Friday, June 28, 2013

Covenant Court! - What's a man's biggest fear in a relationship?

Here is another poll for the ladies and gentlemen about the gents out there. Lets know what you think

What's a man's biggest fear in a relationship?

A. Not being truly loved
B. Fear of commitment, settling down (monogamy)
C. Fear of intimacy (not sex), closeness, attachment (of not being in control)
D. Being broke
E.None of the above.

Click here to respond:

Have a New Husband by Kevin Leman

Have a new husband by Friday? Is that even possible? Women who feel they need a Rosetta Stone to interpret their husbands' behavior no longer have to be frustrated. Psychologist and media personality Leman channels his years of professional counseling experience into easy-to-follow, common sense advice for wives. While never placing blame on women for their husbands' poor behavior, the author does believe that wives can encourage their husbands to be better partners by altering some of their expectations.Leman reminds any wife that if what she's doing to get better behavior out of her husband isn't working now, it never will. So it's time for a change. That means it's time to change her own patterns of behavior. Leman, is a Christian and you will get that sense as you read the book. Here's how Leman suggests she handle it day to day:

Monday: Secrets Revealed: Cracking the Male Code
Yes, you're different species, but you can work together in harmony.

Tuesday: Creatures from Another Planet . . . or Creatures of Habit?
To understand men, you have to track 'em to their den.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Does the will of God in Marriage Harken to Genotype Confirmation?

*Kelvin and Sarah have been in a relationship for 3 years. As they decided to marry in December this year, they approached the church authority for counseling and they have requested that they have Genotype tests and pregnancy test. The blood test says both of us are AS genotypes which means that we have 1 in 4 chances of producing sickle cell anemia child every time we have a baby. Does the will of God in marriage harken to genotype confirmation? How can God say that we can marry each other if we have such a great risk. The pastor has said that they will not join us together because of this. Is this right? Does the will of God in marriage harken to genotype confirmation?

Perhaps the question should be: Does the will of God in marriage harken to genotype confirmation or our desires? I believe the will of God is alive in all the laws around us. The law of aerodynamics dictates what goes up must come down. Nature proves that an orange seed will not bring forth a mango tree but an orange tree. And with some horticultural tweaks we can reap tangelo. The same applies to genotype. It's wisest not to laugh in the face of God's laws.

An Inspiring Letter To Women

Dear Daughter

I have sent you to a man’s house to be a blessing to him and ‘help’ him achieve the goals I gave him. He’s not like you at all. He’s burly, quite insensitive. You’d be surprised he might not even realize you’ve come to help! So, to help your task and protect you from being on the receiving end of his imperfections here are some vital instructions.

1. Don’t ever try to fix him, if he ever develops a fault, I’m his manufacturer and you will need to talk to me about him. You’re his wife, not his God. I don’t particularly like it when you think you can change him and you attempt to take my place.

2. Well, I’m your God too, but your husband is my deputy in your life. To get the best of him, you need to respect him like you do me. Get more instructions on this from your grandmother Sarah.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

We're Just Ordinary People- Are All Christians Good Marriage Material?

Many of us bopped our heads to Ordinary People by John Legend. God knows, I sang that song from my heart! That's what we are.

Of all the assumptions I come across in marital complaints this is the saddest. A lady or guy says " I didn't know him so well before marriage, but he was a worker in church! Real Christian brother!",  "She was in the choir.", "He was always first at house fellowship, I never thought he would be so controlling" etc.

There seems to be this erroneous belief that once you meet someone in church, especially if they have a responsibility then they automatically good people and  score more points in terms of marriage material.

 In truth Christianity is not, at its core, about being “good.”  In fact Paul writes, “There is no one righteous, not even one...[f]or all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:10; 23).  Being a Christian is not about being a good person—it is about being saved through the grace of God in spite of the fact that we are not good people.

World's Oldest Marriage

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.The happily married couple teamed up with twitter to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option – or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life – our marriage has lasted a lifetime
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?
We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

10 Simple Tips for Enhancing the Bond Between Parent and Child

Just like with any relationship, building a positive relationship between parent and child is one that requires work and effort to make it strong and successful. Parenting is a tough job, and maintaining close relationships and open communications helps to ensure parents and their children stay connected through all ages of their upbringing. Here are 10 simple tips for enhancing the bond between parent and child.

1. Say I Love You
Tell your child you love him every day -- no matter his age. Even on trying days or after a parent-child disagreement, when you don't exactly "like your child" at that moment, it is more important than ever to express your love. A simple "I love you" goes a long way toward developing and then strengthening a relationship.

2. Teach Your Faith

9 Beautiful Messages That Will Refresh And Inspire You !

1. Stay away from anger. It hurts … Only You !

2. If you are right then there is no need to get angry, and if you are wrong then you don’t have any right to get angry.

3. Patience with family is love. Patience with others is respect. Patience with self is confidence and Patience with GOD is faith.

4. Never think hard about the PAST, It brings tears. Don’t think more about the FUTURE, it brings fears. Live this moment with a smile, it brings cheers.

5. Every test in our life makes us bitter or better. Every problem comes to make us or break us. The choice is ours whether we become victims or victorious.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Enhancing Relationships From a Single Person’s Point of View by Sylvia Gunther

These days when someone asks. "Are you in a relationship?" they really mean "Are you dating, romantically involved or married.". When I went to the dictionary, the word "relationship" listed several definitions. The first one mentioned was a connection through blood or marriage meaning our relatives. Secondly, you have a "working" relationship that you might have in a workplace, with a neighbor, someone on a committee with you, even a fellow church member. A third definition was a relationship between friends, people we choose to associate with because of common interests, special attachments or circumstances that draw people together. The fourth type was the one between two people in a romance or marriage. This means that relationships are for everyone!

God created us to be in a relationship with Him. He made us with a need for human companionship from infancy until old age. I've been asked to write an article about relationships from a single person's viewpoint, so I will share some of what I've experienced and learned. I hope that you are also involved in a variety of relationships and will be encouraged to enhance them and perhaps build new ones.

How can faith in Jesus Christ influence us in our marriages and family relationships? in our friendships?

As Christians most of us believe that our faith in Jesus Christ influences us in our marriages and family relationships but sometimes we don't really think about how or shall I say put it in perspective. A successful marriage requires faith—both in God and faith in each other.Facing uncertainty is a certainty in life but I have found that faith in gives us strength to face those uncertainties. These are responses from four other Christians on how faith in Jesus Christ influences marriages and family relationships.

  • My husband and I grew up completely different. Our cultures are different as well as how we were raised. It would be easy to focus on the negative differences we have in our relationship. Luckily with our faith in Jesus Christ we have come to realize we are not so different. Where it matters most we are the same. We are children of God and his influence helps us see each other with patience and kindness as we have kept the good from both cultures and have gotten rid of the bad . We have learned to respect one another in our marriage and that has naturally transferred to better relationships with our children and friends. We have more love and tolerance for others with our faith in Jesus Christ

Covenant Court Poll Results!

Unequivocally, most people believe that lack of communication and not understanding each other contributes the most to failed marriages. So ladies and gentlemen do find time to COMMUNICATE!!!  Listen to your spouses verbal and nonverbal cues. Here are a few articles that might help. How To Say It Even Better (Without Saying A Word)When Your Phone Becomes a Barrier to CommunicationYou're Saying What You're not Saying - Non Verbal Communication

What is the major contributor to failed marriages?

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Bishop T.D. Jakes on 6 Biblical Lessons on Relationships

The Bible, the world's most read book, sets forth the greatest story ever told. It is a love story unlike no other, underscored by the countless demonstrations of God's love for man.

The cross is one of the world's most visibly recognized icons with its vertically pointing element representing this quintessential union between God and man. It is the intersecting horizontal plane symbolizing the day-to-day relationships among humans that especially benefit from the guidance found in the "Inspired Word of God."

After 35 years in ministry and 30 years of marriage to Serita Jakes, Bishop T.D. Jakes has outlined key life lessons learned from these two great institutions. Six sample "Lessons from the Heart" from The Relationship Bible follow:

1. Overcoming Our Differences in Relationships.
The art of relationships requires that a man who is very different from his woman finds common ground with her and vice versa. We are meant to balance each other by attracting people whose strengths may be our weaknesses. Together as a result of our differences and unique distinctions, we complement each other. Understanding only comes when you stand under a real desire to know, love, and comprehend the other person, embracing the uniqueness of who they are.

Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys

OK, I know many of you might have seen it but I know it didn't get as much publicity as the others so if you haven't seen, please do, I know you won't regret it. The Family that preys is a simple tale of good versus evil that also delivers solid acting and an enjoyable script. it has his trademark trio: sincerity, spirituality, and story.

Its Reminiscent of the classic Hollywood melodramas filled with financial, romantic, and family anguish, this is the story of two families, one white and wealthy, one black and poor, and the many ways they interact — in business, in friendship, in love, and in battle.

Both families are headed by strong, determined single mothers. Charlotte (Kathy Bates) is the matriarch of the wealthy Cartwright family and holds the controlling shares in its construction business. Her closest friend is Alice (Alfre Woodard), the owner of a run-down diner who is always willing to give a free meal and clean clothes to someone who needs help. Charlotte’s son William (Cole Hauser)

Friday, June 21, 2013

Covenant Court

You have one more day to vote!!!!

Last week we asked:  
What is the major contributor to failed marriages?

A. Other people children, in laws, outsiders
B. Money-The pursuit of more or the lack thereof
C. Tragedy--Miscarriage, loss of a child, illness
D. Communication--Not understanding each other
E. Boredom--One or both stop learning, exploring or simply having fun together

Click here to respond.

The results will be released tomorrow 22 nd June 2013! 

A Poem of Hope by Helena Fehr

I feel the arms of God around me,
as I lay on my bed at night.
Asleep, I feel the Angel's touch-
I'm surrounded and held tight.

I don't know why it is,
that God should love me so,
that he would send His only Son,
to hang there on Death-row.

Not-Just-OK-Dot-Com -My Grumpiness Problem

All my life I've been this very cheerful person, even if you offend me I would promptly forgive and get over it. However, periodically I would become this "Queen of sorrow". And when that time came I would take it out on everyone around me. If I was at Not-Just-OK-dot-Com you would have a taste of it too. Sometimes I felt bad about this but I figured, that`s just how I am. I think this happens to alot of women, our feminine ego enjoys this self-imposed separation.

Then I got married and occasionally this grumpiness would rear its head and my husband had to deal with this ``queen of sorrow`` parading around as his wife. Till one day, it hit me "This man hasn't bothered to ask what's wrong with me. I had to come out of myself and I realise, he had gone round this mountain so often he didn't even see the point in trying to cheer me up since we would be back at square one sooner or later. "Ijeoma, is this what you want the environment your home to be like?" I had spent so many years accepting that it was just my nature and it had started affecting the environment in my home. It didn't cross my mind that perhaps God could change me.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Do You Know Your Genotype?

Yesterday was The World Sickle Cell Day. 19th June is set aside to celebrate The World Sickle Cell Day. If I am right, ir was the third celebration of World Sickle Cell Day. Before I go further, I will like to give a belated shout out to all my Warriors out there.

HIP! HIP!! HIP!!! HURRAY!!! It is not easy fighting this scourge called Sickle Cell. Imagine living with pain every so often and you still find the courage to go about your day normally, putting up smiles on your faces. Kudos to all Warriors out there. NEVER NEVER GIVE UP.

Sickle cell disease changes normal, round red blood cells into cells that can be shaped like crescent moons. The name "sickle cell" comes from the crescent shape of the cells. A sickle is a farm tool with a curved blade that can cut crops like wheat.

Thoughts about Salt by Katherine Kehler

"You are the salt of the earth. . .” Matthew 5:13

Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another." Mark 9:50

After I read these verses, I began to think about the reasons for salt being good thing.

  1. Salt enhances the flavor of food,
  2. Salt is used to preserve meat.
  3. Salt is used to thaw ice.
  4. Salt is a water softener.
So, because Jesus said, we are the salt of the earth, how are we, as His followers salting the world around us?

Christian One Liners To Put A Smile On Your Face

The week is almost over, so I'm sharing these Christian one liners I gathered for you can approach the weekend with joy peace and loads of laughs. Enjoy...
  • Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
  • It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  • The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
  • When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
  • People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
  • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
  • Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

He Isn't Meeting My Needs!! by Katherine Kehler

Married at last! It was so natural to be together all of the time - like we were made for each other. When we were first married, we were so poor - we didn't even have a car. We lived in one room in a big old house and shared the bathroom with three other couples. My husband was going to college and I worked as a clerk in a drugstore. Life was good and we never even noticed that we were poor. We were happy!

Life kept changing and so did we. We began having babies. By the time we were twenty-five, we had four children. Marvin had finished college and we were owners of a large egg farm. We worked hard and God granted us a measure of financial success. Marvin, being athletic, played hockey, baseball, football and loved to golf. The children and I spent many evenings at the hockey arena or on the bleachers at the baseball games. I loved reading, gardening and crafts. We both had leadership positions in our church and denomination.

12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child By Abraham Piper

Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I've never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.

1. Point them to Christ.
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cursing or slovenliness or or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don't see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them—and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions—is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.

2. Pray.
Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping him for.

A Carrot, An Egg and A Cup of Coffee

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee (we all fall into one of these categories)
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Sex Appeal as a Promotion Strategy

Here is one element that arouses the immediate interest of both men and women. Sex, perhaps not surprisingly, has the greatest universal acceptance of all stratagems ever used in advertising. Sex in advertising is becoming bolder, diverse, and more far reaching and so are the ladies.

“A guy can still admire, can't he? Even those who can't afford to go in the store can still window-shop. Right? He can still covet the merchandise . How does our single and searching woman find Mr. right since his eyes have been distracted by the Hottie McHottie of Hotland in aisle 5?"

Inspirational Interview Of A Single Mother With Three Special Needs Children

I don't know her personally but Courtney Schulist is a member of a forum I am on, and over the years her comments and views have been a massive inspiration to me. while the father of her last child visits one of the others is not in the picture and the other committed suicide (some people will think their life should end because a boyfriend dumped them). Before some people start screaming "Drug addict"  let me add that she was never a drug addict or took any harmful substance during her pregnancies; she was on folic acid and prenatal vitamins. I was excited so to find someone had interviewed her ,so I'm sharing this with you all for your upliftment and encouragement.

We often hear inspirational heartwarming stories about single mothers who raise multiple kids while holding down a full time job. These mothers play both the roles of mother, and father, to their children in the absence of their father and male role models. But, there is another aspect to these single mothers' stories. There are single mothers all over the world, with special needs children. These mothers are able to somehow balance the special needs of their children, daily life, and their work. Their story is one of great struggle, dedication, and perseverance. Such is the case of Courtney Schulist.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Before You Get Married Please Read...

1. Once you are hooked to the wrong person the battle is over, you will either be managing or patching till you die. If a goat marries a fish, how would they live or where would they be meeting each other? It is only when the goat is thirsty and goes to the river to drink water that they will only see briefly as the fish will jump out to greet the goat and swim away. Any marriage where both partners see each other once in a long while is likened to the goat and fish illustration. Marriage does not make marriage. It is the people in marriage that make marriage.

2 .Compatibility is worked out, of course you may never get a perfect person. But with dedication, knowledge and wisdom compatibility will start building, that is if he or she is the right person.

3. But the major challenge in getting married is choosing the right person. You don't choose a person because he or she is available or eligible. You choose a person because that person is the right for you.

Letter to Jack, Letter to Jill, Leke Adler's Tweet by Tweet

I've never mentioned this before, but i'm a major Leke Alder fan. He is the author of several business books and was the host of a weekly radio business programme, Minding Your Business with Leke Alder on 92.3 Inspiration FM. Thankfully he decided to contribute his voice to proffer solutions to the many challenges Nigeria faces and has extended that voice in the direction of relationships by way of a series of tweets tagged, #Letr2jack and #Letr2jil. They are fun, funny and  very insightful. The italicised are my comments, I'd love to see yours.

Here are my favourites:

@Leke_Alder If you choose to sow wild oats just remember that what you sow you'll reap. #Letr2Jack -For those who can't keep their eyes off all those "Luciferian satellites" as they hover through the cosmos.

@Leke_Alder: When a woman is angry, she starts having an imaginary conversation with you or a third party in her head. #Letr2Jack"-He knows me by name *faints*.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Give Love and Never Run Out by Joyce Meyer

Loving and being loved are what make our lives worth living. Many people experience times in their lives when they feel unloved. During these times it's easy to dwell on those negative thoughts, but allowing it to continue leads to unhappiness and depression. 

Love is the energy of life. It is what motivates people to get up each day and keep going. Love gives life purpose and meaning. Everywhere you look you see people searching for love…but they're looking in the wrong places. God is love, and they will never find what they're looking for until they find Him.

Learning to Trust Your Spouse God's Way By Brooke Keith

Growing up in a broken home, I've always had trust issues. Unfortunately for my husband, he had always gotten the brunt of them even when they were undeserving. It's been something I've carried around all of my life. If you can relate, you've probably perfected my once set-in-stone mantra -"No one is trustworthy, but God."That's what I had come to accept as truth – truth or not.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Covenant Court Join the Poll !

As we mentioned in the last editor's note, we will be conducting regular polls to get get your views on various matters. This is the first, so join in!!!
What is the major contributor to failed marriages?

A. Other people cildren, inlaws, outsiders
B. Money-The pursuit of more or the lack thereof
C. Tradgedy--Misscarriage, lossof a child, illlness
D. Comunication--Not understanding eachother
E. Boredom--One or both stop learning, exploring or simply having fun together

Click here to respond.

My Husband Wants Me To Get An Abortion

"Hello, my friend is married and just found out she is pregnant. Most people who are married find this to be a joyful moment, but not for my friend's husband.The thing is my friend told me that her husband told her to get an abortion because , he is not ready to have a kid. Strangely they are a strong christian couple.This has come as a shock to me. My friend is completely against it , but is afraid that he will neglect the baby when it's born. What should she do to convince her husband, that abortion is not an option?"

Some cultures prefer to enjoy their marriage first before popping babies. Unlike where I come from, where the week after the wedding people are already checking the brides tummy.

If they had no plans to start child bearing and didn't take any precautions, then I wonder whether he assumed children only come to those who are ready for them. One visit to the nearest motherless babie's home would have corrected that notion.

First They Came

First They Came

First they came for the socialists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.

~ Martin Niemöller was (German pastor)

I shared this quote that I learned as a teen with my teenager this morning. He's heard it before but needed to be reminded. High School is a crazy place and I have been hearing odd little bits of info about the judging, teens like to participate in, as they create their little niche groups. (disclaimer: I don't necessarily mean my child.) 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Are You Ready To Be A Father - Paul and Pam Pettit

Expectant dads need to prepare for the wild ride ahead of them. After their babies are born, they'll face the challenge of adapting to a radically different lifestyle. But they'll also encounter great rewards.

Expectant dads don't need to worry if they'll be up to the job of fatherhood. "Why has God blessed you with a baby?, because He knows you can handle the job."

Dad Gets Overwhelmed by His Crying Babies & Calls the Police for Help

 Need a good laugh today? (C'mon, we all do.) I couldn't help but crack a smile after hearing about a dad in Germany who called the police for help because his babies wouldn't stop crying...Yes, this really happened.

The poor dude was home alone caring for his twin 5-month-olds and a 2-year-old, and when he couldn't get his wife on the phone to help, and was unable to stop the kiddos from crying on his own -- he broke down and called the police out of pure desperation. (OMG. Are you loving this story, or what?) Wait, it gets better.

Instead of hanging up on him or getting all bent out of shape that he was wasting their time over crying babies, the police actually listened to him, and even offered some tips for how to deal with the situation. (Aww!) Um, this is seriously one of the funniest things I've ever heard! I wish I could've been a fly on the wall in that house when he made the call, because you know those babies must have been really wailing if he felt the need to get the police involved.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Ladies, Change Your Mind

Every challenge in our lives has been overcome with one key principle – the renewed mind. That doesn't say that we have overcome much at all, in fact the reverse is true, each day poses its own challenges. But even though this is true, we do not approach them with the same desperation and bleakness we did before because we, as it were, have received a master key - the renewed mind. The greatest thing you can say to an unbeliever is “be born again". 

The greatest message you can preach to a believer is “change your mind!”  To live differently, we must change our mindsets from how we previously viewed things.  There is no make-over like a Holy Spirit make – over. I have been for the better part of my life, a person who struggled and lost the battle with a low estimation of myself. There were times I hated myself so deeply, I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I struggled with weight issues.

I Never EVER content with the way my body was at any given time. As such I didn't see how my husband or anyone for that matter, could love me or be satisfied with the way I looked. This, in turn, bred fear. It was just a cocktail of disastrous outcomes waiting to happen. I allowed the devil unrestricted access to my mind (by not seeking the vital attention I needed) I believed lies about who I was. I now know better. The trick of the enemy – his ace – is ISOLATION. Add isolation to any other weakness or sin, and what might have been otherwise a small matter quickly becomes a deadly situation. 

Exclusive Interview with Dupe Ige Kachy of MTN Project Fame

Dupe Ige Kachy
The official voice coach for MTN Project Fame West Africa, Dupe Ige Kachy exuded warmth, grace and loads of comedy. Regardless of our perception of the gospel music scene and combining marriage, motherhood and homemaking is more intricate than it appears.

Ige has beautifully combined those roles, having three lovely sons. She is down to earth, funny and definitely amiable.

Dupe Ige Kachi, who is popularly called IGE (pronounced ee-gay) is multi talented. She has acted in a number of stage plays, and graced a number of concert stages like the Calabar Carnival 2005-2007, TOTAL 50th anniversary celebrations, “The Experience”, P.D.P Presidential rally dinner 2007, Celtel Brand Unveil, “The Platform”, Nigeria Stock Exchange Awards, The African-American concert and several MUSON classical concerts. She was an active member of the defunct neo-africanist theatre group Rhythm of the Black Man. She has written and performed several MTN jingles and songs and is a proud holder of MUSON certificates in voice, piano and theory of music, and is the vocal coach of the MTN Project Fame West Africa. She has worked with a number of artistes like Sammy Okposo, Provabs, JC Qrew, Cobhams, Yinka Davis, Rhymzo and Sunny Neji, just to mention a few.

Enjoy this chat with her, as she shares insights on her career, family life, spirituality and so much more.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

"Honey, I Need Some Space"-- Why Some "Me" Time Might Be Just What You Need

When you're dating and he or she calls you out of the blue and says "Honey, I need some space" It usually means its the beginning of the end of the relationship. But after you are married it is totally different. Learning how to give your spouse space doesn't mean the end of close cuddly conversations or romantic movie nights. It doesn't mean you are saying bye-bye to your snuggle buddy.

However much you love your work, you still need a vacation. However much you love your family, you still need some time alone. People tend to feel guilty about taking time for themselves. Perhaps they wouldn't if they realized that doing so gave them more energy to devote to the ones they love.  Not to mention that this is an important aspect of your spouses sanity!

I remember while staying at my sister's place, she would occasionally go out on Sunday afternoon. One day I told her I wanted to go with her because I thought it had to be somewhere very exciting. Reluctantly, she agreed and told me to  take something to read so I hopped into the car, only for her to drive 10 minutes away to a quiet restaurant, order a drink, and start reading the novel she had been reading all week.When I asked her quizzically "For real, this is it?" she was like "Yeah, this is how I get my space, I'm home all day, everyday with the children, after a while you feel suffocated you even start thinking like a child. These few hours are "My Space".

The Amen Sisters - A Review

About the Book:
Francine Amen feels a deeper guilt than she ever thought possible. She didn’t believe her friend Toni when she shared the secret of her affair with their pastor. Now Tony’s death weighs upon her conscience, and Francie must atone for her mistake. 

Dawn Amen-Ray’s marriage is on its last legs, but she is too proud of her position in the church and in the community to get the counseling they so desperately need. When Francie comes to live with them, can Dawn get past her fears to save her marriage and resist the advances of a fellow church member to stay true to her marriage vows? 

This is an interesting and compelling read (that sounds so topic of this book is more common than you might realise. I've heard about this more times than I can remember. It reminds one of the many forms of sin..including self-righteousness and being judgmental. Let me not be a spoiler. I could really go into detail. The Amen Sisters ranks high in edgy content, so I'd recommend it to people who enjoy reading about real life issues. Kudos to Ms. Benson for dealing with one of the last remaining taboo topics in today’s church in such a straightforward and compassionate manner.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Find Beauty in Your Marriage by Joel Osteen

In life, no matter how much good there is, you can always find something bad if you look for it. You can find some fault, some weakness, something that you don't understand or like. You can either develop an eye for the good, or you can develop a critical eye and always see the bad.

This is why marriages are in so much trouble today. A spouse or both spouses have developed a habit of being negative and only seeing the negative. They've become too critical and view everything through their critical eye.

It´s like this man I heard about. His wife was making him breakfast, and he asked for two eggs, one scrambled and one fried. So she made them and put them on a plate. When he saw them, he shook his head. She said, "What did I do wrong now? That´s exactly what you asked for." He said, "I should have known it. You fried the wrong egg."

You see, you can train yourself to see your spouse´s strengths, or you can train yourself to see their weaknesses. You can focus on what you like about your spouse and magnify their good qualities, or you can focus on what you don´t like and magnify the things that annoy you.

Words of Wisdom From My Father By John Cotter

For some reason, I woke up thinking about my late father this morning. He's been dead for 25-years now and was always a man of few words when he was alive. However, what he said was always worth listening to and I learned many life lessons from him. My mother, on the other hand, taught me about behavior modification: "Stop acting like your father!" 

Anyway, I remember him fondly and here's some of what he tried to teach me:

• The world doesn't pay off on effort . . . it pays off on results.

• You'll never choke to death swallowing your pride.

• You are what you do, not what you say you are.

The Art Of Giving Your Husband What He REALLY Needs

Even if you are not into American football you will be familiar with the those "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) with pompoms, tiny, striped, A-line skirts swinging their waists and legs to chants that are tailor made to support their team. I've always wanted to personally ask one of the players if they were actually motivated by the bunch of teens in matching uniforms shouting "5,6,7,8 Who do we appreciate?...Gooooo Team!!!". But I was privileged to ask Google, where I was reliably informed that It’s kind of like asking how important is music in movies... Music sets the tone, the intensity, the mood, and the excitement …The difference obviously being….. music will not wear those incredibly provocative uniforms. 

You may not carry loose, fluffy, decorative ball or tuft of colorful, fibrous material and swing it around in sexy attire, but you can do what they do which is to:  Get the players pumped up, promote team spirit, strength and encourage the team to play the best they can. Cheerleading also helps YOU feel better and makes you realise that you are important

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Letter To My Child - From A Trying To Conceive Husband

My child,

It's just over 31 months since that day I took the stroll down the aisle with your mummy and said our vows before God and man. Since that day, we have been waiting expectantly for you. Sometimes we wonder what is taking you so long. Sometimes we imagine its taking so long because you must be very special. Most times our hearts have remained undoubtedly sure that your coming is very close, and in fact closer than we think. But then, you do not need to keep us waiting anymore.

But don’t think we have not done our fair share of things that are believed will make you come quickly. I have been severally tested and found to be perfect, having millions of you inside me. Mummy has been severally tested too and everything is in place, no cysts, no fibroids. And we have sown seeds too, financially and otherwise. We have invested in other children and continue to do so. We have followed plethora of advice on what and what not to do. We have not allowed our expectations to metamorphose into anxiety… yet you are yet to come.

The Pathway to Marital Bliss

What is the real purpose of marriage? Marriage is a commitment between two people and a binding covenant with God. When you get married, you are making the conscious choice to take on someone’s heart. Everything that defines your spouse, their strengths and weaknesses, and especially their shortcomings, you will marry. If you decide that you are ready to get married, make that choice out of the willingness and the ability to add something to someone’s life, not out of desperation.

Often times, people go into relationships with the expectation of being rescued or because of loneliness; this could only lead you into an unfulfilled marriage. Understand this, marriage is about giving and sacrificing, sometimes when you don’t feel like it. God has provided you with the love and patience to sew seeds of love and compassion into your mate. This has to be more than your desire, you must see it as your commitment to honor God THROUGH your spouse. 

Friday, June 7, 2013

Too Saved -Movie Review

Too Saved (2007)  is a  low budget, Christian movie. It does not have any of your popular faces or any fantastic locations but I would say, it's profitable to direct.

Lisa has prayed for years that God would save Bobby,  she seems to be stuck in "faking it till she makes it" but when he finally sees the light its much more than Lisa bargained for. Is Bobby Too Saved to hold onto his relationship with Lisa?

Fake It Till You Make It

Every ardent plantain fryer can empathize with me in this experience. When the oil is very hot and you throw in the plantain it gets done in less than one minute, and looks just as brown as it would if it was properly fried but on the inside it is totally raw. It takes quite a while for it to get done properly. In fact, as easy as it looks to fry plantain, there is a technique to it. 

And so it is with our growth as children of God. 

A lot of us grow up in church and we know the scriptures we know the songs, we know how to raise those holy hands when pastor drops some rhema but only the Holy Spirit can transform us from the inside out into someone God can use. God is so patient and allows transformation to happen from the inside out, no matter how long it takes. 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

What Oprah Knows For Sure About Finding Your Calling

Teaching is my true calling. I have felt inklings of this truth since I was a little barefooted girl in Mississippi trying to get my rowdy boy cousins Willie Mack and Lonnie to spell Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego correctly. They weren't very amenable. But I was persistent. Every chance I got to play teacher, I took. 

After almost 25 years of talking on TV every day, my most profound and meaningful memories are of people getting to see the light in themselves and having an aha moment. Over the years, all my teaching on the show has taught me. I've been strengthened by the sharing of it. And I know for sure as I move into the next chapter of my life and career: Teaching will hold an even greater place. It's what I'm called to do. 

We're all called. If you're here breathing, you have a contribution to make to our human community. The real work of your life is to figure out your function—your part in the whole—as soon as possible, and then get about the business of fulfilling it as only you can. 

Why Some Men Become Emotionally Unavailable?

.For many years I wondered if it was my imagination, because it seemed that many men just became emotionally unavailable after marriage. I really wondered why. You even see it in some relationships before marriage even comes into the picture.

I found out that when humans are overwhelmed by negative emotions, their bodies give them two options: fight (criticize) or flight (withdraw). But is the experience of marriage negative? Of course not but if you have  if their is an absence of mutual support it can be. The reason men tend to go into withdrawal mode is that their cardiovascular systems are much more reactive to stress compared to women’s, making the experience of strong negative emotions extremely uncomfortable.

12 Qualities of a Christian Mother by Cystal Mcdowell

Question: what makes a Christian mother distinctive from other mothers? Answer: salt.

Jesus said, “You are the salt of the earth” (Luke 5:13). A Christian mother isn't necessarily better than other mothers; but rather she has special seasoning due to the presence of the Holy Spirit. The believing mother has a wealth of resources available to train, discipline, and love her children in the grace of God. Does your presence as a mother bring a delightful taste to those around you?

The following 12 qualities are just a tip of the virtues provided by God through Jesus Christ to equip and encourage mothers:

Quality #1) Possesses a Keen Sense of Discernment
“The discerning heart seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 15:14).
A good Christian mother stays intimately connected with God so that she will keep a discerning heart. She’s willing to grow in knowledge through the reading of God’s word and absorbing truth from mature godly mothers. God grants her discernment in the lives of her children so that they may be specifically well-trained in righteousness.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

9 People You Shouldn't Marry

So many people end up asking themselves why they made the mistake of choosing the wrong life partner. The bible says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD."- Proverbs 18: 22. (NKJV) This means getting a woman or man to marry requires due diligence. You have to look for the right person. This is foundational. When the foundation is faulty there will be cracks on the walls. This does not imply that you must find the perfect person. No one is perfect. However, it is best to err on the side of caution. 

The following are the 10 kinds of people you should not marry so you can stay on the safe side:

1. Don't marry unbeliever. Do not marry a person who does not have the same belief with you. Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3 NKJV) Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14 NKJV)

How To Identify A Child's Talent

OMG she is going to drown! I was at the pool and had just seen this little girl (I later found out she was 3 years old) jump into the deep end but before I could get over my shock and scream for help, she popped up and swam gleefully to the shallow end and back again. I was so impressed I had to practically interview her mum who told me her Dad had been taking her to the pool since she was 6 months old and she had been swimming since she was 2.

Children are like a new computer with no software installed on it. Children from both research and history pick up a lot of things their environment. Exposure is the best gift you can ever present to any child. The William sisters are award winning  tennis players because their father exposed them them to tennis at a tender age, same thing in Tiger Wood's case: he started playing golf at the age of 2 with his father, by the time he was 11 he was beating his father in golf games and by age 16 he became a professional golfer. Mark Zuckerberg the founder of facebook started coding at a very young age because his father taught him, at a time he became better than his father, so his father employed a programming tutor to teach him. Ben Carson's mother did not give up on him even though he did not start up as a child prodigy, she kept exposing him to books until he out shined every one in his class and became a neurosurgeon.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Consider The Ant

If we humans had muscles in the proportions of ants, we'd be able to heave a Hyundai over our heads! Ants are capable of carrying objects 50 times their own body weight with their mandibles. Ants use their diminutive size to their advantage. Relative to their size, their muscles are thicker than those of larger animals or even humans. This ratio enables them to produce more force and carry larger objects. 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen to an ant who didn't realise the above "truth" about himself but looked at himself and said "No I can't carry that! Look at me, I'm way too small."

Many of us are like that ant in our "colonies" not fulfilling our full potential because we don't know the truth about ourselves. We think we can't inspire others, we can't be amazing, we can't be inspirational, resourceful, proficient, competent, friendly, amicable, harmonious, pleasing, cordial, sincere, sociable, tactful, humble, (ok, let me stop) or enthusiastic individuals.

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