Married and Just Discovered You Have HIV: Should You Tell Your Spouse?

HIV is not a death sentence… only when it is properly dealt with. It is alarmingly that there are many HIV positive individuals living with their spouses, yet their spouses are unaware of their HIV status. Many people have lied, some have faked HIV test results , and some have simply decided to go the easy route – keep quiet and act like nothing has changed.

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The fear of being left alone to deal with your problem can be a motivating factor for lying or keeping silent, but should it overwhelm your sense of humanity, and the need to keep your partner safe?

If you have recently discovered you have HIV, silence is not the way to go. Using your anti-retroviral drugs in secret while your spouse is exposed to the virus is not the way to go. Faking your test results is not the way to go.. In fact, if you have been dishonest all through your marriage, this is the one time you should bravely embrace honesty. This is the one time you should sit down and have a frank conversation with your spouse. Yes, tell your spouse you are HIV positive. This is not some sanctimonious act so you can make it to heave; it is the moral thing to do.

I find it so unfair that many married people are HIV positive, are on anti-retroviral drugs, yet their spouses have no knowledge of their condition. They have unprotected sex with their spouses and go about their daily lives like they are not knowingly transmitting a deadly virus. It is absolutely wrong. Tell your partner! And don't just tell, make sure your partner gets tested!

It is unacceptable for you to look out for your health while you feed your spouse with the medicine of death. Yes, your spouse might decide the marriage is over; sure, your spouse might leave but even the fear of that should not prevent you from telling the truth.

Call a meeting with the family elders if you have to; if you’d rather it be a private discussion between you and your spouse, go for it. You should tell! You must tell! If not for anything, for the fact that you love your partner enough to not be the reason for his or her untimely death. XOXO