Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Three Signs You're Just Not Ready for Marriage

Marriage.... Who is ever truly ready for it? 

Many people try to make it seem as though they are but the truth is if you have never been in it, you cannot be prepared for the emotional and psychological rollercoaster it is. I guess the question now is 'if no one is ever truly ready for marriage,what's the point of this post?' Yes, no one can ever be fully ready for marriage; however some people would succeed at it if they took the leap. Others however would fail epically. If you were to jump into marriage right now, will you fail? Here are three signs that you might.

#1 You are unhappy as a single person: Many single people tend to be unhappy because the single tag seems to be more of a disease to society than anything else. As a single person you probably believe that marriage will remove your shame,pain and all the sadness that comes with being single. Well guess what? That's a big fat lie. To be happy in marriage,you must first be happy on your own. You must know what makes you tick,what makes you laugh,what makes you cry and most importantly what makes you who you are. You cannot find happiness in marriage if you don't take happiness into it.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Why Your Spouse Is Likely To Take You For Granted


The most common complaint I have heard from people in long term relationships and marriage is that they have been taken for granted by their partners. Why do people take their spouses for granted yet will walk through hell and high water to fulfill the wishes of people who have not invested as much in them? If you have been wondering why your partner seems to have taken you for granted, putting your relationship into a downward spiral, this post will give you pointers on what you're doing to enable it

#1 You can't make basic decisions on your own: Irrespective of what people might say, no one wants a partner who cannot make basic decisions on their own. Do you always ask your partner to choose what you should wear? Are you always asking what kind of haircut you should get or when you should take a shower? Yea...it's not cute. It's called being needy and your partner will soon assume that you need him or her to push you to get things done, and in this day and age, that's not romantic. It's called being an unnecessary burden. 

Monday, May 23, 2016

When to Draw the Line With Your Boss


Workplace politics can be really daunting especially when you are the new kid on the block, and you are unaware of the political dynamics and mind games of the workplace. Many people get into sticky and difficult situations at work because they are too scared to draw the necessary lines too soon, to avoid coming across as insolent. One person you have to learn to draw lines with as soon as possible is your boss. 

I have heard so many stories of workplace abuse, I often wonder if people are aware they can actually draw the lines and make it known that there are certain expectations they cannot fulfill. Many people try to draw the lines too late, and end up being frustrated and disappointed. This begs the question: when should I draw the line? I'll give you a few scenarios. 

#1 When your boss calls you late at night to discuss personal stuff: Except you are the president's chief of staff, your boss' personal life is none of your business, and you should draw the line the second time it happens...because the first time might be a once-off event due to the fact that he or she needs a listening ear at that moment. Second time it happens, it's about to become a routine. Give a polite excuse that has to do with your family or your activity and hang up!

#2 When your boss tries to hook you up: Some people have fallen victim to bosses who believe it is their 'parental duty' to tell them who to date and how to run their relationships. There is nothing appropriate about your boss trying to hook you up with anyone. Simply tell him or her that you'd like to separate your personal life from your work. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

When Should You Walk Away From Your Relationship?

N:B: This post is directed at couples who are yet to tie the knot. Leaving a marriage is not as easy

I have been getting this question a lot from people who have been in relationships for a considerable amount of time, and are unsure if the relationship has run its course, or if it has simply hit a bump in the road. 

Surely, all relationships go through bad times so it is immature for anyone to pack up and take a hike when things get uncomfortable. However, there are times when you should walk away and this post is directed at highlighting five scenarios when you should walk away and keep walking. 

#1 You are being pressured: Sometimes, many relationships don't suffer pressure from external or societal influences. Very often, people suffer pressure from their partners - pressure to feel a certain way, look a certain way, react in certain ways, and simply just become what your partner wants even though you go through the process unwillingly. If you are being pressured to be in the relationship or being dictated how you should feel to you, or even being taken on  a guilt trip for not being 100% the person your spouse wants you to be, you might want to consider walking away.

Monday, May 16, 2016

The Adult's Guide to Choosing Friends

Friends are important in our lives. Whether we like to admit it or not, we all have those days when we really want our friends around , even if we are simply sitting on the couch staring at the TV and talking about nothing in particular. These days, friendships seem to be built spontaneously. Many people exchange utterances for a few minutes and immediately classify each other as friends. Some people become friends based on a shared negative perception of someone or something... but one thing has become clear in recent times - more people are being betrayed by their friends and they just don't know how or why their friends have suddenly turned on them. Based on this new wave, I have come up with a simple five-point guide to help you choose the most amazing friends ever. 

#1 Don't just go with the flow: Many friendships are built based on people simply going with the flow of the more powerful person. Some people are like leaves on a lake, simply drifting with the flow of the lake, willing to go wherever it leads. As a n adult, you cannot have such friendships. You must make the conscious effort to choose your friends. If you are willing to make this effort, you are more likely to observe your potential friends better and make well-informed decisions. 

#2 Don't unite with a person based on a mutual negative perception of someone else: The fast way to become friends with a person is to gossip about someone else. The fastest way to also expose yourself e to attacks and backbiting is by becoming friends with a person whose first discussion with you is based on the negative perception of someone else. I think as an adult, there are some things you need not engage in, and the biggest one is gossip.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Why You Just Can't Leave That Abusive Relationship


Ever since I read about the death of late Mrs Shonde whose husband absconded after pummeling her to death and locking her children in the house with her corpse, I have been thinking extensively about why women do not leave relationships where they are being beaten black and blue everyday. It is always so easy for us to ask women to leave when they see the first sign of abuse but many women don't see the signs people on the outside can see. The truth is no abusive man meets a woman and starts to pummel her after the first couple of dates. Abusers are very patient. They take time to nurture their prey and get them in tight corners before they show their true colors. However, this post is not about abusive men; it is about you the victim of abuse who's reading this post. Why can't you leave? I'll tell you in three simple points. 

#1 You literally can't afford it: Many women get wooed by abusive men into leaving their sources of income. They get coerced with promises like "I can provide everything you need", "You have to be a stay-at home mom; I don't want my children to be raised by a nanny", "My mother was too busy for us when I was young and I don't want my children to experience the same" (yeah cry me a river). The moment you give up your earning power no matter how little it is, you have closed off your options of leaving should things take an awry turn. Abusers often appeal to the maternal nature of women to get them to give up their earning power. Rather than giving it up completely, opt for a flexible job that gives you enough time. If you are currently unemployed and being abused, start to take your power back by resetting or establishing your earning power.

Monday, May 9, 2016

Good Guys' Guide to Getting the Girl


Many good guys can't help by lament at their inability to snag the girl of their dreams. I suppose the phrase "good girls like bad boys"was born from this frustration. Why do good girls go for the 'bad boys'? or better still why do good girls prefer a repentant 'bad boy' to a man who has never been bad?
If you are the average good guy and you've been asking yourself these questions, the following tips are for you. 

#1 Girls like men who can decode them: Many of us develop styles of conversation as we grow older hence we find it difficult to connect with people who converse differently from us... except we learn to be malleable in the way we speak and address others. Every girl you meet will not like the same kinds of topics, or even respond the same way to your actions. The first and most important thing you should try to learn is what she likes to discuss and how she likes to discuss it. Failure to quickly pick up what she's about will only result in you boring her to death.. which leads me to my next point. 

# Girls like a guy who's fun: You don't have to be a stand-up comedian to be fun. You just need to apply your sense of humor every now and then especially when the conversation is getting too weighty and the lady you're interested in is beginning to stare into space rather than listen to you. Throw in a couple of jokes, some sarcasm, and some funny actual experiences and boom! she'll want to spend more time speaking to you. Good girls like to talk; if you can indulge them in fun yet stimulating conversations, your progress will be exponential. 

Is there anything wrong with baby mamas and men with baby mamas?

Firstly, lets get the definition of a baby mama. Merriam-Webster's dictionary says 

A baby mama is "the mother of a man's biological child; especially one who is not married to or in a long-term, intimate relationship with the child's father"

Nowadays it is not strange for men to flaunt the pictures of their baby mamas and for some ladies to own up to the fact that they are baby mamas.

Society seems to have declared that there is nothing wrong with it and the minds of our young generation seem to have accepted it as a norm. The conscience of society has been seared. 

One question we should ask ourselves is this: Is it right or wrong? Or have we as human beings accepted it as normal?

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Happy Mother's Day

To all the Mothers, we say Happy Mothers Day.

We allow this clip to say it all

Beware of abusive relationships. It could lead to death

Lekan and Ronke Shonde
There was a recent story published about an unfortunate incident where a man allegedly killed his wife during a quarrel. This happened in Lagos.

As the story goes, Ronke Shonde a young mother of two young children, was found dead in her home on Friday, May 6, 2016. The husband, Lekan, is missing. He is believed to have beaten her to death during a domestic dispute in their home.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Ladies, Just Started Dating? Here are Five Things You Should Not Do

People say there are no rules regarding relationships, hence couples are free to decide what they want in their relationship and how they want their interactions to play out. While that is a very nice disposition to have as it helps you avoid being swept away by society's wave of how relationships should play out, it is important to know that you can only get to that stage if you follow some well-defined ground rules.


Usually, when people start a new relationship, they tend to throw caution to the wind and allow a lot of misdeeds in order to avoid coming across as 'too complicated'. This is very common with women who are often so excited to be in a relationship, they will do anything to make sure it works. Before you set out to do anything to make your relationship work, here are five ground rules you may want to consider.

#1 Don't Lay Down Your Insecurities: Many people in a bid to come across as real, and quit beating around the bush often start their relationships by listing out all the things they are insecure about. "I feel like my complexion is uneven", "Sorry my apartment is not halfway as fancy as yours", "I wonder if you'll leave me for someone who's more educated later on".... These are the different insecurities people express at the beginning of  a relationship that immediately reduce their worth in the eyes of their new partner. Oh yes, it sounds like that partner is  a jerk, but truly, your vague expressions of what you lack show that you value yourself based on what you have, and by expressing them, you are teaching your partner to value you the same way too. Some women have believe this will make them closer to their new partner quicker and he can immediately assume his role as prince charming. Free advice from me? It does not work.

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