Saturday, July 9, 2016

Mistakes Parents Make in Child Upbringing

Children are wonderful creatures and whoever has them in his quiver is blessed because children are from God and God loves children. The moment these children are brought into the world, they need care and a good upbringing to figure out how to live a good life. A Child’s upbringing is both an easy and at the same time a difficult non-paying job every parent has to do in order to nurture their child into a grown man or woman that will be respected by everyone.

Parents should be careful and observant in bringing up their children so they can avoid some parenting mistakes that can affect their children’s’ lives negatively. These mistakes abound from physical, environmental factors etc. Some of these parenting mistakes can be avoided or managed properly to give that child the good life he/she deserves.
  • Parenting mistake is giving your children everything they ask for every time. The worst thing you can do for your children is to give them all they ask for. You are gradually making them handicap and this will cripple them in future because they will have the notion that everything must be provided for them. They get married and feel that their spouses are obligated to provide everything for them the same way their parents did. Parents should teach their children financial knowledge and instil the culture of saving in them. They need to understand the value of money, just because you have it to give them doesn’t mean you should give them all the time. 
  • Parenting mistake is thinking that when you give your children the same love, affection, attention and upbringing that they will turn out the same way. Children are individuals who have their own individual experiences because you are not their only influence in life; that is why parents should find out which is the best way to raise a child and get good results from that child. For example, you say to one of your children, don’t move and the child stays there all day long without moving but to communicate the same message to the other child you have to say if you move I will beat the hell out of you and the child didn’t move. Both children didn’t move and you got the same result from both of them but you had to go about it in different directions. Parents should speak to each child the language they understand and the way they understand it. You don’t expect children who had the same upbringing to turn out the same way, it’s not possible.

  • Parenting mistake is believing everything your child says all the time. It is OK to trust your child (I believe in trust too) but verify because children are capable of making mistakes. Parents should always verify before defending their child based on what he/she told them. If everyone noticed a bad behaviour in your child except you because your child told you that he does not have that bad habit. You cannot empower a child by believing everything he says, you should find out the truth first so that someday, you won’t die of shock if the enforcement authority shows up at your doorstep to arrest your child for that bad behaviour which had resulted in a crime because you as the parents didn’t address this bad behaviour in him. 
  • Parenting mistake is deciding a particular profession for your children because you want them to pursue your line of profession. You are meant to guide them into deciding their profession not putting pressure on them to be Lawyers and Doctors because you are a Doctor and your wife is a Lawyer. This set of children grow up unfulfilled in life because they had to fulfil their parents’ wishes of becoming Lawyers and Doctors but they actually want to be Editors, Writers, Poets etc. If you have a child that wants to be a writer, let him be and not compare him with your friend’s son who is studying medicine. What matters most is what your child does with his passion for his chosen profession which makes him happy. Chimamanda Adichie is a great writer who is celebrated by everyone in the world today and her works have been adapted in some Hollywood movies, she has received numerous awards and distinctions including the Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction. Asa is a great music artist who is celebrated by the world today. Let your children be who they want to be in life. 
  • Parenting mistake is allowing your under-aged children (between 6 and 15 years old) watch content meant for 18+ and adult. Parents should check ratings on movies, video games and other contents before allowing their children see them because these things have an effect on them as they intend to act out what they have seen in these movies and games. A movie rated “G” is meant for everyone but the one rated ‘’18+’’ is meant for those who are 18 years and above not for children in their early teens.
          The same is applicable for games as listed below:

EARLY CHILDHOOD: Content is intended for young children.
EVERYONE: Content is generally suitable for all ages. May contain minimal cartoon, fantasy or mild violence and/or infrequent use of mild language.
EVERYONE 10+: Content is generally suitable for ages 10 and up. May contain more cartoon, fantasy or mild violence, mild language and/or minimal suggestive themes.
TEEN: Content is generally suitable for ages 13 and up. May contain violence, suggestive themes, crude humor, minimal blood, simulated gambling and/or infrequent use of strong language.
MATURE: Content is generally suitable for ages 17 and up. May contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language.
ADULTS ONLY: Content suitable only for adults ages 18 and up. May include prolonged scenes of intense violence, graphic sexual content and/or gambling with real currency.
RATING PENDING: Not yet assigned a final ESRB rating. Appears only in advertising, marketing and promotional materials related to a "boxed" video game that is expected to carry an ESRB rating, and should be replaced by a game's rating once it has been assigned.
It is wrong allowing your 7year old child play games rated ‘’Everyone 10+’’ or ‘’Teen’’. The content of these games contain violence, minimal blood, simulated gambling etc., Is this what you want to expose your 7years old child to?
  • Parenting mistake is allowing your unmarried 35+ children (esp. male children) to stay with you when they should go out there and fend for themselves. Some parents make the house so comfortable for their over-grown up kids that they find it difficult to move out of the house and go get their own apartment and compete in the business world. A good illustration of good parenting in relation to this is the Mother Eagle. “The mother eagle throws the eaglet out of the nest after they get to a certain size, or maturity. Why does the mother do this? She is demonstrating that those curious appendages on the babies’ back have a useful function. Eagles, of course, were meant to fly, but they don’t know that if they remain in their nest and are not pushed out by their parents. If we take an eagle and separate it at birth from its parents, it will never learn to fly. When the eaglet is thrown out of the nest from the top of the tree, the mother eagle flies down to catch the little one just before it reaches the ground and she does this a second time. The third time she throws the eaglet out for the nest, she does not fly down to catch the little one; this is when the eaglet struggles with wind and understands the use of its wings and it begins to fly.’’ This gives us a picture as humans not to allow our 40year old children to continue to stay with us but we should push them out and allow them to go discover life.
There is no perfect way or laid down rule to follow to bring up a child, parents should understand the individuality of each child and bring them up that way. There is nothing wrong in telling children what are the repercussions for every act of theirs (good and bad). If they are accepting or valuing your opinion, let them experience the pain, failure and disappointment. The experience would bring them the needed wisdom.

Parents are like role models for their children, they follow what you do more than what you say.

“Your children require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them – Bill Ayers’’

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