Saturday, March 5, 2016

What Not To Do During a Fight With Your Partner

The best relationships have their down moments. Some of these down moments hang in the air for days or weeks sometimes. Yes, both parties appear civil but unspoken words hang in the air, and the tension undulates until a final resolution is reached. During these down moments, the possibility of things going from bad to worse is really high. It is very possible that your actions during a ‘down moment’ can send your relationship to its grave. Here are five things not to do during a fight with your partner.

1. Refuse to accept responsibility for your mistakes: For some reason I cannot understand, many people tend to believe people who really love them will apologise even if they are not wrong. If you belong to that group of people, it’s time to re-programme your thoughts. You cannot expect your partner to apologise to you when you are the one obviously in the wrong. It does not mean your partner does not love you; if anything at all, it is a test for you to show you value your partner. Take responsibility for your mistakes and apologise for them. You won’t shrink in size if you apologise

2.     Turn the tables on your partner: While some people may quietly refuse to take responsibility and will rather opt for the silent treatment, some people take the option of digging up their partner’s past mistakes or anything they can think of in a bid to justify their own mistake which is the main cause of contention. This is another act employed by a lot of people to avoid accepting responsibility for their mistakes. If you want to lose your partner, do go ahead and turn the tables on them. However, if you want to build a healthy relationship, take responsibility rather than transferring guilt.

3.    Seek attention elsewhere: There’s no quicker way to destroy your relationship than to let down moments result in you chasing attention elsewhere. If you believe you can resolve your relationship issues by making your partner jealous during a down moment, don’t be surprised if your partner gets the wrong message, and assumes you have moved on to someone else. Except you are both heading towards a breakup, you should not seek attention elsewhere. And even at that, wait till the relationship is completely over.

4.    Give the silent treatment: Many people swear the silent treatment has saved their relationship at some point, but the silent treatment can also hurt a relationship very deeply. It is human nature to psychologically drift away from a person you don’t speak to often, so if you let the silent treatment hang around for too long, you might lose your relationship. Rather than opt for the silent treatment, take some time to think about the issue, how you want to approach it, and then speak to your partner about your hurt or disappointment. Silence does not solve anything!

5.   Refuse to forgive: Some people are just terrible at forgiving. They bury their emotions, act like everything is normal, but deep down, they are yet to forgive. You cannot have a healthy relationship if you don’t develop the habit of forgiveness. There are times your spouse will piss you off without even realizing it. Sometimes you will need to broach the issue, but also understand that sometimes you just need to forgive without going over every tiny little mistake. The best relationships/ marriages are built on forgiveness. If you cannot forgive, you cannot sustain a healthy relationship.

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