Friday, January 27, 2017

5 Reasons You Probably Shouldn't Get Married: Part 1

In the prequel, we examined five wrong reasons for getting married. This might seem to be a similar title but is more centered on the individuals concerned. There is a need to do an honest self evaluation to understand who you are, your character and what makes you tick, as well as the reality of the character and persona of the other party, before you embrace the idea of making that lifelong commitment. Once you are able to do this evaluation, go through this list to cross check if you fall into any of the categories below:

1. When you are a lone ranger
Mr. or Ms. Lone Ranger, please listen carefully here. If you are a person that always thinks about yourself in every situation, if you always seek out your own cause to the detriment of others, if you cannot comprehend or have never experienced living for someone other than yourself, if you are a bad team player, if you hate letting others in, if you do not respect the feelings and viewpoints of others, if you are a 'me' person, rather than a 'we' person... do yourself and the other person a favour- don't get married, at least not until you have sorted out your personal issues. A successful marriage requires sacrifice, team building, love and respect for another, genuine consideration of a person's feelings and viewpoints, support and compromise. Both parties should be thinking about 'we': helping each other become better and more successful together.

2. When you believe the person will change
This is one of the most common lies people tell themselves when trying to force the idea of a relationship. You may have a proposal or a person you are considering marrying but there is a prevalent issue you know is a big problem. It is well known that contrary vision will only bring about division (DI-VISION). The questions you need to ask are: Is that issue a deal breaker? Is it part of the person's nature? Is it something you can cope with? Does it negate your values? Don't move ahead with someone thinking that you can change him or her. Take them as they are. If they fit the vision you have for a spouse, and then go ahead; not trying to make them conform to your own desire. Don't fall in love with an idea of them either, because people and circumstances change. You've got to be convinced that someone is ideal for you, and know who they really are, without the wealth, aesthetic elements or outward appearance. If something changes on the outside, will you stop loving them or get a divorce? Keep calm and find your true love; stick to them through it all!

3. When you're not over a breakup or Heartbreak
Breakups can be hard; no one loves to have their hearts broken. It's tough to give your heart out to someone only to be taken for granted or betrayed. When you experience something like this, your emotions are all over the place. This isn't the best time to make a big decision; you can't trust your senses to make a right one. The temptation to embrace the arms of another who professes love just to help minimise the pain or help you deal with the difficulty, can be quite strong. Some people who give in often find that their new relationships are just rebounds or they may experience issues similar to those they had; resulting in an unavoidable breakup. It's important to invest time in healing your broken heart. Critically evaluate what went wrong in your relationship. Check if there are things or attitudes you have that need to change (so that they don't crop up again). Regain your self confidence Love and develop a great relationship with yourself. Have a good spiritual relationship from which you can also gain strength. Invest in yourself. Most importantly, MOVE FORWARD! When your heart, mind and spirit are in the right place, there is a better chance of making the right decisions.

To be continued. Click here to read Part 2

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