Can Cheating Be Justified?

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Time was fast passing, Tayo thought. She reminded herself that she would be 35 by her next birthday. Perhaps she was too choosy she thought. She decided there was no gain in all the standards she had set, so the next one that asked her hand in marriage was the one she said yes to. He’s a good man and seems to genuinely care about her, she ignored the lack of chemistry or any shared interest. Time will bring them closer, she thought but sadly it never did.  Her boredom knew no bounds till she met her new work colleague whose stares created a fire within her that she had forgotten existed. It wasn’t long that she started seeing him secretly.

 Kole has a nagging wife. Everyone on their street knows their love story from hearing his wife’s voice many blocks away. There is always something wrong. Home didn’t feel like home, the office held more sanity. He took to the bars where he met Lai, a streetwise girl that was ready to listen to his worries and offer him advice. He started to share more than tales, and she bared more than her shoulders for him to lean on. The feeling of guilt never held him back, he offered his body too and it fast became a habit. 

Everyone knows Sandra and Ben from their high school days. It needed no telling that they were in love with each other- the perfect Instagram couple. They had a wedding that could fit in a fairytale and they both couldn’t have wanted anything more. Then the children arrived and the bills piled up. It wasn’t clear what it was but something seemed off. Ben became more vested in his job that he hardly had time for his wife. As the gap between them got deeper, she courted a man she met on the internet. He seem to like her a lot and she also likes  him. She finds herself looking forward to conversing with the man online and secretly counting down to when they will meet.

 Infidelity is an epidemic in our society which has claimed many casualties through murder, broken homes and many more. When we take our vows before our loved ones, most of us don’t envisage situations that would lead to us breaking those vows but many people do break them. Some men of God have even been caught in this horrible trend too. Going by the instances cited above, can one justify cheating? Sadly, the obvious answer is No.

Often times, the reason for cheating is selfishness. If you consider the effect of your actions on your partner if they find out, then you won’t cheat. Marriage requires for us to look out for our spouse’s feelings too, so much as issues may arise, betraying their trust is never the solution.Another obvious reason should be that adultery is against God’s commandments. If we were all left alone to live our lives based on our personal rules, the world would have come to ruins by now.

 Issues are bound to arise and there might be periods of disconnection between couples, but  instead of seeking solace outside the relationship, it is better you communicate your feelings to your spouse. Talk, talk and talk, it just never gets tired. Of course there are ways to engage. Don’t nag, shout or talk down at your spouse. Whatever you do, do it in loveDon't be shy to seek help, talk to a marriage counsellor if you cant handle matters between yourselves. Above all, avoid temptation.

8 Things You Should Do To Avoid An Affair

There are many things I romanticized in my head. One of such things was being or getting married to a uniformed person. I felt it was really cool how someone who might have otherwise gone unnoticed gets to command lots of respect just because of what he/she’s wearing. That image has been marred so many times and one of such times was yesterday.

A police truck rammed into my car from behind and just sped away. I was so mad at the carelessness and irresponsibility displayed that I tried to get the plate number of the truck but then I needed not to be told that that was going to be a major waste of time. There have been several other cases and one would wonder if they have no code of conduct. They just keep going from bad to worse.

Forgive my rant, I have just been thinking of all the numerous rules and regulations we have and how we utterly disregard them. It's just same way with relationships and the presumed moral codes. People have affairs like it's some fad. It suddenly doesn't matter that we took vows and wear rings as a symbol of our love and dedication. Much as my faith in the uniformed jobs have diminished , I still refuse to follow the stereotypes. I just think that like everyone , they need to be reminded that there are rules to live by, just like marriages and relationships.

I was browsing the web some time ago when I stumbled on a list that summarizes the marital moral code in eight points. It was so on point that I thought it would be a good thing to share with you.

1. Avoid emotional intimacy with potentially attractive people. Do not try to help unhappy people who want to pour out their hearts to you. If someone begins confiding in you about their troubled relationship, suggest counseling and drop the subject.

Three Reasons Women Cheat Even When They have 'Everything'

Cheating- the one word that can make any spouse feel like an idiot, and ruin the dynamics of any relationship. Back in the day, whenever we heard the word 'cheat', our thoughts immediately drifted to men. Thanks to our gender equality demonstrations, we now have women hanging out on the cheating block, passing the baton to one another and teaching each other the tricks of the game. These days, men are on the lookout for signs of cheating, even their friends are willing to offer unsolicited assistance. They look out for any hug that lingers a second too long, a smile that seems too wide and anything that can be passed off as a look of admiration. 

I have tried many times to work out why men cheat even when they have the Proverbs 31 woman tending to their every need, and I have come up with nothing. On the other hand, the same research with women has turned out interesting results. Why do women who seemingly have everything cheat on their partners? Are women truly as hard to please as men think? Is it always about money, or are there deeper reasons why women cheat? I've uncovered three reasons women who seemingly have it all cheat. 

Attention: So your lady cuts her hair, dyes it a different color, paints her nails, wears makeup for the first time and wears a new dress she bought the weekend before, and you don't notice anything has changed? Well, someone else will. Many men with cheating wives wouldn't even notice if their wives grew horns and claws. Women live off compliments, and I've noticed men do too. It is important to notice and appreciate the little efforts your lady puts into looking good everyday. Apart from doing it to make herself look good, she's also doing it for your admiration. Not noticing means she's probably like another old coffee table in your majestic mansion that you can't be bothered to look at. It's only a matter of time before someone else notices that 'old coffee table' and brings it to life and makes it shine with compliments. 

Friendship: Everyone is busy, and with life becoming increasingly expensive, no one wants an idle partner who sits around the house and empties the refrigerator in two days. In spite of the daily hustle and bustle, it is important to create some time to nurture your friendship with your lady. A comfortable life in the biggest mansion, best cars and most fashionable clothes will mean nothing if you can't take some time out of your schedule to laugh with your lady, listen to how her day went, tell her about yours and simply just enjoy each other's company. Lack of friendship turns couples to strangers. To avoid cheating, nurture your friendship, take a road trip together, spend a weekend away from your phone, and just spend time with your lady. As little as it sounds, it makes a big difference in how your relationship plays out.

Oppression: Now, this is one factor that definitely leads to cheating. Many men are of the opinion that when they provide the best lives for their spouses, they have a right to talk down to them, belittle them, treat them like they don't matter and generally disregard their opinions. I don't know why many women endure such marriages, perhaps leaving a comfortable life to go shack it up with an average Joe is scary for them. One thing for sure though is that many oppressed women find liberation in the words, character, and arms of other men. The presence of oppression in any relationship creates an avenue for cheating. 

For some women, money might be a reason to cheat, but that's not always the case. You can have a loyal spouse if you do the simple things. Money is not the only way to keep a woman happy. Try being a real husband, not just an ATM machine. XOXO