Monday, January 30, 2017

How To Get Over That EX You See Everyday

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This post is really for the ladies but hey guys pick up some tips too!

Getting over an ex is difficult enough without the added twist of having to see them every day and possibly even work with them! Someone on twitter recently asked if people would take up a new job knowing that their ex works at the same place. Some responses were affirmative; others wanted some more information regarding the nature and logistics of the job, and others simply said no. I said I'd take the job and strut to that job every day, and that is not just me talking for the sake of sounding brave. I have actually been there, done that and I printed t-shirts for everyone to declare my awesomeness. So what are my tips for succeeding at this? Get a pen and paper. 

#1 Acknowledge that you may still have feelings for your ex: The reason many people fail with this 'getting over the ex' business is because they want to be in denial. They want to put up a facade of toughness, whereas one wave of the hand or a slight touch will have them undone at the seams. Say it to yourself that you still have feelings for this person, then take the next step...

Friday, January 27, 2017

When you get too holy for your spouse to appreciate

This short clip, though funny, is reminiscent of what happens in some homes.

This is what you get when you get too holy to appreciate the "coming together of man and wife" in purity and truth. Yes! Yes!! When you get down to making love to your spouse.

Watch and learn.

What do you think?

5 Reasons You Probably Shouldn't Get Married: Part 2

Have you read Part 1? Click here.

We have been considering 5 reasons people should probably not get married. It's important to read this carefully to see if you fall into any of these categories, so that you can ensure to work on yourself.

4. When you are only getting married to please others and not yourself
Arranged marriages still happen. Some people are still betrothed. Families still ask their children to marry into certain families for some economic gain or security. When people give in to pressures of family or some other institution or person, and go ahead with an unwanted marriage, the result may not be great. Although it was quite common with the older generation with many claims of success, we cannot expect that the same results will apply in this generation, as there are many other influencing factors now. Your family or that individual you seek to please won't enter the marriage with you or help you make it succeed. When the benefit you seek from the marriage is overtaken by events, what do you do then? You'll be left to deal with your issues on your own. How do you do this if there is no genuine love, desire and commitment to be with that person no matter what?  Your choice is yours and yours alone. Own it! However, it is good to note that the father/ family's blessing is a good thing to have. You want those closest to you to be praying for you and not fighting you, so it's great to approach this issue with prayers and wisdom. 

5 Reasons You Probably Shouldn't Get Married: Part 1

In the prequel, we examined five wrong reasons for getting married. This might seem to be a similar title but is more centered on the individuals concerned. There is a need to do an honest self evaluation to understand who you are, your character and what makes you tick, as well as the reality of the character and persona of the other party, before you embrace the idea of making that lifelong commitment. Once you are able to do this evaluation, go through this list to cross check if you fall into any of the categories below:

1. When you are a lone ranger
Mr. or Ms. Lone Ranger, please listen carefully here. If you are a person that always thinks about yourself in every situation, if you always seek out your own cause to the detriment of others, if you cannot comprehend or have never experienced living for someone other than yourself, if you are a bad team player, if you hate letting others in, if you do not respect the feelings and viewpoints of others, if you are a 'me' person, rather than a 'we' person... do yourself and the other person a favour- don't get married, at least not until you have sorted out your personal issues. A successful marriage requires sacrifice, team building, love and respect for another, genuine consideration of a person's feelings and viewpoints, support and compromise. Both parties should be thinking about 'we': helping each other become better and more successful together.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Five Simple Things to Help You Make a Good First Impression

There is that saying that goes "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression". First impressions are important irrespective of the environment, as they are sometimes cemented in the memory of others and hard to change even with the best of efforts. Some people find that they struggle to make the best first impression. If that's you, here are five simple ways you can fix it:

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The way you dress: You've probably heard the saying you will be addressed based on how you are dressed. But I bet you haven't heard that the way you are dressed can cause you to be completely ignored. I learned very quickly when I started to speak in public forums that people tend to listen to you more if you are properly dressed. Now, properly dressed does not mean you have to put on the most expensive items you can buy or adorn yourself with so much jewelry, people are blinded as you emerge. To be properly dressed means to be simple, yet suave and elegant. Make sure your clothes are clean, well-ironed and even your shoes are nice and shiny. 

Sunday, January 22, 2017

The Beauty of Letting Go

Letting go is probably the most difficult thing we all have to do at some point in our lives. We have to let go of losses, broken relationships, friends who are not in sync with our purpose anymore, and even places that no longer serve our purpose. And as difficult as letting go is, it is also the most beautiful, most progressive thing we will ever do in all of our existence. Why then do we find it so difficult? Why don’t we just cut the strings and keep it moving? Why don’t we stop looking back? Well there are two reasons, one of which is pretty straightforward – we are human beings with emotions. But the second one runs far deeper than you think. 
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We find it difficult to let go because we think we cannot trust the future.

There is something familiar about what we ought to let go of; something that tells us that even though it is hurtful, it is a kind of hurt we have gotten used to, and can live with. There is a familiarity that says even though we are stuck, it is a kind of stuck we know and we can get used to it. Even though the relationships we are in are not leading anywhere or helping us grow, they feel familiar and it is just too much work to start over. We prefer to stay as we are, connected to the past because the future is uncertain and uncertainty brings fear and anxiety.

Surely, the familiar might feel OK, but the unknown is greater than you think! The beauty of letting go is that you set yourself up for a higher stage in life. Stepping into the unknown will not only propel you towards a bigger future than you can imagine, it will also teach you to rely on God more than ever. Not being able to let go is rooted in fear – fear that you can never have better; fear that seeks to preserve you as you are – in a state of bitterness and regret, fear that keeps you tied to the things that are set to destroy you.

It is time to let go. In this New Year let better things find you. Dare to shed all the pain, the regret, the shame that keeps you tied to the past, and emerge not as you are, but as what you could be. The beauty of letting go is you begin a journey on a path that leads to the fulfillment of your purpose. Let go today and be deliberate about it. Don't simply envision in your mind, take the necessary steps to achieve it. Delete that number, forgive that friend, move from that place, look to the future. Bigger and better awaits you. 

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Five Important Tips For Getting Married On A Budget

I have never been much of a party planner.

To start with, attending the party itself is a lot to ask of me, not to mention planning it.

Do you know how much goes into what may turn out to be just two or three hours mini trip outside one’s house? All that traffic wading and flawless look goals we are made to aspire to these days? God forbid you don’t apply the right shade of lipstick or that you use the kind of foundation that doesn’t match your complexion. How about the many uncomfortable dress styles just to ‘slay’ (everything has to be on point for nice ‘shareable’ pictures for Facebook and the gram).

See, don’t even get me started. I can state a thousand reasons why I will rather stay back at home being tugged on both ends by my energetic toddler and infant, while I try very much to focus on the 100th rerun of ‘The Fighting Temptation’.

Realistically though, parties are a big part of our society and there are some of them we cannot even escape like weddings, funerals etc. I must also add that parties are actually capable of releasing some really cheerful hormones that can make one forget one’s worries in the moment. Parties make long lasting memories like I remember the velvet puffy gown I wore to my Uncle’s wedding when I was seven. In my small mind, I felt I pulled off looking like a royalty but I digress.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Four Ways You Are Creating Communication Problems In Your Relationship

One of the biggest issues surrounding relationships (friendships included) is communication. Most of the relationship issues I have heard, read, and watched all boil down to that one seemingly tiny factor called communication. This is rather interesting when one looks at it from the inception of the relationship where communication was not an issue, and both parties seemed to understand each other perfectly. How then do people get to the point of not communicating effectively and ruining their relationships? I'll share four ways with you.

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#1 You expect your partner to know you so well without you saying a word: So many people want to be read like books, rather than listened to like music. Sadly, people are barely patient enough to read books, not to mention study it in depth to understand it. Some people want their partners to know them so well without them having to say a word. How adorably infantile. As a grown up, not communicating who you are, what you like, what you cannot tolerate and what you cannot give in to will end up creating communication problems with your partner. You cannot act like you are OK with things and then start acting up expecting your partner to get the hint that you are not OK. You cannot expect to act like  a crying baby while your partner runs around trying breastfeeding, a variety of toys, TV and a rocking chair. If you cannot speak up, expect a pacifier to be stuck in your mouth in no time.

#2 You expect your partner to know now: This is the core reason of every miscommunication - expecting the other person to already know what you like and what you don't like. It is a cute assumption to make and a destructive one too. It is the mother of all communication problems in relationships - assuming that if your partner has taken his or her time to study you, they will know what to do, what not to do, when not to do what they ought not to do... the whole nine yards. Oh yes! Your partner knows you, but your partner is not a programmed robot. Your partner will err on the side of what he or she should already know more times than you can count. Be ready to say again very calmly what or how you feel, why you feel that way, and why you would not like to be in a similar situation again. Keeping quiet, keeping malice... those things don't help. Next point...

#3 Sulking and malice: Question: whatchu doing honey? Sulking and malice have never resolved anything, and believe me when I say they only work the first couple of times. Afterwards, the guilt trip fades, the pity party ends, and your partner will be glad to leave you to your vices while they go spend time with more vibrant, 'more alive' people (because you know, to sulk effectively, you need to act like you are dead and not respond to anything). Instead of sulking every single time, state very clearly what you feel. Your partner is very likely to want to discuss things with you if you approach them with boldness and maturity. If you keep up the sulking and the malice, it is only a matter of time before your partner starts to seek better companionship elsewhere.

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# 4 Not listening: I tell people the only shouting match I want to be a part of is one where we are both supporting our football teams. The other shouting match? Thanks but no thanks. Many people end up in shouting matches because they were not listening to the other person to begin with. Some people hear their partners, pick an uttered phrase, take it out of the context of the discussion and ka boom! the floors begin to vibrate. Take time to listen IN CONTEXT. Stop listening to respond with a thought you've already stored somewhere in the back of your brain as the perfect backlash. Listen to respond to the situation at hand.

Have a great day XOXO

Monday, January 16, 2017

Life Lessons from "The Queen of Katwe" Movie

The Queen of Katwe is a movie based on the true story of a young girl Phiona Mutesi from a rural part of Uganda who went on to master the skill of playing chess in her teenage years, despite the challenges her circumstances presented. The movie struck a chord in my heart from the very beginning to the end, and made me realize that many of the lessons contained in it could be beneficial to those hoping to make giant strides in this new year. I'll try not to include any spoilers but I can't promise anything.

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#1 Curiosity is the mother of growth: So many people are content with knowing just what they know and are not interested in learning anything new. In spite of the fast-paced world we live in, many people are content to remain stuck with what they are good at, never willing to venture into what they could learn if they expressed a little bit of curiosity.

#2 You should not care about the material possessions you lack. The wealth of knowledge you carry is all that matters. Comparing yourself to others in terms of material possessions will only result in an inferiority complex. Stand tall wherever you are and embrace the wealth of knowledge you possess.

#3  Take criticism in good stride: Many people die even from constructive criticism; the arrogance we tend to have in ourselves is so much that we wouldn't take criticism even if it was meant to make us better. There's a scene in the movie where the other children at the Chess club told Phiona (the Queen of Katwe) that she had an unpleasant odour. She didn't fight back or try to find something she could insult them with. She went home and took a bath! My eyes widened at that scene. Lesson learned - not every criticism is bad; and not every criticism deserves a backlash. Sometimes do what is necessary to improve yourself.

#4 Realize the value of purpose: One of the very admirable characters in this story is the chess coach, Robert Katende - a man who was a qualified engineer, and was offered a job as an engineer which he refused to accept. He chose to remain a chess coach and work with a ministry outreach instead. He was more connected to his purpose than he was to the prospect of earning more money while living an unfulfilled life. The saddest thing in life is a life without fulfilment (paraphrasing Dr Myles Munroe here). Sometimes you may have to accept lesser pay to walk the path of your purpose, but trust me when I say you will not feel like you are missing a thing.

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#5 Choose a partner who values purpose: There are many remarkable people in this story, and one of them is Robert Katende's wife - a woman who on hearing that her husband declined an offer from the engineering firm to continue coaching children as part of the ministry outreach, quickly reminded him of the importance of following his dreams and walking in his purpose. Now who does not want a partner like that?!

#6 Don't be out of rhythm: It is important to take note of the positive trends around us and allow ourselves to take part in them. One of the sad characters in this story is that of Phiona's sister who became a victim of circumstances, rather than a proponent of possibility. Lesson learned: Learn to be a part of positive rhythms rather than a subject of adverse circumstances

#7 Don't ever give up and surround yourself with those who won't let you! There were times when Phiona gave up. There were times she couldn't do it anymore, times when she wanted to go back to selling maize - back to the life she knew even though it yielded nothing, but from her mother, her coach, her brother and even her neighbours came the encouragement that awakened fresh zeal within her everytime she gave up. She didn't win all her games, but she had a mother who was willing to do anything to make her succeed. She had neighbours who said "you will win next time". She surrounded her self with positivity. Before she became a master at chess, she did not give up on learning. She listened to those who were designated to teach her, and she mastered the skill by going further and learning to read.

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Phiona went from being an illiterate maize seller to a female candidate chess master at 17. You have no excuse. XOXO

Sunday, January 8, 2017

If You Want A Submissive Wife, Do This!

Submission is fast losing its popularity; many ‘modern’ women are against it, many young men blame the new age feminist movement for the lack of ‘wife materials’, and many people continue to lament the death of the cultural model  that worked for couples in the past- a submissive wife and an assertive husband. It can be agreed, based on the numerous articles written on the subject of submission, that the phenomenon of submission as it was and is currently understood, is dying and a new form of submission is emerging – one that many young men are not embracing for fear of being labelled supporters of the feminist movement they very clearly despise.

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But submission does not have to die in this modern age, and the lack of ‘submissive’ women cannot be blamed on feminism. Women, even the new age feminists, are not men haters, nor are they seeking men they can control. On the contrary, these women are seeking real leaders and if you as a young man would like to build a functional family with a woman who mutually respects and cares for you, this is what you ought to do.

You have to treat your wife as an equal and establish a mutual vision with her for your family

This is where many young men of today fail. The idea of leadership is so misinterpreted in the minds of young men today, that they think leadership is an imposition of their will and their decisions on the women they marry, without first engaging in a mature discussion. This is where the rebellion comes in; this is where the wives revolt; this is where what is often described as the ‘anti-family’ form of feminism comes in, and everything goes to hell.

If you want to build a stable functional family with a wife who partners with you in every way, then you must treat that wife as a real partner. You must be willing to build a mutual foundation of understanding based on which all issues are resolved, and all decisions are made. If you want a wife who follows your lead, you have to first be a leader. To be a leader, you must be emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence does not come from impositions, threats or creating emotional distress for the woman in your life. Such a woman, even if she appears submissive, will only do so out of fear, not out of love. And fear does not birth happiness. It births rebellion, hatred and eventually a breakdown of the family. No woman with a good head on her shoulders will follow a man who cannot lead. 

Build your family on the right foundation of leadership and you will never have to worry about submission. XOXO 

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