Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Are Most Women Emotionally Selfish?

A certain young man was bugged by this question recently: "Why do most ladies believe the man has to do it all in a relationship while they receive it all? Now we are not talking about money here but emotions. Is it the man that must make you happy, take you out all the time, make you laugh, give you a hug, cheer you up,  surprises you?... Is it too much to give your man something to look forward to? Will making him feel like a king diminish your femininity?

In relationships,  men seem to be forgotten and are expected to be the SUPERMAN who has no emotional problems of his own except that of keeping his queen interested in him so they can live happily ever after. "

It's safe to say that a lot of these injustices arise as a result of societal norms. there is a lot of peer pressure to date a guy who "performs" so the guy has to be seen to be doing everything or he is not good enough in the eyes of her friends or family.

Also,  the culture dictates that men are the ones who do all the chasing (if you want to be seen as a "good girl" ) so the man chases ,chases and chases with all his might and the lady doesn't have to lift a finger. . .The irony is that once the chasee has been caught, roles reverse and its the woman who invests all her emotions into the marriage.

Realistically, being a king is not just all about servitude and waiting to be pleased. Being a king/man is more importantly about making each other happy at all times. If a man is not ready to give everything to make a woman happy, such a man is not ready for a lasting and loving relationship.

Secondly, women are not emotionally selfish. In fact, women express their emotions and feelings far better than men do. Every woman has her insecurities. Once you are able to make her feel secure within her insecurities, she opens up. A woman does not know how to hide her feelings in most cases. They are quite easy to read  if you are truly en sync with one another.
However, It is also important to appreciate that changes are bound to occur in a relationship. Sometimes it bends in favor of the man sometimes it doesn't.  It takes a lot of maturity to accept that come what may, he must love his woman selflessly and maintain  loving communication with her. So that when all chips are down  know how to turn your woman back on to the woman you first fell in love with.

The truth is, both men and women have emotional needs. Blood runs through their veins too. This emotional injustice is brought about because men are brought up/trained/taught etc to hide their emotions and to focus on the woman's emotional needs instead and to turn that over into satisfaction for them. That is why you hear men proudly beating their chests when they provide more than enough financial substance for their wives.

Many men take this mindset to the grave and people think that men never feel pain or have any needs. Many men also think that showing their emotional needs/emotions portrays them as weak and so they hide them.

I think women need to know that when a man really trusts you with his emotions, and he feels safe enough to open up to you, (in some cases it can take years) you as a woman will be surprised to discover that there are some needs too in there somewhere. They are human after all. If a woman makes sure these needs are met and makes him feel like a king her needs will be met more thoroughly and easily because he will want to continue feeling that way.

Ijeoma Olujekun

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