Sunday, July 31, 2016

Wife, Not Cook

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The human race, just like technology, is progressing. We seem to have successfully transcended from the stage of barbarianism and savagery to a time where we seem to be more tolerant of one another (or so we think). The procession from the days of slave trade to the cry for freedom of every human has been both enlightening and emotional. For the recluse, it might seem like the best time to be alive. Live and let live, the majority choruses. A lot of progress has been made in the society especially in this social media age. The girl child and women generally are doing great exploits while lots of questions are being raised on what used to be known as traditional gender roles. These questions have spread to our homes and it is pertinent that we get answers. 

Should there still be traditional roles? What is expected of a man in the home? What role is a woman expected to play in her home? Should there even be gender roles at all? 

I found myself deeply reflecting on these questions when I stumbled on the social media hashtag ‘Wife,notCook’. What started as an Instagram post by a man who took a picture of his food in a restaurant quickly became a public subject of discourse with everyone airing his/her views. Someone had pointed out that his wife ought to be cooking instead of him having to eat out , to which he replied, #WifeNotCook. In that instance, he became the hero of many people that have felt the need to question the structures that has always been. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

10 things you should pray for your husband as he prays for success in life

Couples do pray for success in life and marriage. However some people do not know that with success comes more issues or things to be aware of.

I once knew a married man who didn't have much at first. He was very humble and was one of the people who helped parked the cars of the people who came for service every Sunday. He was in the traffic unit. 

He must have been very praying for success. Well he got employed in an Oil company and now drove a fancy car and seemingly had more money than before. 

All of a sudden, he went off track. He started seeing someone else and stopped coming to church. His wife couldn't believe it. She never thought her husband would backslide.

Apparently he was not ready for the blessings or he didn't know how to manage the "fame".

You Don't Need A Spiritual Revelation!

As a christian, it is always reassuring to have the reassurance that whatever step you are about to take is backed by God especially when it comes to the issue of marriage. It is understandable that no one wants to make a mistake in marriage, but is it right to go seeking 'spiritual guidance' even when the facts about the person are staring you in the face?

Recently, I have read reports of people blaming their spiritual leaders for their wrong choices in marriage. "My pastor said he's my husband even though I knew he was cheating on me", "I married her because the pastor said she matches my destiny" (*big sigh here*). On the other side of regret, some people have missed out on amazing partners because they were told strange revelations about them. I recall very sadly the lamentations of a young man who left a woman he'd dated for five years to marry someone a 'prophet' deemed better for him. Unfortunately, his wife turned out  to be an infidel, and he was filled with regret when his ex moved on to someone else. Why are people more reliant on external spiritual guidance when the signs are very clear? 

I'll keep this short and sweet. No one,and I mean absolutely no pastor,deacon,prophet or priest can tell you who to marry. No one can tell you where your relationship is heading because no one is in the bandwagon with you. You are in it with your partner. You can see the signs clearly.
Your partner hits you whenever he or she is angry? Run. Your partner is laying down rules you are uncomfortable with? Reconsider your decision to walk down the aisle. Your partner is telling you how to live your life and deciding your future without your input? Think long and hard. Your partner can't stop chasing after other ladies or men? LEAVE. You are ill and the person you're dating is too busy to check on you? What on earth are you doing? You are still waiting for a prophet or pastor to come and tell you whether this person who does not care about you is for you or not? Why on earth do you think you a child of God deserves someone who treats you like you are less than what you actually are? Why would you believe a prophecy that says that cheating man is God's portion for you? Are you saying God intends for you to be in pain and suffer?

Please stop seeking divine answers when the physical signs are staring you in the face. Marriage is not to be endured the whole way through. Yes it has some rough patches where you need to tolerate your spouse and work through difficult roads but those times are not equivalent to the suffering you will endure when you marry an abusive or uncaring partner. You don't need spiritual guidance to know you deserve better. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Five Simple Ways To Cut Out Unnecessary Drama From Your Life

Life is full of drama, and dramatic people are hardly ever in short supply. At first they seem like a lot of fun; but after a while, keeping up with them becomes a lot of work, and the drama they bring into your life becomes unpalatable to say the least. 

You're probably at that point where you feel you should be focusing on better things because 
  1. you're getting older, and 
  2. you need to start investing in your future. 
You sure won't achieve much if you continue to hang around people who make mountains out of the smallest issues, and stretch every offence till it reaches the sky. Need to live a life that focuses more on futuristic goals than dramatic events that mean absolutely nothing in the long run? 

Here are five simple tips that have worked for me, and I don't hesitate to use them once I spot drama.

#1 Break up with drama: Before you can successfully remove unnecessarily dramatic people from your life, you first need to understand why you are attracted to such people in the first place. Do you have a hidden desire to create issues out of thin air? Do you feel like you have better chances of being admired if you're around dramatic people? Well, break up with those thoughts now. There are enough valid issues in the world you could dedicate your energy to, and you are amazing just as you are.

Prayers Still Work; You Will Be Amazed At This Testimony

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If there were no mysteries to life and we could sleep today knowing exactly what tomorrow holds, we would feel no need for God. There would be absolutely no use for faith nor prayers and of course it will be all so boring living in our world.
The unpredictability of our lives and the miraculous power of prayers fill me with so much excitement. There has been lots of gloomy news lately but then there are many more wonderful things happening around.

Nick Schnarr shared his story on one of my favorite Instagram pages @lovewhatmatters and I feel the need to share here:-
For the last nine months, my wife, Brooklyn has been pregnant with a very sick baby boy. Back in the old days, hydrocephalus was called, "water on the brain"....too much brain fluid. Ultimately, we were referred to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital, where we were told, by several of the most highly regarded fetal specialists in the country, that his condition was dire. The baby's condition was "off the charts bad." It was so extreme, that the specialists stopped measuring and monitoring his brain's fluid level because, at that point, it didn't really matter. We were told, pointblank, that there was over a 90% chance that the baby would either die shortly after birth or have such severe cognitive impairments that any quality of life would be hard to imagine.
Literally, 15 minutes before they wheeled her back to start the C-section, we had another meeting with doctors regarding the use of a breathing tube and at what point we might need to remove that tube and let the baby go to heaven. Guess what?. .The baby came out crying - which was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.

Somehow, his brain found a way to naturally "clear" the blockage or re-route the fluid that was causing the oppressive "back-up" of brain fluid. During the last week. I'm a practical person that certainly believes in science and medical technology, but I absolutely know, from the bottom of my heart, that God was involved in this. Prayer is positively powerful. God is real, and he still performs miracles.

God bless.


I actually said Alleluia after reading this. How else do you want God to prove himself? I hope this ministers to you like it did me. Whatever your situation is, please don’t give up on God. He hears.


Take Responsibility, The World Isn't Against You

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One of the hardest things to do is taking responsibility for one's action(s). The world will be a better place if we shine the light upon ourselves and we accept our mistakes while looking to make amends.It just always looks like it is a better option to find someone or something  to blame other than ourselves. As a legal practitioner, I sometimes question the basis of some cases in the court other than the need to blame someone else for a mess created by us.

I went to pick my child up at the day care some time ago and was told she was scathed by hot water ‘accidentally’. I was really furious and couldn’t understand how her care givers would have allowed such mishap. I was even more irritated when one of the care givers mentioned that she was such an active toddler and that she moves around so fast. I couldn’t believe she would blame the child’s activeness rather than acknowledge that she might have been careless.

Relationships are pretty much same way. Many times people complain about how bad their partners treat them. An obsessive person might complain of lack of attention while someone with no standards at all might complain of being treated unfairly. Many people in awful relationships see the signs but still stick to their partners preferring to blame the society or the other woman.  

I read sometime ago that Neyo, the R&B singer, was getting married. He had a girlfriend then, that was the mother of his two children and it was the assumption that they would get married. It was surprising to find out that he was getting married to another person entirely. Of course the former girlfriend was hurt, and it might be safe to say she had every right to be because in the course of their relationship, Neyo had ‘made’ her burn her tubes which meant that she wouldn’t be able to conceive anymore.

She was the toast of many tabloids and she shared details of what her relationship with the R&B star was. She talked about how she did everything to satisfy him including granting some of his weird sexual fantasies which included inviting someone else to join them in bed during sex. She lamented how she did and tolerated all he did just so she could make him happy.

Typically, she refused to acknowledge that she possibly set herself up to become a victim of his betrayal. He wasn’t married to her but she felt comfortable having his babies and tying her womb for him. She even allowed him keep other women in the course of their relationship. She already lost the right to be mad about the things she made room for.

Of course,people hurt us sometimes but before we start to look for who to blame, we ought to look at the man in the mirror first. There are times the problem lies with you and what you really ought to do is step up and be an ‘adult’ about things. Take responsibility and make amends.
The world isn’t against you, you should check yourself sometimes.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Tim Lahaye, co-author of "The Act of Marriage" dies at 90

Christian evangelist, author, Tim Lahaye has dies at the age of 90. He had a severe stroke and passed on at a hospital in San Diego.

He is best known for the Left Behind series of apocalyptic fiction, which he co-wrote with Jerry B. Jenkins. He authored more than fifty books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Tim Lahaye, married to Beverly Radcliffe in 1947, co-authored a book on marriage titled; The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love. The Act of Marriage has been published again in 1998 as The Act of Marriage, Revised & Updated and again in 2000 as The Act of Marriage after 40: Making Love for Life.

He is survived by his wife, Beverly, four children, Linda, Larry, Lee, and Lori, along with nine grandchildren.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Are You Intimidated by Her Success?

Men had been known to be bread winners from the 20s through to the 70s while women were left at home as housewives who took care of the children. But today we have female bread winners and it is becoming increasingly common. 
Today, women are taking the centre stage in the business world (or different aspects) and also competing with their male counterparts to take up leadership positions as we see in the case of the new British Prime Minister Theresa May and also Hillary Clinton contesting for the Presidential seat of United States of America. 

You will also find women getting better paying jobs than men or on the same level. One in four women now earn more than their male counterparts.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Are You Attracting Bad Vibes?

You've probably heard it many times that you attract everything that is in your life. You attract bad or good luck with whatever is inside you. You attract good or bad men with the kind of disposition you have towards relationships. You attract good or bad bosses based on who you are...basically, there is a rule that you attract everything and everyone in your life either as a result of your attitude towards that aspect of your life, or as a result of your belief and ability to envision it happening.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but if that was the case, many people will be married to the partners they actually want, and no one would be poor. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Does this mean the attraction factor is just nonsense? Not exactly. 

In Proverbs 23:7, the bible says "as a man thinks, so is he"; this is proof that there is a lot of power in your mind as an individual, but does this mean bad or good things are attracted to you because you have a magnet in you for these things? NO. Just like many good people have been robbed, and many innocent people raped and abused by the wrong partners, some things happen to you to teach you a lesson and build your character.

How Do You Know Who The Right One Is?
If there is one thing that confuses many young people today when it comes to relationships, it's the issue of trying to figure out who the right person to marry is. Men are just as confused as women, and many women struggle to differentiate wolves from sheep. It is even more daunting when you are inundated with options, and you are worried about choosing the wrong person while the right person is left behind in the pack. How do you know who the right person is?

First things first, when you are about to choose a partner, disregard societal constructs of what the perfect partner should look like. This is where many people, men and women included get it wrong. Society has an image of what the prefect partner should look like, and sadly, even in churches, there is an image of the perfect man. If you are choosing someone because he or she is perfect on paper, you are already setting your relationship for failure. So the ground rule here is to avoid choosing a person because they are perfect on society's paper. From here on, things become a bit easier. Now here are some  qualities to look out for. 

You Need To Embrace The Process

My mum had a dream that all the children she gave birth to would attend certain schools based on the standards those schools had and we all did. Everyone that knows me knows that I have four other siblings and that we all attended Federal Government Colleges.

It might not mean much anymore seeing as those schools are not as hyped as they used to be but Federal colleges used to be the real deal many years ago. Getting admitted into those kind of schools then was chiefly on merit and it required preparedness. Every exam we wrote from kindergarten to elementary school was doctored to suit that dream. We had extra lessons and teachers to give us additional lessons on the core subjects. Short of opening our heads to put the books in, our parents did everything they could to prepare us for the examinations then.

I never gave my parents’ actions much thought till I met a woman recently.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Unveiling the other side of Female Bosses

Working to earn a living in today's work environment has gone beyond the financial gains alone but struggling to rise and climb through the ladder to get to the top. In time past, most people seen at the peak of their career are usually male with the exception of few female top executives.

In today's world however, achievement at the work place does not only include financial returns but also being seen at the top of the ladder as the Head.

Unfortunately, female top executives have been seen in bad light as most of them tend to be harsh, unfriendly and most especially always want the job done without appreciating the subordinate that did it.

I have had the opportunity to experience three different types of female bosses and sincerely their relationship with their subordinates were cold and were geared towards the same thing: Organizational Achievement alone.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Genotype and the faith of our relationship (My story)

The question of genotype was not in existence when our grandparents and parents got married to each other but today it limits us from getting married to each other. Genotype as the name suggests, a person’s genotype refers to the types of genes he or she has for a particular inheritable trait. There are always two copies of each gene, one from each parent. A gene, however can have different versions, called alleles. Alleles are various versions of a gene. The combination of alleles inherited from the parents is what gives rise to genotypes.

Now my story……my first ever relationship started in my undergraduate days and I dated this guy (2 years my senior) for close to 3 years before he ended the relationship. We both knew we had AS genes 2 years into the relationship but because we loved each other he told me we will get married and abort any pregnancy we discovered was SS. This made me happy and I thought I need not look for another soul mate. 

Why You Are Trapped In A Bad Relationship

Have you ever wondered why people stay in bad relationships?

I have, many times. Seeing people in certain situations can be mind boggling. Many times we find that we can’t wrap our heads around why people allow certain things happen to them. Could it be they lack the will to act right or is it as they say, that nothing is as easy as it seems? 

Could the fear of the unknown be the reason why an available option becomes more desirable than it really is?
Photo Credit: www.wellnesswithpenny.comn
How hard can it be to get out of an abusive relationship? Why do people still go ahead to get married to people that they have seen manifest in horrible ways? 

Why hold on to a loveless relationship? Why should you stay despite being miserable? Would such person have eaten bread covered with mould and damn the consequences of a stomach virus? 

So why do we treat matters of the heart (and life) with levity? Why do we put reason on hold while hoping for a turnaround that hardly ever happens?

It is always so easy to proffer solutions to problems that we are not involved in. it is easy to tell the poor guy to work harder or tell an obese person to lose weight. 

If all problems can be as easily solved as the phrases we say, most of us won’t be in dilemmas. The truth is, many problems have roots deeper than half sensitive phrases can reach and the sooner we get to the root , the easier it is to tackle the issue.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Waiting Period..........Which Way Forward

I have asked myself several times over and over in last 8years, "Why me, why me, why me......" but my question seem like an unanswered one. This is a typical question on the lips of every woman who is yet have children of their own after being married for more than two years. 

You look around and see those who got married after you having children even those who defiled the marital bed and those who committed adultery and fornication have given birth. You keep wondering how those who had fertility issues have children while you and your husband are yet to have children of your own even with your good fertility report. 

This springs up so many questions in you like:
  • If those who were not virgins before marriage can have children, why can't I, as a virgin, have children?
  • Why is my mother-in-law threatening to marry a second wife for my husband? 
  • Did I offend anymore who is punishing me through this means? 
  • Why hasn't God given me the blessing of children as he has done to others? 
  • Why do I keep having miscarriages?
As much as the questions keep coming, and you feel the need to have them answered so you could be at peace but the answers are not forth coming. We cannot dispute that God is the only one that gives children and no one else. Your Pastor, Prophet, Idol, Herbalist etc. will only pray to God (on your behalf) to give you children because if these set of people can give children, then no one will be waiting for more than two years after marriage for the blessing of children (food for thought). 

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Have You Put 'The One' On Hold?

I'd like to think everyone is seeking a partner they can spend forever with. No matter how nonchalant we may feel about serious relationships, there is a part of us deep down that yearns for an uncommon connection with someone else. We all yearn for someone that knows us so well, it makes other people wonder if they know us at all. We all want to feel we are loved, cared for, and we have that special person to call on when the chips come tumbling down. Why then do we put these special people on hold when we meet them?

There is a very crazy trend I have noticed; we tend to put the people we genuinely connect with on hold because we are just not yet ready for something serious. I think this trend is more common with men; but from conversations with young men, some women are also aboard this train. There is something about a strong connection with a person that makes us believe that no matter what we will always have that person to fall back on. There is something about a strong connection that makes us believe that person will not find anyone else either, so why don't we do all the crazy stuff we want to do now and come back to this special person when we are all good and ready? I call this putting the right person for you on hold. 

Let's think about it this way: You call a friend over the phone and the conversation is good... not just good, but really amazing and stable. Suddenly, your phone beeps and it's an incoming call i.e. a distraction. It's a tempting one so you decide to put your friend on hold. You pick the tempting call and you get carried away by the new dimension it brings. It is exciting, invigorating, unstable but enticing so you keep the conversation flowing while your friend is on hold. This happens more times than it should and it becomes a norm for you. Your friend gets tired of being put on hold after a few calls, and starts to do one of two things - puts the phone on speaker and goes to do other things or hangs up. Sure you can always call back if the call has been dropped but what if... just what if... when you call back, you find that your friend is on another call, and is unwilling to drop that call for you because you have a trend of putting things on hold to attend to other distractions?

Be careful when you think you are playing smart by putting the partner God has sent to you on hold while you play around with people who have no business in your future. Be careful when the devil feeds you lies such as "you are still young", "you should play around more", "it's not yet time", "you don't deserve this person". Be careful of the lies in your heart that tell you this person is a last resort and will always be there. Be careful because the person you've put on hold can receive another call, not from someone they won't like but from someone who will be ten times who you are and actually want to talk to them. Once that new call is picked, you'll have difficulty reconnecting, and even if your call manages to get through, the stability, nurture and support that you were meant to enjoy will end up being given to someone else, and you might find yourself saying things like "He used to DM me you know?" or "She used to get excited whenever I gave her attention." No doubt he or she was crazy about you, but you put the call on hold and attended to the things you felt couldn't wait. You took for granted the one person that should have received ALL your attention. Used to? That counts for nothing. Yes, you might find someone too but you can agree with me that God's perfect will is always much much much better than God's permissive will. 

Have you put the one for you on hold? I suggest you retrace your steps and put all the effort you've put in your distractions into regaining their trust. Distractions are sometimes the devil's way of keeping you from the amazing plans God has for your future. And believe me when I say those distractions are usually hard to ignore or even miss. But you must ask yourself the crucial question: would you rather enjoy these short-termed distractions which will end up leaving you high and dry? Or would you prefer to concentrate all your efforts on making it work with the right person so you can reap the amazing benefits in future? Don't cheat yourself and don't fool yourself. Don't give up a diamond for a sandy rock, and don't think others don't see the diamond too. Retrace your steps today. Good luck. XOXO

PS: Perhaps you are not putting the one for you on hold, you simply have an attraction for the wrong people. Check out my post on why you'll keep choosing the wrong partner on my blog by clicking here

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

What Makes a Happy Relationship?

We've all heard or said the saying "no one is perfect" at some point in our lives. We've seen the cracks in many relationships, and the holes in many more. We have seen relationships fall apart and crumble into ashes with no hope of any concrete reformation....and amidst these cracks and breaks, we have all seen relationships that have stood the test of time - relationships that have been through thick and thin, yet survived. We have all seen those relationships that are not just happy on the outside because both parties are smiling for the camera; they are happy on the inside too. And in a way, we can call them perfect. How on earth did those people achieve such happiness and stability? How did they achieve such perfection? How do they keep smiling amidst all the rough patches? The answer is not love. The answer is willingness. 

Love is a great feeling; people are euphoric when they are in love; they feel like they can walk on water; they have butterflies in their tummies, yet feel stable and secure enough in that person's presence. Love can make you think of a person and smile but... that feeling of love is not enough to build a happy relationship. It is the willingness to exercise that love that counts. There are many undeclared love stories buried deep  in many hearts that have been separated by circumstances, societal expectations, and self-conflict. If love was enough, such cases would not exist. It is not enough to feel love for a person; you must be willing to show it too... and this is where many people fail.

We are unwilling to express the love we feel in its true form, so we adopt game plans from 'two can play that game', 'the perfect match', 'scandal' and in some cases, 'how to get away with murder'. We don't want to seem like we have fallen too hard for fear that we will be called weak, for fear that we will be left high and dry. We are unwilling to let offenses go, and let nagging go, and let pain go. We want to feel special in our pain so we hold on to it, and refuse to willingly practice our love above everything else. In an effort to show they have not fallen hard, many people treat their partners with nonchalance because they have the erroneous believe that the emotions they share, although not expressed will make their partners stay forever. That is the perfect recipe for growing apart and creating a doughnut relationship - one that looks full on the outside while it is hollow on the inside. 

If you haven't been doing so, it is time to deliberately begin to express your love to your partner. It is time to let yourselves fall hard into that love that no one can explain or understand. It is time to willingly treat your partner like gold. It is time to willingly show that you want to be in the relationship and you want to make it work. By doing so, you are setting the right platform for a genuinely happy relationship. 

Monday, July 11, 2016

Monday Motivation: Of Life, Wells And Other Related Things

We grow up learning that some things we were taught were absolutely unnecessary while some others shape our lives positively. Why should we have to go through the rigors of understanding maths if many of us are going to venture into arts and other things that doesn’t need much of mathematics? As I have learnt many times , no knowledge is ever lost, you know pretty much like the lesson in Slumdog Millionaire.

Photo Credit :
In elementary school, we were taught that tap water’s the best source of water. Needless to say that didn’t make much sense because I grew up in a place where we got water supply once in a month, no thanks to the unreliable government. This meant we had to source for our own water; so, wells were the solution for us and our neighbors. There were so many of them that were manually dug and drawn from just before the advent of affordable boreholes.  In order to get a good flow of water, one needed to know how to locate a good site for a well. This is very important in order to have a constant flow all through the year. A good spot is one that is not too rocky nor muddy. Many wells were not well sited so there are few months of drought during the dry season, even the well sited ones might not have such a great supply of water during such periods.  Ours served many households during the drought and I’ll tell you why.
My parents had a culture of getting laborers who majored in digging the well deeper while bringing out more earth. The deeper the well got, the more water we had and could spare.

Like I mentioned earlier, there are lots of lessons to be learnt from things that didn’t seem relatable. I have been having a bit of struggle with my time lately. My routine has been pretty messed up. I find it hard to keep track of time. I wake up this minute and the next minute is sleep time. It’s become even hard to write or do other things that would make me feel like I had a productive day.

Thinking about the well and remembering all the hardwork that went into keeping the water flow ministered to me. I have failed to consider all the new factors that got introduced into my life, and adjust accordingly. I have a new child now and a very active toddler. For me to be more fruitful, I have to do so much more. It is no longer enough for me to just be going through my day today activities like I used to. To stay relevant , I need to understand that time has changed and i need to change accordingly. These entails demanding more from myself by working hard and digging deeper.

I already started making some changes and I want to enjoin you to do same. You might feel like you are stuck sometimes and you might almost give up on yourself thinking you are not good enough. Some periods just require for us to dig deeper. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and put in some work.

There is so much water beneath, you just have to dig deeper to find it.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Mistakes Parents Make in Child Upbringing

Children are wonderful creatures and whoever has them in his quiver is blessed because children are from God and God loves children. The moment these children are brought into the world, they need care and a good upbringing to figure out how to live a good life. A Child’s upbringing is both an easy and at the same time a difficult non-paying job every parent has to do in order to nurture their child into a grown man or woman that will be respected by everyone.

Parents should be careful and observant in bringing up their children so they can avoid some parenting mistakes that can affect their children’s’ lives negatively. These mistakes abound from physical, environmental factors etc. Some of these parenting mistakes can be avoided or managed properly to give that child the good life he/she deserves.
  • Parenting mistake is giving your children everything they ask for every time. The worst thing you can do for your children is to give them all they ask for. You are gradually making them handicap and this will cripple them in future because they will have the notion that everything must be provided for them. They get married and feel that their spouses are obligated to provide everything for them the same way their parents did. Parents should teach their children financial knowledge and instil the culture of saving in them. They need to understand the value of money, just because you have it to give them doesn’t mean you should give them all the time. 
  • Parenting mistake is thinking that when you give your children the same love, affection, attention and upbringing that they will turn out the same way. Children are individuals who have their own individual experiences because you are not their only influence in life; that is why parents should find out which is the best way to raise a child and get good results from that child. For example, you say to one of your children, don’t move and the child stays there all day long without moving but to communicate the same message to the other child you have to say if you move I will beat the hell out of you and the child didn’t move. Both children didn’t move and you got the same result from both of them but you had to go about it in different directions. Parents should speak to each child the language they understand and the way they understand it. You don’t expect children who had the same upbringing to turn out the same way, it’s not possible.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Spot the Difference. Know When to Let Go

Have you ever been in a friendship where everything started off great but sort of waned with time? I bet you have. Really, who hasn't? I bet you've been there with relationships too irrespective of whether they were romantic, professional or simply necessary for the time they were forged. The truth is we all come to a point in our lives where our relationships lose steam and we have to evaluate if they are necessary burdens to carry or dead weights to get rid of. With this post, I hope to help you with making the right decision. 

There are two kinds of people that will come into your life: the short-term people and the long-term people. From reading, it may seem like identifying them is easy but many of us still get confused over who is who. 

Short-term people usually come in with a bang. You meet them and immediately you all get along like a house on fire, no questions asked. You seem to want to talk about all the fun stuff you can get up to, and if complaining is your hobby, you will both comb each other's hair while you complain from sunrise to sunset. The first few months with people like this seem to be full on the outside, but like a ring doughnut, there is nothing inside. After a few months, you find yourself going along with the crazy ideas, the gossip, and all the other stuff you don't want to do just because you're worried you will be tagged a party pooper. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Dear Moyosoreoluwa, (Notes From Me To You)

As you grew within me, I felt more pressure to love your sister more so as to make up for whatever attention she might not get once you arrive. One thing I was most scared of was how to share my love between two of you.

See, I have built such a deep relationship with your sister that it didn’t look quite achievable to bring another person into that mix. She’s been my world and we have developed lots of communication techniques that don’t need words. Like when her eyes seek me out in a crowd asking for approval on something she just did or when she bursts out of her class right into my waiting hands before going into endless chatters.

Let me tell you a little about your sister, she loves to be cuddled to bed and she calls my name from the time she opens her eyes till she sleeps. Oh yes! She could be very opinionated too and she comes across as stubborn. I take notes in my head on some things I have to make her stop before you get here – more like I am still in the process. At times when she ran about the house forming conversations with her imaginary friends, I felt you turn inside me sometimes and I wondered if you were trying to tell her to calm down for your arrival. I trust you will find great friendship in each other as I have found in my siblings.

This is supposed to be about you but I find myself writing so much about your sister. Forgive me but she was the biggest thing in my life just before you - my darling you.

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