Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Six Signs To Know You Need to Stop Talking by Joyce Meyer

Have you ever wished you’d stopped talking about five minutes before you actually did?
Because I’ve been there myself, I want to help protect you from saying potentially embarrassing or hurtful things. And I’ve prepared a list of six warning signs to let you know when it’s time to stop talking.

Sign 1: You’re Complaining, Not Explaining

There’s a subtle difference. Explaining is simply telling someone about your situation. Complaining is when you have an attitude that says “I’m being inconvenienced.” (See Philippians 2:14-15.)
There will be times when keeping quiet in order to avoid complaining seems so hard you almost can’t stand it. But God will always give you the grace to do it. And if we ever want to arrive at our Promised Land, we need to stop complaining about the way God’s getting us there.

Obama's Tattoo Strategy - Teenagers and Tattoos

Last week I read about US President Barack Obamas' unique strategy for keeping his daughters from getting tattoos: threatening to get the same design, along with his wife, and turning it into a family YouTube moment. “What we’ve said to the girls is: ‘If you guys ever decide that you’re going to get a tattoo, then mommy and me will get the exact same tattoo, in the same place,”

Obama explained on NBC’s “Today” show on Wednesday. “And we’ll go on YouTube and show it off as a family tattoo,” he said. “Our thinking is that it might dissuade them from thinking that somehow that’s a good way to rebel.” Obama and his wife Michelle have two daughters: Malia, 14, and Sasha, 11.

Many of us might be left with the burden of comprehension, wouldn't a simple NO! Cut it? If you’re a parent, chances are at some point your child might come to you and say, “I want to get a tattoo.” It usually happens somewhere after the words, “Can I take the car?” I guess President Obama realises that teenagers don’t want their parents to be "cool". They prefer them to be invisible. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

It Matters Whom You Marry - William VanDoodewaard (WVD)

Just saw this article in "The Christian Pundit" and I feel it is worth sharing.

Please read....

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Fishing For Men (and Women) Online by Shana Schutte

I've heard many times that there are a lot of fish in the sea, or numerous men to date in the world. Certainly, there are innumerable "fish" in cyberspace, where millions of singles converge to meet daily.

Have you ever wondered if there are rules for catching "fish" online? There certainly are. And, I like to think they are similar to the rules for fishing with a worm and a pole. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you travel the ocean of online dating and start fishing for men—or women—online.

Don't Use Bad Bait

"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue…" (Proverbs 6:17)

Last summer as I boarded my girlfriend's SUV, she announced, "You have to listen to this song. It will make you laugh." She popped in a country music CD and I giggled my way through Cooler Online, a song about a guy who works at Pizza Hut, drives a Hyundai, lives with his mom and dad and is 5'3".
But when he's dating online, his life is another story.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Why Do Most Husbands Not Compliment Their Wives After Marriage?

One wife recently asked "Why doesn't my husband complement me? it honestly makes me feel unappreciated. I don't ask for much out of our marriage but whenever I dress up I never get a compliment unless I say something like, "do you like my dress?" I ask why he doesn't compliment me and he says he sees no reason. But it has drawn me away from him and "I no longer feel the spark in our marriage." 

At any given time we women are working hard to look good, keep the house clean and tidy, prepare delicious meals, etc. However, it appears that after marriage there is a significant decrease in the number of compliments. These gestures should not be seasonal, especially in marriage! Depriving a woman of hearing these things from you (which by the way are free) might just be creating a crack in your marriage. 

Every woman likes a compliment. Men get an ego boost through work success or sports; women will get that from their partner. It's not being vain or shallow; it's being appreciated and not taking what you have for granted. (That's women for you).

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Why is My Child Not as Intelligent as Me?

I didn't realise how important being bright was to me until I had a daughter who wasn't. I was brought up by searingly intelligent parents, both complicated, funny, intellectual. They bonded over cryptic crosswords and were contemptuous of tabloid-reading mouth-breathers.

I grew up believing that having an incisive wit and split-second recall of arcane facts is more important than being kind or compassionate. I modelled myself on Dorothy Parker and admired her brand of effortlessly cruel humour.

If someone was bright, I warmed to them. If someone was not, I yawned. I assumed that my child would share my feelings. No, I assumed that she would be like me. The first signs were good. In the womb, Bella was constantly kicking and hiccupping, as if she yearned to be out there, engaging the world in a lively debate. And when she arrived she was restless, with a nervous energy that was alarming. My father declared her "very alert" and I glowed with pride, even though she cried endlessly. "She is too clever to just nod off by herself," I reasoned as she screamed through the night.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Should Christians Consider Artificial Insemination?

I am sure You will not find the answer to this question in the Bible since the technology for Artificial Insemination did not exist in the Bible times. However, with the intellectual curiosity and progress of mankind, this is now a topic that we face in modern times.

First of all, I would like to define Artificial Insemination in the words of Wikipedia as:

"the deliberate introduction of semen into a female's vagina or oviduct for the purpose of achieving a pregnancy through fertilisation by means other than ejaculation. It is the medical alternative to sexual intercourse, or natural insemination."

Artificial Insemination is generally used when a man's sperm count is not sufficient to allow pregnancy or there is some physical or psychological problem involved in sexual intercourse.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Did She Change For Worse After Marriage?

Nagging Wife
She's nice, she's respectable, she cooks, she cleans, she goes to church, she has a sweet demeanor with a beauty that can only be described as "take home to mama" We have all come across that chick; haven't we?

In the course of time, many men have also been "lucky enough" to marry her. Then marriage comes and suddenly she seems to hold a certification in nagging, she is cold, grumpy and just doesn't seem like the person you met. 

Sadly I have come across many bachelors who are of the opinion that when some ladies want to get married and notice that there is a dwindling pool of eligible bachelors, they fit into your standard of "take home to mama" 

"Why did she change?"," This can't be the same person" "She doesn't love me anymore" and finally "I've been conned"

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Responding To Lies by Children - By Lawrence Kutner Phd

I’ve always found it useful to remember that, from a child’s perspective, a lie is simply the best solution to a problem that he can come up with at that moment. The real challenge for the parents of chronic liars isn’t spotting the lies, but finding the underlying issues and helping the child learn different and more appropriate responses. Here are some ideas that may help:
  • Ask yourself if you’ve giving your child permission to tell the truth. Remember that children most often lie to avoid punishment. What does your child think you’ll do if he tells you what really happened? Even though, as adults, we can’t be forced to testify against ourselves in a court of law, we routinely ask our children to do just that. Children often tell psychologists and teachers that they felt guilty and wanted to tell their parents what they had done, but they saw that their parents were in a bad mood when they came home, and worried about the punishment they might receive if they didn’t lie.
    One way to encourage your children to tell you the truth is to focus your responses on their specific behaviors (breaking that heirloom vase) rather than on their characters (“You never listen to me when I tell you not to play ball in the house!”). Give them a chance to make appropriate amends when they’ve done something wrong so that they don’t feel that they’ll be punished forever if they tell you the truth.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Value of Stay-at-Home Moms - by Jill Savage

It was Rose Kennedy who said, "I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that demanded the best that I could bring to it." Like Rose, I have found that indeed motherhood is a profession, and it certainly deserves the best I can bring to it.

What happens at home is central to a child's ability to function throughout his life. Home is where bonding takes place and a child learns to attach to relationships. When a child can attach, that means they learn to trust people. Learning to trust is essential for having healthy relationships throughout life.

Our adopted son, Kolya, lived in an orphanage for the first nine years of his life. While it appears that it was a good orphanage, as orphanages go, the reality is that group care is never the same as mothering care. Since Kolya became a part of our family, Mark and I have been intentional about helping him learn to trust. Because I couldn't snuggle him as a baby, I've worked to snuggle with him in other ways. Sometimes I rub his legs, arms, and back with lotion at bedtime, other times we snuggle on the couch watching TV. This child doesn't need quality time; he needs quantity time. He needs to know that we're there in the morning when he wakes up and there at night when he goes to bed. He needs to know we'll be there after school and at any sport or music event he participates in. Home is where he is learning to trust, to love, and to be loved.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Marrying Someone Who Is Not As Spiritually Mature?

For a person who has developed a keen sense of hearing and love for music; (s)he is not satisfied with a N100,000 sound system and speakers. They will go crazy because their ears pick out all sorts of imperfections that the rest of us don't hear, yet our enjoyment of the music goes on without a care; we are content and happy. And while the sound aficionado tries to explain to us what it is we are missing, we do not relate to their level of passion.
I have asked this myself this question many times but I never felt I had enough knowledge of the situation to write on it until I came across a discussion on the subject. Fine, don't marry an unbeliever but what if he or she is a Christian not as spiritually mature; wouldn't it be hard to raise children in a spiritually confusing environment? Surely, there would be less problems between spiritually mature couples. 

The problem is a lot of time Christians equate christian maturity with more time with the Lord. Or more concepts they have picked up and can teach to someone else. But more often Christians tend to equate it with someone who understands and can explain a lot of biblical stuff, rather than their knowledge of God and how it manifests itself in their dealing with their fellow man. We tend to evaluate the maturity level by how busy they are for the Lord.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Question Of Child Spacing...What do you consider?

The question of how to space the children is one that many couples will confront. From my observation, gone are the days when couples would just go with the flow and "Junior" and "Ada" were likely to have five or six others follow them in such short succession that they are almost all the same height.

The following are some responses from women who were asked how they would like to space their kids:

"I married early but am not ready for time wasting. I want to get it over with and seek a career. I want them when am still young enough to work myself back into shape. I don't want many kids either. One more and am officially done!!"

"There's nothing like 'the ideal interval'. . . Pretty much whatever rocks the boat of the couple.
There's a 17-year birth gap between my brother and I, and today, that interval has proven to be more than beneficial to everyone in my family, just as the 5-year interval between your kids might happen to be the best for you."

Friday, April 12, 2013

When God's Timing Is Taking Too Long - Joyce Meyer

We all want good things to happen in our lives, but too often we want it now...not later. When it doesn't happen that way, we are tempted to ask, "When, God, when?" Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on the "when" question. If you're missing joy and peace, you're not trusting God. If your mind feels worn out all the time, you're not trusting God.

The tendency to want to know about everything that's going on can be detrimental to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you. I spent a large part of my life being impatient, frustrated and disappointed because there were things I didn't know. God had to teach me to leave things alone and quit feeling that I needed to know everything. I finally learned to trust the One who knows all things and accept that some questions may never be answered. We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry.

How To handle Your Daughter's First Period

Out of the blue my husband asked how women handle their first periods. I was surprised he asked since our daughter is barely 2 years old, but I guess it's something every parent of a female should be prepared for.

The onset of a girls period is actually quite awkward. I still clearly remember how mine started around the age of 10 and how shocked my mother was because apparently her's didn't start till she was 16. The long talk about "Don't let any male 'touch' you" etc.  I know someone who remembers her Mum saying " No let man 'meet' you since you don dey see your time."
My sisters and I gave it so many names; Aunty flow, Mr. John (the pads are called Mr. John bread) or simply "P".

Most girls start between the ages of 11 and 15. Mothers of today have it really easy because there is so much information out there for you and your daughter. YouTube has videos and there are lots of other educational material. They are taught about it in Biology class etc but when it really happens it can be quite a surprise for mother and child. The more information that you share with your daughter about periods and PMS symptoms, the more comfortable and prepared she will feel as her body grows and changes. Be there and hold her hand during this special time.

It's important to make it clear that menses are not an excuse to lay around moping/complaining. If she has cramps, she should take some paracetamol and get on with life. Mild exercise does a lot more to relieve cramping than "resting".  Menstruation isn't a sickness. It doesn't get better with rest but rest can help if the fluctuating hormones make her nauseated.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Are Most Women Emotionally Selfish?

A certain young man was bugged by this question recently: "Why do most ladies believe the man has to do it all in a relationship while they receive it all? Now we are not talking about money here but emotions. Is it the man that must make you happy, take you out all the time, make you laugh, give you a hug, cheer you up,  surprises you?... Is it too much to give your man something to look forward to? Will making him feel like a king diminish your femininity?

In relationships,  men seem to be forgotten and are expected to be the SUPERMAN who has no emotional problems of his own except that of keeping his queen interested in him so they can live happily ever after. "

It's safe to say that a lot of these injustices arise as a result of societal norms. there is a lot of peer pressure to date a guy who "performs" so the guy has to be seen to be doing everything or he is not good enough in the eyes of her friends or family.

Also,  the culture dictates that men are the ones who do all the chasing (if you want to be seen as a "good girl" ) so the man chases ,chases and chases with all his might and the lady doesn't have to lift a finger. . .The irony is that once the chasee has been caught, roles reverse and its the woman who invests all her emotions into the marriage.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The Power Of Commitment - Phil Callaway

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me. — Winston Churchill

The great philosopher Socrates once wrote, "By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will become very happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher."

Some time ago, my parents were visiting and I asked them about the secret to their 55-year marriage. Without hesitation, Dad said, "Senility. I wake up each morning and I can't remember who this old girl is. So each day is a new adventure." When Mom finally quit pinching him, he got serious.

"In a word?" he said. "Commitment."

You don't have to stand in the checkout line long to know that commitment is not a hallmark of our culture. Standing near the chocolate bars the other day, I picked out a tabloid and read of Rex and Teresa LeGalley, a young couple who want to ensure that their recent marriage will stand the test of time. After all, it was Teresa's second marriage and Rex's third. So they drew up a 16-page prenuptial agreement that specifies such details as what time they'll go to bed, how often they'll have sex, which gasoline they'll purchase and who will do the laundry. Says Teresa, "This is the plan that we think will keep us married for 50 or 60 years."

Monday, April 8, 2013

So You Think 1Corithinans 13:4-8 "Kind of Love" Does Not Apply to Real Life?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

So many times I have been told the kind of love described in 1Cor 13:4-8 is practically impossible in today's marriages. They say that God can love us that way, and parents can love their kids that way, but that's it. Evidenced by either their parents or the couples they know "1Cor 13:4-8 love" just doesn't happen-at least not anymore. 

In defence of the scripture allow me to use Plato's Analogy of the cave:

Imagine several prisoners who have been chained up in a cave for all of their lives. They have never been outside the cave. They face a wall in the cave and they can never look at the entrance of the cave. Sometimes animals, birds, people, or other objects pass by the entrance of the cave casting a shadow on the wall inside the cave. The prisoners see the shadows on the wall and mistakenly view the shadows as reality.

The Art of Dadliness: How to Get Your Kids to Do Their Chores (And Why It’s So Important They Do Them)

Every dad wants his children to grow up to be responsible, contributing members of society. But before they head out on their own and make their mark on the world, our kids need to learn how to be responsible, contributing members of the family household. Household chores are training exercises for real life. Chores not only teach children important life skills that will prepare them for living on their own, and impart a pull-your-own-weight work ethic, but recent studies show that starting chores at an early age gives children an enormous leg-up in other areas of their life as well.

Unfortunately, very few children today are getting the training at home they need to become industrious, responsible adults. Studies show that children in the West spend little time helping around the house. While children a century or two ago were expected to do many things to keep the household running, especially if they lived on a farm, according to the Maryland Population Research Center, today’s 6-12 year-old child spends only about 24 minutes a day doing chores. This represents a 25% drop even since 1981. When kids do help around the house, it’s frequently done under duress; parents often have to plead, bribe, and threaten to get their children to do basic things like taking out the trash or cleaning up after dinner.

Friday, April 5, 2013

When Your Spouse Is Just A Roommate - Jenny Schermerhorn

“I want a husband, not a roommate!” I thought. Young kids, busy jobs, and church commitments left my husband and I little more than two adults sharing the same house. We occupied the same space, talked in short directives like “she needs a diaper change”, “grab that will you?”, “the van needs gas”, and filed jointly on our taxes, but our relationship was thread bare.

The onslaught of needs started early with our two little girls bursting into our bedroom, and my attention shifted to caring for them as we moved through our morning routine. I could see Stephen brushing his teeth, eating his breakfast, and filling his coffee mug, but only through a haze of brushing hair, spilled orange juice and lunch making. Insert pre-school drop-off, work, pick-up, afternoon errands, loads of laundry and dinner-prep and by the time he arrived home in the evenings, I was toast. As an introvert who needs time alone to recharge, being with co-workers and children all day is especially challenging. At 6 pm the inside of my head was roaring static, and I even had trouble stringing words into complete sentences. Bleary eyed, I looked longingly at quiet spaces in our house: my bed, the laundry room, even the bathroom, aching for solitude.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

A Prayer For Your Children

I stumbled onto a simple prayer that parents should say concerning their children.

It is short and simple. It is from Kenneth Copeland Ministries.

Father, Your Word is true and I believe it. Therefore, in the Name of Jesus, I believe in my heart and say with my mouth that the Word of God prevails over my children. Your Word says that You will pour out Your Spirit upon my offspring and Your blessing upon my descendants. I believe and say that my children are wise and that they take heed to and are the fruit of godly instruction and correction. I love my children and I will diligently discipline them early. Because of that, they give me delight and rest.

Father, I take Your Word that says You will contend with him who contends with me, and You give safety to my children and ease them day by day. They are blessed when they come in and when they go out. I confess that You, Lord, give Your angels special charge over my children to accompany and defend and preserve them. I believe they find favor, good understanding and high esteem in Your sight, Lord, and in the sight of man.

I confess that my children are disciples taught of the Lord and obedient to Your will. Great is their peace and undisturbed composure. I believe I receive wisdom and counsel in bringing up my children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Your Word declares that when they are old they will not depart from it. So I commit them to Your keeping and I know and have confident trust that they are watched over and blessed of the Lord all the days of their lives, in Jesus’ Name.

Sex and Pregnancy

A newly wedded man asked this question recently "My wife is four months pregnant, since then, the urge to be intimate with her like before is low as I am not that comfortable with being intimate with her in that condition, even if I try to, I won't last 5 minutes. The funniest thing is that, she is demanding more at this time than before"

The concern of many men is that they don't hurt the baby or their wives. Most women who are having a normal pregnancy may continue to have sex right up until their water breaks or they go into labor. You won't hurt the baby by making love. The amniotic sac and the strong muscles of the uterus protect your baby, and the thick mucus plug that seals the cervix helps guard against infection. Although it is advisable not to penetrate too hard.

Some women have a heightened libido throughout pregnancy, so they are more sexually aroused. While others find they're less interested. Many women find that their sexual appetite fluctuates, perhaps depending on how they're otherwise feeling physically and emotionally.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

How do you react to conflict in your relationship?

Conflict resolution
Conflicts may occur in any relationship and Marriage is not an exception. The presence of conflicts in marriages are often due to our basic points of difference. As such every conflict situation, we face has a potential to make the relationship stronger or destroy oneness. Individuals react to conflict in different ways as outlined below:
  • Fight to win: This is the ‘I win, you lose’ or ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ position. You seek to dominate the other person; personal relationships take second place to the need to triumph. 
  • Withdraw: You seek to avoid discomforts at all costs saying ‘I’m uncomfortable so I’ll get out’. You see no hope of resolving the conflict, or you lack the strength to confront it. You cope by giving your mate the silent treatment. 
  • Yield: You assume it is far better to go along with the other person’s demands than risk a confrontation. Rather than start another argument, whatever you wish is fine. To you a safe feeling is more important than a close relationship. 
  • Lovingly resolve: You commit to resolving the conflict by taking steps to carefully and sensitively discuss the issue. Resolving a conflict requires a special attitude-one of humility, of placing the relationship at a higher priority than the conflict itself. You value the relationship more than winning or losing, escaping or feeling comfortable. 
  • Bickering, giving in, giving up or denying conflict - are other ways people resort to.
How do you resolve conflict in your relationship?

Product of A Broken Home or Product of An Awesome God: Addressing The Absentee Parent in You

Being from a broken, polygamous, single parent home, with only my mum as immediate family; when it came to marriage and parenting I had my work cut out for me. Thankfully, through it all, I think I gathered enough experience to pursue one very important goal: How not to become anything like my parents (at least not in the area of relationships) and a personal resolve not to be an absentee parent. If you, too, want to avoid this or if you think you might be taking on the traits of your own absentee parent, maybe this can help you drop those bad habits before they hurt you or people you love.

The aim of this article is not to delve too deeply into the how or why of what got us to this point. Rather, I hope to bring your attention to several characteristics or personality traits possessed by people who had an absentee parent while growing up. If we can identify the garbage in our own characters, we can take steps to throw it out before it overflows and we end up passing our unhealthy traits on to someone else.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Protecting Your Children On the Internet

Whilst the internet may be a fairly new phenomenon for us, for children, it will feel like it has been around forever. Children, as young as five, are getting to grips with the World Wide Web and according to official statistics, as many as half of all children up to the age of eight use a device that is connected to the internet in some way. Not only this but as many as 7.5 million children under the age of 13 use Facebook and 30% of the apps on parents’ smartphones and tablets have been downloaded by their children.

Without the confines of geographical boundaries, the interactive and limitless nature of being online unfortunately means that the internet can be a dark and dangerous place and it is within every parents’ interest to ensure that when their children do go online they are as safe as possible.

Monday, April 1, 2013

What If Your Husband Accused You of Cheating

A lady found herself in a sticky situation recently. "I am hurting so much right now. My own husband accused me of having an affair with my boss because my job takes me out of town and I often spend more time at work than at home. I really can't forgive him for these allegations. I actually had the plan to involve an elderly person from his family but now have a change of mind. I am so bitter right now!"

Sometimes it's hard to understand that marriage is not really dependent on managing the rational behaviour of your spouse. It is about managing the irrational behaviour that come up periodically.

If you examine this issue from a purely rational point of view, the husband is being irrational. Implementing an approach that will not lead to the breakdown of the marriage is very important. This kind of accusation has the potential of damaging a marriage permanently so it needs to be handled wisely.

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