Saturday, August 20, 2016

This Is One Major Reason Marriages Fail

I have asked myself so many times "why do marriages fail? If God created marriage to last, why do we keep failing at it?" I mean God created us to live, and we live, we breathe, we go through tough situations that build endurance in us but we don't give up. For some reason, our minds have this hope that everything will work out and we keep working towards that point where everything works out. Why don't we ever do the same for marriage? Why is it easy to give up? Why is it easy to walk away from people who have supported us through thick and thin and merged their life with ours?

I have a theory on why marriages fail, and it is one simple word: Change. 

I have heard about how people change in marriage. It makes sense. Even as single people we change. We develop new habits, change our priorities, develop new visions and directions, change careers, give up on dead ends, change our lives...basically we change as people and getting married does not exempt us from that. So if change is so natural, why is it a reason for marriage failures? The answer is simple; most of the time, when people change, they tend to assume other people have not seen the light and should be left behind. 

I have seen it happen many times - the husband who climbs up the career ladder and fails to carry his wife along, the wife who has an epiphany of her purpose and believes her husband who has been supporting her through the former vision she communicated to him is now a stumbling block, hence decides he should be cut out of her new move and left behind... I have seen and heard it in many marriages and it has become clear that is why couples drift apart. 

Understand this: you will change as you grow older whether you are single or married. Stability in life does not change your propensity to change so don't bother trying to fixate your energy on staying the same. Rather, learn how to effectively communicate the change you are about to undertake with your partner. Ladies, don't expect your man to guess because you mentioned it in passing a couple of times, and men don't expect your woman to understand you want to make certain changes because you are behaving differently. Communication is key, and it should be done with patience and reach a resolution. Any form of communication that leaves the issue hanging in the air or leaves you both at an impasse is just as bad as not communicating. 

Change is a constant factor you will have to deal with. Rather than leaving your partner guessing and feeling inadequate, communicate it and walk the path of change together. Not only will it strengthen your marriage, it will make your transition to being a better person psychologically and emotionally easier. And believe me... you need that. XOXO

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