Thursday, October 27, 2016

5 Wrong Reasons for Getting Married: Part 1

Marriage is probably the most misconstrued idea in the world. Many people go into it for all of the wrong reasons, forgetting that it's a divine institution and a life-long commitment. This results in many unhappy homes, dissatisfied people and failed marriages.
Photo: cizimvektorel.com
So if you're planning a wedding soon, it's best to get a reality check and ensure you are going into it for the right reasons. Here are a few common reasons people get married:

1. To escape the stress of home
Believe it or not, some people, especially women, get fed up of home as they get older, mostly because of chores, curfews, or rules laid down by their parents or guardians. In this state of dissatisfaction and complaints, the idea of marriage seems all the more welcoming, as it presents the opportunity to escape the stress of staying at home. The only problem with this is that people often find the very issue they are running from in their matrimonial homes, at an even higher level. They still have to clean, cook and take care of the family, and also become accountable to their husbands with several 'dos' and 'don'ts' which they try to keep up with to sustain the marriage. If there is no other substance or foundation on which the marriage is laid, then it will undoubtedly fail.

2. To conceal pregnancy
Sometimes marriage is seen as a cover for pregnancy out of wedlock and an escape route from the stigma that comes with it. It is understandable that sometimes a family with a high society or religious status might want to avoid the embarrassment and troubles of having a baby out of wedlock. It is true that it is good for a baby to have the security of a home as it comes into the world, as this is what God intended in the first place. However, marriage should not be entered into solely for this reason. If other salient issues such as compatibility, common faith and or values, love and understanding are ignored, there may crop up in the near future and destroy the marriage or drastically affect those involved.

3. To make you feel better about yourself
You may probably be wondering what this point is doing here. 'What's wrong with feeling better about yourself when you are with the right person?' you may ask. The point to note here is that your joy, happiness or essence should not be based on a person or the institution of marriage. This will prevent you from breaking down or feeling lost when you are disappointed by your spouse (which will happen) or if the marriage does not live up the expectation you had. There will be ups and downs, highs and lows, difficulties and wonderful experiences. You can't afford to think that you will only feel better about yourself when you get married. First find yourself, fall in love with who you are and the God who made you. Rely on His grace to be better each day, and then enter marriage, prepared to give and not just to be given. There should be something reliable that's higher than you and the marriage itself from which you get your sustenance, identity and joy. Get that in place first before talking about marriage.

To be continued ... Click here for Part 2

©LAW Afolabi, October 2016

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