Friday, January 27, 2017

5 Reasons You Probably Shouldn't Get Married: Part 2

Have you read Part 1? Click here.

We have been considering 5 reasons people should probably not get married. It's important to read this carefully to see if you fall into any of these categories, so that you can ensure to work on yourself.

4. When you are only getting married to please others and not yourself
Arranged marriages still happen. Some people are still betrothed. Families still ask their children to marry into certain families for some economic gain or security. When people give in to pressures of family or some other institution or person, and go ahead with an unwanted marriage, the result may not be great. Although it was quite common with the older generation with many claims of success, we cannot expect that the same results will apply in this generation, as there are many other influencing factors now. Your family or that individual you seek to please won't enter the marriage with you or help you make it succeed. When the benefit you seek from the marriage is overtaken by events, what do you do then? You'll be left to deal with your issues on your own. How do you do this if there is no genuine love, desire and commitment to be with that person no matter what?  Your choice is yours and yours alone. Own it! However, it is good to note that the father/ family's blessing is a good thing to have. You want those closest to you to be praying for you and not fighting you, so it's great to approach this issue with prayers and wisdom. 

5. When you're not ready to play your role
Each spouse has a role to play to guarantee the success of a marriage. It is not meant to become an onerous obligation for one be party to bear alone. It's good to listen attentively during marriage counseling and to read books about marriage which discuss this issue. Every couple should also have an understanding of how they want to address these roles the way that will work best for them. Ideally the man or father's role is to love selflessly, protect, provide, lead and to act as a Priest and Prophet of his home. (Eph 5:25, 1Tim 5:8). The wife was made to be a helpmeet to the man, a supporter, caregiver, helper, and homemaker. (Gen 2:18, Eph 5:22-23).
Love is more than just words, but entails a selfless sacrificial love which is entirely focused on pleasing the other person irrespective of self. Submission entails respect but does not entail domination or maltreatment. Ephesians 5:21 admonishes us to submit ourselves to one another. Both parties can love and respect or submit to each other, which makes for better understanding and allows the marriage to thrive even in difficult circumstances. These roles are not to be taken individually. One party should not refuse to play his or her part simply because the other isn't doing theirs. Most importantly, as a married couple, you are a team. Therefore, each person should not only be prepared to play their role but also to help the other when they are struggling with theirs. (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10)

How did you do? If great then congratulations on that! If you didn't do so well, please sit and have a 'truth-talk' with yourself and perhaps your partner. Be sincere, discuss and pray, to decide on what path to take. Please note that this list is not exhaustive. That is why a thorough examination of yourself, your partner, your motives, expectations, as well as your characters and values are very important. 

If you realise how important the institution of marriage is, you will spend more time in preparing yourself for this journey and investing in your success. 

I wish you all the very best!

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