Thursday, February 28, 2013

Would you open a joint account with your partner before marriage?

Oftentimes, I come across some people who say they have a joint account with their partners before marriage. When I ask why, they give different reasons ranging from "it helps me to manage my spending" to "It is for the wedding expenses".

As per the question "Would you open a joint account with your partner before marriage?", my answer is either an outright "No" or "Be very careful". My belief about marriage is that Nothing is cast in stone before marriage. Relationships do break up even minutes to the wedding day. I would rather open a joint account with someone AFTER marriage, not BEFORE. (This scenario pertains to Christians who do not live together under the same roof before marriage)

Why is Christian Dating So Diffiicult?

Christian Dating
A while ago someone asked "Why is christian dating such a challenging a task? It was quite easy for me to date as an unbeliever but ever since I got born again, dating has been a challenge."

I've heard a guy say he thought dating someone from his church felt fake because you are never free to express yourself, there seem to be many more don'ts than dos.

I think many new believers go through this. The real problem is an obvious one here. I want to start by asking one question though; If all you needed to pass a particular exam was to simply show up and write your name, would you bother to study hard? You sure need to do a lot more of studying God's Word to pass this one. I am of the opinion that Christian courtship (if done as it should be) is one of the most fulfilling forms of relationships there can be on the surface of the earth. The problem that most people have is that there is God's way of going about it (which people term as "rules" highlights the fact that people do not like rules or any semblance of restriction at that) but you have to choose between the broad-way of sin (which you have forsaken but which you and I must admit is more acceptable to the world) and the straight n' narrow path of the Christian life.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Best Way To Propose....

The best way to Propose
One day many women hold dearly is the day their husbands proposed. No matter how it is done, it is something a woman will never forget. If you are planning to propose, remember she'll probably be telling the story of how you proposed to friends and strangers for the rest of her life -and your kids.

My husband proposed on a screen in a cinema. He invited all my friends, they were all sitting behind me. I had no clue because I came in late and it was dark. The promo started and the next thing I saw on the screen was, "Will u marry me Ijeoma?" I was like "Can't wait to see this movie they used my name in". Then he got on one knee and all my friends came out and I realized half d people there were our friends. I threw my popcorn away, it was such a shock I almost forgot to answer. Although I'm a very private person, I loved it. He later told me it took 4 months to plan, get approval for it to be done and I felt really special.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Dated Him for Years And He Married Someone Else?

Dated Him but now married to someone else
After being in a relationship with a guy for years he married someone else! Behind your back! Many ladies don't discuss this but it happens more often than you might think. A guy and a girl date for several years only for her to stumble upon his wedding invitation or his face (and the face of his bride) on a wedding souvenir. Yes he is set to wed or already wedded some girl you never even knew existed. Suddenly you know why his calls have been few and far between, that's why he didn't come back to apologise after that slight all makes sense.

Then what happens next? You cry yourself to sleep and wonder if you weren't pretty enough, smart enough or caring enough. This introspection can be valuable but often it only leads to a downward spiral of self pity, further hate for mankind and then a numbness! I can tell you for free - Human beings are unpredictable. But an old adage says "If you close your eyes because you do not want to see bad people, a good person will pass while your eyes are closed" 

Monday, February 25, 2013

Don't Keep Score in your relationships. Just Forgive

Keeping Score
You do not know the weight of a truth until you are told to live according to this truth.

I remember a particular incident about keeping scores when I was growing up. I was about 10 years old and my junior brother (just 2 years younger than me) annoyed me and I retaliated by smacking him very hard. When my Mum heard him cry, she called out to find out the reason for this. I told her that my brother annoyed me and I hit him very hard. Looking at the cause of the annoyance alone, she could not understand why I had hit him so hard. I now told her that he has done the same time 3 times in the last couple of days and I let him go.  She pulled me aside and warned me about keeping count of people's misdeeds and not letting them know right away.

Since then I have learnt not to keep score. Now my motto is this. If anybody wrongs me, I choose whether it is worth bothering about it or not. If not worth it, I totally forgive and forget instantly. On the other hand, I tell the person straight away about the misdeed and that I have been hurt. I then proceed to discuss with the person so that we resolve the issue and how we can ensure that it doesn't happen again.

What is love???

February is almost over and so there goes the month of love. Recently, I happened upon a discussion on the topic of love. This issue was treated in earlier blog posts - Why should I get married? and Tough love is real love but I feel an urge to expand on the issue of love more specifically.

Almost all the religions of the world hold love in paramount esteem. The message of Christ is based on Love: “Love for God and Love for one’s neighbour.” Almost all the prophets talked about the importance of love. But what exactly is love? Since love is very important, we should know exactly what love is. But there is more than a thousand definition of love, some definitions very contrary to others. We here definitions like: "Love is jealous, love is blind and etc" Other definitions say: "God is love, etc"

The Bible tells us that love is patient and kind, it is not jealous it does not brag, it is not proud, neither is it rude or selfish and it cannot be made angry easily, it does not hold grudges, it is not happy with people who do wrong, but always happy with the truth. Love never gives up on people, it never loses hope, nor does it stop trusting. It never quits, and It has no end.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Goldie Harvey - God's Permissive Will In A Woman's Career

So it has been all over the web, news, tabloids the news of Goldie Harvey's death. After her time on Big Brother, she gained a lot more fame and popularity and even more when she attended the Grammy awards and the next was her sad unexpected death. I read many comments from people who had formerly said many uncharitable things about her have a total change of heart.

What many didn't envisage would be the astounding revelations of a husband that hardly anyone had ever heard of, but whose wedding pictures could not have been "photoshopped". And his sad declaration that they wanted to start having children this year. She had envisaged, her audience (mostly Nigerian) might not accept her if they knew she was married to a European. She might have been considered an odd ball and people would cast all sorts of aspersions. So she chose to keep her private life private and pursue her career with tenacity.

How to Respect Your Husband More - Whitney Hopler

Men’s greatest need in marriage is respect. Yet, too often, wives neglect to give their husbands the respect they need, which significantly damages their marriages.

When you withhold respect from your husband, it’s as painful to him and harmful to your marriage as if he is withholding love (women’s greatest need in marriage) from you. Respecting your husband is a challenge – especially when he doesn’t deserve it. But God stands ready to help you learn how to give your husband the unconditional respect that’s necessary for your marriage to thrive.

Here’s how you can learn how to respect your husband more:

Reflect on how your parents’ relationship has impacted your own marriage views. Think about the kind of example your parents set for you growing up about how men and women respect each other. What good and bad choices did they make about respect, and how has their example impacted your current views about respect in marriage?

Friday, February 22, 2013

When Dad Doesn't Believe - Nancy Sebastian Meyer

Four practical suggestions for cultivating hope and peace in your family, even when your spouse has no faith

I shifted my position in the pew, once again wishing that Rich, my husband, would fill the empty seat beside me. Later, when the choir sang “I trust You, Lord,” tears burned the back of my eyelids and blurred my vision—not because I couldn’t trust God, but because I could do nothing but trust Him. 

God’s transforming power in my life over the past twelve years worked changes in me that have turned me into the wife and mother I am today, the wife and mother God calls and equips me to be. The changes in me, in turn, have brought love, hope and peace back to our family, even in the midst of my husband’s lack of faith. If you find yourself in a similar situation here are some practical suggestions.

1) Realize that you are never alone. Have you ever asked yourself if you married the wrong man? Have you ever wondered when your husband will get serious about his relationship with God? Do you long for your husband to assume his God-ordained position as spiritual leader of your home? If you said yes to any of these questions, you belong to a large contingency of women. Whether or not you recognize God or feel His gentle touch in your life, He is with you. He’s been a part of your life and in step with you since you became His precious child.

10 ways to love

Will Mummy Lose It, Will Daddy Understand?

Too often we hear of stories of teens keeping all sorts of secrets from their parents. Kids don’t just come up to a parent and say things like “I know you want me to get As in school and I have a chance to cheat in the test; what should I do?”  How many girls tell their mums when they embark on their first relationship? Or when they lose their virginity? How many boys tell their fathers they are drinking or smoking or have been offered drugs?  Children keep hiding information from their parents.

Perhaps they think they know it all? Naaah! they ask their friends for advice because they know Mummy is going to lose it and Dad just won't understand.

I'm no Jesus, but I was tempted in every way too so I can't act like I don't know what my daughter is talking about when she says her friends want to get tattoos. My friends wanted to get tattoos too and some did, I didn't and and these are what informed my decisions (other than the fact that my mum would have whipped me black and blue).  We cannot direct our children with only metaphorical metaphors and analogies; we have to build trust.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

9 Secrets from a 73-year Marriage

After 73 years of marriage, 94-year old Barbara Cooper knows how to get through matrimony's rough patches. The author of Fall in Love for Life shares her hard-earned wisdom.

On making time to make love 
"I don't understand couples who say they are too busy or too tired to sleep together. Unless they are building roads all day or running a multi-national corporation, I expect they have just lost sight of priorities. If you wish to stay connected and happy in your marriage, my advice to you is to never be too tired or too busy to feel love for your partner. When your life is nearly over, you will regret it if you look back and recall too many nights when you made excuses instead of making love." 

On bickering 
"The most important thing for any couple trying to get along is to think before you speak. If you are bickering and find that you are getting angry, take a deep breath and change course, and ask your partner to do the same. Try saying something conciliatory like, 'I don't know why this is making me so upset, but it is, so can you just humor me and help me get over it?' By simply admitting you are losing your cool, you may find that the anger quickly dissipates." 

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

"The Day Oprah Called"- Lessons On Mistakes

A few weeks ago I started receiving calls from a private number. The first time the person just confirmed it was me and then the line disconnected. Who could it be? Perhaps I had come into a large inheritance? Could it be Oprah calling to tell me what a good job I was doing with these articles? Eventually the mystery caller identifies himself as a person I had dated before I met my husband. For real? It's you? So you're not from Oprah? 

Needless to say, I wasn't exactly elated especially since the relationship hadn't ended on a good note and here he was, telling me he wasn't from Oprah. He had called to apologize (a couple of years too late, I thought) " I just want to apologise because I offended you. I want to be sure I'm forgiven" Of course, I had forgiven him and forgotten long ago and a loving husband and lovely daughter after- I'm probably glad we parted. After all, to err is human and to forgive is divine. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

When You are in Love....

When you are in love
How does it really feel when you are in love? Personally I just can't stop thinking about my love; my wife. My wife still excites me even after 14 years of marriage. The feelings that I have for her are still as strong as the time I was courting her, sometimes I think even stronger. Despite our ups and downs (mostly in early years of forming and norming), I see her as BFF (Best Friend Forever), my lover, my wife and I don't think she would do anything to hurt me. She has my back and I have hers.

When you are in love, you’ll willingly do anything to be alone with the one you are crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it’s painful, even miserable. Days seem like years. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together.

Just as we cherish and show love for our loved ones, how do we show our love for God? Do we think He needs our love? Can we truly love someone we cannot see, feel or touch?

Saturday, February 16, 2013

5 Things Every Son Needs to Hear From His Dad - Daniel Darling

Father and Son
By God's good grace, I'm the father of four beautiful children: three girls and one boy. Last time I wrote about the 5 things a daughter must hear from her dad. Today I want to talk about fathers and sons.

Just as there is something wonderful about being the father of daughters, there is something wonderful about being the father of a son. In my house, Daniel Jr (4) and I are outmatched four-to-one by girls, so we sort of stick together to make sure everything is not painted pink, some football gets watched on a regular basis, and that we watch as many superhero movies as Barbie movies.

Seriously though, the job of raising a son is a noble and important task. Sadly, it's a job many men abdicate, leading to what is now a full-blown crisis in our country: a crisis of fatherhood. Look up the statistics when you have time and you will see that a very high percentage of young men in prison experienced little or no involvement from Dad. In my pastoral role, I've seen the devastating effects of a father's absence or lack of leadership in the life of his son.

Trying to conceive......

Nneka and Moses Isaac with with their baby
Nneka and Moses Isaac with their baby, Chikamara Joshua
Just yesterday I watched an interview with Nneka and Moses Isaac the minds behind Goge Africa, the long running travelogue. Over the years the program has expanded in popularity, concept and reach. I've always been impressed by this husband and wife team. They have been promoting African culture and tourism since 1999. The couple present, produce and direct the award winning culture and tourism TV show – Goge Africa. They were interviewed alongside their one year old son, who is the couples first child since their marriage in 1998.

Waiting for the fruit of the womb is one challenge that can really put a strain on marriage. Many times couples are patient but after one or two years without an issue pressure starts mounting left right and centre. Some men try their luck elsewhere, some in-laws will even arrange another girl for the man and when that fails they are encouraged to go to all sorts of places for a solution. So couples, especially women, are left traumatised by the constant pressure.

Nneka said her husband was her rock. She confessed that some times she would be so low especially at the onset of another period but her husband would tell her not to worry. He said his faith was in the fact that God loved all his children equally and one day it would be his turn.

(The couple had a child in the first year of their marriage but it was a stillbirth. Moses says "I think that was the most challenging period of my marriage. It made me more sober and more mature.")

Nneka mentioned that one thing that really helped her was forging friendships with older women."Women who had seen life! They helped me focus". She said her faith in God helped stabilize her and gave her hope. She added that since they didn't have any children to get in the way, they made sure they enjoyed each Valentines day to the fullest.

Related post: Reminder - Those that are still expecting the fruit of the womb

On the question of how they managed to maintain such a happy marriage Nneka Moses said "I never focus on his weaknesses but on his strengths and all the good things he does".

This couple waited 14 years and although its not that easy, but there shouldn't be any limit to how long you can wait. One begs to ask, why am I getting married? A lot of people get married 4 the wrongest reasons. When one marries the person he truly loves and cares about, children or the lack there of, should not be the main issue. Children would be like the icing on the cake. Thank God, these days the option of IVF and adoption is very open and available. The only person that gives children is God Almighty, and faith has a major role to play while waiting.

Ijeoma Olujekun

Friday, February 15, 2013

5 Things Every Daughter Needs to Hear From Her Dad - Daniel Darling

5 Things Every Daughter Needs to Hear From Her Dad
I’m a father of four beautiful children, three of whom are girls. My oldest daughter is eight years old and with each passing year since her birth, I’ve become more conservative when it comes to all things that pertain to my girls. I’m not a gun enthusiast, but I could be if it meant standing at the porch waiting for the first guy who dares to ask one of my daughters on a date.

Seriously though, I love having daughters. There is something about having a daughter that softens a man, adds a certain tenderness to his soul. In that spirit, I’d like to share five things every daughter needs to hear from her father:

So Valentine Is Over and You Didn't Get The Beemer You Were Expecting...

Valentine's day is over, but love is still in the air. Many people gave gifts to express their love. But only a gift from the heart, a gift born out of pure love, benefits the spirit of both the recipient and the giver. But with the overwhelming number of couples who expressed this love we must honestly examine this love.

Yesterday many ladies might have experienced disappointment. The cake wasn't big enough, or pretty enough. Why an iPhone instead of an iPad after all he can afford I not worth it? Perhaps he doesn't love me enough.

Consider this analogy: A child’s birthday arrives. His rich parents, uncles and brothers, spend lots of money and buy this child’s expensive toys. However, to them, they are just following the tradition of giving gifts on birthdays; perhaps some of their gifts are born out their desire to show how generous they are. And sometimes these gift-giving ceremonies are not but an arena for people to show how much they have, or to buy the child’s love and respect. Hence a competition for the child’s love. Even parents sometimes indulge in this base competition!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

God's Valentine - Jan Shrader

Valentine's day
We all love romance. We all love a good love story. I don’t know if it is ingrained in us to love romance, or a product of Disney marketing, but it does seem like from an early age we are enamored by a good love story. And a love story which started the keeping of Valentine’s Day, now that is a legend worth telling.

The early church was a persecuted church. You might remember from your ancient history that the Romans had a pantheon of gods which they worshipped. They even practiced a strange mix of patriotism and religiosity where once a year they bowed before an image of the current Roman emperor and called him a god. Now the early Christians refused to practice this emperor worship. All they had to do was say, “Caesar is Lord” once a year and their lives would be spared, but the Christians could only say, “Jesus is Lord” and so their Christian faith cost them their lives. This persecution lasted on and off for over three hundred years until Constantine rose to power in about 306 A.D. Because of their behavior the Romans had a name they gave to the Christians. The name was "atheist." Today we call a person an atheist who doesn’t believe in God, but in those days they called someone an atheist who did not believe in the pantheon of Roman gods.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

How To Avoid Ruining Your Marriage (for married men) - Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

How to avoid ruining your marriage
Pastor Bimbo Odukoya
Rule 1: Never Be Unfaithful To Your Wife

This is a biggie. Marriage is sacred - whether you are religious or not. Being unfaithful to your wife not only proves to her that you disrespect her, but also that you are untrustworthy. Simply never even think about doing it, much less actually doing it. The excitement of an illicit affair is simply not worth the pain it brings.

Rule 2: Never Lie To Your Wife

Being truthful, and speaking only the truth, is the only way to ensure that you are never "caught out." If you lie to your wife you will be caught out at some stage, and then she will wonder how many other lies you have told her, and whether you can be trusted at all. It might be painful to tell the truth, but it is always less painful than being caught out lying.

Married to Mrs. Right? You still have to work at your marriage.

So after years for searching for Mrs Right, you finally found her. No more instant noodles and fast food and late nights  it's just fresh soups (loads of rice), lots of periodical home redecoration and life is good! Many men say "Before marriage, you yearn for your wife but after marriage, the "Y" becomes silent" while ladies will say "Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you but after marriage, he won't even lay down his laptop to listen to you".

But what doesn't occur to most men is that often, Mrs. Right thinks she is ALWAYS right. No, this is no feminist or chauvinist agenda. In many homes the women just insist that they are right and unfortunately some men just give in, in order to avoid conflict and others: (in order to just prove the other wrong) argue endlessly, each trying to have the last word. The truth is whatever will not matter in 10 years time is not worth arguing over at all.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Third Parties And Three Sides To a Coin

The phrase “iron sharpens iron” is found in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” There is mutual benefit in the rubbing of two iron blades together; the edges become sharper, making the knives more efficient in their task to cut and slice. Likewise the Word of God is a ‘double-edged sword’ (Hebrews 4:12), and it is with this that we are to sharpen one another—in times of meeting, fellowship, or any other interaction. Too often what passes as fellowship in the modern church is centered on food and fun, not on sharpening one another with the Word of God. In far too many instances, the only knives being sharpened are the ones used to cut the chicken.

There's a whole world of discovery, loving, and learning after the wedding and honeymoon. Whether you're a newlywed or have been married for what seems like an eternity, the marital relationship is one that requires constant attention, nurturing, love, and constant learning! Disagreements are sure to crop up in a marriage, but they do not have to lead to hurtful conflicts.

Monday, February 11, 2013

If Your Husband Fathered A Child Out Of Wedlock.....

Child out of wedlock
A recent poll asked Nigerian women what they would do if they discovered their husband had an illegitimate child. The results were as follows: Leave him: 17% Forgive him: 36% Raise the child: 42% Punish the child: 0% Keep it secret: 4%.

For some Christians this is embarrassing, they wouldn't want everyone to know about this evidence of their exuberant youth, especially in a case where the child has been with his or her mother over the years and then suddenly the child is delivered at your door step like a pizza or an electricity bill.

Some women might see this child as a threat, a threat to her "normal family", her children, her husband's wealth. So many questions arise. Should I encourage my husband to be a part of this child's life? Certainly! What if this child hasn't been raised properly...has an attitude? What if this child doesn't like me or my kids and is only in search of a deeper relationship with his or her father? What about his mum? No matter what you choose to do, your life has changed so has that of your children, they now have a half sibling.

Four Decisions Healthy Couples Make - Jill Savage

Four Decisions Healthy Couples Make
Every Friday is date day for my husband and me. It’s a decision we make in advance.

Learning to make advance decisions can be one of the best strategies for protecting your marriage and keeping it a priority. In 28 years of marriage, Mark and I have learned that we need to decide in advance how we will give time, protection, and investment to our marriage. If we don’t make those decisions, the frantic pace of life will eventually erode the love and commitment we have.

Scheduling dates is one decision every married couple should make. If you have dates on your calendar for the next three to four months, you are assured that you will take time to play together, have fun together, and carry on a conversation on a regular basis without the interruption of your children. If you’ve never done this before, sit down together with a calendar and put a big heart on the days you will plan for some time together. If your children are young, arrange for a sitter about one month in advance. And don’t worry about dates needing to cost a lot of money; we’re not talking dinner and a movie every time. A date can be something as simple as taking a walk together or having a picnic in the park. What’s most important is that you take time to laugh, talk, and play together.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Should Christian Women Change Their Maiden Names After Marriage?

I travel rather frequently across the Sub-Saharan part of the African Continent because of my job.  In the course of my travels, I noticed something rather interesting in Kenya. I noticed that most of the highly educated women I interacted with, still had their maiden names. When I asked why they had not changed their names after marriage, I got some interesting answers such as "It is such a tedious task to change my maiden name in Kenya. It is a long process."; "I don't want to let go of my family name"; "Why do I have to be the one to change my name? Why can't my husband change his name?"; "I haven't gotten round to it". Though they considered the responses rather legitimate, I could not understand the rationale. I also could not believe that the husbands allowed it.

When I asked one of the guys whose wife was still using her maiden name, he said that he tried to persuade her but she refused.

The “Facebook Deactivation Agreement” An Example of Cosmopolitan Parenting?

Facebook Deactivation Agreement
Some of you might have come across this story during the week. For those who didn't, here goes: Basically,  a girl by the name of Rachel Baier, a 14-year-old high school student in the US, promised her dad that she would leave Facebook for five months. In return, her father will pay her $200, $50 in April and the additional $150 in June.

To prevent any foul play, her father, Paul Baier has access to Rachel's Facebook account and can change the password to avoid reactivation or log-ins from other computers.

It makes sense for a father to try and rid his daughter of distraction during the last few months of school, but in this instance, it was Rachel's idea. "It was her idea," Baier told the Daily Dot. "She wants to earn money and also finds Facebook a distraction and a waste of time sometimes. She plans to go back on after the six months is over. She mostly wanted and needed the money as she has been frustrated by not finding babysitting jobs. She is an honors student but she says Facebook can be distracting. She originally asked for $70, but then, like an expert negotiator, she came back and asked for $200. When she realized it would be for five months, she wanted an amount that would really excite her," Paul explained.

Friday, February 8, 2013

The family That Set Goals Together, Grows Together

The family That Set Goals Together
We all know the cycle, mummy and daddy come to a conclusion that it's time to redecorate the home. They might outline a budget and cut down on other expenses and just tell the kids that they are redecorating the house and so they can't have this or that "So boys and girls get with the program".

I wonder how many times husbands and wives set goals and involve their children. I believe that setting a common goal gives us and our children a blueprint for what we are doing. They are learning how to run a family from us. Once you have defined what you want to do individually as a person and as a couple, every member in the family should be a part of it. 

We want our kids to be responsible, help each other, love each other, trust each other but many times, a true sense of unity or unity of purpose is missing. If mum and dad are redecorating the home at great expense and the kids still want to give away expensive party packs or have a big birthday party; then it is because even though they are children, they don't see the redecoration of the home as "their thing".

Thursday, February 7, 2013

What Speaks Love to Your Husband? - Cindi McMenamin

If I asked you “What makes your husband feel loved?” would you be able to tell me?

As I interviewed hundreds of wives for my newly-released book, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, I discovered most wives are more focused on what their husband’s aren’t doing to meet their expectations than on what they can do to make him feel loved. 

I, too, was once in that camp. I continued to let my husband know how he was failing to meet all my needs and expectations. Poor guy. I never thought to ask him how I could meet his.

Then I decided that if transformation was really going to happen in my marriage, it had to start with me. So I prayed: “God, help me to love him as You do. And as I do that, I trust You will take care of the rest.”

All You Need To know About Bras, Pads, Anniversaries and Loving Your Woman

All you kneed to know about bras
The woman in the picture reminds me of the woman in Songs of Solomon who said "I have taken off my robe--must I put it on again? I have washed my feet--must I soil them again?" That sister was too blessed to be stressed!

So many men don't really understand women and why should they? It's difficult to understand something alien to you; there are some lucky ones who grew up with lots of sisters, so for them it will be easier. Many conflicts in marriage arise because men simply can't comprehend their women and women in general. By this, I mean they don't think in the way that women do. They aren't emotionally wired in the same way that women are. God wired women and men differently because of their unique roles.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Why Are You Jealous Dear?

Someone shared a story about the early years of her marriage. She said she had just got born again and she knew her husband was quite a ladies man. She knew she couldn't stop him from doing anything he wanted to do, so she prayed for him to get saved also. He did get saved and confessed that every time he was with one of those girls, he just couldn't perform.

Have you ever come across a man who gets aggravated when his wife goes out alone. He is so scared that she will fall into the arms of someone richer or more interesting that he just can't stop going through her phone, her bag (for cards) and any other place he might come across any incriminating evidence. Or the woman who after going through her husband's phone goes through his pockets, smells his shirt, even checks out his location via Google maps (No, i'm not kidding). She can't follow him to work or on any of his business trips but if he dares miss a call...let's just say, you would not want to be in his shoes.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What is Cheating Really???

What is Cheating really?
Recently I read an article on Huffington Post that got me thinking on what people really think cheating is.

The definition seems to vary depending on who you ask. Of the 2,700 U.S. singles surveyed, both genders (95 percent of men and 100 percent of women) agreed that having sex with another person was an act of infidelity.

However, all of the women polled (100 percent) thought that sharing a passionate kiss counted as cheating, but only 86 percent of men felt the same ( I wonder if the conscience in the remaining 14 is still alive). And though more than 80 percent of women felt that texting or online flirting were unfaithful acts, only 56 percent of men agreed. Men and women also differed when it came to whether or not an emotional relationship constituted as cheating, with 55 percent of men and 77 percent of women deeming emotional connections an infidelity.

Christian and Jewish singles agreed in many of their definitions of cheating. Almost all respondents of both religions -- 99 percent of Christians and 98 percent Jews-- agreed that a passionate kiss is an act of cheating. Roughly the same percentage of Christians and Jews -- 68 percent and 67 percent, respectively -- believe having an emotional relationship counts as cheating.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Suicidal Tendencies In Nigerians teens...Is It Really Shocking?

University of Lagos
University of Lagos
This weekend I read about a student of University of Lagos simply identified as Seun, who took his own life on Tuesday 19th January 2013. Family and friends are still in shock over his death. Suicide among Nigerian youths is not a common occurrence, although some years ago another UNILAG student committed suicide after years of failing a particular compulsory course.

It is disturbing to read "The Punch" report which claims that two undergraduate students of UNILAG have committed suicide in the last one month. The previous one happened on New Year's Eve when a Computer Science student of the university, also allegedly committed suicide at his parents’ home. The 19-year-old was said to be a brilliant student with a cumulative grade point average of about 3.9. He reportedly stayed at home when his parents went for the cross-over service in church, only for them to come back and see his body dangling from where he hanged himself.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

A true relationship with God - Nick Vijucic. The man born without arms and legs

Nick Vujicic
Nick Vujicic
As I watched this clip of Nick Vujicic (the man born without arms and legs) on Oprah's show,  I felt the warm love and connection that this guy had with his God. He truly believed not in his disabilities, but in his deep relationship with his Creator. Even though some might think he is an unfinished work, he sees himself as fearfully and wonderfully made by God.

He may have had a hard time growing up as a child, but he basked in the love of his parents and his God. He accepted his "so called disabilities", dedicated them to God and God gave him the wisdom and understanding to live with them, still proclaiming the glorious, wondrous love that God has for him. It is truly awesome.

Nicholas James Vujicic was born on 4th December 1982 with Tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. As a child, he struggled mentally and emotionally, as well as physically, but eventually came to terms with his disability and, at the age of seventeen, started his own non-profit organization, Life Without Limbs.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Tough Love Is Real Love

Tough Love is Real Love
Many will agree that sparing the rod spoils the child. Our parents disciplined us and this is what brought about correction and inner reversal of folly. The immediate discomfort we might experience, our tears, our pleas never deterred them from correcting us. Then we grew up and became independent and somehow life, Hollywood and our desire for convenience has made us forget what true love really is.

You see wives and even girlfriends get beaten black and blue by men who say they love them and they endure it because of this same love. A lady who has grown up to be rude and insolent, goes through life having issues with everyone and although this behavior was apparent in her youth, nobody corrected her and categorically pointed out why she had to change but they all claimed to love her. Even a woman who stands up to her boss at work, comes home and expects sympathy from her husband and a pat on the back all in the name of love. 

Friday, February 1, 2013

What I Think True Beauty Is

True Beauty
A guest post from Dyaji Charles.

Sometime back I sat with a wise old man and we discussed about a lot of things. Our topics ranged from Business, Politics, History, Lifestyle and even Sports. This “young” man is simply versatile and has sufficient depth in most areas we covered. Of course we talked on Relationships and Marriage too. While conversing he popped a question to me, “What do you think true beauty is?” I paused a bit, not because the question caught me off guard, but I really didn’t know how to adequately articulate what I think true beauty is. He smiled and looked at me then said “You don’t need to answer me, just think about it”.

Welcome to the Month of Reminders a.k.a Month of Love

February, the month of Love
 "The best Valentine's Present I ever gave my husband was when I was short on cash so I thought of a romantic idea for Valentines. I lined Hershey's Kisses from the door to the bathtub and put flowers in the tub. Just above the tap was a note that said "Now that I have "kissed" the ground you walk on "showered" you with flowers, will you be my Valentine?" He loved it!"     —Letha Miller, Birmingham, Ala.

"I'm a nurse, I came home after the second of two busy shifts.  I kissed my husband who was up watching a movie, spent a few minutes with him and then walked upstairs to put my bag in our bedroom.  There was a beautiful bouquet of red roses on the table in the hallway and a card taped on our bedroom door with a safety pin on it.  The card said "I love you more than I can show".  Well, I was so touched— but wondered what the safety pin was for.  I found out as soon as I opened the bedroom door.  The room was filled with 500 red balloons.  They covered everything.  I screamed with laughter, then ran down and kissed him. We had a blast playing in the balloons— and then later using the safety pin to pop all of them. What a great surprise and what an incredible man. After 20 years, he just gets better and better." - Sue Kilgore, Lenexa Ky. 

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