Wednesday, March 22, 2017

"So much of what is love, is fish love." - Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski

Abraham Joshua Twerski is an American Hasidic rabbi, a scion of the Chernobil Hasidic dynasty, and a psychiatrist specializing in substance abuse.

He has written over 60 books on Judaism and self-help topics, including several books with Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts comic strips used to illustrate human interaction and behavior.

Hear him speak about the Love of Giving

What do you think?

The Stages of Abuse: Why It's So Difficult to Leave

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If there is one word that is easily thrown around when a person narrates their experience with abuse, it is "leave". As it should be, victims of abuse are constantly encouraged to leave to avoid being killed emotionally, psychologically or physically. But for some reason, victims of abuse tend to go back to their abusers and it is difficult to understand why. How does anyone return over and over again to a source of pain and distress? I took some time to map out the stages of abuse, and here it is. PS: This is not a scientific cycle based on scientific studies. This is based on the stories of people (both male and female who have suffered abuse physically, emotionally and psychologically). 

Stage #1 The Endearing Stage: It is very common for people to say the signs of a person being abusive are common in courtship but that is not entirely true. Many abusers spend a lot of time grooming their victims depending on how much work they figure they need to do to endear that victim to themselves. They go all out and make the best shows of romantic gestures. They open doors, let you drive their cars, complement your beauty or suaveness, speak highly of your intelligence and cannot stop telling their friends about how awesome you are. You feel comfortable, secure and loved and then suddenly

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Lavish Weddings and Divorces: A Positive Correlation?

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Source: Green wedding shoes

It seems to have become a trend in society to expect a dramatic divorce shortly after a lavish wedding between two people of high financial standing and an extravagant lifestyle. Very often, I read posts of such divorce notices, and the comments suggest what you are possibly thinking about lavish weddings - they often lead to divorce! Some people have suggested that lavish weddings are thrown to hide problems between the couple and give the impression that is beautiful and well in their love paradise, while others believe a lavish wedding is a must for certain kinds of people. 

I want to address the idea that seems to have been engraved in our minds that lavish weddings will definitely lead to divorce. That buying an expensive dress, hiring an entire wine estate and calling the best DJ in town to the reception is the perfect recipe for divorce. That could not be farther from the truth. There are small weddings that have been held away from the eyes of the public that also fell into the divorce pit. Of course, we don't read about them much because they were held in secret. But we must understand that divorce is a possibility irrespective of the type of wedding you have. This is because the wedding is not a determinant of the success of your marriage. Big or small, the wedding is a ceremony and nothing more. 

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

This Mindset is Ruining Your Life

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It is common knowledge these days that having a negative mindset will not translate to a positive life. Pessimists tend to see problems in every opportunity, while optimists see the opportunity in every problem. However, whether you are a pessimist, optimist, realist or an idealist, there is a very subtle mentality that is ruining your life. Subtle as it is, it is very common, and people are not even aware of the negative impact it has on them. I like to call it the 'either/or mentality'. 

Think about it... how many times have you seen a couple in a mansion and assumed they must have an unhappy marriage because of all that money they have? How many times have you seen a man or woman who's career driven and assumed their family must be in shreds because they are so dedicated to their work? How many times have you seen a handsome man and assumed 'oh well, he must be a player', or a beautiful woman and assumed 'she must be taken or unintelligent'. How many times have you heard a person's big dreams and reminded them they might not get married because they are so into this vision? I am sure you can already remember one or two instances where you assumed if someone had something, it was impossible for them to have the other. 

This either/or mentality is ruining your life! It is giving you the impression that you have to choose because you can't have it all. It is telling you in your subconscious that life is not a buffet where you can have a taste of everything, but rather a restricted pre-planned menu where if you choose option A, you cannot have option B. This is why you are not going after everything you desire. This is why you are not winning at life. This is why you are too scared to chase lofty dreams because you believe the more you have, the more unhappy you will be. I have met men and women who often say they are not interested in buying their own houses and acquiring wealth for their children; they are not interested in building their careers and being well-known for their success because most people who have all those things are not happy anyway. Well, guess what? There are also a lot of people who don't have those things and are unhappy as well. So it is not the wealth that makes a person unhappy. It is a lack of God in you.

Drop the either/or mentality and go for everything you love and desire! Build your career, acquire wealth, marry that partner that makes you genuinely happy! Live your life as a well-rounded individual who knows he has access to every single item on the buffet menu! There is no dream that is too big for God, and there is no such thing as option A or B. You can have everything! The reason people tend to say you can't is because they themselves are too scared to chase after everything they want. Don't join their bandwagon! XOXO

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