many things and too shy to ask questions on issues that could probably save my life. I was that kid that loved to be left alone. I naively thought I had a gentle character when I was very well sleeping on my rights half of the time. As time progressed, I discovered nobody is going to look out for me better than I look out for myself so I made conscious steps to speak up and whenever I am not clear about certain issues, I don’t hesitate to ask questions.

I have applied this philosophy of mine several times and it has helped me a lot.

There are times I get asked questions too and I try my best to answer to the best of my ability. 
An acquaintance asked me some time ago if I thought the guy she was involved with loves her. It sounded like a trick question to me at first ‘because I thought it was a no brainer.  Why should one think the person that one is exclusively in love with doesn’t share same feelings with one? But this things do happen. Perhaps it is one of those cases where one thing led to another and you are not really sure if both of you are a ‘thing’ or not. It could also be one of those cases where the person you are involved with is hot and cold.
Whatever the case may be, nothing compares to getting mixed signals and wanting to know where one stands. It is unfair for anyone to be putting in work on barren land.

The society demands for a lady to be graceful about things so a lady might feel reluctant to ask certain questions. Truthfully those sorts of questions never hurt anyone because for your sanity you need to know if he is in or not, so by all means ask. It is wrong to assume your position. People love free things and nobody would stop you from cleaning, cooking or giving whatever privilege you might be granting such person.
I was listening to the radio the other day when a woman called in. one could tell how unhappy she was by the tone of her voice. She said the man she has been living with for over twelve years and has three kids with, refused to marry her. The man said he wasn’t sure she is the one. Can you imagine that?

The signs are always visible, somehow we can tell when someone is not really into us but we selectively hold on to those memories when they acted like they were. There are million and one reasons why he probably hasn’t made up his mind on you. He could be treating you like the bird in hand while still hunting for the other birds in the bush. Whatever the case, If he is not sure what you are to him as to define it, then he is probably not ready so just let him go. He can come back when he is sure but don’t be caught in that web of ‘maybe’.

However, not everyone is a bad person, so he could be passing such signals because he is a very shy person. If this is your observation, then you can help him by making him define what he really feels for you and make it exclusive.

This might sound cliché but you truthfully deserve so much better. Love is not an emotion that can be tamed. If love is in your life (unless you are a special attention seeker) you don’t need to be told, you’l know.

Time is wealth, do not let anyone waste your precious time .



Wednesday, July 1, 2015

You Can Always Start Over

This evening my buddy and I were talking about life. It was no pity party; we were simply moaning about the difficult decisions we have to make on this beautiful journey called life. Decisions about what to study, if we should study further, where to live, who to date, who to cut out of our lives... the list goes on. The choices we have to make in life are endless, and this got me thinking about where the wrong choices lead. Wrong choices can sometimes lead to a dead end where the only way out is to reverse and try another route, and this is what many of us find difficult. 

I have come to realize that living is like being in a theme park filled with rides that can shoot your adrenaline levels off the charts. Some rides are simply fun, some are downright scary, while some are a combination of both. In order to get your money's worth, chances are you will try different rides in the three different categories, right? That's the attitude you should have towards life. I have watched children very often at theme parks and admired their excitement for a new ride even though the last one they just got off was scary enough to send an adult like me into a heart attack. In spite of the fear, and perhaps unpleasantness of the previous ride, there are people who are often willing to go on another ride and start over. 

You must understand that your journey in life may not always be pleasant; as a matter of fact, it may be simply scary and not fun by any stretch of the imagination, but understand that the ride will come to an end, and you don't have to sit in a corner and relive how terrifying it was. You can start over on a different ride and enjoy it to the best of your ability. So you've made horrifying mistakes, who hasn't? Many successful people may like to have you believe they have everything together and have never stepped out of line, but that's not true. It is impossible to live a life of impact without making any mistakes. Understand that your mistakes are not there to define you, they are there to mould you and teach you the necessary lessons. 

You can always start over in life. You can always redefine yourself instead of letting the ride you're on define you. Don't be crippled by the fear of not matching up to your friends if you reverse and take another route. Don't be worried about what may seem like shame simply because you made an error in judgement. Without these mistakes, you'll simply be alive, but not living. Mistakes are part of the core of your existence, so you can have an impact on those you come across in life. Starting over is tough, no doubt about that. Sometimes, it may be easier to sit at a dead end and pretend that's what you want, and you might even be able to fool all the people around you into thinking you're forging a way through this dead end. But it will be more fulfilling to retrace your steps, learn all your lessons and start over on another route. XOXO

Ladies, You Don't Need A Rich Man Or A Man With Potentials.

I had a chat with a friend of mine recently and we shared a laugh over women that try to analyse a man’s purse from the first date. We all know that could be a wrong analysis, seeing as people set out to impress on first dates but many women are guilty of this.

We try to keep our cool and take things as they come but our analytical minds always take over. We find ourselves taking in every information from the first time we meet a potential suitor and project same into our future to see if such man fits into our big picture.

Have you ever caught yourself saying a prayer to God about needing a partner that is ‘rich’, and then you catch yourself midair and probably mutter to God to forgive your secular mind?
Come-on, don’t be like that. God doesn’t detest wealth.

Really though, who are we fooling.Money is an important factor in a relationship. 
If I were to check by a show of hands, I will discover that there are not many people that are interested in taking long stressful walks with their partners especially when the road looks endless. Meaning that a man, who is likely going to be, taken seriously by a woman has to either be rich or on his way to making something out of his life (otherwise referred to as a man with potentials).

You however need to be careful when making life changing decisions. Money is good but when in the wrong hands, it can fast become history. Meaning that you need to look past the cars, nice apartments and expensive gifts that a man gives you. You need to look at the man behind all that. What does he do? How hardworking is he?  What are his plans for the future? Is he motivated towards greatness? What are his core values?

I have seen really rich people become broke for one reason or the other but the possibility of them bouncing back is always totally dependent on their character.
If your focus is on all the flashy things, you might miss the signs that point to his success not being sustainable. Trust me there are lazy rich men and the signs are always there to see.

A man with potentials on the other hand might be a good partner if his potentials are well defined. You can’t compare a brilliant doctor that is still in school to an unemployed graduate that has loads of dreams and ideas but spends the bulk of his time playing video games. With one, finances would get better after some time, with the other you are not sure when things will get better since he never tries. 

All in all, a rich man is not who you need, what matters is the character of whoever you are with or getting with. Who you need is a confident, hardworking and focused man.

You don't need a rich man or a man with potentials, who you need is the man with the right attitude. The kind of attitude needed to weather whatever storm.

While you are on this hunt, I hope you know it goes two ways. A smart hardworking man wants a woman that can motivate him to be better. You will need more than your body to be that woman. What will you be bringing to the table? Work on your attitude and life too.
Remember Iron sharpens iron.


Link Within

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...