Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Discover "The-First-Four-Minutes-Rule"

At the beginning of the marriage, many husbands and wives get into the habit of complaining about the day's frustrations as soon as you get home from work. “ Oh, the traffic was so bad, this country is doomed, the weather is so hot,  my coworkers are so …, can never get enough…, the kids are driving me up the wall etc After a while, though, you realized that if you discuss only problems with your spouse, there's a good chance you'll develop a problem relationship.

Dr. Phill say that the initial moments of an interaction can set the tone for the rest of the encounter. That is why couples are advised to institute the First Four Minutes Rule, which prohibits you from complaining until you've spent a few moments together—Yeah, you heard me, you have to actually prohibit complaints. Even if your house is on fire, let 240 seconds elapse before allowing yourselves mention it. Before you say anything else, tell a funny story, or talk about how much you missed each other. Yeah, I know how that sounds but try… Your first words don't have to be all lovey-dovey—just positive.

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