Thursday, October 27, 2016

5 Wrong Reasons for Getting Married: Part 2

We are exploring five common wrong reasons people get married. If you missed Reason 1-3, please click here.

Here are other reasons worth considering:

4. Because you are getting older

"You better settle down, because you are not getting any older", might be one of the most popular sayings among African families. The society cannot process a single woman above thirty pursuing her career. There must be something wrong with her, her standards must be too high, or probably she cannot submit to a man.

These are a few of the misconceptions prevalent in the society that lead people to make wrong decisions in marriage, simply to avoid hitting the age 30 mark. The mark is higher for men, but there is still that societal, family expectation and pressure to settle down perhaps by 40. The pressure may be worsened by the fact that all your close friends have gotten married and seem to have left you behind.

Although it's been said by some health professionals that it is easier for a woman to have children at an earlier age (the average woman's fertility peaks at early 20s) with less chances of complications, age should still not be the sole reason for getting married. What's the point of rushing into marriage with someone you hardly know or someone who you are not convinced is totally right for you, only to end up divorced, separated, unhappy or abused in the near future? The stigma of being an older single woman which you tried to avoid will even get worse, with additional labels of 'divorcee' or 'a woman that cannot keep a home' (Not that these stigmas are right, but that is a topic for another day). It is better to marry later than others to the right person for you, than to rush into a marriage you will later regret.

5. To change your status 

'Miss to Mrs' is a common inscription on bridal shower cakes. It is also the desire of many young women who want to become more respected in the society as married women are. How you are seen should never be your motivation or reason for getting married. How will the respect or recognition by the entire world make you any happier or fulfilled in your home? Your title is not more important than your destiny. Please look closely before you leap.

There are definitely more reasons, but that's all for this article. The important thing is to go into marriage for the right reasons, beyond the idea of being married and changing your title or because it's something you are expected to do at a certain age.

Your marriage should have a purpose and both parties should be ready to play their parts to ensure you both achieve that purpose as a team. It requires a commitment that is unshaken in times of change or challenges. It requires grace from a being that is higher than us and not subject to our own imperfections. God's grace is available to help us attain successful marriages. We just need to let him be our consultant and foundation from the very beginning.

©LAW Afolabi, October 2016

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