Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Handling Differences In Relationships/Marriage

Bollywood movies really capture what some of us think being in a relationship is. We assume everyday is a lovesong. We get the picture of a man and his lady smiling sheepishly while gazing into each other’s eyes like they could see into each other’s hearts. They both would have a theme song they’d dance to and be locked together in an embrace forever. And if there arose a villain, the man is portrayed as someone with super heroic powers. He kills all the enemies of love and does everything to be united with his woman. Dramatic much, I say.
Nollywood presents her own version of love with the prince falling for a maid and couples wearing matching attires with a penchant for meat/food straight from their lovers’ mouths (I suppose the saliva makes it taste better *chuckles)
Don’t even get me started on the romance novels with physically endowed damsels in distress and knights in shinning armours. Discovering they are soulmates because they are alike in every way and can complete each other’s sentences.

While it might seem I am making a mockery of these settings, I still believe love could be stronger than even what fiction portrayed. It is a good thing to fall in love but one has to appreciate that love comes to us in different ways and however way it may come, it doesn’t necessarily have to follow a defined pattern. 

 I find it interesting how life helps us create our own love stories with our individual peculiarities.The other day, I was having a discussion with an older friend of how little issues in relationships can become escalated when mismanaged. As a law student I wondered about what it meant when we studied cases of couples that broke up as a result of irreconcilable differences.

It is true that we really could  share a lot in common but still make a mess of what we have because we forgot that love isn't about perfect beings. No relationship is devoid of its peculiar issues. Whatever it is, minor differences can be as damaging as major differences, our attitude is what determines the consequence.

My colleague at work has this weird music taste for 70s blues and all I think of whenever he turns his playlist on is how his wife copes with that because I wonder if his young outgoing wife also shares his classic taste.

When I got newly married, I found out that I had to adjust to a number of things. I am sure my husband felt the same way too. I would rather watch a chick flick compared to a third time re run of a football game. If this difference in taste was left unattended , it could pave way to something deeper. It doesn't matter if the debate is about spicy foods or how to press toothpaste tubes, what matters is respecting that each person has the right to his/her opinion.

Those differences don't mean we are mismatched . To work through some of these differences;
  1. We just need to cultivate the right attitude towards making the needed amends. Always bear in mind that you are a member of a team and some things need not become dealbreakers.
  2. Communicating appropriately solves the bulk of issues encountered in relationships.Stop nagging, talk about the situation and come up with a common solution. 
  3. Remember that there is no need being rigid when compromise can be made.
  4.  Differences are good, the fact that we don't understand some things our partners do doesn't make those things bad, we just need to get our minds out of our fabled expectations of perfection. 

When it is all said and done, differences and all, love always wins but that is if we let it. 

Stay blessed.

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