Monday, August 29, 2016

Do you have answers to these questions before saying “I DO”?

With the kind of problems in Christian marriages today, there's more to ask. You want to be convinced that your marriage will last and not be shaken by anything. Are you really going to stay with this person till death do you part? You should have the mindset that things will come up that will really make you think otherwise, but the thought of divorce should not be an option. Together you can work on any problem, but if your mate won't agree to such; you should play your part.

There are so much to be given in Marriage i.e. in marriage, giving should be reciprocal. No party should be seen as the recipient all the time, hence the need for a balance. It is pertinent to know that before committing yourself to this whole marriage idea, you have to give up certain things like the “I” factor in decision making, fashion taste, lifestyle, food choices, ostentatious spending etc.

Here's Why You're Stuck In a Rut

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At some point in your life, you may feel like you're stuck in spite of the effort you're putting into this journey called life. You may start to lack motivation, start to question your journey and the essence of all the right decisions you have made, and why God is just not hearing you. You may even start to think about all the sins you committed in the past that God is only just beginning to punish you for, and the opportunities that questioned your moral code but could have probably worked out. This thing of being stuck in a rut is hectic and I have been there. I can tell you now that all the sins you committed in the past hold nothing against you as long as you have confessed them and sought the forgiveness of God, you are good. Trust me, God's grace comes in waves and not in droplets. Those not-so-moral opportunities that pass you by? Thank God you didn't take them. You might have ended up in a bigger rut than the one you're in. 

If none of the above-mentioned reasons can explain why you are stuck in a rut, then what is the real issue? 

#1 You have stopped taking charge of your life: So many people would be greater than they are if they will stop going with the motions and start making intentional decisions. This is probably you over the past few years- stayed at the same job, never bothered to look for something better with zest, never bothered to study further for a promotion, or even take a training course to improve yourself. The problem here is you have stopped looking at possibilities for your life, and are now hibernating. If this is where you are at, your situation can easily be changed by your determination. Get up, stop walking around with drooped shoulders and a bowed head. Search for opportunities that will make you better and start to make intentional plans towards them. You will feel revived, have something to look forward to, and subsequently escape the rut you are in. 

Drop the Dead Weight of Exes

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If there is one thing many people struggle with after a seemingly good relationship ends, it is moving on. By moving on, I don't necessarily mean moving on to a new relationship. Many people move to new relationships without really moving on from their last relationship. By moving on, I mean leaving whatever hurt, whatever worked, and the hope that things might be restored at some point behind. Unfortunately this is easier said than done.

Moving on completely is difficult because an ex is like a comfort zone. Many people keep hoping for their relationships with their exes to be restored for two simple reasons: 1.) they believe they cannot connect with anyone else as well as they did with their ex and 2.) they believe erroneously that they are not good enough for anyone else. More often than not, when a relationship ends, people go through feelings of inadequacy where they tend to blame themselves for everything that went wrong. Even in occasions where they blame the other person, they still hope for emotional restitution. What happens with these people is that they keep checking in on their exes, hoping for the perfect opportunity to swoop in and regain their relationship. Sometimes there are no plans to swoop in; rather there is hope that their ex will realize the big mistake ending the relationship was, and come running back...just like in Telemundo. If wishes were horses....

If you intend to be happy, to discover who you are, what you are capable of doing and the amazing relationship opportunities that await you, then you have to drop the dead weight of your ex. You need to step checking on your ex to see how far he or she has gone in life; you need to stop getting depressed because you can't seen to find anyone new and your ex has moved on to two or three new people. You need to stop looking back and wondering about what could have been. If it should have been, it would have, but it isn't, why punish yourself? It is sad when relationships end, but the end of a relationship is not the end of 'lovability'. There is someone else out there who will stick with you through thick and thin. However to meet that person, to see how much that person cares, to let yourself receive love, you must stop carrying the dead weight of your ex around. It's hurting your life and it's not worth it. Go on! Open yourself to new possibilities!

Sunday, August 28, 2016

T D Jakes Favorite moment as a Father

I came across this video of Bishop T D Jakes and his son. He publicly showed his affection for his son who was going away to Columbia University.

A touching moment.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Finance Issue - Ugly Power Struggle in Marriage

Money tends to bring about arguments in relationships, if not properly addressed. You can't have a great relationship until you can communicate and agree about money. The issue of finance in marriage should be thoroughly discussed by both partners before marriage or in the first month of marriage. Some couples shouldn't talk about money because it only leads to fights. You might want to address the issue of:
  • Joint account – Do you need one or not? What is the risk involved in having one? 
  • Separate accounts i.e. one for kids’ school fees, another for extended family, another for day to day expenses like grocery, subscription bills, etc. 
  • Personal Account where you can control your own savings and spending – Can you both have a personal account in order to avoid conflict. 
  • Both Accounts i.e. Joint and Personal Accounts. 
Both couple should make financial decisions together so that they don't grow apart if done solely. We all have personal differences when it comes to spending, saving and accounting for money and this should not pose problems in our relationship. A partner may question the other partner's financial decision when one party is unemployed and solely depends on the other partner; the employed partner wants to question every cent the unemployed partner spends and even wants to take all the financial decisions because they bring the money. 

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Don't Fall into the Capability Trap! Relationship Advice For You

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The capability trap - so subtle, yet so crippling in future. Unfortunately, many people walk into it, and end up making relationship decisions that affect them in the long run. The capability trap syndrome is prevalent in many relationships today, because at first glance, it does not look like a bad thing. If anything at all, it gives many people, especially women a much need self-esteem boost. The big question is what exactly is it? 

I have recently observed and spoken to a few people in relationships where their choices of partners have been based on the adequacy and ability of that partner to fulfill certain needs. And that does not sound like a bad thing. At the end of the day, most of us want partners we can vibe with, win with, and scale hurdles with. However, and this is a big however, when that is the only reason you are choosing your partner, or the only reason you are being chosen, you have fallen into the capability or adequacy trap as I call it

What does the capability trap feel like? It makes you feel like you are adequate, full stop. Your partner relies on you for advice, for information, for help because he or she knows that you are handy in these things. However (and this is another big however), the relationship he or she has with you does not go beyond that point. You are respected because you can make things happen, but when you are emotional, irritable and hurt by anything, you are left to deal with it on your own. In fact, in many capability traps, the 'capable partner' is hardly considered when emotional decisions are being made. The attraction and interest begins and ends when there is a situation that needs to be handled. You will be praised for your ability to handle these issues, but never truly valued or nurtured. 

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How do people fall into the capability trap? By feeling they need to prove their worth to their partners. Many people bend over backwards 'unnecessarily' (note the quote marks and italics) to prove they are worth being with, worth staying with, worth marrying, This creates the impression that they are not as important as their partner and gives that partner the impression that his/her needs will always be satisfied. Why is that such a bad thing? It doesn't lead you to your desired destination of genuine love and respect because you cannot earn love. By walking into the capability trap, you are putting yourself in a position where your partner constantly withdraws from you emotionally, intellectually and in every other possible way, and only makes superficial deposits that are meaningless in the long run. 

How do you get out? Simple. Stop trying to earn love or approval. Bend over backwards only when necessary. Put your needs at the forefront too, and always fully express how you feel. Don't get caught in a trap by trying to motivate for the things your bring to the table. As much as you want to vibe with your partner and clear hurdles for him or her, first be sure that you'll get the same treatment, not just superficially but emotionally too. You deserve as much as you invest in someone else. First be loved, and genuinely so, before you lay the table. XOXO

Saturday, August 20, 2016

5 Marital Lies You Might Have Believed

Some marriages might have survived if the people involved in them got married with the right orientation. There are many misconceptions about marriage and some of them have been said so much that we have become conditioned to believe them. Asides from being misleading, some of these misconceptions can have dire consequences if left unchecked. Many marriages crash because of such unattainable assumptions. 

Below is a list of lies we believe.

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If someone loves you, the person wouldn’t hurt you: People we love the most are the ones capable of hurting us. We are not perfect beings and so we err sometimes. There are times we hurt the ones we love not because we intend to, but more because of our human nature. 

Marriage thrives on open mindedness and forgiveness but if we have conditioned ourselves to not make room for any kind of mistake, it becomes really hard to forgive. As controversial as this may sound, I believe a marriage can survive grave offences such as infidelity depending on the circumstances. You just need to understand that making mistakes doesn’t automatically mean that your spouse loves you less.

You can change your spouse: Love sometimes make us go into the superhuman mode. We find ourselves taking on projects that are sometimes futile. We assume that love would automatically erase habits that have been formed by our proposed spouse over a long period of time. More often than not, we find that this isn’t true. Habits are very hard to break and it is better for one to not go ahead with a marriage if it is one that one cannot cope with. This doesn’t mean that people don’t change at all but it isn’t guaranteed. Change also doesn’t become achieved by constant ranting and nagging.

This Is One Major Reason Marriages Fail

I have asked myself so many times "why do marriages fail? If God created marriage to last, why do we keep failing at it?" I mean God created us to live, and we live, we breathe, we go through tough situations that build endurance in us but we don't give up. For some reason, our minds have this hope that everything will work out and we keep working towards that point where everything works out. Why don't we ever do the same for marriage? Why is it easy to give up? Why is it easy to walk away from people who have supported us through thick and thin and merged their life with ours?

I have a theory on why marriages fail, and it is one simple word: Change. 

I have heard about how people change in marriage. It makes sense. Even as single people we change. We develop new habits, change our priorities, develop new visions and directions, change careers, give up on dead ends, change our lives...basically we change as people and getting married does not exempt us from that. So if change is so natural, why is it a reason for marriage failures? The answer is simple; most of the time, when people change, they tend to assume other people have not seen the light and should be left behind. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

When Men Forget Important Dates

I saw a caption few years ago where the husband asked the wife for the password to the laptop and she replied that the password was their anniversary date. He soliloquized "how can she use that" because he couldn’t figure out the date just immediately.

This is not to shade men but they tend to forget vital dates that should be treasured. One of my friends once told me how his wife reacted when he forgot her birth-date.

These dates are quite important to women and it is only necessary that the men in these women’s lives try some useful formulae to always remember these dates as at when necessary.

Women will always cherish men who remember such dates as their birth-dates, wedding anniversary, their parents’ birth-date, their children birth-dates etc; without them reminding their partners/spouses. They will even see such men as being romantic when he not only remembers but also surprises her with gifts on such occasions.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Five Things You're Not Doing In Your New Relationship That You Really Should

New relationships are as difficult as they are fun; however the butterflies stop fluttering at some point and issues that range from petty to downright unacceptable start to pop up. An interesting observation I have made over the years is that many people set the motion for their issues right at the very beginning of their relationship, creating roller-coaster problems that could have been avoided. Here are five common things you are doing in your new relationship that will definitely set the wheel in motion for issues to develop later.

#1 Setting the Boundaries: Many people fail to set the necessary boundaries in their relationships because they worry they will scare their partner away. So they accept funny nicknames they cannot stand, bad behavior they cannot tolerate in the long term, and standards they cannot keep up with. If you are uncomfortable with your partner going through your phone, just say so (hopefully you have nothing to hide *wink*). If you are uncomfortable with your partner getting too close to your buddies, well, speak up. Simple advice: If you don't see yourself living with it, don't accept it right from the start.

#2 Keeping your issues with your family private: So many people get swept up in the wave of a new relationship and quickly hang out the dirty laundry of their family issues to dry. As a lady once put it to me, "it makes you feel closer to the person you're dating". Well, it also gives the person you're dating a bad impression of your family and ammunition to hit you with when shit hits the fan. If it is a major issue that makes any member of your family look bad, keep it to yourself or discuss it with other family members. You've just met this person. Take your time.

Six Signs That Says He Is not The One

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Getting married quick becomes a woman’s heart desire once she gets to a certain age. Societal expectations and family pressure play a large part in making a woman get uncomfortable with her singlehood. Unconsciously, she starts to see prospects in people she might not have even given the time of the day while she was younger. 

Some people handle the pressure well and are still able to discern when to stay or go when caught in bad relationships, while some others keep trying even when the situation says for them to checkout.

Marriage is lifelong and choosing right is very important.

Below is a list of men, you need to keep away from so as not to get your expectations shattered:-

If he keeps other women: I can hear you say this is a no brainer but I also know for a fact that there are women stuck in this kind of arrangement. They see all the signs and all the other women in his life but think they can win him over with their homely qualities. They feel like he is a treasure they have to fight hard to keep. He says the other women don’t matter , thus giving one a false sense of hope. 

My dear, you need no soothsayer to tell you that you are in the wrong relationship. A man that really wants you would get rid of other attractions just to be with you. Don’t be charmed with his lies. It would only end in broken promises and ruined esteem. You deserve someone that would respect you and preserve your heart. 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Donnie McClurkin annouces engagement to gospel singer, Nicole C. Mullen

Donnie McClurkin and Nicole C. Mullen
Finally, Gospel singer Donnie McClurkin is getting married. This was revealed on TBN’s “Praise the Lord” show Thursday (August 11) night when he came on the show as a musical guest.

There had been rumours that the two were dating when they were seen together at this year's Stellar Awards together but they never confirmed this relationship.

The 56 year old year gospel minister and singer has never been married but he is a single father. 49 year old, Nicole on the other hand, was previously married to CCM singer songwriter, David Mullen but divorced in 2014.

The revelation occurred when A.R Bernard, also a guest on the "Praise the Lord" show, said he would be giving Donnie some counselling in the near future. Bernard hinted at Donnie's engagement when the host of the show, Matt Crouch, suddenly stood up and shouted to the audience "Are you ready for something? You want me to drop something on you? Donnie McClurkin is getting married! Come on.

L-R: Donnie McClurkin, Matt Crouch, Laurie Crouch and A.R Bernard at the "Praise The Lord" TBN show

A visibly surprised Donnie responded in confirmation saying 
"Well praise God. Honestly, the only thing in my life that is missing is marriage. The only thing that is missing in my life that can cause real family, is marriage. Financially, I’m there. Spiritually, I’m almost there. Emotionally, I’m getting it together. But the only thing that’s missing out of everything that I’m doing locally, cross country and globally is that aspect that makes family, family — is that wife that would make man whole, that element that brings favour to man.”
He said that God brought them together while on a trip to Ivory Coast. Though they had known each other for 15 years, they never had the chance to really talk until that 8 hour trip to Africa. 

Congratulations Donnie and Nicole.

Stop Holding Back, Get Married Already.

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Marriage is a beautiful thing and perhaps good enough to aspire to if things are done the way God intend for it to be (a mutually sacrificial selfless show of love and dedication like the relationship between Christ and the church). 

There has been a lot of depressing marital news causing some to question the need for the union. It is not uncommon to hear people say they are never going to get married or that the marital institution will go extinct soon. There are a lot of other kinds of arrangement that don’t spell commitment that all seem to make the marital institution a big joke. It truthfully does look like we have lost it with tales of infidelity and sometimes murder trailing even the relationships some might have looked up to. 

Couples that were supposedly in love come on social media airing the dirtiest of their laundry for all to see further deepening the aversion some already developed for the institution. How do we know who is true? Can we be careful in love? Will our hearts ever be safe? Who is to tell if a lover would stay or go? Or who knows the man/woman that will stay with one through thick or thin?

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Choosing your Spouse from your Neighbourhood

Growing up in an environment with your peers where you rarely differentiate gender seem interesting and memorable. Most times, the time spent together with your peers in your neighbourhood before your parents get back from work are usually not enough. With time, you develop interest in the opposite sex as a result of the time you spend together and a relationship ensues. 

A grandma in my church confided in me when she told me about her son who is separated from his wife and children. She (grandma) blamed the separation on the fact that her son married a girl who stayed three blocks away from them. To her, the neighbourhood monitored their relationship and was responsible for the breakup. Today, she (grandma) does not relate with her in-laws because of the friction caused by the breakup of their children. She advises ladies against dating or marrying someone from the same neighbourhood. 

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Sometimes God Wants You To Take A Leap

I often hear people talk at length about the things they wish they could do, and they can't wait for the right factors to fall into place. Sometimes, we want to improve our lives, earn more, achieve more, go after our purpose more but we are constrained by factors that are seemingly beyond our reach. So many people want to take the next step but they keep worrying about the high chances of failure much more than the possibility of success. 

I have had a project in mind for years now, and every time I think about it, I get really excited. I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about what could come of it, how amazing it could be, and the positive impact it could have on the lives of others. Right after my positive thoughts, I start to question myself - what if it fails? what if it has no impact? What if it is all just in my head that people need this? what if I am just too confident in something that's most likely going to fall apart? Then comes the questions of fear - what if it works? what if it becomes so big, I have to manage it? what if I start to fail because it becomes so successful and spins out of control... what if.. what if... my what ifs did not end until a couple of weeks ago. 

Monday, August 8, 2016

1 Important Relationship Tip You Must Never Forget

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Toddlers can be a handful sometimes; mine is a very active one. While Disney channel may help keep her calm for a little bit, her playfulness and short attention span causes her to desire other forms of recreation other than her toys and the Kiddies channels on the cable network. I find it hard to keep up sometimes so I just give her my phone to watch YouTube. 

I found they have so many kiddies channels which initially looked like it would solve the problem of keeping her occupied and also educating her. I make sure to put the settings on restricted mode. I was surprised however when I stumbled on some materials that are not really appropriate. 

Inappropriate doesn’t necessarily mean ‘bad’ but there are some that I just feel she doesn’t need to watch maybe because of the kind of message that is being passed across. This gets me really frustrated some times because much as I would have loved to enjoy some peace and quiet while she goes from one Youtube channel to the other, I find that I cannot get over the probability of her getting misled. Hence, I have to constantly monitor and filter out the relevant and the not so relevant ones. All in all, despite finding helpful materials, I found out that I still have to be really vigilant.

In a weird similarity, I find that this also applies to adults seeking solution to issues relating to relationships and marriages.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

You're Just Not Good Enough

If you have ever felt like you are not good enough for anyone, this article is for you. 

These days, it appears finding love is like trying to find a yacht at an airport, or trying to find water in the dessert. It's just not as easy as the movies make it out to be. Almost everyday, I read emails from people who have been badly hurt and are just not willing to try anymore. One sentence echoes in their hearts and their minds - "you cannot find genuine love because you are just not good enough". It is understandable that many people feel this way. Having a stable relationship might not be an achievement but it is a basic human need to connect with someone on a level that is beyond understanding. When rejection keeps coming in this area, the thought that we are not good enough, hence the reason no one wants to stick around, is one that is difficult to forego. Right? From this onward, I want you to start thinking different. 

You see, the world is more complicated than it has ever been, and people are more self-absorbed than they have ever been (according to my old and wise friends). Everyone is looking out for themselves, taking what they can get, and moving on irrespective of who gets hurt. People are choosing the wrong partners and leading them down the aisle every weekend, and peering over the fence later because that has become a norm. People are eating their cakes and having them too because it is not about what the other person feels, but more about what they feel and how they can get everything they desire. The meaning of love has evolved through time to mean something many old souls will never understand. (Don't let me get started on how my old buddy gets exasperated when we discuss this issue of love)...but then there's you - genuinely seeking a connection and showing how much you care only to end up rejected, taken for a ride or played off as second fiddle. What is wrong with you?

My answer? Absolutely nothing! There is nothing wrong with you because you want a genuine connection, and there is nothing wrong with you because the people you desire keep rejecting you. I need you to understand that finding love is like building a puzzle, only certain pieces fit in certain places. You cannot connect with everyone you meet, just like they cannot connect with you. The issue is you are yet to find the one who connects with you on the same wavelength, hence won't play you for second fiddle or reject you just because... The world is full of people who are yet to fully grasp what love is, and even worse, it is full of people who are seeking to get what they can while they leave others high and dry. So what should you do?

Be true to yourself. Don't change who you are to suit what the world has become. You can try to change but it still won't make you good enough. As a matter of fact, it is more difficult because you will find yourself straining to match up to a counterfeit image just to suit people who should not be in your life to begin with. Be who God created you to be and don't apologise for it. Be kind to people because you want to be, not because you want to be noticed or thanked for it. Stay true to yourself. You are good enough, you are amazing, you are an inspiration to people you hardly know, and you are enough for the right person. XOXO

Are You Recycling You Exes?

Recycling is in the in-thing. Everyone wants to go green for one simple reason - we are all afraid of the possible negative consequences that could emerge if we don't. I believe this is similar to the reason some people keep going back to their exes. So you've had a relationship with a person, things didn't work out because you were both immature about an issue, you go your separate ways for a while, get back together and things still manage to fall apart. Third time around, you are thinking of giving it another shot? Could the third time be your lucky charm?

The art of recycling exes is becoming more prevalent these days. Almost everyone I know is considering going back to that ex who was better than most in spite of the many ways the relationship failed. If that ex fails again, there's always another ex just around the corner who is manageable. Afterall, the devil you once knew is better than any new angel emerging, and we all know there are fewer angels these days. But is it wise to continue to go back to the past? Perhaps not. 

There is something about an ex that feels comfortable even if it's a bad ex. You feel comfortable because it is somewhere you have been before and it is the most familiar place to you in terms of a relationship. You already know the kinks and quirks, as well as the hell and high water this person is capable of invoking, so why not go back, instead of waiting for someone new, especially when no new person is rocking up. 

Friend, learn to look forward. An ex is comfortable because he or she is familiar but if they have not learned to love you the way you are, chances are you are going on a second roller-coaster ride that's leading nowhere. Learn to detach yourself from the relationships that hurt you and stop hoping for emotional restitution that makes you want to go back there. Cut yourself off from the hope that your ex will realize his or her mistake and come running back to you Telemundo style. There is a reason why that relationship didn't work, and except your ex has gone through a psychological and emotional overhaul, chances are nothing much has changed. So why hurt yourself? 

Look forward from now on. Stop entertaining thoughts of your ex coming back flowers in hand or on bended knees. You deserve much better than you give yourself credit for. You deserve a new platform, a new beginning, a new chance. Your ex might bring you that, but before you recycle, ensure that you're about to step into positive change not to sing the same old song. XOXO

Can Cheating Be Justified?

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Time was fast passing, Tayo thought. She reminded herself that she would be 35 by her next birthday. Perhaps she was too choosy she thought. She decided there was no gain in all the standards she had set, so the next one that asked her hand in marriage was the one she said yes to. He’s a good man and seems to genuinely care about her, she ignored the lack of chemistry or any shared interest. Time will bring them closer, she thought but sadly it never did.  Her boredom knew no bounds till she met her new work colleague whose stares created a fire within her that she had forgotten existed. It wasn’t long that she started seeing him secretly.

 Kole has a nagging wife. Everyone on their street knows their love story from hearing his wife’s voice many blocks away. There is always something wrong. Home didn’t feel like home, the office held more sanity. He took to the bars where he met Lai, a streetwise girl that was ready to listen to his worries and offer him advice. He started to share more than tales, and she bared more than her shoulders for him to lean on. The feeling of guilt never held him back, he offered his body too and it fast became a habit. 

Everyone knows Sandra and Ben from their high school days. It needed no telling that they were in love with each other- the perfect Instagram couple. They had a wedding that could fit in a fairytale and they both couldn’t have wanted anything more. Then the children arrived and the bills piled up. It wasn’t clear what it was but something seemed off. Ben became more vested in his job that he hardly had time for his wife. As the gap between them got deeper, she courted a man she met on the internet. He seem to like her a lot and she also likes  him. She finds herself looking forward to conversing with the man online and secretly counting down to when they will meet.

 Infidelity is an epidemic in our society which has claimed many casualties through murder, broken homes and many more. When we take our vows before our loved ones, most of us don’t envisage situations that would lead to us breaking those vows but many people do break them. Some men of God have even been caught in this horrible trend too. Going by the instances cited above, can one justify cheating? Sadly, the obvious answer is No.

Often times, the reason for cheating is selfishness. If you consider the effect of your actions on your partner if they find out, then you won’t cheat. Marriage requires for us to look out for our spouse’s feelings too, so much as issues may arise, betraying their trust is never the solution.Another obvious reason should be that adultery is against God’s commandments. If we were all left alone to live our lives based on our personal rules, the world would have come to ruins by now.

 Issues are bound to arise and there might be periods of disconnection between couples, but  instead of seeking solace outside the relationship, it is better you communicate your feelings to your spouse. Talk, talk and talk, it just never gets tired. Of course there are ways to engage. Don’t nag, shout or talk down at your spouse. Whatever you do, do it in loveDon't be shy to seek help, talk to a marriage counsellor if you cant handle matters between yourselves. Above all, avoid temptation.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

When you do not want to open up to your spouse....

A relationship’s success is built on regular communication with each other. What makes your relationship unique is being able to talk about anything with your partner. When you tell each other anything, it helps develop trust and love in the relationship. Your partner wants to share in your pain and laugh with you. It makes them sad when you conceal some information from them because you are unsure of their reaction to same. You should see your partner as your confidant, your closest friend etc.

You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable when your partner tells you how beautiful or handsome the lady or guy who just passed by is – he/she is expressing his thoughts with you; you should look at the intention. Though there are some partners who don’t have the stomach for the truth, you have to study your partner and know what they want.

You should cherish sharing your past (whether it is alcohol, gambling, relationships, etc.) with your partner so you both can talk about it or you might be able to pick some few lessons from it that will help your relationship. If you can’t tell your partner, who do you want to tell? 

There is a difference between dealing with issues yourself and deliberately keeping secrets you know can rear their ugly heads later. A lady once told me that “she cannot tell her husband certain things that happened to her before she met him because he might not like it”. I responded that as much as it will hurt if you tell him about something that you’ve done, it will hurt much more if he finds out some other way. It will devastate him if he discovered you hid the truth and this devastation will break him if he found out what you did by hearing it from someone else – she was silent and didn’t know what to say.

How To Get Your Groove Back After Childbirth

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The black Friday is notorious for its crazy sales and long queues at shopping malls. I try to avoid the malls during such days, it doesn’t make much sense for someone like me that detests queues and probably wouldn’t want to be dragged into idle conversations while waiting on queues that may have me consuming two bottles of coke for strength and patience. 

Lately though, I have found that I don’t have as much aversion towards random conversations with strangers as I thought I did. It probably comes with the mom territory; a screensaver or child clutched to my chest is all the conversation starter needed. We fast become acquainted and the conversations can fast change from how lovely or not the weather is to how one is faring generally. We apparently have more in common than we acknowledge.

Having and taking care of kids change a lot of things and it takes a lot of inner strength to maintain a decent balance in other aspects of one’s life. Having engaged a lot of women in longconversations, I find that the struggle is alike for most of us. We all want to be there for our children while still keeping our ‘sexy’ alive. Much as we try to embrace the changes that come with the process of starting a family, we still crave control over our work and romance lives.

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