To Those Grieving - You Are Not Alone

Dear BrokenHearted One,

Would you believe if I told you that thinking about your situation breaks my heart into small pieces?

Not because I understand how deeply you have been hurt or because I can relate to your level of grief but because I do not know what to say or do to bring you out of your misery.

I see the distant look in your eyes and I am scared you may never be present with us again no matter how near you are.

I also suspect there are times you close your eyes and open them again wishing your situation is a nightmare. You know I do this too with the hope that we can joke about it all in one of the social media chatrooms.

I ask after your welfare because I really do care and I know that the ‘I am fine’ reply is the wall you have built to shut out all the long sermons.

I am here with all these questions on whys and what-ifs but all I can hear is my own voice. I feel so defeated because I really do wish there was a balm that can be prescribed and applied to your torn heart.

My dear, I have typed so many times hoping to send you one of those long messages that all of those that care about you do send but I am sure you hardly read them anymore. So, I wouldn’t be sending this one to you.

Have Faith Like A Child's : A Mother's Testimony

The beauty of being a child isn’t in having no cares in the world. It isn’t about how youthful one looks.

The beauty of being a child lies in the uncorrupted sense of wonder. The ability to genuinely rely on God and trust that He would do what He says he would do.

Circumstances, sometimes make us over rationalise things. We find ourselves putting God in the box of our own limitations. We recite the 'Give us our daily bread' without really thinking that God is capable of doing it.

Being wired to rely on structures and the works of our hands isn’t bad on its own. Afterall God created us to be thinking beings but the reliance on

Dear Husband, Birth Control Should Not Be Left For Your Wife Alone

It is interesting in this day and age that men still leave the issue of birth control to their wives. How can a man say, "I thought you were doing something. How can you get pregnant without telling me?"

I remember sometime back when someone told me her husband was furious with her when she said she was pregnant. I was amazed at her husband's reaction. I proceeded to ask the following questions;

Question: Were you using any birth control method?
Wife: No

Question: Did your husband know that you were not using any birth control method?
Wife: Yes

Question: Was he using any birth control method?
Wife: No

Question: And both of you continued to engage in regular sex?
Wife: Yes

Will my Husband Go Astray Because Of Occasional Daddy Daycare Duties?

“I woke up to get her bathing water ready and pack my daughter’s lunch but then I realized it was already 5:30. I must have overslept, she was already in the shower” The words of, the wife of a busy husband? No, those were the words of my colleague, a busy husband of an equally busy wife whose is expecting their second baby.

I am tempted to say that there is something about our culture that promotes the notion that the more hands-on the daddy of the house is, the higher the likelihood that he would yearn for a less demanding, more kitchen and cleaning devoted woman. Guys, is that true?

So should my dear colleague’s wife quit her job in one of the leading oil companies in the nation and remain within a 5 meter radius of the kitchen to safeguard her marriage? Should female children all over the world grow up believing there is no point in pursuing a high flying career if she also aspires to marry and have kids? I think not.

I read an article where a working mum mentioned that equal parenting is indisputably the most efficient way of organizing childcare when both parents choose to or need to work, and that is so true.  However ladies, before you forward this article to your husband, remember that we should study them and know HOW BEST to work together on the home front and accept that there will be the good and bad, successes and  failures and you might have to bite your lip and overlook some of his oversights.

I admit that it’s a bit unrealistic to expect equal to be equal in every respect. However, the sheer willingness to roll up both sleeves means that we regard the fact that It takes two to make babies and therefore it will also take two parents to raise them. Not to mention that this attitude rubs off on our children and sets a wonderful example of teamwork, sacrificial love and family unity for them to emulate when they have their own families.

That a man chooses to get in there and help his wife out at home instead of chilling at a bar with an available side chick, doesn't mean that he is being a hero, it means that he is being a dad…a REAL dad, a big thumbs up to all of you out there!

By Ijeoma Olujekun

10 Confusing Truths About Friendship

I came across this post and thought I'd share it with you guys. I hope you find it as thought-provoking as I did.


Friendship is one of the most important relationship we could form in our lives.

Whether good or bad, our friends affect the way we think and who we are. These are some interesting and confusing facts about friendship below;

1. "We hate it when our friends become successful," says Morrissey Sang, but successful friends make us more successful.

2. Many romantic couples will celebrate a year or even six months together, yet many friends do not even acknowledge the milestone of a 20, 30, or 40-year friendship.

3. Parents are obsessed with whether or not their teens are with the "wrong crowd" yet rarely question whether or not they themselves are.

"Family Rules" signs, What Would Have on Yours?

"Family Rules" signs seem to have become all the rage. I came across one in my brother's house (his wife is very interior savvy) it says "In this house we Love we Forgive ..." I don't remember the rest but its really very nice.

 So I started looking out for one for our new apartment, you know, to make it more intimate- I came across loads of them: Say thank you, Always pray, Pay with hugs and kisses, Find beauty everywhere, Dream big and so many others- a testament to all of the things we often never quite live up to but wish we would. I have chosen to make a customised set of rules that applies to our family. You know, with my favourite verses and some other pertinent rules and, " Laugh often and SMILE more" rules that we can aspire to both as a parents, friends and children of God.

1. Jesus loves you; who am I not to?
2. Have faith
3. Always keep your promises
4. Share
5. SwimSumTime
   

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!

Recently, I had the displeasure of meeting *Rukky. Rukky is the outgoing, over extroverted girl. Very friendly (but shallow), talks a lot and always has an opinion about everything.

Rukky doesn't need to know you to tell you how to run your life. Bring up any topic and Rukky must contribute. Needless to say she put her foot in her mouth a lot of times; spoke without thinking, and often had to retract a lot of statements.

In our quest to appear enlightened and trendy, a lot of us become Rukkys , especially online; across all social media platforms. Quick to comment, even when talking off point. Quick to claim knowledge and familiarity. The Mr/Mrs know all’s, the Dangote’s godchild, who ‘cooks shawarmas, and ‘visits the beach in Washington DC’. From our rulers/politicians(I recently watched a politician negate and attempt to defend a speech he made previously), to the white and blue collar workers, to the youths and children. Even in our intimate relationships, a lot of conflicts will be avoided if both parties think before they speak. Here are a few tips to help us when conversing interface and across social media platforms:

For the Christian Man: Does it bother you that you cannot get her to the Peak?

One of the greatest issues in marriage that christian couples don't talk about, is their sex life. Unfortunately some couples do not know how to bring it up for fear of being perceived as too "carnal". From the counselling sessions that I have conducted, the women seem to be the ones suffering in silence.

For a man, it is easy to get to the height, roll over and snore. But does it bother you if she doesn't get to that same height? Don't you wish that she would be the one asking for sex instead of you trying to convince her to have sex with you?

As you may already know, sex is a spontaneous reaction for most men. All you need to get turned on is to see your wife in her sexy negligee. However it is not the same for most women. They have to mentally prepared for sex. They have to be in the right mood.

10 things You need to Start Doing For Yourself Right Now

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

2. Start making holiness a priority. It's funny how we gloss over the topic of holiness - in fact, it isn’t funny. It might be hard to think of yourself as a holy person but it is attainable. Today, start asking God for forgiveness instead of just overlooking small sins, if you are sincere after a while you will not want to keep saying sorry but, actually live up to His expectations of you.

3. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn't your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you've done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

My Sunday of Unrealistic Expectations

In the spirit of family bonding and practicing what I preach, I convinced my husband to shelf his after church plans and take myself and our daughter to swim. 

I had it all planned out, swimming costume, floater etc. Daddy on standby to take several shots of the future swimming champion (footage for her future biography, of course). It was to be one of those mini dream come true moments. Our 1 year, 10 month-old daughter, in the pool for the first time.

But then something was terribly wrong; she didn't want to get into the pool. We begged, cajoled, almost forced her but baby Jada wouldn't get in. Then the shocking part was that when I started swimming and making a show of having a nice time, she trembled in Daddy's arms and kept urging me to get out “Mammy! Mummy!”. She was positively anxious for my safety also. And there I was totally deflated with another parenting lesson learnt - Jada is much more comfortable on dry land. 

How many of These 90s Hits Would You Let Your Children Listen To?

Allow me to take you on a little trip down memory lane, to a time when Brandy  still wore braids and "lol" still stood for "lots of love", long before Mel B was in The Spice Girls.

How many of you listened to "Freak Like Me" by Adina Howard? The name itself should have been a huge indicator that the song was probably not appropriate for young ears, but did that stop my cousins from playing it over and over again till I knew all the lyrics? Oh no! "Cause I will be a freak until the day, until the dawn, And we can pump pump all through the night, 'Til the early morn..." I remember trying hard to figure out what a “Gangsta lean"was. 

What about, "If you want it tonight, Just come through my door, Take off my clothes, And turn on the red light" that was" "Red Light Special" by TLC asin serzly though, no wonder people don't fall in love the way they used to in my parent's days. Then there was  "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd The whole song is censorship worthy. And of course there was "Bump N' Grind" by R. Kelly, this was one of the his catchiest songs. I don't even need to post specific lyrics here, the whole song screams sexually explicit. Remember "Pony" by Ginuwine? I must admit the instrumental was off the hook. I had no idea what he was on about until I listened to the chorus properly: "If you're horny, let's do it, Ride it, My pony, My saddle's waiting, Come and jump on it." SMH vigorously.

This Is Why You Need To Pick Your Fights Carefully

The Daily Mail a story today which is a certainly a harsh reminder that some fights are just not worth it.

Denisa Graham has been left regretful and heartbroken after losing the 'love of her life' when her husband was killed in a horrific car crash as the couple argued over a takeaway. She is a model and always on a diet to watch her weight while her husband Paul Graham had just been playing basketball and wanted a curry takeaway.

The couple, who had been married less than a year, had been on their way home when the accident occurred.

Should A 5-Year-old own a Mobile Phone?

In a conversation with my husband, he said he thought it was ridiculous to give a 5 year old a phone. Why would anyone want to do that?”  I said “Um, to check up on them I guess”

“Checking up on 5-year-olds? Where are they? Out and about with their friends, out for lunch or a karaoke maybe? Off to KFC with the playgroup and need to text mum to say 'arrived safe and just off to get some chicken and chips, Simon is dancing on the table". In that case yes. It makes sense”

Do forgive the sarcasm but I know things have changed since his days and children grow up much quicker but he's just not sure why a 5 year old needs phone, a toy one maybe, but not one that makes calls! A child of this age shouldn't be out and about on their own and should be under supervision of either a parent, teacher or another grown up.

Hmmm.... What would I say about Miley Cyrus Twerking at the VMA 2013?

First of all, Who is Miley Cyrus? She is the teen star in the Disney Channel television series Hannah Montana, in which she portrayed the starring character Miley Stewart.

I have 3 kids who have grown up watching Disney Channel so I am aware of Hannah Montana and her influence on kids around the world. My seven year old has Hannah Montana branded items - bags, pencil cases...

"The Mummy wars" - Are Career Mums Superior To Stay at Home Mums?

Earlier on I was drawn to what has been termed “ Mummy wars” When I first heard about the way women pulled women who were stay at home mums down, I was in disbelief,  I actively resisted the idea that there were women who felt they were more superior members of society because they had careers and more involvement in making money for the family. 

But that is the truth. Stay at home mums have been accused of being lazy, unambitious and all sorts of other things.  I wrote about a woman who quit her job to start homeschooling her kids some weeks ago and from her story you could tell the pressure was on her because of what a lot of her other working class friends would say/think. Obviously, we don’t all have the desire or the luxury to stay at home, but what some people don’t seem to understand is that

8 Ways to Make a New house Feel like an Intimate Home

Some of you who read Saying "Yes" to The help You Need might have gathered that I just moved house. Yes, I we move to a new apartment in the suburbs of Lagos and over the last 2 weeks I have had had to try to make it feel like home. 

OK,  I admit it, I am one of those people who like looking at decorating mags, but I have to remind myself of what they are – mostly eye candy/fantasy, with the occasional idea I can actually implement. For people who salivate through all the interior showrooms and magazines and stress to attain what is not the everyday norm. They need to realize that making the most of our homes is so much more than just the stuff we put in them, and the way we arrange said stuff. So here are some ideas on how to make a new house a home.

How to Handle Hyper-Active and Creative Children.

It's the long holiday for children, and I hope y'all are having fun (although I know a lot of parents/caregivers are tired already).

This post is inspired by a picture above, of children who decorated their living room with PAINT! A lot of us found the picture hilarious, and unbelievable, but such happenings are not unheard of.

We hear of and know of children that are extremely hyper-active and creative beyond their years. We all know those children; the ones whose antics leave us at the edge of our seats, and within an inch of a heart attack, the Tarzan's, Einstein's, etc. For some parents, teachers, and care givers this is their worst nightmare; mischievous children, creative children who mess up the environment while experimenting, the young inventors and scientists, etc.

Reminder: Show Your Children That You Love Them And God also Cares About Them

My Family

I have 3 children and I make it a point of duty to tell them, show them that I love them; everyday. I try to take myself off my busy schedule to talk with them, together and also individually.

I fuss over them when they do not do well in their studies, when they are unhappy or even when they do not pray properly during our morning and evening prayer times. I take care not to choke them but I still give them space. I give them the feeling that I care about them and really, I really do care about them. I feel privileged that the Almighty Father has entrusted me with the responsibility of taking care of them. 

Despite all these, I also let them know that God loves them more than I do. I tell them about His goodness, His mercy and His faithfulness. I tell them that He also cares for them.

Top 3 Tuesday Morning Family Funnies

It's Tuesday morning and I know you wish the weekend was one day closer so, here are 3 family funnies for you. Family relationships are so precious especially when we hear what the children have to say from the innocence of their cute and very sincere hearts.

Toddler Rules!!!

Grandma: "Look (grandson) look what grannie got for you!" (hands over toy to 2-year-old grandson)

Mother: "What do you say to Grandma?"

Son: "MINE"

Have A Spare Tire?

( A four-year-old looking at her auntie)

Niece: " Auntie, do you have this chin incase something happens to your real chin?"

Cruise Control or Curse Control?

(A family were planning to go on a cruise together when a 2-year-old overhears them)

2-year-old: 

"I wanna go on a big s***!"

( Thankfully they got her to call it a cruise)

Have a great day!!!

The Househelp Question

I promised I would write about this and I must say, I have wanted to, for quite a while. Recently there have been so many stories in the news about House-helps (domestic helps/cleaners) being abused by their employers.

Often its not a case of abuse but that of sublime slavery where the “agents” who are usually referred to as “Aunties” and “Uncles” take such a large portion of what the house helps earn that what these people end up with is less than half the minimum wage (they are often not paid directly). Last week my in law was shocked to discover the girl she had been paying a certain amount on a monthly basis hadn't even seen her salary for months . When the "Aunt" was asked, it appeared this was totally intentional.