Sunday, March 27, 2016

For Better, For Worse and NOT FOR GRANTED

It’s a norm we are all becoming used to… the fact that after a while the spark dies out in many marriages, and some people begin to devalue their spouses. It is fast becoming a norm that after a while, people seek excitement elsewhere because they just can’t create a spark that will light the fire of excitement in their own marriages. It is true in many cases that people take their spouses for granted after a while; appreciation and admiration fly out the window, while complacency and an uncouth attitude set in. No wonder many marriages feel like hard work. No wonder many marriages feel like necessary evils. No wonder many people see marriage as a duty that must be fulfilled, rather than a journey that must be enjoyed.

If you want the spark in your marriage to last, you must be willing to consciously keep the spark alive by not taking your spouse for granted under any circumstances. Spontaneously serve breakfast in bed; explore new movies and shows together; try new things together; always appreciate the little things your spouse does even if it is his or her duty. In so many homes, appreciation is only reserved for gifts exchanged during special occasions. Couples do not appreciate each other for being a strong pillar to rely on; couples hardly praise each other’s strengths; couples hardly offer words of affirmation or acts of service. As far as they are concerned, marriage is an organization where each person must fulfill his/her duty and not complain about it, no matter how burdensome it may be.

Marriage has become hard work, because the real essence of marriage has been lost in societal definitions of achievement. Marriage is a journey two people embark on TOGETHER where they overcome obstacles together, win quests together, cry together, laugh together and plan together. Marriage is a partnership, not some kind of military organization where a personal relationship is lost. The partnership cannot survive if both partners take each other for granted. If you’ve taken your partner for granted, it’s not too late to turn around today and start showing him/her that you genuinely care.

Married and Just Discovered You Have HIV: Should You Tell Your Spouse?

HIV is not a death sentence… only when it is properly dealt with. It is alarmingly that there are many HIV positive individuals living with their spouses, yet their spouses are unaware of their HIV status. Many people have lied, some have faked HIV test results , and some have simply decided to go the easy route – keep quiet and act like nothing has changed.

The fear of being left alone to deal with your problem can be a motivating factor for lying or keeping silent, but should it overwhelm your sense of humanity, and the need to keep your partner safe?
If you have recently discovered you have HIV, silence is not the way to go. Using your anti-retroviral drugs in secret while your spouse is exposed to the virus is not the way to go. Faking your test results is not the way to go.. In fact, if you have been dishonest all through your marriage, this is the one time you should bravely embrace honesty. This is the one time you should sit down and have a frank conversation with your spouse. Yes, tell your spouse you are HIV positive. This is not some sanctimonious act so you can make it to heave; it is the moral thing to do.

I find it so unfair that many married people are HIV positive, are on anti-retroviral drugs, yet their spouses have no knowledge of their condition. They have unprotected sex with their spouses and go about their daily lives like they are not knowingly transmitting a deadly virus. It is absolutely wrong. Tell your partner! And don't just tell, make sure your partner gets tested!

It is unacceptable for you to look out for your health while you feed your spouse with the medicine of death. Yes, your spouse might decide the marriage is over; sure, your spouse might leave but even the fear of that should not prevent you from telling the truth.

Call a meeting with the family elders if you have to; if you’d rather it be a private discussion between you and your spouse, go for it. You should tell! You must tell! If not for anything, for the fact that you love your partner enough to not be the reason for his or her untimely death. XOXO

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

A letter to the Systems Analyst, Marriage Software Division

This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Division);

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

Yours faithfully,


Here is the Response.....

Monday, March 21, 2016

How You’re Killing Your Child’s confidence

Many parents are unaware of it, but the way they address their children’s confidence levels plays a big role in how the children perceive themselves. Ideally, I’d like to think every parent wants to raise confident and happy children who are secure in their identity; however cultural beliefs and behavioural norms parents pick up from the environment around them may cause them to break their children without even knowing it. 

The one thing parents do that hurt the confidence of their kids the most is tell them they are over-confident. You’ve probably said it to your child many times without weighing the effect it has. The phrase “you are/were overconfident” is often a result of a child failing to meet up to expectation at the last minute or losing out on a competition at the final stage. Rather than encourage, many parents use this phrase to explain a child’s failure. They single it out as the cause of failure and make their children feel bad for ever feeling confident. 

Here is something you should learn as parents; A child does not know the meaning of ‘over-confident’. Children are optimistic, and the more they do better, the more optimistic they get. Their confidence levels increase, and many times they believe they have the prize they are aiming for in the bag; not because they are over-confident, but because they are optimistic. By telling them after they fail that they are over-confident, you’re creating doubt about their abilities within them. You are making them question themselves. You are telling them to keep quiet rather than speak up even when they know they are right. You are breaking their confidence, their spirit. 

The next time your child fails at the last minute or loses out unexpectedly, don’t blame it on overconfidence. Don’t kick them while they are down. Rather encourage; there will be more opportunities and they did their best this time. Just don’t blame it on them being too confident, because really, there is no such thing as ‘too much confidence’ when you believe in yourself

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Why Your Faith Is Not Working

A friend recently asked me if faith is a necessary aspect of life. “Yes of course!” was my response. She then asked how it is that so many people have faith yet continue to life fruitless lives filled with unending nothingness. Why is their faith not working?

It got me thinking about the many times I had faith and hoped for something to work in my favour and it didn’t. Did God not hear me, or did he decide to simply ignore my plea. Didn’t the bible say all I need is faith as small as a mustard seed? In other words, if I believe just a teeny tiny bit that what I have asked for will be granted, it will be, right? Why then isn’t it working?! Based on my personal experience, I came up with the following reasons why your faith is just not working.

#1 You dwell in negativity: Do you know it is possible to have faith that things will change for the better, but still have a remote corner of your heart where negativity rules? True, many people profess faith, but they also profess negative events into their lives at the same time. Your faith cannot bring anything to fruition if you are still entertaining negativity. Your faith cannot work if after you profess it, you start to dwell on the possibility of negative outcomes. Faith is believing without ANY DOUBT that everything that concerns you will yield positive outcomes.

#2 You test the waters with faith: So many of us claim to have faith when really, all we are doing is testing the waters to see if faith will actually work for us. In other words, we see faith as an experiment to try out. If it does not work, we shrug and move on with plan B. That is not faith; well, at least, it is not faith in God. Faith is not meant to be an experiment that you try out today, and if things work, you keep coming back for more till the magic runs out. Trusting God for something in your life is not the same as finding a magic lamp and hoping to find a genie in it by rubbing it. No. Faith is bigger than that. Faith is bigger than your expectations. Your faith cannot work if all you are doing is testing to see if God will run helter-skelter to satisfy your demands, just because you say so. 

#3 You refuse to take action; Some people believe having faith means laying back and watch events unfold. No! You must take action if you want your faith to manifest itself in works. Faith does not mean you stop working; rather it means you work even harder because you believe your work will yield results. If you have faith, but you're not on the move with your works, you have nothing. Your faith is not a magic wish. Its results are expressed through the works of your hands.

#4 Faith is not your lifestyle: How many of us can raise our hands and say with boldness that we live every single day by faith? So many of us only exercise faith when we need something. We pray endlessly, fast till we are stick-thin, and read our bibles like our lives depend on them. However, once we get what we need, we revert back to our old ways and ignore the word of God. When faith is your lifestyle, everything you desire will be given to you. When faith is your lifestyle, you will be filled with love for yourself and for others. When you live a life driven by faith, you will constantly be at peace because you are assured that God has your back. What better way to get your faith to work for you than to believe God is with you even on frivolous issues? Make faith a lifestyle and your life will never be the same again. XOXO

Monday, March 14, 2016

Rise Up For Others Not Against Them

It is just human nature to mistreat other people once we believe we have reached a height they cannot attain. Sometimes our ill treatment of them is subtle; other times, we make it clear through our actions that we cannot be bothered to lift a finger to assist them. We become so selfish in our pursuits that even when we get an opportunity to assist a fellow human being, we fold our arms and tell tales of how we also struggled to get where we are. In fact, in a bid to enforce our struggle theme, some of us go out of our way to ensure that we throw as much difficulty as we can in the way of others. We let our success get to our heads; we tend to believe we are untouchable after a certain level. We tend to believe that other person cannot reach us because we are far gone.

I'll keep this short and sweet and simply tell you God can see what you are doing with the blessing he has given you. God blesses us not so we can brag about our abilities or push others into difficulty, but so we can live in a way that will cause others to want to know him. God expects that his blessings in our lives will bring about the glory of his name. Our blessings are not for haughtiness or power tussles (Proverbs 6:16 - 17); you are not blessed so you can huff and puff while having other people worship you and bend to your will simply because it would be fatal for them not to. You are blessed to be a blessing.

Don't get so drunk on your new position of power that you forget you were once in a humble state. Don't get so arrogant in your ability that you believe everyone must suffer the way you did; afterall you pulled through so they should struggle too. Don't get so intoxicated with your success that you start to talk down to others or mistreat them deliberately. Don't get so sure of your personal ability that you forget God can catapult anyone to greatness at any given time. Instead of working against others, rise up on their behalf.

Be the wind in the sails of those who cheered you on. Be the reliable shoulder they can rely on for good advice and assistance. Be the one who tells them of opportunities they might be unaware of. Stop living in the fear of them surpassing you. Even if they surpass you, it's because it's God's will. Where you are today is a result of God's blessing. Many people have worked ten times harder than you are, yet they do not have a quarter of what you have. Stop boasting in your ability and working against others. Help them where you can; try your very best to make their journeys better than yours.

You will not lose your success if you help others. You will not lose your blessings if you bless others. The same cannot be said if you decide to work against those that God has directed to you. Oh yes! God sends people your way after he blesses you to see if you will glorify yourself or glorify him. Learn to rise up for others. You will be blessed in multiple fold for doing so!

Friday, March 11, 2016

How to Prevent Your Job from Taking Over Your Life

Striking the work-life balance is probably the most hectic thing anyone has to do, even though we don’t realize it. Many people find themselves spending more time on their jobs and boss’ expectations, such that everything else in their lives take the back seat. More often than not, we stretch ourselves to the limit to please our bosses and secure our positions. That can become a problem in terms of how your boss views your ability, your personal space and time, and other aspects of your life. Here are five ways to prevent your work from taking over your life. 


  Avoid stretching yourself too thin from the beginning: This is very tricky because many of us aim to please as much as we can during the first few months at a new job. We tend to go over and beyond our job description to secure our place and impress everyone in charge. While this may create a positive perception of your work ethic, it may also give your bosses the impression that you like to tie up the loose ends when others choose to be complacent. This means you will be given all the jobs others fail to do. Yes, your bosses will appreciate you, but you will lose valuable time fixing the laziness of others.

· Avoid responding to questionably-timed emails: Have you ever jumped out of bed to respond to an email your boss sent at 2:00 am? I have! I did for about six months, giving my boss the impression that my sleep was unimportant to me, and I was willing to sacrifice it for work. I don’t need to tell you I was burnt out by the end of six months and in desperate need of a holiday. If you have been jumping out of bed to respond to emails in the wee hours of the morning or ridiculously late hours of the night, stop it now. You get paid to work during work hours; your sleep hours are yours to enjoy. These days, if I get an email when every other person is sleeping, I turn my back and continue sleeping. It can wait till morning.

· Make your stance on non-working hours known behaviourally: Are you spending your weekends fixing your boss’ inputs, working on his/her suggestions, or tying up loose ends that can wait till the next working day? Stop it! Make your stance known by avoiding responding to emails on weekends. Except your job description dictates that your attention is required on weekends, don’t address work calls or messages during the weekend. Like your sleep hours, your weekends are for you to enjoy. Spend them with your family, friends and most importantly, yourself

· Avoid skipping your entitled leave days: So many people skip out on taking leave because they are swamped. They are so dedicated to their jobs, that they forget leave days are designed so you can rest, reboot and regain your mental and physical strength. Your leave days also give you time to be with your family, connect with your friends, and catch up on life in general. Avoid skipping your leave days. There is a reason your job contract says you are entitled to them. 

Avoid staying overtime: I see it every single day; many people stay overtime at work to finish what they can deal with the next day. This is very common amongst single people who live alone, and I’ve noticed many married individuals tend to spend a lot of hours after closing at work. If you’ve been doing this, stop it now! If you are single, close at the normal time except there’s an emergency, go home, take a shower, go out with friends, or even go out to dinner on your own! But do not live your entire life in an office chair. Same goes for married individuals. Close at the normal time, and go home to your family! Go home and see how everyone is after hours, listen to what they discuss and join in, take your spouse out on a date, enjoy time with your family. 

Surely, work is an important aspect of our lives but we must always remember it is not the only aspect we must keep alive. XOXO

Thursday, March 10, 2016

How to Forgive and Move On

I think one of the most difficult things to do in life is to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply. I used to think I was a very forgiving person, but recent happenings have proven me wrong, and caused me to reassess my stance on forgiveness and how to go about it. To forgive a person after you have been deeply hurt by their actions or lack of action when necessary, is not as easy as many people say it is; so I won’t tell you to forgive right now and move on. Rather, I’ll tell how to successfully come to a point of forgiveness.
The first thing you must understand that forgiving a person does not mean you forget what that person did. Except you are able to activate amnesia whenever it suits you, you’ll never fully forget what a person has done to hurt you. The essence of forgiveness is to reduce the impact of hurtful actions as time goes on. Forgiveness means that when you do remember that person, or what they did to you, you don’t have the urge to pull out their hair, or hurt them back. The big question is: how do you get to that point? 

First things first, acknowledge you are hurt. Don’t try to brave it off, or act like it does not bother you. That might make you look strong to superficial admirers, but deep down you know you’re hurting. Accept you’re hurt, own it, and then take the next step. 

Saturday, March 5, 2016

When God Lets You Die
Have you ever been in  a situation where you expect God to come through for you  in a 'timely' manner, yet he doesn't? Have you been stuck in  a rut for such a long time, you can't understand what is going on around you? Has God failed to show up at the time you expected him to? Well, I was drawn to the story of Lazarus in John 11 recently, and I just had to write this post to encourage anyone reading this. 

When Lazarus was sick, his sisters sent word to Jesus to tell Jesus Lazarus was sick. I believe they expected Jesus to show up immediately, pray for Lazarus, and heal him. But Jesus kept doing what he was doing. It appeared Jesus had a lackadaisical attitude towards Lazarus' illness. It must have appeared to all the people around that Jesus was not interested in healing Lazarus. Jesus appeared to be too busy for Lazarus. 

When Lazarus died, word was sent to Jesus that Lazarus had died. This again did not cause Jesus to get up and rush to Lazarus' home. He kept preaching to people, healing them and simply doing his normal routine. You can bet the people gathered at Lazarus' home by that time were already cooking up stories about a fallout between Jesus and Lazarus. Lazarus must have sinned against God; perhaps he was forcing himself on Jesus this entire time. It is clear they were never really friends. 

What Not To Do During a Fight With Your Partner

The best relationships have their down moments. Some of these down moments hang in the air for days or weeks sometimes. Yes, both parties appear civil but unspoken words hang in the air, and the tension undulates until a final resolution is reached. During these down moments, the possibility of things going from bad to worse is really high. It is very possible that your actions during a ‘down moment’ can send your relationship to its grave. Here are five things not to do during a fight with your partner.

1. Refuse to accept responsibility for your mistakes: For some reason I cannot understand, many people tend to believe people who really love them will apologise even if they are not wrong. If you belong to that group of people, it’s time to re-programme your thoughts. You cannot expect your partner to apologise to you when you are the one obviously in the wrong. It does not mean your partner does not love you; if anything at all, it is a test for you to show you value your partner. Take responsibility for your mistakes and apologise for them. You won’t shrink in size if you apologise

2.     Turn the tables on your partner: While some people may quietly refuse to take responsibility and will rather opt for the silent treatment, some people take the option of digging up their partner’s past mistakes or anything they can think of in a bid to justify their own mistake which is the main cause of contention. This is another act employed by a lot of people to avoid accepting responsibility for their mistakes. If you want to lose your partner, do go ahead and turn the tables on them. However, if you want to build a healthy relationship, take responsibility rather than transferring guilt.

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