Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Recently, I had the displeasure of meeting *Rukky. Rukky is the outgoing, over extroverted girl. Very friendly (but shallow), talks a lot and always has an opinion about everything.

Rukky doesn't need to know you to tell you how to run your life. Bring up any topic and Rukky must contribute. Needless to say she put her foot in her mouth a lot of times; spoke without thinking, and often had to retract a lot of statements.

In our quest to appear enlightened and trendy, a lot of us become Rukkys , especially online; across all social media platforms. Quick to comment, even when talking off point. Quick to claim knowledge and familiarity. The Mr/Mrs know all’s, the Dangote’s godchild, who ‘cooks shawarmas, and ‘visits the beach in Washington DC’. From our rulers/politicians(I recently watched a politician negate and attempt to defend a speech he made previously), to the white and blue collar workers, to the youths and children. Even in our intimate relationships, a lot of conflicts will be avoided if both parties think before they speak. Here are a few tips to help us when conversing interface and across social media platforms:

1. It’s okay not to have an opinion: It doesn't make you less of a person, even when you do have an opinion it is wise to LISTEN carefully to the thread and dimension of the discussion before you voice your opinion(s).

2. Consider what you are about to say carefully: Does what you are about to say/tweet/upload/comment portray you well? The human brain has the ability to process information quickly, do not worry about appearing stupid while you think. It is more foolish to speak before you think.

3. Observe the people: Who is speaking and how do they communicate? Some people are very literal and some people use examples. Some people use a lot of facial expression and body language to augment their conversation, whereas others rely on complex verbiage. How people convey information is a very good indicator of how they best absorb information.

4. Formulate responses: Not just one, but consider your options. There are many different ways to say things, and your goal here is to find the best way to convey what you want to say in a way that has a positive impact. Communication is primarily a function of the recipient so you have to communicate based on the listener.

5. Consider the information: Is what you want to say Effective, Necessary, Accurate, Timely, and Appropriate (ENATA)? If you are just responding because other people are talking, then it’s possible your communication does not fit the ENATA model. If not, then sit back and continue to listen. You want what you say to have impact, not just make noise.

6. Gauge the reaction: Is the information you’re going to present formulated in a way to make a positive impact? Creating a negative atmosphere will guarantee failure in communications. You want people to understand that you are contributing rather than detracting. It only takes once to ruin your ability to communicate during that time. Identify how the listeners will react.

7. Be thoughtful about your tone: How you say it is, in many ways, as important as what you say. Tone of voice can convey enthusiasm and sincerity, or it can rebuff and show sarcasm, and as most people have experienced, what we say can be taken in the wrong way. The most likely reason is that the tone of voice, what was said, body and facial language, as well as content, were not all thoughtfully combined to integrate with the listener’s most effective method of communication.

8. Communicate: You now know what you’ll say, why it’s ENATA, how you’ll say it and the most likely reaction. Wait for an appropriate break in the conversation and speak. It’s usually best not to interrupt, although there are occasions when that will work best. When to interrupt is beyond the scope of this article.

9. Finally, remember nothing is cast in stone. The only constant thing in life is change, people change, situations change. Don’t go swearing or attesting to things, because if and when it happens, someone will remember and call you out on it, and unless you are a politician or a political jobber, I think your credibility should be important to you.

Thinking before you speak cuts accross all areas of our life; in our careers, academics, relationships, etc. I know we might think this is all so complex, in reality it isn’t. Thinking before you speak will save us from a lot of faux pas, misrepresentations, and conflict(s). 

Till next time,

Chinma Eke. (Contributor) 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Link Within

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...