5 Wrong Reasons for Getting Married: Part 1

Marriage is probably the most misconstrued idea in the world. Many people go into it for all of the wrong reasons, forgetting that it's a divine institution and a life-long commitment. This results in many unhappy homes, dissatisfied people and failed marriages.

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So if you're planning a wedding soon, it's best to get a reality check and ensure you are going into it for the right reasons. Here are a few common reasons people get married:

1. To escape the stress of home

Believe it or not, some people, especially women, get fed up of home as they get older, mostly because of chores, curfews, or rules laid down by their parents or guardians. In this state of dissatisfaction and complaints, the idea of marriage seems all the more welcoming, as it presents the opportunity to escape the stress of staying at home. The only problem with this is that people often find the very issue they are running from in their matrimonial homes, at an even higher level. They still have to clean, cook and take care of the family, and also become accountable to their husbands with several 'dos' and 'don'ts' which they try to keep up with to sustain the marriage. If there is no other substance or foundation on which the marriage is laid, then it will undoubtedly fail.

2. To conceal pregnancy
Sometimes marriage is seen as a cover for pregnancy out of wedlock and an escape route from the stigma that comes with it. It is understandable that sometimes a family with a high society or religious status might want to avoid the embarrassment and troubles of having a baby out of wedlock. It is true that it is good for a baby to have the security of a home as it comes into the world, as this is what God intended in the first place. However, marriage should not be entered into solely for this reason. If other salient issues such as compatibility, common faith and or values, love and understanding are ignored, there may crop up in the near future and destroy the marriage or drastically affect those involved.

Have you read any Christian books about marriage?

As part of the premarital counselling class that my wife and I co-ordinate in our local church, we usually ask whether intending couples have read any christian books about marriage. As is always the case, less than 20% usually answer in the affirmative.  And our next question is always this - When preparing for your exams in school, don't you read books? How come you haven't read any book to prepare you for the one of the biggest exams in Life?

This gives rise to one of the biggest mistakes intending couples make. Some people get into marriage based on the following:
- how they saw their parents' marriages;
- what they have seen in films;
- what they have read in fictional books; and
- what they have garnered from friends

I do advise that intending couples need to read the Bible to know what God says about marriage. Our Almighty Father created the institution of marriage and we, as human beings, should study to know what he designed marriage for. One of such related passages recorded in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 7.

Apart from the Bible, there are some books that talk about some other aspects of Christian marriages. Some of the books that I would readily recommend are listed as follows:
- The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye;
- The Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman;
- The Power and Purpose of Love and Marriage by Dr Myles Munroe;
- Intended for Pleasure by Ed. Wheat and Gaye Wheat
- Communication, Sex and Marriage by Edwin Louis Cole